Sumo Merriment

This seems to going around the blogsphere...I first saw this in on an Australian site. He calls himself "geezer squeezer" and he is fun to read. You are supposed to put it on your own blog, so here goes..................

1- Grab the nearest book to you.
2- Open the book to page 123.
3- Find the 5th sentence.
4- Post the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5- Don't look for "that cool" book in your closet. Just pick up what is closest.

"Did not intend to assert-"
"My soul is--hiccup!--peculiarly qualified for--hiccup!--a--"
"What, sir?"

Edgar Allan Poe
1832

Posted by sumo at 10:11 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough remember the mayonnaise jar..............and the beer.

A professor stood before his philospophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessy, he picked up a very large and empty maonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and pouired it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everthing else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table andpoured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everthing else--the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal."

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

Posted by sumo at 12:32 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

see Condi's arm...see it rise higher...
see the booted foot...see it rise higher...
see the goose stepping...see it walk on water...

Posted by sumo at 9:23 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

I feel for both sides of this situation...but my feelings side with the husband's rights for his wife. He said she would have wanted it this way. I know if it were me I would want the machinery stopped. It's a no win situation for all. She was so pretty...and her name is Terry.

Posted by sumo at 9:15 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

The guy on the right has been in my house...as a guest of course! I just thought I'd mention that if any of you are Korn fans...and you're probably not. One of them got religion recently...Hhmm.

Posted by sumo at 12:13 AM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

I saw a commercial today for Snapple...and it said that "Snapple is made for the best people." I don't drink it. What does that mean?

Posted by sumo at 11:36 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

Beware! There are terrorists in our midst. The religious right releases its list of America's Most Wanted...If you spot these dangerous evil-doers, please contact Jerry Falwell immediately!

The menacing faces you see above are the leaders of a massive and lethal terrorist network known as al-Makkah-u-laf.

They are plotting to overthrow the American government via the manipulation and the brainwashing of our youth. They must be stopped before their evil plot fully unfolds! We must not rest until these enemies of freedom are eliminated!

Posted by sumo at 9:35 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

"We have become a Nazi monster in the eyes of the whole world - bullies and bastards who would rather kill than live peacefully. We are whores for power and oil with hate and fear in our hearts."

"If the right people had been in charge of Nixon's funeral, his casket would have been launched into one of those open-sewage canals that empty into the ocean just south of Los Angeles. He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a president. Nixon was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his pants on every morning. Even his funeral was illegal. He was queer in the deepest way. His body should have been burned in a trash bin."

"So much for Objective Journalism. Don’t bother to look for it here—not under any byline of mine; or anyone else I can think of. With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market tabulations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms."

"Why bother with newspapers, if this is all they offer? Agnew was right. The press is a gang of cruel faggots. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits - a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage."

"Avoid being seized by the police. The cops are not your friends. Don't tell them anything."

Bush "is a weak-minded frat boy who cracks under pressure in front of 60 million voters."

"I watch three or four frantic network-news bulletins about Iraq every day, and it is all just fraudulent Pentagon propaganda, the absolute opposite of what it says: u.s. transfers sovereignty to iraqi interim "government." Hot damn! Iraq is finally Free, and just in time for the election! It is a deliberate cowardly lie. We are no more giving power back to the Iraqi people than we are about to stop killing them."

Pearls of wisdom by Hunter Thompson...your moment of ZEN!

Posted by sumo at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

I found a post tonight that is a few days old, but the comments to it were a riot. The post was about a proposed trip to the States by the almost newlyweds Charles and Camilla. Apparently Bush and Co. has come up with a gem as to why they cannot entertain their royal highness and 1/2. The story being that they are both divorcees and that would besmirch the ( insert cough here) White House. Well, this set my brain to spinning about all the possibilities...rather...some of the possibilities.

Rove and Newtie to name just a few who have been divorced...and the list could go on about other questionable goings on...like Shrub's bother who liked Thai hookers and was involved in the S & L scam. But, I've a treat for you. Here' one of the comments that made me laugh my ass off...well, almost off.

I feel chagrined that I keep underestimating Weasle's stupidity. Wasn't he the wandering hoo'er master in the 80's of married Rethug women that resulted in at least one abortion of a ranking Rethug's wife? This while being married to Pickles, the lump in his bed. I think he doesn't want to be reminded of Gannon and the Bonnie Prince's own homosexual allegations or perhaps Charlie has more legitimate uniforms and medals than the intrepid chimperor. Weasle's Codpiece envy is showing.

Chimperor...does it get any better than that? And the visual of the codpiece had me choking and snorting. I do think that sometimes it is great to laugh and squeal at this stuff and feel oh so alive! If Hunter Thompson had read that post he might not have killed himself.

Posted by sumo at 10:23 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

"He behaves like an arrogant patriarch with respect to women's occupation's," said the executive director of the California Nurse's Association. "Nurse's, teachers, home health workers, it's vulgar how he's run roughshod over them. He's arrogant, and he's a bully."

The Governor said, "The special interests don't like me in Sacramento because I am always kicking their butt's." Schwarzenegger's corporate campaign donors are the real special interests. Gotcha Awnuld! I'd like to slap the crap out of him.

Posted by sumo at 9:33 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

Here's what I found as an explanation about the proposed Social Security reform. I personally don't buy into the administration's program.

