the subway is a rollercoaster that takes you to work.

ok, so finding that wasn't so tough.

remember how this morning i saw a story on the today show about a bioterrorism expert who went missing under suspicious circumstances two weeks ago? and then later today i went looking for a full story on it at various news agencies and couldn't find anything? at all? yeah, those were fun times.
i smell conspiracy, and it smells like a hamster cage.

for our thanksgiving karaoke contest, i sang a few bars of "Reunited" (i got a 2 out of 10) and now it's stuck in my head. the same four lines in a constant loop. after i did my little show, my niece changed the rules so that we could make up a song as we went. that may have been even worse. i think i'm insane. (i know you are.)
the Little One did a 10 minute song dedicated to the spirit of thanksgiving that was a call-response consisting only of the word "turkey" and it's variant "lurkey".
my nephew says my name now. well, almost. i might change my name to "sowiesowiesowiesowie" just so he dosn't feel bad.

it's all coming together!

there's nothing like a free site. heh heh. btw, if you know anything about making a site look nice, and not like a girlfriend tribute page, let me know.

food is good. i didn't even eat much this thanksgiving. (or x-giving, do you think it will catch on?) we had drama at and around the table, and that makes me put the taters aside and go for the pinot. all is well, though.
i hung out with tracey too, which is a rare thing indeed. i forget how much i miss her until i see her again. she's been in LA for a month and she's already shot an episode of family law with star of stage and screen, tony danza. i like her because she just likes me and i don't have to do anything. i never have to try to sound cool around her. it's a great relief.

i utilized the product of 50 years of research and thousands of dollars worth of technology, not to mention about ten minutes of the company's time to create that last post. and the same to create this one. yeah.

everything is mine.

"PRUDENT HAMBURGLAR"
by Serra

My PRUDENT HAMBURGLAR,
PUNCTUAL DUSK is the time.
Come on baby,
I will FANCIFULLY make you mine.


You can't SWIPE my love.
We are like 7.354 KNIVES in a INNER EAR
Oh yeah honey,
We are like 7.354 KNIVES in a INNER EAR


CHORUS:

HAMBURGLAR you are my FRANK WALABEE for sure.
If I had BANG'S DISEASE you'd be my cure.
The THE GAP of TOKYO can't hold a light.
The HONEST night, and everything is alright.


Please baby, don't GRIND with my ELBOW.
Don't SPURTINGLY TINKLE me today.
I love you too much.
Please, I Just want to see your WICKED way.


I know our AWESOME love will last for LIGHT YEARS
I will be there for LIGHT YEARS
Oh yeah, MUUSHUU!
LIGHT YEARS, LIGHT YEARS, and LIGHT YEARS

i made a list on amazon.com. winkwink.

1.this weekend i ate and drank like it was my last day on earth, saw a decent play sat outside at 5 am looking at the stars, almost froze to death, and peed behind a shed.
2.i didn't get to see harry potter because of said busy-ness. i am peeved.
3.i am looking forward to eating turkey and being with my family for thankgiving for the first time in six years. todd's mom is pissed. i'm making stuffed mushrooms and bringing a giant bottle of wine. i'm planning to break my sugar-fast, but chances are good my mom forgot about dessert anyway.

ok, one more thing, then i'll think of something original:
I had this idea when I was in elementary school but all I wanted it for was to pretend I had God in my Trapper-Keeper

my audience, my small group of sweet readers, i can't believe i subjected you to that. i'm not goign to blog until i can think of something original to say.

somebody send me another one. I'm ON FIRE!!!

i found a survey in my drafts folder from february. i was so young and foolish then. i got it from my friend cara who successfully convinced her computer proffessor that she was formerly amish. i updated a few of the answers for fun and profit.

