My Secret Me

it has been a long time since I've felt like this.. the feeling of wanting the earth to sink n swallow me whole.. or just burrying my head in the earth like an ostrich.. pfft.. as if these will help me get over my embarrassment..           

today has been the third day it rained in penang after a two month drought.. refreshing, but there's a kind of unpleasant stickiness in the air.. the weather is still hot but there are blue skies and fluffy white clouds.. perfect if not for the lingering heat..

anyway, I'm only expressing my new found embarrasment.. trying to let it go.. Let it go, let it go~~ the theme song from Disney's Frozen.. is good.. love Do you want to build a snowman~~ too.. <3<3

Date: 17th February 2014
Day: Monday
Weather: Bad

The smell of ash lingers in the air.. it is hot, humid and suffocating.. you know it is not going to be a good day when you were awoken by the smell of insecticide.. fogging, at 8am.. opened my eyes to see the red sun blazing in.. i thought the forest was burning..

it has been a year since i updated this blog.. laziness, and well, there's nothing interesting to write anymore.. no more mood swings of puberty, no more uncertainty of decisions.. just life.. and the fact that i am still stuck in that same square room a year ago, life really has no surprise..

well, i did attend Infinite's concert back in October.. but my fan account of the concert was posted on tumblr.. where there are more Inspirits to share with.. yup.. i saw small eyed Sungkyu.. keke.. and the rest of the gang.. despite feeling there was not much which happened last year, i decided it was a fruitful year..

thinking back to how i was a year ago, i think i have changed for the better.. i  did grow more mature, more ready to face life as an adult.. i have learnt new things.. but i think i urgently need to learn about courage.. my lack of courage.. is something i really wanna change.. got cure??

compared to last year, when it was a beginning, this, now is finally coming to a close.. honestly, it is far from closing.. more of the start of the close?? it's time to wrap things up.. and move on to a new chapter.. really.. it's gonna be hard.. these few months.. but i'll pull through.. i will..

hopefully.. my next post.. i won't be writing it from this same room.. when i write my next post, the weather's gonna be fine.. blue sky, big fluffy white clouds.. i prefer it to be raining unfortunately, most people associate rain with being sad, etc.. i'll be sitting in a much larger room with a cup of coffee listening to Infinite's That Summer through my earphones.. yup..

till the next post then.. annyeong..

Most times, i don't care.. but sometimes, i wonder.. i am looking at you.. are you looking back at me? are you looking when i'm not? will you hear when i call? will we greet each other again? or are we oceans apart?

When memories start to fade, something will make it clear again.. is it fate, or am i just messing with my head?

Infinite's Be Mine is playing.. be mine.. i love you.. i'm the one who worries about you.. i will take care of you till the end.. let's go together.. although it's hard, we shall not give up.. will you promise me this?

I shall wait.. because that is what i do..

More than a week, here in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by unfamiliar people, unfamiliar sights, sounds and scent.. to my own surprise, i'm coping rather well.. it doesn't bother me that i wake up to the glare of the morning sun everyday.. to walk under scorching heat for half an hour, lugging my laptop along.. to bathe under troubled flow of cold water, the unstable internet connection.. or going to bed without my bolster.. comforts of life which i used to take for granted.. well.. i can live without..

Arrived here in UM last Friday, the sixth day of Chinese New Year.. too soon.. never even got the chance to open my red packets.. registration was unexpectedly smooth.. after lunch at Midvalley, family dropped me back at the hostel and with brief awkward goodbyes, we parted.. started cleaning the room and unpacking.. was beat at the end of the day and went to bed with a good night's sleep..

The next few days were dedicated to exploring this new land.. a walk to the faculty.. what should have taken 20 minutes became 45 instead.. painful, painful walk.. went out the PJ gate and explored some there.. Sunday came and explored further away.. to Carrefour at The Sphere.. came back and realised the internet was not as good as it used to be the past two days.. decided had to get a broadband package.. did that the next day with a trip to Midvalley.. took the right bus, but missed the Midvalley stop.. ended up in KL Central where i had to take the Commuter back to Midvalley.. good experience.. certainly didn't regret getting lost..

Tuesday was for exploring Perdanasiswa and the Main Library.. Perdanasiswa to get bus card.. because my legs can't walk anymore.. and the Library for obvious reasons.. appointment with Supervisor on Wednesday.. good lady.. great man.. first impressions.. came back thinking and feeling that the world had collapsed.. a sudden turn of lock and key.. roommate was coming through the door.. nice woman.. first and lasting impression..

Spent Thurs at the Library.. and going through one of the books.. Friday at The Sphere.. for TnG card.. saw roommate back.. woke up to high speed downloads.. aahh.. perfect Saturday morning.. when it started to become bad, went to Faculty Library for even better wifi.. the drawback was walking there.. and back.. had my third hot dog in two days.. amazed by the rate in gobble down my hot dog.. it was good.. lazed around the whole day and writing this at night..

Heh.. there's no one complete sentence in this blog.. this is how lazy i am..