The money that will go into the private acount isn't really yours. When your career ends you will have to pay it all back to the government. Plus interest...at the rate of U.S. Treasury notes.

The difference between what you made in your pirvate account and what you have to pay back, with interest, is your "profit" - or loss. There are administrative costs that will reduce what you accumulate by another 5 percent (according to the President's Commission to Strengthen Social Security). Or possibly a lot more...in a typical private 401 (k) account it's about 3 times that much.

The President's plan will require you to convert some of all of your accumulated sum to a lifetime annual payment. But the cost of this conversion is not cheap...in the private sector it is 10-20 percent of accumulated savings; if the government does it maybe it can be kept to 5 percent.

You are a 27-year-old worker with average wages when the plan takes effect for you in 2011. Assume that you put the maximum allotted amount into the private account. Also assume that the administrative costs, and the cost of converting the lump sum to an annual payment, are the cheapest imaginable.

When you retire after 40 years, your combined benefit from the private account and the traditional Social Security system will be $1,371 per month. This compares to $2,127 that the current Social Security progran, if left alone, has promised to pay.

Supporters of privatization would say that the system can't pay all promised benefits. If absolutely nothing is done to increase Social Security's revenue - a very remote possibility - the benefits will be cut by about 24 percent in 2053. Even then, the only benefit in the above example would be $1,625 - still 19 percent better than in the privatization scheme.

When the government takes back the money that it loaned you, it doesn't come out of the private account that it went into. Rather, it is deducted from the benefit that you receive from the traditional Social Security program. This will create the illusion that most of your benefits come from the private account - rather than from the traditonal system. This indicates that the people who designed this privatization scheme want to undermine support for the traditional Social Security system - to get rid of Social Security as we know it altogether.

Posted by sumo at 11:24 AM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

Do you ever wonder sometimes about the offbeat things that you really don't have a name for...yet there must be a name for that offbeat thing? Well...I'm here to tell you the names...yes sir...the names of some of those little weird offbeat thingies!

Phlug...that just so happens to be pocket lint.

Prutt...sediment at the bottom of a cup of coffee.

Sowie...the dark area under the porch.

Yulke...the little grains of dried secretion found in the corner of one's eyes in the morning.

Gry...an old, little-used word for anything of little value; for instance, nail parings.

Pledget...a small mass of lint, such as that which accumulates at the human navel.

Vug...a small cavity in a rock.

And people thought I was just another face in the crowd! Well, I bet it made you forget about the world's problems for about 2 minutes. Ha!

Posted by sumo at 1:44 AM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

If elephants can be taught to poo in the loo,
why can't we get Social Security on track?
What's stopping us from that movement?

Posted by sumo at 12:31 AM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

Well, the Fat Lady sang today for Hunter Thompson. I guess he wanted to follow in the footsteps of Ernest Hemingway. And we musn't forget Spaulding Gray heard the Fat Lady sing too. I guess the politics of the Middle East was too much for them to bear. They probably didn't want to live in a world such as ours any longer than they had to. Can't say as though I blame them...poor jokers. Fear and loathing indeed! And may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

Posted by sumo at 12:23 AM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

Or...when monkeys fly out of my butt!

Posted by sumo at 12:06 AM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

If you did not manage to watch Bill Maher tonight, you'd better try to catch it on the repeat. It had quite a panel this time. For starters...Robin Williams...who could not be still, Joseph Biden (D) and Tommy Thompson (R)...Robin had then all freaked out! I wonder if his family ever lock him up? I so loved him in the Fisher King, which coincidentally I watched this afternoon...good for me.

Posted by sumo at 11:21 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

Since Condi will be running for president on the Republican ticket...I thought I'd throw in what the future holds.

Posted by sumo at 9:23 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top

Well, I guess I live in a cave. I flipped on CNN while I made a righteous pastrami sandwich (no I'm not a vegetarian...but don't eat much meat either) and the subject was a movement to make Condi Rice president in 2008. Sooooo, besides putting me off my sandwich...and a quick run to put my head in the toilet...gah!...it got me to thinking what is up with America. I want to make it perfectly clear her ethnicity does not effect me one whit. She could have used braces though...but no matter. I do think this woman is intelligent, but saints preserve us...I do not want her for a president.

One reason would be that I am on the left and would naturally be suspect of anyone that close to the Chimpmeister and his wicked ways. Things like that rub off onto people...know what I mean? And she is a slick one for sure. Apparently there is a "group" of mostly women that have gotten this big package deal together...right down to composing songs. I guess they want to get a major jump on the situation and start their propagandizing so the masses will be so imbued with "the message" that they will vote like the Zombies that they are.

I know I have said this before, but it does deserve repeating...THESE ARE FRIGHTENING TIMES! Just when I thought it was sort of settling down...this nightmare comes along and screws up everything. I think this upsets me more than the Awnuld stuff does...and that is saying a lot. Arnold for president or Condi? Hmm...I just cannot make up my mind on this one. Maybe I should become religious and it might help me more for whom to choose. Naw! Religion cannot enter in to it...well, it does for the right and look what they have managed so far. They passed off a chimp for president...so why not these knuckleheads!

Posted by sumo at 1:39 PM | Permalink | Comments Return to Top