The Five of Us

Meanwhile, Cooper's newfound use of the word WHAT!? Is killing me....

I opened Cooper's door for him after his nap to see him studiously reading a pile of books. When he says, "Hey. Reading my book." In his grumpy old man voice. "Oh."  I say. "No biggie. I just made you some lunch whenever you're ready..."

"What!?" Says he in disbelief. "Oh! Ok!"

This comes after the conversation he had with his Uncle Kevin yesterday...

Uncle Kevin unwraps his apparently delicious looking Taco Bell lunch and Cooper exclaims: "Woah!!"

Uncle Kevin: "I know Cooper. And guess what!? Taco Bell is just, right down the road from here."

Cooper: " What!!?" In a, how is someone just now telling me this information kind of way. 

We have moved to a new home. I daily look around at all the light and space in our new home and smile. Moving here was an answer to prayer...it answered prayers I didn't even vocalize. The people we have met and the friends we have already made just being here nearly 6 months makes my heart happy. It is evident to me that God knew just what we needed and answered it in this house and neighborhood and town. 

When I think about last Christmas and the season, I really in all honesty don't remember much. I don't remember feeling festive. I don't remember celebrating much. I know we had a tree...I can't remember where or when we got it. I don't remember purchasing presents for the kids...couldn't tell you what I got them...I can't remember sending out Christmas cards to people...can't remember doing any shopping for special gifts...although somehow all that took place. 

I do remember being in and out of hospitals and emergency rooms. I remember praying every waking moment. 

I remember my moments awake being greater than any monents of rest. I remember worrying. I remember telling God that I did not pray this child into this world only to have him taken away a year later. I remember telling God we weren't gonna go down like this. I remember feeling hopeless and full of fear. I remember feeling so blessed and so overwhelmed by the people far and wide who covered my tiny, sick son in prayer. I remember how people's prayers and kind words held me up right. I remember being so thankful that although we were away from home, we were with family that helped us tirelessly in incredible ways. I remember being so thankful for that, that although I was unaware of much going on beyond Cooper being sick that we had family available to stand in the gap and be a buffer for the girls so it wasn't overly traumatic for them. 

Well, what a difference a year makes! There are seasons we all go through. What for some is a season of joy and happiness for others is a season of loss and pain. I feel this year so thankful. Thankful for one not to be where we were a year ago, but also thankful that no matter what occurrs, good or bad, loss or gain, joy or sorrow, hardship or ease, that God will see us through. 

I find myself at the end of a year that held all of the above, but I am grateful. I am so very grateful for each simple thing that makes up this life. For the joy in Cooper's face seeing the tree all done up and the Christmas lights. For seeing him enjoy what last year he barely got to participate in. Grateful for the anticipation I see in the girls as they count down to seeing family and Christmas Day. I am grateful for a husband that is my very best friend that I have a genuinely great time with daily. Grateful for my little family, and all our family far and wide spread out, for those I'll get to see and hug tight...and those I won't. My heart feels so full. It feels like one of the best holiday seasons I can remember in a very long time, despite what could bring it down. And not because of the anticipation of more stuff and things, but because I feel perfectly content right where I am at this very moment with all that I already have. Everything else is just a bonus. 

May 2015 for all of you be one full of content and gratitude as well as love and joy. 

Merry Christmas to you from

Adam, Heidi, 

Hannnah Grace, Abby Joy, and 

Cooper James. 

It almost makes up for him being up allllll night last night and back in my room to start the day at 5 am. Almost. 

Ok. Abby's prayer tonight was one of the cutest things I've heard in awhile...

"Dear Jesus, thank you for the day....but there's one thing I'm concerned about. Please take daddy to work safely in the mornin and help Hannah play good with her friends at school and please help Papa Jim to get to feelin better in these next few months. Amen!" Then she pauses and says..."Do you think He loved that mama?" 

And then in horror she says, "Oh! I didn't pray for YOU! ...Dear Jesus, there's one more thing I'm concerned about, I pray that Mama's day is good because I love her. Amen."

Ohhh. This kid is a heart melter!

Let me back up. Almost two years ago I had Cooper. When I was pregnant with him I was the healthiest I'd ever been. Two previous pregnancies and kids taught me what I needed to be and stay healthy.  

