Final day of my long, boring 6-months holiday. I'm sure my brain pretty rusted already by now. Hope my supervisor won't regret taking me in =P

Gonna start working tomorrow as research assistant. It gonna be 9-6, I think? even my supervisor not really sure what my working hour should be. Maybe I should just go at 10 and come back by 3 =P LOLLLLLLL

By the way, bought these two yesterday.


On the right is Futura's green tea biscuit. Not too bad. The green tea taste is quite mild, not too strong. On the left, think most people know what is that already, biskut tambun. It's quite famous in Malaysia but this is my first time trying it XD It is really nice, that's all I could say. I need to store far far away from my reach or else I'm gonna finish it in one sitting =D haha

Well, time to sleep early tonight. Mr Brain, u better shut off by 2am or I'm gonna be late for my 1st day xP

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/31

Love,
me

Someone's face pop out in my mind when this song was played




sigh~

Oh ya, my lunch for today

Bibimbap

It was at Lot 10 near Gay mall...I think if u had stayed in malaysia long enough, u know which mall I'm referring to XD hahaha

If u hadn't screwed up my past, ur future wouldn't be like this

Love,
me

Been having a sleepless night lately.

After I withdraw to my bedroom every night, it gonna takes another hour of fumbling and rolling on the bed before I can finally shut my eye to sleep.

It could be either due to my inconsistency in sleep pattern or because of the bed.

You see, I have a weird habit when it comes to sleep. I really can't sleep on bed, no matter whether it's single, double, queen, king. Even if it is the mattress is like the most soft, empuk, springy type, as long it is mounted on a bed frame, I can't sleep last time.

Usually I will sleep on the floor only, with nothing. If at my home, I will put a mattress just for the sake that my mom won't nag me for sleeping on bare floor. Just for clarification, floor at my home is not layered by 5-inch thick of carpet. It is just the normal tile or wood style =P Heck, 3 years in Oz, I slept inside my sleeping bag only XP hahaahahaha

End up last night, when I saw the clock ticking to 4am and I'm still wide awake, took my pillow and retreat to my study room and sleep. In just 10 minutes I think, I'm dead asleep already

Time to return to traditional way =D

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/29

Love,
me

I'm running out of idea to blog for now.

There is seriously nothing happening in my life currently. No drama, everything normal and repeats the same pattern everyday.

I hope when I start working soon, there be enough politics around to make my life interesting.

But then. what politic u can expect from nerd and geek?

URRGGHHHHHH!!!!

and yeah, that including me XD

Maybe I should create one. A bad one that gonna last for two years

Feel like a jerk already thinking like this =P hahahaha

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/26

Love,
me

One more lame reason why i chose not to read certain blogs long time ago(1st reason here).

One word. Relationship. period

Whenever I see a happy couple, I will get depressed a tinsy bit.

One quarter of my heart felt happy for them while the remaining quarters weep bitterly.

especially when they are younger than me(yeah, I know I'm not that young anymore xP)

Now......

It still hurts but I'm getting used to it after realizing that there are lot of peoples out there in similiar predicament as me.

At least those couples give me hope that there is chance for me and everyone else in love.

So, u bitches better make sure don't break off from ur relationship for stupid reason or I'm gonna skin u alive =P hahahahahahaha

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/25

Love,
me

p/s: I feel terrible right now. really sorry for still doing it after giving u my word. I broke my promise and I won't give any excuse.....sorry

Strange way to start my day.

I was woken up not by my phone alarm but rather the vibration it made against the wooden table while the alarm was blaring as loud as it can.  I don't know why but I seem oblivious to the fact that my alarm was ringing at that time and only took notice of the vibration. I only realized that my alarm was also on when I'm fully awake.

Either my sixth sense is at its highest tune or my brain got something wrong at that time =P

Here comes the worst part of my day.

I was on my way back from my prayer when I stopped at a roundabout and there was a car behind me(I was on bike). That stupid, freaking blind motherfucker forgot that I existed or didn't even realized I was even there in the first place decided to accelerate even when the roundabout was not clear yet and fucking ramped into my bike. Good thing he didn't rev the car first or else I won't be able to write this tonight -.-

Someone sang to me this song last night.


I haven't hear this song for quite a while already. The last time I listened to this one is like 5 years ago...not counted when I listened to tuls's version since the pitching so lari one =P hahahaha

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/24

Love,
me

Had anyone ever make a remark that should be insulting to u but u found it funny and laughed?