1. What time is it? 12:40 pm 2 February 2001
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? baby girl. just kidding.
3. Nicknames: Sarie Barie
4. Parents' names: Raymond Jr., Susie
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last
birthday cake: I didn't get a cake.
6. Date that you regularly blow them out: 6 August
7. Pets: I'm a step aunt to Marilyn Monroe, yellow rotweiler/sharpee puppy.
8. Height: 5'8", with hair- 5'8"
9. Eye color: brown
10. Hair color: reddish light brown
11. Piercings: 3.
12.Tattoos: never been that drunk
13. How much do you love your job? so much i'm doing this instead
14. Birthplace: Sisters of Charity, buffalo
15. Hometown: Kaisertown
16. Current Residence: tiny apt. so small i have to abbreviate it.
17. Had the drink Calypso Breeze?:I, Like Cara, believe this email was sponsored by absolut vodka, or, whatever the hell they put in a calypso breeze.
18. Been to Africa?: i've dreamed of it..
19. Been toilet-papering?: been toilet-papered, at a wedding shower, it was horrible.
20. Been drunk?: not today.
21. Been toilet-papered?: see above.
22. Been in a car crash?: minor scrapes, and a big one in my past life.
23. Croutons or Bacon bits?: crumbled blue cheese
24. 2 doors or 4 (on a car)?:four
*I'm replying to cara's mini survey, cara's comments are in all caps:
FOUR BUT WHAT THE FUCK
DOES THIS TELL YOU ABOUT ME AS AN INDIVIDUAL- HOW
ABOUT POETRY OR PLAYS? Both
FICTION OR BIOGRAPHY? fiction
MEAT OR gRAIN? meat
GIRL OR BOY? both
TOP OR BOTTOM? strangely enough, top.
LOVE OR HATE? one of each
WONDER OR WEARY? always wonder
EYES OPEN OR SHUT? shut, feeling around
ACRYLIC OR WATERCOLOR? black ink
BALLPOINT OR UNIBALL? felt
BLUE OR BLACK INK? green
HAND WRITTEN OR TYPED? typed
STORE BOUGHT OR HAND CRAFTED? store bought
CITY OR SEA VACATION? city
TRAIN OR PLAIN? Plane, wanna hear my train story. . ... ?
EUROPE OR
GRANDCANYON OR WORSE YET- VEGAS? vega$!!!
LINED JOURNAL OR WIDE SPACES? the margins
OPERA OR ALTERNATIVE? alternawho?
COMMERCIAL OR COLLEGE
RADIO? npr
FORGIVENESS OR VENGENCE? Pretend to forgive, and when they're not looking, REVENGE!!
BEFORE OR AFTER? sweet antici-----------pation.
VIDEO OR DIGITAL? high 8
MOM OR DAD? mom
DRIVE THROUGH OR COUNTER? dine in
COFFIN OR FLAME? baze of glory
BLEACHERS OR FLOOR? front row
HAPPYHOUR OR WEE
HOURS? happy hour- i get sleepy
HAIRDRYER OR WIND? wind
CONTACTS OR FRAMES? squinting
NUDE OR
JAMMIES? a tshirt and underpants
CHRISTMAS OR HANUKA? your birthday, Cara.

OH AND SO FUCKING ON- FOUR DOORS OR TWO- THIS PERSON
WHO WROTE THIS IS A TARD- NEVER CRACKED OPEN IF HE OR
SHE THINKS THE CAR IS MORE IMPORTANT FOR SELF
DISCOVERY THAN HOW FAR THE JOURNEY TRAVELED IS....
25. Sprite or 7-up?: neither
26. Coffee or coffee ice cream?: i hate coffee, yet i can't get enough of it.
27. Blanket or stuffed animal?: 5 blankets
28. Dumper or dumpee?: dumper
29. Salad dressing : Miso
30. Color of socks: white
31. Number: 3, apparently it's the funniest number. As opposed one, which is the lonliest number.
32. Why? Why not?: because I'm the mom that's why
33. Movie: the proffessional, the color purple
34. Quote from a movie?: "Listen . . .do you smell something?"
35. Favorite holiday?: new years.
36. Foods: Healthy choice frozen pizza, Founding Fathers burgers, turkey bacon, fillet mignon
37. Day of the week?:friday
38. Song at the Moment? violently happy-bjork
39. Favorite TV shows:kids in the hall, the west wing
40. Word or phrase: "because a ghost in the basement/is so inappropriate" (sung)
41. Toothpaste: colgate paste
42. Restaurant: Regoinal Thai Taste, Founding Fathers, the Duke of Richmond
43. Flower: i don't know . . . gardenias or something.
44. Least favorite subject: history, economics, any class with no cute boys.
45. Alcoholic Drink: cabernet
46. Sport to watch: figure skating, track and field, public domestics between marrieds and the like.
47. Type of ice: the type that makes people slip and fall- oh! slapstick!
48. Zoo exhibit: zoos are depressing
49. Sesame Street character: Mr. Hooper
50. Disney/Warner Bros: dreamworks
51. Fast food restaurant: MIGHTY TACO
52. When was your last hospital visit? everytime i get sick. I have no health insurance
53. Favorite Drink? beer
54. What color is your bedroom's carpet? brown.
55. What was the name of your childhood blanket? bainty
56. How many times did you fail your permit and/or
driver's liscense test?: thanks for bringing it up.
57. What do you think of Ouija Boards? fake, and yet still scary
58. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? still working on this survey, har-har
59. Who is the last person you got mail from before
this one? momma
60. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? no
61. Which single store would you choose to maxout
your credit card? target
62. What do you do most often when you are bored? I self entertain. Think up jokes.
63. What words or phrases do you overuse? "huhhuh, yeah."
64. Name the person you are friends with who lives
the farthest
away from you? Jaques de Mosshammer- LA, CA
65. The most annoying thing is: those who chew loud and blow their noses at the dinner table. and whiners. lol.
66. Best thing: beer, money, funny things. a bagel with gorgonzola cream cheese and a coffee, which i'm not allowed to have, way to bring it up.
67. Bedtime: halfway through a really good movie.
68. Who will respond to this the fastest? I don't think anybody I know will respond to it. then again, I haven't decided yet who 'm sending this to.
(WHO EVER CAN CUT AND PASTE WITHOUT FEELING AMISH ha! cara . . .)>
69. Who is the person you sent this to that is least
likely to respond? my sister because she doesn't have email.