After I had Cooper I got anxious to get back into running, into working out. But as I did, slowly my body slipped into a place of pain and exhaustion. Whenever I worked out the next day I'd be completely wiped out and I would hurt. Not the good kind of hurt that means you are improving, but a bone deep hurt and fatigue that would wipe me out for several days. I would feel hungry all the time but nothing ever sounded good to eat, I would get frustrated with my lack of progress and push harder and eat less. All the while dealing with a VERY colicky baby who woke up many times a night with no end in sight. I'd try to take periods of rest but it never seemed to really help. 

I started getting random spells of these horrible chills and headaches that would physically leave me unable to move for a day. It felt like my brain hurt. I had ultrasounds done to check out my stomach because of the constant pain and digestive trouble I was having. MRI's were recommended. I had an xray to see if I'd broken a bone in my chest/ribs because the pain there was so horrible it was making it hard to breath sometimes! Nothing. 

I am normally very organized and on top of things, I became really foggy and forgetful and felt really unorganized. I would get really dizzy randomly. 

Fast forward a year and Cooper stopped nursing and started sleeping a bit better. A few weeks later he got horribly sick and for the next 2-3 months I was up with him nightly, so worried about what was going on and or in and out of ERs with him. Then we started house hunting. All this time still never feeling like I could get enough rest.

 I eat well and try hard to watch what I put into my body but nothing made me feel better. I would see myself in the mirror and be incredulous! I looked (and felt!) like I had aged ten years in the span of a year or two. I was always getting sick. Migraines would occur 3-4 days a week or more! I couldn't lose weight at all. Even though it's not about the number for me I wasn't budging at all! My skin was discolored and grey and looked weird and I just didn't look right. My hair looked and felt weird. I noticed when I'd have it colored the tint would look weird after less than a week. The texture felt weird and it wasn't growing well. 

Meanwhile, I'd have friends that would stop eating bread for a week and lose 10 lbs! Friends who'd had babies around the same time as me abd were thriving. 

I would tell people how hard I was working out and/or that something wasn't right and they'd tell me I looked fine or that I needed to try this diet or that and I would think; You don't understand! I AM doing that! And something is still not right!

Finally, after moving into this new place and starting to get settled I decided to go back to the naturopath that helped me after I had Abby. She is so good and so informed and really knows her stuff. After hearing what I told her she was certain, nearly 100% it was my thyroid. Easy fix she says. ...Only problem is labs came back "normal." Not anemic. Great vitamin D levels. I wanted to cry!

However, I've been doing a lot of research and had landed on adrenal fatigue and possibly being deficient in B vitamins. Before I even voiced these things the naturopath said them! She did a quick test of my eyes to confirm something and then announced this may very well be it. Diagnosis: exhaustion, adrenal fatigue and B12 deficiency. (B12 helps support the adrenal glands)

Before this I had no clue where my adrenal glands were honestly. (They sit on top of your kidneys) and they regulate stress and hormones and sooo many other things in your body. 

Here are symptoms of adrenal fatigue:

I have had or been experiencing most all of these the last two years. 

She sent me packing with a B12 shot to the arm and adrenal supplements. 

The next day after getting the shot, I noticed my hands which have resembled sandpaper for nearly two years were completely fine!! No cracked, dry white skin! And the rest of my skin that was so dry no lotion or coconut oil could help were no longer that way! Also, I've immediately noticed my skin pigment! It's not a grayish yellow! My joint color is better and my skin looks healthier over all!  This was less than a day after receiving the shot!

Since taking the supplements (which has been less than a week) I have noticed my skin has started tightening up in places! It's not loose and saggy! And in places other glands exist it's as if the excess swelling has gone down and it's back to normal. All these things, all these changes I saw in my body and began chalking up to having three kids or being older etc...because they weren't going away really were an issue! It was my body telling me something is NOT right! All is not ok!

God is really working on me to be in a season of rest. To not push myself so hard all the time. Incidentally, this is also what is going to help me heal. Slowing down, taking it easier, rest. In the last few weeks I have encountered more sermons, scripture and devotions all related to rest than ever before. I think God is trying to tell me something. :)

I know it's not just my lack of rest that started all this, it was a number of things but I sure look forward to getting better! It's still early, I just started everything a few days ago, but based on the results I've seen already I'm thinking we found the problem. Moral is, when you KNOW something isn't right, that all is not well don't give up on finding out what it is. It's worth it! Sometimes getting to the point of aha! is exhausting and like a second job but when you get there finally and you see improvements and start feeling better it's so worth it! God did not intend for us to spend our lives not feeling or living well. And while God does not strike us down with afflictions, often there is a lesson. Do we believe we are fearfully and wonderfully made? Do we believe our lives and health are worth fighting for? Do we believe our lives are worth the effort?  We should answer with a resounding YES!  Because God created and formed each of us individually and uniquely and to live a life of purpose!

