Happy Halloween friends.

I didn't dress up this year or go to any parties because I was still recovering from my injuries from the weekend before. So the picture above is my "costume" today at work.

And if you are unlike Kate and actually enjoy Halloween then maybe you'll enjoy seeing my costumes from Halloween's past here and here.

I haven't watched it yet because that matchmaker's name is Siggy and I don't trust anyone named Siggy. (Sorry if your name is Siggy).

But I am a big fan of this show...

I even applied online to be on the show. Judge away. Hopefully, the reason they didn't choose me is because I'm not psycho enough. Yeah...let's go with that.

Okay...now on to the real reason of this post. This little post is gonna make you married people go home and kiss your spouses and thank heavens that you still don't have to put up with dumb boys. And for you single girls, it'll make you enjoy your own dating life.

Let's start from the beginning.

This time last year, I "dated" a short dude. Legit...shorter and skinnier than me. I put "dated" in quotes because the extent of our so-called relationship was spent on his couch watching movies.

There was never a wine and dine, unless you count the time I went to the bar where he worked and he poured me wine that I paid for.

I remember when I would get ready to go over to his apartment I would have to be conscious of the shoes I chose. With flats, he was the same height as me. I might have even had an inch on him even then.

We stopped hanging out...he got a girlfriend...but then around April...we started talking again. We had agreed to go out to dinner one night UNTIL that afternoon I get a text from him saying that he was going to "tear up some pizza at Chuck E. Cheese." Um...really? You ARE a 30 year old child trapped in a small 12 year olds body.

He said he was going there with his niece but still. You're gonna skip out on a (in my opinion) hot date for some 2 year old?

Moving on...

Earlier this summer, I met a guy at a bar. You know how that goes? If you don't, I won't tell you. Turns out I knew this guy from my days back in Columbia, SC while I was in college.

It worked out for a while. He text, he called, he e-mailed, he asked me on dates and followed through with them. He had just moved to Greenville so I was pretty much his "tour guide of fun."

One afternoon I was at his house and we were joking around when I asked "have you been to jail before?" He looked at me and replied "yes." I thought he might be joking, but he went on to tell me it was a misunderstanding. That's all I remember of the convo. I didn't ask what it was for because honestly I was too afraid to know.

The internet is a powerful thing. Immediately at work the next day I perused the criminal records online and BAM!...found that while in high school he was arrested for criminal domestic violence.

I can't make this shit up.

We still communicated after that because I tried to rationalize with myself that he had a good job and had this been a huge ordeal he wouldn't have been able to get said job.

Long story short...about 2 months later he had a girlfriend via Facebook (you know it's serious when it's Facebook official) and according to Facebook just this week they are currently living together. Maybe I should message her and let her know to check out homeboy's record online.

To make matters worse...I have the pleasure of running into "the criminal" and his current gal almost every time I'm downtown. Lucky me.

On to the next one...

At my old roommates wedding in early September, I met a guy. A mutual friend introduced us and told me that he thought I was "cute."

He had a facial piercing that I wasn't too fond of and some serious tats on his arms. He was cute so I didn't mind it. And he was young...just the way I like them.

Well, we eventually exchanged numbers and given my past dating scenarios, I decided to do some digging FIRST before we got too deep.

I emailed my roommates mom to find out the skinny on this fella.

She told me..."he's a really sweet guy...but he has an eye disease and is going blind."

I swear! I'm not making this up.

Well, this relationship was strictly textual. He had a hard time with asking me out. He would always mention how he wanted to hang out and I would tell him when I could but I would have to do all the work. It was rough. Someone teach these boys...PLEASE.

That's the end of my story. I hope it makes you feel better about your life. It should.

If you know any TALL, LAW-ABIDING guys with NO degenerative diseases please send them my way. They must also know how to ask a girl out properly and keep those dates. Is that really too much to ask?!

When I saw this link up on The Vintage Apple, I knew I had to do it.

I LOVE this game. Except I prefer to call it "Kill, Bang, Marry." I've been known to play it a time or two. The hardest part is thinking of 3 individuals.

Yes...I went there.