I did last night. I mean the laughing part, not the throwing insult XD

Was having a convo with two of my friends last night and they decided to make a voice call through skype. Me been me, I would talk less when there was more than one people in any conversation because I felt like I'm no longer obliged to talk, prefer to do the listening part more(and u called me creepy, blueekkk)

They kept poking me to talk and I kept refusing. Suddenly, one of them made a racial remark that I think if most of my friends to hear it, he surely gonna be dead by now =P

Strangely, I didn't feel offended by it. I laughed at such remark and he laughed more. Maybe that is why it didn't feel awkward at all. I knew him well enough that I knew that he didn't mean it in an offending way(u aren't, right xp)

For me, the race that I'm born into doesn't held any special meaning and I don't feel any attachment towards it.

Throughout today, I kept smiling whenever I remembered last nite convo again. People must think I'm such a crazy person xP Even now while writing this, the grin is plastered on my face =D

Oh well. I know that that is his payback for me calling him 'tanned chinese' =P hahahahaha

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/22

Love,
me

Can't resist the siren song today. Gave in to temptation of sweet, fattening, savory cakes =P

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/12

How to quantify feeling?

It's not the easiest question to answer, if there is an answer.

I don't really think we can do that, quantifying feeling. I mean there is not such thing as "I love u this much" or "I hate you this big".

We can't really put feeling on scale. It just doesnt work that way.

Hence, the prominet excuse used by people to dump someone, "I don't have feeling anymore".

It' almost impossible to fault someone when he said that. In really small cases, the feeling does seem to disappear and it will not be right for us to hold him back.

The thing that really pisses me off is when people wait till the last minute to tell that the feeling is gone while the other party was thinking that thing is actually going well. If they realized that the feeling that they once had towards him is freaking deteriorate, can they just freaking said it earlier.

See, I told u it's not easy to answer such question. End up, I'm rambling bout unrelated stuff to the question =P hahahaha

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/17

Love,
me

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/20

-Calvin:
Once you know things, you start seeing problems everywhere,
And once you see problems you feel like you ought to try to fix them,
And fixing problems always seems to require personal change,
And change means doing things that aren't fun!


This week strip pretty much sums up two things about life/people that I ought to know.


1. And once you see problems you feel like you ought to try to fix them
When we see problem, how many times we actually stop to think and analyze it first? Very few, I dare bet. More often than not, we will open our mouth and offer OUR solution to the problem presented, if it is even presented to us. Sometimes, certain problems are not meant to be meddled with and the solution that we proudly offered may jeopardized it further.


2. And change means doing things that aren't fun!
Change is not a fun thing because we need to move out from our comfort zone. It means we need to do something that we are not used to, something that will give unforeseen result. We need to know that when we do A, B comes out. Unknown is a big no-no. We just love to act like a clairvoyant, predicting the future.


I think C&H cartoonist is a wise man that choose to spread his wisdom through medium that is acceptable to all without sounding like preaching =)

Love,
me

Today was supposed to be a normal, boring, maybe little bit happy weekend like it always be.



My blogviews reached 10,000..wooohoooooooo!!!!!! XD But really, actually nothing to shout about. I believe half of it is from my own viewing =P haha

Then, wasting almost my entire evening bitching with duckie(u know who u are)...don't go change ur pics anymore or I have to come up with other nickname..haha

But, that's where it stopped and turned bad.

Was chatting with my friend in Oz and got a terrible news. One of my friend there gonna ask for divorce from her husband because he cheated behind her back and married another woman. When I heard that, my mind went blank for a while, really couldn't comprehend it. I was thinking, "What the heck I just heard?" I really couldn't believe it happening.

Ever since then, I felt disheartened and my day just became worse. I knew and very close with them, the kids. With this, what gonna happen with the kids? I always hate divorce because of this. The kids sure will get drag into this mess somehow especially if they fight for custody.

AAARRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!

This is the time when I relieved I'm gay. At least if something is not working up between me and the other partner, we only ruin ourselves but not other, innocent lives

sigh~

Love,
me

Rotiboy tweeted this some time ago, "I'm curious about how is it like being a Malay, Muslim and gay at the same time. Can anyone enlighten me?". He clarified the question further by saying "Like, on how's the demographic of Malay gay guys like, how open are their families with regards to homosexuality, what are their views with regards to being a Muslim and a gay person at the same time etc., just about anything that may differ from a Chinese gay guy that doesn't strictly follow the religion he's born with like me."

When I read that question, it made me thinks how actually I been dealing with those three conflicting self at the same time. Below is my answer to him but I don't really think it help much XD

........................

Demographically speaking, based on what I'm seeing, it is quite high compared to what I thought previously. But due to intense pressure of race and religion, you would not see them in public as compared with other races. I remembered someone ask me whether I'm truly sure that I'm gay since he never encounter a malay gay from malaysia but lot of chinese and indian. And I think u knew about the incident of when a malay guy posted a video on youtube said "Saya gay, saya okey" and he received lot of threat b'coz of that.