All we want is for our favorites to recall the love we've shared and held for each other and the laughter and light that took place during our time on earth. And at the end of the day, those grudges that once seemed so important should melt away. The pride and the hurts, whatever we thought we needed to hold on to fades and we are hopefully left holding the fondest part of a person held dear. 

Abby: Yes well, unexpected is my last name. 

The other day she stumbled on a bouncy ball Hannah had lost. I told her she needed to return it to Hannah, the conversation continued as follows:

Abby: Actually I think I'll just go put it in my special thing drawer and hide it from Hannah. 

Me: How will that be fun? Then you will never be able to play with it!

Abby: Well I will just keep it there and wait until Hannah dies and THEN I can bring it out and play with it. 

...Ok psycho! Think you might be waiting awhile! Haha 

He is the easiest kid to put to sleep ever. And if he misses a nap he does great if you have him out and about or outside in general. But put him indoors at home and suddenly that missed sleep becomes magically evident. 

I am also seriously considering giving him the nickname Bear. As in Bear Grylls. The things this kid eats and doesn't even bat an eye at!  Not just tastes but actually consumes! I truly believe he'd give the hardcore outdoorsmen Bear Grylls a run for his money in the staying alive whilst consiming the weirdest and grossest fare to be found department. I forsee manly camping trips with his daddy and Uncle Shane where he's cool eating nothing but berries, raw fish and the occasional goats eye. 

He really loves to sing. Since he was tiny (tinier) he's bounced to the beat of things like the washer and dryer. And he will sing along with the girls songs or make up his own with a "la la la." 

 I hope he doesn't lose that ever because music is one of the best gifts to have I believe. You can always keep it with you. I hope he always sings!

He also has an awful lot of love to give. He is always good about checking in during his adventures for a good snuggle or hug and the kisses he makes sure to give each person at bedtime are the best. He's a pretty great little man. 

Sure am so very glad God blessed me with him for a son. 

I'm certain now it started in part to break the monotony of chocolate chip pancakes every. Single. Time. :)

I find myself doing the same things now for my kids. Each time I make them I try a little something different...but of course we can't steer far from the chocolate chips. That's one ingredient that's a must. How fun will it be if my kids grow up and start the same tradition with their families!? See dad. Look what you started. :)

As a side note in relation to yesterdays post...Hannah still hadn't had her pancakes yet today. Remember how I told you once I told them we were having stew no one would be hungry?? Ya. Well...not to name names but a certain oldest child is having her stew for breakfast. She's trying to wait me out. I think her logic is that if it's lunchtime I won't make her eat the stew. Ha! Jokes on her! Meanwhile, I have the delicious pancakes with secret ingredients displayed beautifully on a plate so she gets the full effect of what she's missing. She's pretending not to care...but I know better. Please. I make darn good pancakes. This she knows. ;)

Some days I wonder why I waste words. Why I even bother to use my voice. I could seriously talk like the Swedish Chef or Animal and get the same results some days. 

Rain is pouring and no one wants to be inside, and friends it is mayhem up in here. The natives are restless and are complaining of hunger.  I'll cure that in no time when I tell them we are having stew for dinner, suddenly no one will be hungry. 

Abby and I just had a "Let It Go" duet in the kitchen which rivaled the original. She plays a mean spatula. 

There's talk of the girls sleeping in a fort tonight...based on the rest of the day this may be a miracle. 

 Then, when we add an essential oil like Thieves for added protection the soldiers slowly move in with their protective armor and swords and begin war with those nasty, sneaky invaders! There's ninja kicks and sword fighting, sleeper holds and noogies until finally those germs call "Uncle! Mercy!!" And then...*Poof!* One day you wake up and realize...I feel great! ...

I love the way my one pointer finger fits perfectly in the squishy part between her thumb and finger. And how she squeezes it to make sure I'm still there as she falls asleep. How a chopstick that became a magical wand of imagination twitches as she drifts to sleep as though casting magical spells. The last minute reminders and promises of the day to come. Excitement for what the next day holds. 

Tiny translucent eyelids that slowly flutter closed to a mama's lullaby, flying back open occassionally so as not to miss even a tiny moment of remaining day.  A thumb in the mouth falling still and silent, a smile of sweet sleep, quiet breath turning to the rhythmic sawing of logs. 

Good night my loves.