soda and candy stories

So I just read over yesterday's post and it was a bit of a Debbie Downer! I was very tired when I wrote it obviously.

Here are the awesome parts about being a mama of triplets:
Babies are cute. Three babies are cuteness CUBED. Thirty tiny fingers and thirty tiny toes, three tiny noses and six fat pinchable cheeks, three mops of adorable curly hair and countless crazy-long eyelashes. Especially adorable when they are in the "tracking objects with eyes" phase of babyhood, as you can get them to do it in unison and it looks like these except not terrifying:



The first time someone says "Uv oo Mama" is followed by two more first times someone says "Uv oo Mama"
.
When one is sad and another one brings them their special toy or gives them a little pat on the shoulder to try to cheer them up.

Getting mobbed by tiny people desperate for a "huggakiss" before you leave them at daycare for the day.

When they hold hands. When two of them do it it's bad enough but if you can get all three holding hands I swear to god you cannot look directly at it lest you be blinded forever by the cuteness.

[You have Scope of Scope-Tech to thank/blame for this ;)]

It's been over 3 years since my last post.

My life has completely changed since the last time I blogged.

Because...

I got pregnant...

with triplets.

Yep. I made three humans inside my body. They are almost three years old now. They're pretty cool, I guess I'll keep them around.

Here is some unsolicited parenting/life advice from the trenches, in no particular order:

When you bring your bundle of joy home, the hospital will send with you 7,000 pamphlets. 6,000 of them just say "Don't shake your baby" and you will snort derisively and say "I would never!" and then at 3am on the first or second night home, you will say "Oh." and you will understand why it has to be drilled into your brain.

Babies don't have an off switch. I mean, intellectually I knew this, but I've literally never had to deal with anything that needed so much and absolutely none of it can be put off or ignored. Don't feel like doing the dishes? Just rinse them and deal with it tomorrow. Can't be arsed shaving your legs? Wear long pants for a few days (or, you know, all winter). But when your child is screaming for a bottle or a diaper change or to be held at 3 in the morning (or 4 or 5 or 6), you have to take care of it right then and there, and no one else will do it for you. If you're very very lucky you may have a spouse or similar who will take on some of the responsibility, but it can never ever be put off 'til the morning.

Projectile shitting is a thing the human body is capable of.

The disabled toilet in the office bathroom has a lid you can sit on and a rail you can lean your head on, for those times when you realize you've just woken up from the third microsleep at your desk and maybe it'd be better if no one actually saw you sleeping.

Don't cloth diaper, if you can avoid it. It is hands-down the worst, most dehumanizing experience I have ever been through, to literally have someone else's shit all over my hands several times a day. Thank Christ two of ours are more or less potty trained, and we're working on the last one, but when all three were in diapers we had to go with cloth because of the sheer numbers we were working with, for financial reasons mainly.

If you become pregnant with more than one fetus at a time, people will feel extremely free to get all up in your business about it. Be aware that if you are asking someone if their children were conceived naturally, you are also asking them to disclose to you whether they have fertility issues. This is not a polite question to ask someone you just met.

You will feel guilt over basically everything you do or don't do as a parent.  You may not think you are the kind of monster who would hiss into the ear of a 6-month-old baby "If you wake up your sisters, I will end you.", but after 6 months of not sleeping, you might be. Look, as long as you don't actually  throw them out the window or intentionally drop them on their heads a bunch (you will do it unintentionally), you'll be fine.

I got an award!!!
Thanks Cora (or should I say Mrs. Scope)!!! You are a lovely lady and I am so glad you fell headlong into love and that you share about it on your blog!



Of course nothing in this world comes for free so here are the strings that were attached to this one:

•Express gratitude to the blogger who bestowed the award unto you. Done.
•Display the picture on your blog proudly. Done.
•Be nice and provide a link to the person who gave it to you. See above.
•Tell up to 6 outrageous lies about yourself, and at least 1 outrageous truth, or switch it around and tell 6 outrageous truths and 1 outrageous lie. See below.
•Nominate 7 creative writers who might be into doing this. You're not the boss of me! Plus, I like having blogger friends, and most of them have either already been tagged for this or hate doing it, so nuts to that.
•Post links to the seven blogs you nominate and let the owners of those blogs know. See above.