In term of family, I would say it depends on how orthodox/traditional the family is in term of religion. The old school will never accept the notion of their son been gay as it is against the religion just like my family. I will never ever come out to my family because my family is a bit traditionalist in this regard. I know it will end up with they disown me.

For me, personally, it's a constant struggle. I am a practiced Muslim. So, I still follow my religion's rule and adhere to the practice strictly but at the same time, I acknowledge the fact that I'm gay. It's hard not to be depress when I realized that no matter how hard I pray every single day, it won't save me from hell(according to the scholars). I will never entertain the notion of abandoning my religion for the sake of living my life as a gay.
.......................

I don't think this is the final answer from me. As I'm getting attuned with myself gradually, think I will be better equipped to answer it

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/16

Love,
me

Such an irony.

You dumped my friend out of sudden with no hint whatsoever beforehand.

The reasons you gave are really silly, stupid, irrelevant, if we can call that reasons.

I know that you dumped him because you couldn't show him off to the world. He is pretty secretive about his gay life, not out to everyone like you were.

He suffered a lot while you seem like enjoying life as usual. Quite weird since I seems to remember you said it was hard on you as well to leave him.

Unsurprisingly, you find a new guy in less than 2 months. Quick, very quick.

but but..............

It lasted shorter than when you are with my friend.

mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

I realized I'm a bitch for laughing at other people's demise but it is simply hilarious.

Fate can really be cruel and karma is indeed a bitch.

Oh well, c'est la vie

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/11

Love,
me

Added a new book to my collection.

'The Narcissist' by Edmund Wee.



In general, it looks like a love story of a gay that move over to London with his boyfriend for fear that their relationship may crumble. Along the way, up and down with new guy barge in to spice it up. That is what the author presented.

I believe the author potrayed the journey of a gay in search of self-discovery and self-worth. The protagonist is potrayed as someone who are never satisfied with himself and undergone rigorous regime to get an ideal body after been rejected by his crush.

It is something normal in our circle where everyone tries to woo potential partner by having nicely sculpted body to the point of doing stupid and ridiculous methods that ends up ruin their body more in near future. Working out is not a bad thing but do it in moderation.

Don't get caught up in the siren song of what people think u should look like. What matters most is what u think u are worth. If ur worth are tied to how tune ur body are, such a sad case

There is more to life than that

Love,
me

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/10

Don't judge.

That is a job reserved only for God.

Unsurprisingly, you are not fit for that post.

Why, you dare ask? Well, you lack a lot of qualities that God had.

Perfect? nahhh, too many flaws inside out.

Omnipotent? Absolutely not. You don't even dare lay a finger on me.

Benevolent? HELL NO! I don't even have to justify it.

STOP BEEN ME!!!!!!!!

So please, stop making a fool out of yourself.

I may be doomed to hell but I don't see heaven befitting you as well.

When the time is up, I will be judged against myself, not you, not anyone else.

Leave me with my world.

Love,
me

p/s: this is a post dedicated to anyone who doesn't know how to mind their own business =P read it in a sarcastic and bitchy tone because I never get angry with such people. waste my energy only...hahaha XD

I had a great day yesterday, surrounded by foods, foods and more foods.

Started with heavy breakfast of roti canai and nasi lemak. The last time I had those for breakfast is like, 3 months ago. Then, proceed with lunch at friend's house. They cooked 4 fishes in 2 different ways with vege. The fishes are huge and only 5 of us. So, u can imagine how many we have to eat. All those were just prelude to the main event at night.

BUFFET TIME!!!!!!!

U hear it right. It's freaking buffet-style dinner at Kampachi, a Japanese restaurant. I am never a big fan of buffet since I choose not to be a big eater but....what the hell, since it's free, I'm not gonna give a damn =P

Chawanmushi

Yam jelly

There are different type of jelly such as strawberry and kiwi.


Lot of sushi to choose from but I only picked the most expensive one, salmon, fish roe, unagi. They even provide sliced raw salmon XD

Idako to kurage su/Baby octopus and jellyfish

Mussel no kurimu cheezu yaki

It's mussel cooked with cheese. There is another mussle, breaded and fried but I decided not to try it. I been unhealthy enough for that day =D

Simmered lotus root and eggplant with bean paste

The prawn is roasted sort of, I'm not that sure since there is no placard near it to explain but it tasted really good. The bottom right was zen umai no yuba senbei or zen-style crispy soybean skin.