be my yoko ono is the best song ever.

i was almost an hour late today. there's no commuter traffic in the city of buffalo after 9:15. it's odd. i catch the train at main street and lafayette square. it's strikes me as odd that 40,000 people were there this summer for an outdoor Pat Benetar concert, and then right when it should be stuffed with people going to work it's spare and abandoned. downtown is always empty. at 9:30 walking in the rain i get the feeling of being out of school. it always rained whenever i had a doctor's appointment. i would get at least half the day to run errands with my mom, visit my grandparents. we did everything out by my grandparents house. my doctor was there, the stores, the friendly's where we'd lunch. i got my mom all to myself.

ahh blah blah. too sentimental.

job job job. i like this job. i like that when it's slow i can play on the computer. i like that it's slow a lot. i like that i don't have any real responsibility. i like that sometimes i'm given six things to do at once by six different people, and i can get them all done and still keep up im conversations with my brother, my sister, todd and jack. i work in the coolest looking office in the city.
i don't like having to watch the phones while everyone else goes to lunch together. i don't like getting so close to having a conversation with a coworker and then having to stop and answer the phone. i don't like being fifty feet away from the nearest human being, physically and metaphorically. i couldn't put my finger on it until today.
this job is lonely.

colorgenics, courtesy of kit:

Matters have not gone well for you. You are experiencing severe stress trying to guard yourself from further disappointments.It would seem that all of your hopes and dreams have not been realised .. and you are now beginning to doubt yourself. You no longer wish to be further advised by anyone and you insist on going it alone... to control your own destiny. Even though deep down you doubt whether things will get better in the future... you have one consolation - and that is that they couldn't possibly get worse.

it's not that bad. it also said i'm in a position of authority. ahem . . .excuse me, i have to go check everyone's desk for moldy coffee cups and load the dishwasher. then i'm going to break down some cardboard.
i just realized every job i've ever had has involved washing other peoples dishes, wiping up other people's spills and breaking down cardboard. even when i spent that summer as assistant director of a performing arts center.

The area of hyperspace around Indy's a bit shaky, so leave your ship in the spaceport and turn instead to our handy guide to reaching the Celebration by car, train, bus, or plane!

egad. it's worse than i thought.

we missed dragoncon this year, so we're making up for it by going to the star wars celebration. i like cons, i've been to a few and they are actually a really good time. you can be as geeky as you want and nobody calls you on it.

i'm not cool. i gave up trying a long time ago.

Are there popularity contests? They must have existed at some point in history for so many people to be disqualified.

um. . ok. . . publish?

all i gets is junk mail. jes' mo' jonk.

i'm reading "she's come undone", and i've had that fucking song stuck in my head since saturday.

my pants and rings are looser. not "zip them up, button them and scoot them down to my knees" looser, but looser nonetheless. so, blah. whatever.

we're going over to a&j's to watch 24, which isn't the worst show ever. the problem is, it's on at the same time as smallville and i hear that's a great show. aahhh--tv. the great tranquilizer. i actually watched becker last night. the writing is pathetic, the story lines were stupid and dave was delicious. he and harrison ford two of a handful of actors that can make terrible lines work well. i don't think the writers know any real people. (yes, i'm responding to your post here kitana, and not in the newsgroup, take THAT. ;) ) that whole "girls eating chocolate and equating it to sex and then fight over the last piece" thing was stupid. people don't act that way. i can't figure how it's still on the air.

how does the fucking engine fall out? how does the fucking engine fall out? what the fuck happened? how does the fucking . . . . . .


back to fetal position.

jesus

i saw _life as a house_ late saturday with my sister. he is kinda dreamy. and this guy is sexy, even when he's dying.
(oh, come on. i didn't give anything away here. somebody's always dying in these movies.) it was a sweet, lulling emotional movie. it was boring, but nice. and it was better than k-pax.

there's a basket in the kitchen filled with reese's cups. fuck all of you people. this sucks. i didn't lose any weight over the weekend, which means i'm on to all salad. the good thing about total self- denial is that you begin to appreciate the little things you used to take for granted. last night we went out for drinks after rehearsal and the wine was so much sweeter than i ever remember it tasting. i don't even remember tasting it before.
plus, i was stumbling drunk off of one and a half glasses of it, which is economical.

this is what i'm saying. . . . .

and yes, i'm going to see harry potter this saturday. you know why.