Anyway.. i am fine and well.. questionably satisfied.. sometimes i am amazed how things just fall onto my lap.. yes.. life is unfair..

so many things running through my head right now.. and even though it has been 24 hours since the end of BIGBANG Alive Galaxy Tour 2012 in Malaysia, i'm still talking about it and it is the only thing my brain could think of right now..

so first, we set out for Stadium Merdeka at 1.30pm on the 27th October 2012, which was a very very sunny afternoon.. after the driver took a wrong turn, we ended up at the venue at around 2pm.. by the time we queued up to buy their official merchandise, the sky wasn't that sunny after all.. spent RM315 on 2 light sticks, 1 t-shirt, a set of buttons and a set of key chains.. t-shirt was awesome and so was the crown light stick.. VIP FOREVER!!

after that we should have went and lined up at the Cat7 entrance but because of my stupid bladder, we lined up in front of a toilet cubicle for an hour instead.. after that, i was a little chaotic finding the place we should queue up and all and ended up being in the middle of the crowd when it started raining.. GREAT.. but all was well.. cos when it was raining, BIGBANG started rehearsing.. and yeah.. we could hear them, alright.. keke..

soon, the rain stopped and so did BIGBANG's rehearsal.. then it became b-o-r-i-n-g.. just waiting in line for the gates to open..  i actually regretted going while waiting in line.. "what am i doing here? i must be crazy..".. these thoughts unknowingly just crept into my head.. i thought they would open the gates at 4pm but they only opened it at 6pm.. then the rush to go into the stadium started.. people started cutting lines and some people were angry, but still there was peace.. :) proud to be MALAYSIAN..

went into the stadium and tried to find my cousins to no avail.. there was no line in stadium merdeka and they weren't anywhere to be seen.. but we were satisfied when we saw how close we were to the extended stage.. it was like just 10m away.. COOL~~ we waited, seated on the grass till more people came in and decided it was time we stood at a good place somewhere.. so we did.. me, my brother and his friend..

they started playing BIGBANG's music videos at 7pm, 1 hour prior to the start of the concert.. everyone sang to every song and the atmosphere was getting high.. then, half an hour later, it started to drizzle.. then rain.. then pour.. heavily.. everyone was scrambling to put their raincoats on and for a moment the singing stopped.. for those who didn't have raincoats the organisers were kind enough to hand them out.. for a moment, i was jealous of those people who had the grandstand seats.. but not for long.. hehe...

the stage had to be mopped before BIGBANG went on stage.. so there was like a little delay.. the miraculous thing was.. the moment BIGBANG went onto stage, it totally STOPPED raining.. WOW.. miracle.. then we just partied so hard.. chanting along to every song.. jumping and screaming our hearts out.. it was AWESOME!!

i don't remember what song came after what but i think they opened with Still Alive and Fantastic Baby.. then it was GD&TOP stage, where they sang Knock Out and High High.. another group stage then their solo stages, followed by the last closing stage.. then at last the encore stage..

i LOVE their MONSTER and Haru Haru performace the BEST!! during Monster, the whole stage was filled with green lights and everyone was so awesome.. singing along to the song.. they sang Haru Haru dressed in white and seating on chairs but it was awesome..

the encore stage was after a short break and the band kinda led us to chant encore.. so we did then we all hear GD going "what the hell u waiting for?" ENCORE!! then they sang a song which i don't know.. keke.. then followed by Bad Boy, Fantastic Baby and Hands Up again..

i was like ??? for Seungri's solo stage.. he sang Strong Baby and What Do I Do but i felt like his voice was weird during the concert, like it sounded squeaky at times.. GD's solo was awesome.. Crayon and One Of A Kind with another member beatboxing.. Taeyang sang Only Look At Me and Wedding Dress and slipped a couple of times on stage.. he is like the most playful member of all.. Daesung's WINGS was truly the best.. he nailed it right on, man.. got everyone singing and all.. LOVE DAESUNG..

other than that, they also sang Tonight, Cafe, Love Song, Stupid Liar (where i got to see Daesung swinging his head up close), Blue (blue mission was a success ^.^), Lies, My Heaven and Last Farewell.. and in turn, we sang Happy Birthday to T.O.P... but the song would never end.. it was so ridiculous.. keke.. he said 'Terima Kasih and Kamsahamnida'.. and made a heart with his arms.. he was so cute that night.. but TOP is tanner than what i expected though.. but the darkest was still Daesung.. hehe.. everyone looked just as they were in the pictures it was unbelievable.. and Taeyang took off his shirt at the end of the encore stage.. he already tore half his shirt during one of the earlier performances so i really didn't expect him to take off his shirt at the end..

and yeah.. BIGBANG said Malaysian fans are the BEST.. i'm kinda doubting that though.. won't know till i get some proof.. ^.^

overall, i so LOVED the concert.. even though it was raining, we were crushed by thousands of people, and with all the heat, sweat and rain mixed in together, that all had made the whole concert that extra SPECIAL.. the stage was awesome.. the lights and fireworks were awesome.. the LED screen was awesome (except for a time when 1 side went out).. the sound was awesome.. will go again.. but definitely not in another year or so.. i need to recharge my battered old body..

for now, AWESOME has been the only word i could say for the past day and a few more days ahead i guess.. until the BIGBANG fire dies, i shall relive the concert night in my head over and over again.. so long for now, ANNYEONG!!

P.S. pictures later.. it's 12.18am now on a Monday morning.. BIGBANG has left Malaysia on the 11pm flight back to Korea and i'm left here with a sore body and tired eyes.. i need to sleep.. ZZzzz...