Surrendering to the Unknown

After the experience in Boone, we came home and had a few experiences that were what you wouldn't call just coincidental. We went on a walk and a lady who came out of her house spoke to us and out of the blue just told us she had just gotten back from Russia and adopted a child. The next day my sister and I were in a fabric store and overheard two women talking about adoption, and then within the same week, we had some more enounters with people who had adopted. I thought it was strange, but decided to journal it and move on, knowing that if God wanted us to adopt he would continue to reveal it through more than just random circumstances.

After we had Thomas, I couldn't get adoption out of my head and wondered, what will make us ever do this? It just seemed too strange to just decide to adopt. Four years later, Andy and I had decided we were getting closer to wanting a third child, but again didn't think we were quite ready to adopt. I had always thought something strange would happen like I wouldn't be able to have children any more or that I would have a miscarriage and maybe that would lead me to adopt. I got pregnant with baby #3 and immediately wondered if the whole adoption idea was over since 3 children seemed like a lot to me, and I always knew that if you adopt one, you probably would want another and boy, that was going to be a little much. Lo and behold 4 days later, I had a miscarriage. Humm...

After mourning the loss of a child, we decided, let's wait, pray, and just see what the next step is...

For two or three months, it became clear. I just thought, this is it... I know we are supposed to adopt. It is one thing to know it or shall I say feel it in your head, but it is another to just decide something like this. From January to March, I have never in my life heard God's voice like that in my life. It was clear and direct through Scripture, events, prayer, and more. Of course I didn't hear it audibly, but it was like a conversation when I read the Bible and through various books I was reading. My heart was bursting at the end of this time... I would cry at any adoption story, ask 100 questions of whoever had adopted, and thoughts of getting pregnant were pretty much gone.