Okonomiyaki/japanese pizza

This was quite hilarious. It said 'beef rolled with spring onion' but it look to me more like spring onion rolled with beef. Am I wrong? hehe


Assorted desserts. Dorayaki, mochi coated with cashewnut(tasted superb!!), mango pudding, red bean jelly and western cake.

Sushi section

Open-kitchen style. This is where tempura, prawn, crab, lot of fried stuff section.


Dessert section with onigiri, salad, mochi, dorayaki, ice cream, ais kacang, sweet, chocolate-coated fruit, cake, jelly and the list goes on and on =)

They had other dishes too such as soba(buckwheat noodle), japanese hotpotch, rice, chicken and meat but I don't try any of those since I try my best to make my dinner high-protein one XP

All in. it had been the best day so far. Didn't even have time to feel hungry for a second =P hahahaha

As a result, I gained 5kg in a day T_T

Oh well, small price to pay for such pleasure...hehe

Love,
me

FREAKING DAMN LAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why must u choose to acting up tonight out of all other nights?????????

I got tons of pictures that I need to transfer from my phone to u and ur bluetooth not functioning??

AARRGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and for some goddamn reason, I dont bring my phone wire and because of that I can't do anything.

haihhhhhhhhhhhhh.....feel like a retard yelling at my lappy........

please dear, get well tomorrow or u gonna get a new scratch on u

Sincerely,
your frustrated owner

Approximately one month to go for SCKL marathon

Am I ready?

Hell no!!!!!!!!

I'm so screwed

I wrote a post long time ago saying I need to start my training but ever since then, my brain always manage to come up with excuses almost every evening.

Some said to me that it's just 10km, so no need to train hard since sure can finish it.

I know I can finish it but if I leave it as it be, I'm gonna get stuck at this level forever. I want to achieve more, go further than what I'm capable of now.

This is the first time I am dead serious in trying. I don't know why. Most probably someone's enthusiasm with working out and accomplish his goal got rubbed off on me. You know who you are. Sometimes, I regret ever start talking with u =P hahahahahaha

On a side note, I went swimming yesterday =D yippppiiiiieeeeeee

but, total EPIC failure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I forgot how to float >_<

Who the hell said swimming is like riding bicycle, once u learnt, u never forget. All those gibberish

I need to hold to something whenever I stopped to rest or else I'm gonna sink T_T

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/10

Love,
me

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2011/01/02

We dream for a better future but did we work towards it?

We keep wishing that things will turn out well but we just wish.

Pollution won't simply disappear.

War doesn't end by itself.

Discrimination takes more than two to bring it down.

Don't you know?

A little poke here, a nudge there, some stab in between

Humans need those to be aware.

If we don't try better, our future just gonna turn horrendous just like current present

Love,
me

Finally I found out what I was talking about in yesterday post

Before that, I'm quite interested in what been said by orange-wee in the comment. Separation anxiety disorder(SAD) is not far-fetched from what I had in mind when I said psychological disorder associated with that 'habit'. It is a disorder where one become excessively anxious when separated from someone/something that he had a strong emotional attachment which I think a pretty common diagnosis if presented with such symptoms.

The disorder that I'm referring to is Munchausen's by proxy syndrome(MBPS). A patient diagnosed with this disorder will try to make another person, usually child, sick in an attempt to gain attention and support. They have problem involving dependency where having a sick partner/child allow them to receive concerned glances, hugs of support and medical attention when the other party is hospitalized.

There was a case in US where the mother pushed her child down a balcony and overdosed him with antidepressant just to make sure her child remain sick. She is quite smart where she only went for the doctors that will diagnose her child as having reactive attachment disorder so that all blames are put on the child and ignore others that will tell otherwise.

There is another form of MBPS which is Munchausen syndrome. It is when one inflict illness on oneself for the same ploy of support and attention. This, I'm guilty of it when I'm small. Well, now also got but not too much anymore XD

When I'm small, I used to feign sick when I realized that I'm in trouble. It worked amazingly till my parent got hang of it =P hahahaha

Time to refine the tactics XP

Sometimes, C&H scares me =D

Love,
me

A question that I got once a while, sadly not from my crush XP hahaha

When I'm shot with such question, I am taken aback and need to think, for very long. No matter how many times I'm asked, I'm always surprised by it.

I'm not like some *cough*tuls*cough* that have their preference ready in a sort-of list and go 'tick, tick, X, tick, X....' whenever someone caught their observant eye. It is such a huge help if I can make one.

