Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.

Noh - finale. No turning back. I'm alone, single, independent. Met a childhood friend. Haven't spoken our whole lifetime. But our paths have crossed plenty. Had a thing for him. Can't do anything now. He's taken. But he's around, and that doesn't help. Maybe you shouldn't have found me in friendster. Maybe you shouldn't have messaged me. But then again.

i want peace. but it seems to have disappeared. with all the calmness and serenity, my life has really turned. from a relationship-committed gf, to a carefree woman. i go simpang too much. i party way too much. i spend money plenty. i gota take a breather. degree seems to be drifting away. germany's floating. too many males, bad karma. cant chill no more. gota work: money, degree, and germany. now i need sleep.

-blank-

Dear Baby, Five years is a long time. In love, out of love, and back in love again. I never stopped loving you. Never have I stopped being attracted to you. You are my world, my everything. We came through a long way to where we are now. How many laughters have we shared? How many Hari Rayas have we celebrated together? How many times have you saved me out of the mess I always put myself in? How many tears have I shed for you, and you me? How many sleepless nights have I had everytime you're overseas? How many sleepless nights have you had everytime I partied? Needless to say, we've been through shit and giggles. We're like an old married couple. Six months ago, we ended everything. Not exactly severed all ties, but it seems that almost everything has vanished. Your affection, your concern, your love. I haven't, baby. Though you may have thought so, you were wrong. Yes I disappeared through the months with endless partying and friends. But it was all to vent my anger and frustrations. I thought I could be happy. I tried seeing other men, to FORGET you. But I obviously failed. I couldn't and wouldn't. It is not the same. You are YOU. For I love only YOU. You asked me to wait. Give you space, and time to consider. I am and I will. Everyone said I'm foolish to wait for something that's impossible to happen. I am supposed to forget you. I should forget you. But you and I both know I can't. I wasn't exactly a model girlfriend in the past years, I admit. But I tried my very best to deliver and accommodate you. Please, I hope you'll come to a decision soon. If you're not in love with me anymore, do tell. Though it seems almost impossible for me to accept it, I will swallow it. I will walk away.

Tokyo. I miss you. And the people i met... Gift - The bestfriend a woman could ever have. You're perfect, darling. We totally have the common interest, beliefs and thoughts. I just wished we live near each other so we can hangout. But it's so fucking far away. You're in Luxembourg and me in shitty singapore. Those times at THAT BAR we went.. freaky... Those laughs we had over stupid matters.. Those little secrets we whisper during workshops.. :p Marta - My lovely roommate. Though she can be slow sometimes when you talk to her, she's a great friend. Funny girl. Slim & tall.. She's just lovely... These were the two people I almost cried for when they left for the airport. God.. I wish we can go back to those great TEN days in tokyo.. Then there was koichi.. who helped me lots.. brought me around to places, helped me bargain with those japs at the flea mart, and most important of all, he helped me negotiated a damn good price with the hairdresser at the salon i went.. From an expensive pricetag of 20,000 yen to 15,000 yen! And I love my new hairstyle. I think this is the best haircut/dye/perm ive ever had... And then there was the charming friends of koichi's: saiyako and hiro... Brought me to a club, finally.. You guys were great... I'll make sure you guys have a great time if you ever visit singapore... Big thanks.. And of course there's that cute guy at the reception whom I forgot the name.. And that other cute guy at Hub the Irish Pub in Shibuya whom I took picture with but foolishly forgotten to ask his name (and number/email address coz I was too fucken shy), and... there's Hiroku... cute awesome guy... Though we went out for a while, it was great coz he was cute and fucking trendy jap guy... hahahaha I still haven't really slept off the tireness of tokyo. Went to meet the guys at safron this evening, reformatting my damn computer now and will probably sleep later... God, I miss tokyo... and Noh just departed for Korea this evening.. He's going to tokyo too next week after korea and will not be celebrating first day hari raya in spore.. And I'm gona be so bored... damn..