Eff...um...do I have to? Okay, I would bang it out with Michael Lohan. Let's be real...he's the most attractive out of the bunch. Now, this would be only ONE bang because I could see him screaming at me and possibly punching me or throwing something towards my face. I can't handle it. Fingers crossed he's a "one pump chump."

Kill...Steven Adler. His drug use is too much and the facial stroke disaster makes it hard to understand him.

Marry...I hate to say it but out of this bunch I'd marry Dennis Rodman. Not sure if he still has money but just because I marry someone doesn't mean I have to have sex with them on the reg or even talk to him. I'm sure he has a HUGE house somewhere and we can each have our own wing.

Please don't judge me. This is ALL hypothetical. Maybe.

Which one do you think I should rent? They would each be about $50 to rent and that's way less than when I would probably spend if I needed to buy a dress. Every year I go to this event I end up spending atleast $200 on a dress I only wear once.

My right knee is completely swollen. It feels like there is a tiny 3-5 lb weight hanging underneath my knee. My left knee is just bruised and scraped. No pain. Saturday night into Sunday morning I thought I had shattered my knee cap because of the pain. I couldn't walk/hobble without crying. I was convinced it was shattered and I was going to need to have major surgery to repair it. Luckily...just severely swollen.
My right thumb is swollen and black/blue. I thought it was broken, but X-rays have shown it is not. Thank goodness!

When the doctor walked into the urgent care exam room said to me..."Geez. You look worse than my last 10 car wreck victims."

Also, Saturday my friends Kristen and Vivian noticed the huge knot on my forehead. Kristen told me I looked like a caveman it was so big. Thanks friend.

Well, when I woke up Sunday I couldn't really see out of my right eye. Upon looking into the mirror on Sunday this is what was looking back at me.

The doctor says the blood from the knot in my forehead is trailing down my face and that's what is making my eye(s) so gross and red.

Eye make-up seems to help, but they are still puffy.

So this is usually what I look like when I'm at home. Trying to turn my caveman forehead into a normal one.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first alcohol induced injury i've sustained. Remember this? This is obviously the worst. But in all seriousness, someone out there is watching over me because it could have been a WHOLE lot worse. I have to start counting my blessings more often and thanking God that I'm still able to type these words to you on this little blog.

2. My favorite autumn tradition is...I think it's gonna be carving pumpkins. Although, I haven't quite mastered my carving skills just yet.
3. My favorite fall treat is...anything with "pumpkin" or "pumpkin spice" as a primary ingredient.

4. Fall makes me think of...football, holidays, sweaters, leggings, boots...

5. Autumn free form word association, go! ...yellow leaves, cool breeze, mountains, pumpkins, boots.

6. My go-to outfit in the fall is...anything where I wear leggings or tights and boots.

7. My favorite fall holiday is (Halloween or Thanksgiving) ...this is a toughie. I love the long Thanksgiving holiday and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade that morning before we go to my g-ma's for lunch. And then the next day we get all the Christmas decor out! So fun...but I do love my halloween. It's an even tie.

I told myself I wouldn't pay over $15 for a scarf...but I really wanted an infinity scarf this year.

And after my Old Navy trip they were like "here's your receipt and if you go online and do this survey you'll get 10% off your next purchase." So...that's what I did and on my last trip they took 10% off my entire purchase not just one item. Moral of the story...do those surveys. It took like maybe 2 minutes max and all you write down is a code at the end.

Also, today I'm wearing a skirt I found at Target on clearance on Sunday. I'm sure it's a summer skirt, but it looks fallish/winterish to me.

Thanks to my bff Lindsey I'm officially a bargain hunter.

Speaking of...when we were in Nola all we wanted was to find a "Who Dat" shirt...but we didn't bother looking until we got to the airport. And their airport attire was lacking, not to mention the fact that I had to push homegirl around in a wheelchair from shop to shop on our hunt. Just kidding, it was 2 shops.

Well, luckily Old Navy had some NFL shirts and I snagged one...now it doesn't say Who Dat, but it's the next best thing!

I never did a New Orleans recap...but you can find one here. Too bad she left the REAL juicy details out. ;)

Can you guess what it is? I promise it's SUPER easy.

(Cat in the Hat themed...hence the hat)

This year Campbell became a big sister. I can't wait to watch her grow up too!