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety; other women
cloy the appetites they feed but she makes hungry
where most she satisfies.

i've lost 5 pounds this week eating chicken wings cheese and steak. i lost one between 7 am and 11 am today. this diet is freaking me out. i feel like i just sold my soul.

oh dear
the big bare fanny and i have very similar dna.

sundaysundaysundaaaaay!!!!!!

ok, how bad is it for me to admit that i couldn't get past the first 40 pages of fellowship of the ring?

we went to a craft fair over the weekend, and i don't want to give anything away. . . but, this is no longer an apronless household. i'm such a feminist i had to buy it myself because getting it as a gift would have been too insulting. and one night i will have to wear it with nothing but a smile to round out my struggle with my own femininity.
(all these labels, good-bad, old-young, virgin-slut . . .)

so i'm a good friend and a shitty fan. scott is coming to my own home town on the 16th, quite possibly a once in a lifetime , and i'm going to shogun that night for dave's birthday. sure, he blew $300 there for todd's birthday, but hell.
if he cancels i'm going to step on his neck. i can't even have any sushi.

that was a weird time. it was on september 14th, it was my first time seeing all my friends since it happened. we were all sleepy and quiet and almost morose, and then our chef came to the table chopping and throwing vegetables with the spatula under a strobe light. he kept calling himself charlie. "oh, charlie, you're too fast!"
after that we went to desiderio's and drank a lot. and the bartenders passed out shots of alabama slammas "in memoriam" and held a moment of silence before the 80's cover band started their set. yeah, yikes.

in my heart, i always knew i was mark.

today we sing a new song, it's called:

i just got cast in a show.

form a conga line:
i just got cast in a show-oh!
i just got cast in a show-oh!
i just got cast in a show-oh!
ten bucks-who wants to go? cha!

and it's a cool one, too. i hate getting excited, it's six small roles, but they're good scenes, meaty characters spread out through the whole play. it's a radio play, and we're doing it authentic 1934, with old style sound effects and costumes, and we're going to smoke through the whole thing.
ok. back to depression.

::whimper::

i'm finally ok without carbs. the first three days are torture, but then you kind of get used to it. it looks like tavie and i are on the same diet. well, similar anyway. weird how that happened. ;)
the carb solutions toffee hazelnut flavor actually tastes good. like, very much so. it actually tastes like a candy bar. then again, maybe my perception is skewed.

the no caffiene, no beer thing is a little trickier. i think after two weeks i'm allowed red wine, which is fine by me.
the biggest problem of all is that i've become that self-absorbed twerp who talks about her diet all the time.

the episode 2 trailer


was


awesome.

i figured i wasn't going to be psyched about this one. i was going to be all chill about it. and now i'm going to be in the parking lot of the movie theatre at midnight before the tickets go onsale again. i got the worst sunburn for the last one. AND, not to brag, but i was number one in line for the rerelease of empire. sure only seven other people showed up, but they all had to stand behind ME!

this is a terrible day. i hate today. let's cancel it.
i dropped the ball on the lowest show.
i'm dropping balls left and right.

we're going to see monster, inc tonight for the episode II trailer at the beginning.

somebody directly above me in the loft is listening to "workout" music. i can't tell what it is but i'm pretty sure it sucks. all i hear is repetitve bass. and apparently, the climbing wall in our office isn't going to have any finish or cover on it. it's just going to be exposed wood. it looks crappy. i thought they would at least make it look like rock, or paint it or something. and nobody's using it except to hang models from it. i think i would feel better if i took a model of the hsbc arena down and stepped on it godzilla-style.

monkey hate clean.

i offered to do some of the legwork for this new thatre group that my acting teacher is starting up. and i haven't done any of the work yet. bah. yucky.
i hate the insert key.
i hate the three hour workday.

day 2 of the diet and i'm having saltine cracker fantasies. bah.

i can see how close i can get to it without giving in,
and i get to rub up against it til i
break the skin . . .

the "we're going to put on a comedy show, will you guys come in and do all the work?" meeting was just cancelled. i was actually looking forward to it.
we went on a diet today. here is the conversation:
me: are you shaky?
him: no, but i think i can see better.
me: yeah, i think i got taller.
him: actually, i can see into the future now.

Assuming that Spanish speakers would naturally see the word "nova" as equivalent to the phrase "no va" and think "Hey, this car doesn't go!" is akin to assuming that English speakers woud spurn a dinette set sold under the name Notable because nobody wants a dinette set that doesn't include a table.