Whenever I eye a potential candidate, my mind will like, make a split second decision and decide whether he's actually my type or not. urggghhh, cant even savor the moment

If I think carefully and clearly(without any guy ard =P), there is one trait that I want in my future other half more than anything. It is 'clingy' XD

He must be someone that need a guy to take care of him, someone that look weak and can easily get sick. okayyyyy...that is too much but I think u get what I mean =D hahahaha

I am someone that is crazy over taking care of someone. I don't mind take care of my grandmas from both side, of my friends when they fall sick, making sure they take medi's at the required time, bring their food.

Actually there is a physhological/behavioral disorder associated with such 'habit' if it is too severe but I forgot the name ard. gonna check the book later

Such a weirdo -.-
______________________________________________________________________

Btw, a little 'skirmish' with a blogger last saturday.

I planned to write about it yesterday but curse TM, sucky ISP.

plus I think what I gonna write just sort of re-phrase of his post. So, go and check Calvin's post if u are interested to know =P hahaha

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/08

Love,
me

We all long for some touch......



A brush on the skin, a sweep over the hair, a peck to the cheek, a kiss on the neck, a tight hug that embrace

To cheer us up when everyone else fails us

To remind us that someone is waiting

To give us assurance that life is still worth to be lived when everything else sucks

Small things go a long way

I go crazy every time my friends brush against me, pull me to avoid crowd, hug me unexpectedly, punch me(quite hard sometimes xD), slap me(playfully xD)

How I miss all those

sigh~~~

Love,
me

1000 origami cranes.

I am a stalker. Period
If I say like that only, I'm sure as hell everyone will take it wrongly XD

I like to use that term to describe me because I want to make sure I am up-to-date with my friends' life without bothering them too much. It's hard keeping in touch when everyone is busy, so might as well just update by myself through whatever sources I can get my hand on =)

plus, some............nah, most of them don't like to talk when they have problem but expect me to know about it somehow and helps them solve it. Hello, I am not a superhuman with the ability to read mind. End up, I develop my stalking (read:observation) skill to try pick up subtle hint to infer any problem. It is not always bull's-eye but that's what u get when people don't like to open their damn mouth xP

_______________________________________________________________________

It's a boring day, only a short meeting with my supervisor in the morning. Came back and found that there is some leftover of cooking choc from last week baking. Time to make something xD


I don't know what to name it. I made it using the same method with making chocolate cluster but I replaced cornflake with biscuit since cornflake is so damn expensive over here.

So simple to make this. Just melt the chocolate with some fresh milk, throw in some cornflake/biscuit, roll it over in a bowl of almond and put them in freezer. Voila, done! =D hahaha

Time for evening snack with Earl Grey Tea =)

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/04

Love,
me

yayyyyyyyyyy, my raindance worked!!! hahahaha xD



It had been raining heavily since yesterday. I'm way too talented for this. I only summoned rain but it came with roaring thunder and sky-splitting lightning. Maybe I should counter it back *human, never satisfied =P*

Time to scour for sundance's incantation =D

My lunch for today : Duck Confit Ciabatta at Ben's, KLCC


Very flavorful shredded duck confit hedged between crispy bun with caramelised onion, served with four-color chip. The side salad is damn tasty; nuts, edamame, lettuce and radicchio. The price is normal, RM 22.90.

Went to Pesta Buku at PWTC but such a disappointment. It caters for student instead of the general public. The 1st floor has lot of primary and secondary school books while upper floor is crowded with university textbook >_<

All in, it has been a good day =)

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/02#mutable_779968

love,
me

One of my weird trait.

I love to be among the crowd but not with them. Strange, u reckon? But it is possible. Think the next image will explain it well.



Get it? Usually, a loner will be alone by himself, secluded in a confined room, studying most of the time, an introvert type of person. A party-goer will be the total opposite, surrounded by people, talkative, attend every possible event, knows and known by lot of friends, an extrovert type.

We.....well, we are the rare breed =D

I can't stand to be alone for a long period of time but at the same time, I don't want anyone to bother or associate with me for some part of the day. I blame this abnormal activity due to my family. I am born into an extended family. 5 siblings with grandma living with us, aunt/uncle and cousin at arm's reach.

Something happens(don't ask what) and since then, I feel a detachment between me and my family, my nuclear family. I talk less with them. When all of us get together, five of them talk around while me is like the odd one out >_<

Now, it become part of my life. One of the obvious example is the effect on my study style. I can't study in my own room, away from people since the quietness can kill me. So, I end up at library and I will find the noisiest part and sit down there to study. All around me is group of student studying, gossiping, bitching, while me there alone studying. It doesn't look right but I feel so much at home in that kind of scene XD

Such a weird creature, I am =P

I wish everyone talk like that, 10-second sound bite xD

Love,
me