I shed tears watching this music video, hoping I will grow old as gracefully as them with fond memories of yesteryear.

Love,
me

Is it necessary to imitate the other half?

That's what I have been observing whenever guys get into relationship. Somehow, they start to lose their own identity and instead, start becoming like their other half. Initially, it's their outer appearance; the way they dress, the way they walk, the way they do their hair. Heck, they even wear the same color every single time and make a huge deal out of it. In my mind I was thinking, "Oh please bitch, you set it beforehand. Why the need to make it like a miracle he turns out the same color as you?"

Slowly, their thinking evolves, or should I say devolve instead. To look exactly the same is bad enough; to not have their own thought is even worse. All of their mind revolve around the other half and him alone. It's about pleasing him and obsessing all about him while continuing to live. After going through few relationships and observing others, I realize one small thing; if you can't behave around your other half the way you do with your friends, most likely it won't last long.

I suppose the brain can't bear the burden of having split personality.
Let's not even start on those who disappear once they are attached.

Love,
me

In the office before 7 in the morning again. I'm sleepy as fuck and with long incubation period, that's not helping me to stay awake at all. Ah well, let's write nonsense then to kill time till seeding time.

Guys in the apps really need to learn to comprehend fully what they have written in their profile. To the point it feels like they have bipolar disorder every time they engage hidden behind the veil of their smartphone.

Take for example those who have written "For FRIENDS only" or "Up for chat" or "No reply means not interested is bullshit". They should have added a disclaimer at the end of their profile or maybe at the beginning of it "p/s: all of the above/below only apply if you come with 6-pack or drive a jaguar to high school". I love to spend my time texting such profiles and see what's their reaction would be and 80% of the time, my pre-judgement is justified.

There's nothing wrong with admitting that you have a preference on who you are comfortable to talk/interact with. As we won't simply reply to approaching strangers by the roadside or any straight guy doesn't say yes to every girl who engaged him, we have no such obligation as well.

Oh yah another very misused term by gay all around; sapiosexual. I never know intelligence is connected to the look somehow. Please enlighten me to the research that define such thing because when you are to go through their facebook friend lists, instead of finding a wide spectrum of friends as you should be if you are to be a sapiosexual, it's just as narrow as those who said they are into Chinese only or muscular only.

Anyway, enough with my ranting. Time to nudge the sleeping beauty up. Tata

Love,
me

Let's get this thing off my chest.

For the past a year and half I have been asking myself, "what went wrong?" Or for that matter, "did anything went wrong at all?"

I don't know and I hate not to know.

I have been contemplating to find out but then I realize, it doesn't matter; neither to me nor to the other side. The answer, I mean. Whatever the reasons or excuses, there's no point in knowing because it won't change anything at all.

Maybe for all the laughs and tears we shared, it is never meant to last or to put it in another way, it's meant to last as long as it is necessary. The moment the old connections rekindled and new, better one forged, my part came to an end.

I'll be lying if I said it doesn't hurt at all, but it will pass.

In the words of my ex;
Everything shall pass, the good and the bad.

Love,
me

His grandpa passed away recently.

So, I decided to pay a visit to the memorial to pay my last respect and stayed there till midnight. After all, I did visit the grandpa while he was in the hospital. It was held at Xun Er memorial; looks classy and bloody expensive. Just for three days wake costed roughly 18,000 =.= The room beside us was holding a Buddhist wake and it looked even more expensive.

When I told SY about it, he was surprised and didn't expect me to stay there till late since usually only family and close relatives will be there. I even helped them to collect donation at the front door with him(since well I need a translator anyway LOL) and tally it up to pay for the first day. I suppose because I'm not chinese, I am not really tied by the customs and can move around as I please.

And damn, some of the church boys bloody cute and he has one hot cousin LOL

Love
me

July is coming, half of the year has gone.

It's time for a half-assed mid year review LOLOLOL

I hope life has been gentle to everyone; not good because life is never fair but at least it has been gentle even when delivering calamity to you guys.