Oh God, where to begin? Here is something (non-outrageous) that is true about me: I lead a rather unexciting life. Here is another fact about me: although I am a dreadful comment whore, I don't always give my fellow bloggers as much comment love as I should. So in light of these facts, I have decided to make my list all about other bloggers.
So here are outrageous truths about some of* my fellow bloggers. Can you guess who they are? If not, click on the links and you will be magically transported to their blogs!

1. I met my husband when he left a comment on my blog (okay, this one was kind of a gimme).

2. I was once given a hat by Samuel L Jackson.

3. We are a group of girls with our religion in common. We talk about it extensively on our blog... and it's funny and charming and interesting!

4. I used my grandmother as an antenna. And that's not the most outrageous thing about me, just the cleanest.

5. I'm an accomplished artist well versed in classical art and history... from the same state as George W. Bush.


Gah! I only came up with five! Oh well, don't feel bad if you didn't make this list, just let me know your reason why you should be on it in the comments! (Or do a post about it, but don't forget to let me know about it!) I may even update my post if I think you're outrageous enough.



*"Some of", in this case, being the ones about whom I could recall something that I legitimately regard as outrageous.

or, The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Poem about Cicadas.

You left your armor
clinging, empty
A hollow plaything
A zombie sentry

Now calling your lovers
to join in your song
Hordes in the trees
your voices are strong

Sing me to distraction
Sing me into dust
Sing to me all summer
for sing to me you must

When summer is gone
And you've done what you could
Your children will sleep safely
deep in the wood

Edited To Add: Wow. Perhaps I should have called it Cricketsong *crickets*. Anyway, who pronounces it cic-ay-da, and who pronounces it cic-ah-da?

As much as I rail against people for not using the English language correctly*, I must admit there are some sayings that just don't make any damn sense. Here are a couple:

"Have your cake and eat it too"
I know what the meaning of this phrase is, I think; it's talking about not being satisfied and always wanting more than you deserve. But if you look at what it literally says, it's completely ridiculous. I know the Vegetable Assassin will back me up on this one. I mean, what is the point of having sweet delicious cake, if not to cram it down one's gullet? What possible circumstances could exist in which the having of the cake was enough?! What are you going to do, just keep it under a glass dome, taking it out occasionally to stare lovingly at the swirly peaks of frosting until the cake is old enough for baby spiders to come bursting out? Maybe that's good enough for Miss Haversham, but not this girl, no sir! I see a cake, I eat it.

"The exception that proves the rule"
This just makes my brain hurt like Mr Gumby. I'm not even sure I can understand what someone who uses this phrase is trying to say. I mean, surely if an example exists that goes against the conventional wisdom, doesn't that mean the conventional wisdom is wrong? For example, say you meet an Australian who hates beer and loathes cricket. Okay, perhaps it's unexpected, but how in the hell do you turn around and take that as proof that Aussies usually do love beer and cricket, rather than that perhaps you might have been taken in by a popular stereotype, and it's proof of the fact that the stereotype isn't true?!

Extra Credit Question: Dear Readers, what oddities of the English language (or another language, but please explain!) do you find perplexing?


*I think using the wrong your/you're should be punishable by torture, and I have been known to shout at the television during misuse of the word literally...

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the following conversation took place while lounging on the couches on a Sunday evening.

Mr.&C: I wish they had home delivery chocolate.

S&C: "Hello, pizza place? Can you please bring us your smallest cheapest pizza and also stop by the grocery store and bring us some chocolate?"
...Ohhh, imagine if they had home delivery for Krispy Kreme. We'd be fat as hell!

Mr.&C: Fatter as hell.


Dear Reader, what do YOU wish came home-delivered?

I am X.

Only a small percentage of all humans are X, so I guess you could say I was in a minority (interestingly, I have heard that the percentage is slightly higher among creative types).

You can't tell I'm X just by looking at me. Most people are surprised when they find out that I am X. X is not a characteristic I chose to have, but one that is naturally part of who I am. Being X is something you are born with.

Not so long ago, being X was seen as wrong, even a sign of evil. My grandfather was X, but when it was found out, he was physically punished and forced to be not-X. These days, most people don't see anything wrong with being X. You might even see an X character in a movie or TV show.

What is X? Highlight the line below to find out.
X = left-handed