Any writer would wrap up their story and put an end to it, no matter how crappy they are. It's time to dry the ink and seal another part of my life here.

His first appearance in my life occurred on new year eve. I wrote about him few days after our first date(read here). I can still remembered our first kiss inside the car illuminated by firework; the feeling is all too vivid.

From that point on, he slowly became an integral part of my daily life. Constant meet-up, non-stop messaging from the moment we both woke up till our eye closed, trying new food, visiting places together, celebrating birthday; the fun never died when I'm with him.

He took care of me when I was terribly sick. Came over to bring some food and herbal tea; drop by again the next day just to give me 100plus cos I ran out of it; none of which I requested but he still did it. He was there when my sister passed away. He was there for every single thing that happened to me in past few months.

He was, in every single aspect, the perfect guy u can ever ask for

Then why I'm sealing this memory?

My feeling. By far, I dated him the longest; 8 months or so. Throughout this period, I can't bring my feeling further than just liking him. I know I didn't love him because I can't feel the same thing like when I was with J or monkey.

He loved me deeply but I can't reciprocate it. I hate myself because I can't love him. I hate myself because I have to dump him and made him cry again. The feeling sucked, big time.

I cried. I cried when I did that. It wasn't just tear coming out. It was a loud sob.

L, I can't be grateful enough for the time we spent together and things u did for me. There's no way I can ever repay back all ur kindness to the end of my life. I pray that u will find someone better than me, who will appreciate u and love u for what u worth.

What goes around, comes around. I won't be surprised when I get treated the same way in the future.

Till then, u will always have a special place in my memory L.

Love,
ur Bii

Can't the world please get any safer very, very soon =,=

Reading newspaper will always make me feel nauseating; either because of the shitty politic news or another accident or murder case somewhere.

This week hasn't end yet and there are already two cases that made me really sad even though I didn't know any of the victim.

First is the murder of the 15yo girl by her 23yo boyfriend. It wasn't the murder that shocked me but rather what he did after he killed her. People are getting.......'smarter' in carrying out this, emulating what they watch/seen.

So young, so much potential~ T____T

The recent one, the stabbing spree by a madman around Taman Melati/Gombak, killing two and injuring quite a number before he was apprehended. Again, another youngster been stabbed to death; a UTAR student if not mistaken.

Death has never made me anymore sad or emo than this time. sigh...

My condolences to their families. God bless their soul and my prayer will always be with them.

Love,
me

Being annonymous behind the safety barrier of cyberspace/blog confers lot of advantage. We all are sick been judged solely on our appearences through those apps without given chance to convey our thought and inner quality.

I won't say I'm not at any fault of mentioned offense. I judge, I criticize, I contemplate especially in apps where information is limited and people tend to lose their language skill. U can type long and windy and trying to engage in a conversation but their reply can kill it almost instantly while others are more interested to do a one-sided interrogation.

Here, I still do the same but I judge through the writing. It gives a better depth of someone and at least, I use my brain to judge instead of just my eye. After more than a year with this blog community, I get to know few of them in person. Although some aren't really in my preference to date if I was to know them through the apps, I'm glad I know them here and make friend with them.

Just think bout it this way; friends that u made in school or university, will u consider to date someone like them if u are to judge based on appearence solely? A few maybe but not all of them right. Why the same doesn't applies when it comes to this other side of life?

U can see urself. When some group of gay meet up together, it's like every single one of them have a buff body, flawless skin, cute face, nice face feature, hot face and on and on. Coincidence, much? Maybe somehow all his friends that are either hot or cute turn out to be gay. How very.......likely but yeah, u get what I mean here.

I do wonder sometimes, if I am to disclose my picture here, how many would remain to read my blog again?

As if I give a damn! bwahahahahahahahaha =P

True to the core

Love,
me

This is a shoutout for u.

Happy birthday, J.

Wishing u many happiness in return and great success  in coming years.

How I wish I can celebrate it with u the way u poured ur effort into making mine the most memorable celebration by far. Do claim ur present when u come back here, till then I will keep it safe =)



Love,
me

I'm an exhibitionist. Period.

It has never occurred to me before this until I started frequenting to sauna. Before that, I did noticed that I'm okay with the idea of having fun in public space like toilet or inside car; ideas that lots of other people frowned upon.

Even at sauna, most guys still prefer to do it under the cover of darkness; in the maze, at the back of the steam room, the dark room. Me......I can do it while inside the TV room, lots of people around k.

I dont mind to let others see what I'm doing and it makes me......sluttier XD opppssssss

The most I ever had people watching was around 5-6 at mandi manda though I would have love it if they be a bit more daring and come join the fun. hehehe

I wanna visit kakiku again. Their underground maze is the best, biggest and most crowd. lol

Either that or I unleash my horniness during my trip soon =P

oh yeah, an eye candy that I caught while on my way back during last sauna trip. Enjoy~ xP


Love,
me

I drafted a lot of posts in my head but in the end, just leave it half done without any intention to put it down in words. Always told others not to care too much bout what others think; seems like I can't walk my own talk.

So, let's write about something else, less trivial matter in my mind now.

One of many things that I keep speculating till now - how would I manage to balance between friend and lover IF I'm ever in a relationship?

Imagine I'm working 5 days a week, 8-5 each day. I can spend time after work to find my lover for dinner n quick catch-up but nothing more. So, it would have to be weekend for date and some quiet time. In that situation, it gonna be hard to make time for my friend. I can go out together with le bf and my friends if they know each other but still, it's not the same when it's just the two of us only.

If I am to meet just my friend on the weekend, then I would have to wait for another week before can see le bf and vice versa. I can meet both by meeting on different day but it gonna be so tiring and won't have much time for rest.

A piece of advice I keep true to myself and others if they ask is to put a slightly bit more attention on my friend than my partner in early stage of relationship. Boyfriend comes and goes but friends stick forever, if u care enough. They would understand that u won't have much time to spend with them anymore but it doesn't mean u can just ignore them.

If by any stroke of bad luck ur relationship doesn't work out well and all these while u been neglecting ur friend, u will be left with nothing. So, think well and balance properly.

Love,
me

There are all sorts of weirdo u can find in those dating apps, not to say couple of assholes and whatnot. I thought I have seen it all but I have just talked to the master of all asshole couple of nights ago.

I have been talking to this guy for few weeks already just for the sake of having someone to talk to. He's just average for my preference; nothing too hot nor too cute. He seems decent at that time but alas, I was utterly wrong in all aspect.

Buzzed him again few nights ago and I was jokingly flirting with him as always. Then he said he cannot go out have fun anymore since he's attached now. OK, that's pretty common but it got out of control from this point onward.

Firstly, he told me he never meet that guy. I thought it was a LDR but turned out that guy was studying in same uni with him and he was only freaking first year. How busy can u two be till no time to meet up?

Then he said he isn't really into this relationship because he doesn't love that guy. That was when he started to piss me off. If u know u dont love someone, why the hell are u even in a relationship? Just for the fun of it?!

Who knows he can ramp up the level of pissing me off. He dropped another bomb on me, "If this doesn't work out, it's fine. I have another boyfriend who loves me more." At that point, I barely managed to hold myself from using all those curse words I ever know existed.

U thought that's the end? U're wrong! He can even say this to me when I asked him whether they know about this, "They don't know and no one should know about it. If they found out also, nothing would happen to me. I can always find more. Plus, it's not me that propose in the first place."

As much as I hate someone, I have never wish bad things for them but this bastard...I solemnly wish that u will get tormented for what u have done to others 10-fold and whenever u meet someone who u really in love with, it will never work out and he dumps u heartlessly.

Yes, I am this piss off.