For the past four years since I came back to this forsaken land, this year year has been the most welcoming one by far.

Submitted my thesis end of February and have completed my Viva as well. It didn't go very well since my examiner ain't that well-versed with my field. So, the questions asked kinda made me rolled my eyes in my head and she has EVIL look. Like very meany, highschool-bully kind of vibe.

Accepted a RA position in April and have been staying with it till now. It doesn't pay much and it's only contract-based but I love the project a lot. Kinda exciting to learn new things and work in an industry setting. By end of August, they would confirm with me whether they can offer me full time position or not. Fingers crossed I get it.

Lastly, it has been a year and two months. Thank you for staying and accepting me and all my flaws and idiocy. It has been a great year being in a relationship with you and even though you keep pestering me to get a 6-pack body(as if you have one as well LOL), you didn't stop feeding me as well. Wish many more years to come with you and may our love never fade, completely.




Oh yah, the anniversary falls on his birthday because this nimcampoop can't remember date easily and he's still FUCKING FORGOT about it =,= I gave up already

Love
me

We hope.

My sister.

I dreamt of her.

After three years.

It was a nonsense dream but it's definitely her.

Not surprising though, my brain portray her image at the age I last saw her, not suddenly become a projection of future or things like that.

It's a wonder how time heals and make the grief disappears.

Just, it isn't totally gone.

It's there, hidden in plain sight.

A gentle poke and awake, it will.

Hmmmmm.....

I am not a mourner nor a weeper.

I cried when it happened and then, it doesn't affect me anymore.

Wonder if it will be better to be someone who is affected deeply by such demise, like my aunt? You can notice tears welling in her eyes if someone talks about her.

Nonetheless, I miss her.

My only sister.

I am 27.

Fuck............

I feel old.

It feels strange, somehow.

As if all these while I was young and then suddenly snap! The teen life ended.

They said you will feel a panic transition phase when you are entering 30.

Seems like the phase starts earlier for me.

It sucks when your thinking matures faster than your biological age.

People of my age are busily partying and getting laid while here I am, thinking bout life.

To lay back and relax, it must be nice.

I want to stop complaining but that's all in my mind now.

I can be all bubbly and happy outside but deep deep inside, the darkness gnaws.

I don't mean the dark darkness; it's more like a void.

Leaving no trace behind.

So, why am I complaining?

I have no bloody idea.

Maybe the old flame has died and it's time to light another ember.

Who knows, it might help.

If it doesn't?

Well, the void doesn't feel too terrible.

Maybe I'll stay.

He has been complaining that my blog became a dust collector only =,= Well, I am just plain lazy and demotivated to update it. There has not been anything much to update for this year. It takes a very slow pace and decides not to bully me yet.

January passed, and I am still here; unchanged and jobless. Frankly, it is kinda depressing when you apply for almost every single job in your field and none replied me back. It's kinda make me feel I have picked the wrong field to venture to or maybe I should abandon passion and chase jobs that guarantee financial stability during the current turmoil. If only I have taken medicine just like what my parent requested, I might have been employed (most probably).

Comes February and it's still the same. The only difference is I have submitted my thesis, hence I can safely concluded I am officially free from any obligation whatsoever. And oh yeah, I registered online to provide proofread service and though the orders are scarce, it gives a sense as if I am doing something rather than just waste my parent's money here in KL.

My other consolation was me celebrating Valentine's with the same guy I went through it last year. That in itself is quite an achievement for me. Nah, we couldn't do anything much since it fell on Sunday. So, I just spent a night at his place, sex and dinner. Same routine like every other weekend but somehow, it felt greater LOLOLOLOL

March is approaching and I do not know whether it will be a good news or another disappointment. I'm keeping my fingers crossed even if the stars do not align because losing hope won't help me in any single fucking way, anyway.

Happy Chinese New Year! May the year of monkey makes you carefree and easy-going ^(-.-)^

Love
me