never let it fade away

对不起，我不应该这么做。

最近要跟妈妈换电话，这两天在记录下自己saved的400多封简讯。
嗯啦别笑，这事我21岁了还在做啦...
其实多数存着是给自己勇气，顺便纪录生活点滴。
没有很多甜蜜偷笑的信息了啦！





看着sunshine和我从同学谈功课一直到很熟生日约我吃晚餐然后到说要rain check晚餐的那封，之后都没再有他主动的信息。
是工作忙，没兴趣了，还是为什么，都不是我能知道的答案。










但是我很想念他。
即使日记、部落格、甚至对朋友，都宣布已经把这个chapter合上，但喜欢一个人有错吗？



喜欢。我只是喜欢他而已。
没有爱。
甚至没想过未来。
那我要的是什么？自己也不知道。
只是，希望能和他聊天、约会、分享生活的事情。








对不起，他的短讯本来就不该存着，更不应该一封封开来看。
以为自己在决定放弃时已经把绝大部分删掉了 ，今天才发现原来选择性删除还是没用...










为什么还为感情哭。
对不起要懦弱一下。我很想他。

Didn't realize it was Friday night till I saw my msn list and noticed that only a few ppl are online. No more working! and just got back fr a holiday w the fam. No wonder I don't feel the pressure of going out tonight.




In the end, my last moments at AC were some hurried goodbyes and many ppl wishing me "all the best in my studies".
No photos, minimal handshakes, no promises.
That's my limit though. While saying my goodbyes to Abang Razak (a senior draughtsman- part o d "pantry gang") and then signing the register and walking out the door I actually had a moment of "gosh I just might cry".

As always, sarah attached sentiments to the most impossible things.






 I miss my violin. Could be an impulsive idea but I wnna pick it up again.
As in, pick it up to play. Like what I do w my piano, sitting down when I feel like it.





I miss sunshine. But let's let go of things outta our control.







It's not only Vicky who's emo tonight. We all have our turn.
God in Heaven, we leave things in your hands.

... which couldn't be fr lack o sleep, could it? Had a full 5+ hours o sleep, fr 2am to almost 8 this morn. Nor could it be fr crying, cuz the last time I cried was at Compassion Walk, which, though wasn't long ago, could not logically be the reason for swollen eyes.

Btw, reason for the late night being a baking session starting 9pm (after dinner, shopping for ingredients and rainy night traffic jam). We, the senior Taylor's interns/trainees (the 4 of us) at AC have got together to bake a red velvet for all at the office, as a sign of our appreciation before we leave.



Thinking o opening this blog to the public. Have been blogging here for, *checks blog archive*, 1.5 years now, and though the posts were mostly private, it's by no means a big secret.
But beware impulsive actions, sarah.




Leaving AC after today w no plans o coming back except to collect my paycheck, next time I work I'd wish to try another company.
Have been here since Dec (3+ mths), and am alil reluctant to part w the office and the colleagues here. We're far fr being bussom buddies, but somehow they've become something like coursemates, whom you don't "talk" w much but are just part o your life.

Won't go as far as crying when I leave, gosh I was even stoic enough during the last night of LnL, but it is sad knowing I won't be walking into office again starting tmr. There are the lunch buddies, who are for unknown reasons all guys and therefore the drinking buddies as well; pantry area gang, with whom I sat with during my first 3 weeks, and whom I owe much gratitute for being so nice to me; other end of office gang, with whom I sat with for the next 6 weeks, who don't talk much but whom I will still miss.

What does one say at the end of a short internship? Farewell, I'll see you around? Take everyone's pics and namecards and promise to keep in touch?
.... not if yall don't keep in touch even while working.
I don't have the numbers of the ppl whom I'm close to, and the ones whose numbers I have, I'm not close to. Happy state of things =.=

It's been a great experience to be actually working in an office. I know I've been complaining bout it since I started, but I'll definitely be interning again for my next sem break. Muchhh better than potato-ing at home.




I hate it when ppl say I look like a secretary. I dislike being called an innocent good girl.

Even though I love playing secretary and I am, in fact, not saintly but belong safely on the "uncorrupted" side (if the opposite being "partying, drinking, no curfews").


And then there's the sentimental business I'm trying very hard to quit. It's sweet and everything, but it's not the world wants, and for once I'm willing to change to fit in.




*random post today, writing while cad-ing + listening to "We are the world". Doesn't help concentration much.

... for once we didn't have our usual bout of depression as there's a farewell dinner for Matthew, a 6-mth intern at our office, who's leaving after today to cont his studies.
However we had to stay back to complete some work and by the time we got there the colleagues have already almost finished their (buffet) dinner, which goes to show how late we were..




I'm tired and a lil fed up w this grown-up, working life. I miss school.