I had my first Dr's apt. today with my OB here in Ohio. My two friends came with me, along with my mom, dad, and Shawn's mom. Don't worry, they kept their eye's closed until they were above my waist.

The fist thing they did was an ultra sound. There was for sure a baby in there, but it was measuring smaller than what I thought. My last period was July 12th, so I figured I was 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant, but the Dr. said the baby was measuring one week behind at 5 weeks 6 days. So tomorrow I will be 6 weeks instead of 7. The Dr. said there was a nice looking yolk sac, and a good fetal pole, but they couldn't see a heartbeat. Scared the shit right out of me. The baby looked like a fuzzy little dot, but it was the best dot I have ever seen!

I already knew this but the Dr. said that with being only 6 weeks tomorrow, you usually can't see it until around 6 1/2 weeks and you can't hear the heartbeat until 8-12 weeks. I knew this but it still didn't make me feel any better. I wanted and needed to see the heartbeat today. I need and want this baby so much, especially after losing Shawn. Deep down I know our baby will be ok, and I know Shawn is watching over the baby and helping it to grow like it needs to but in the mean time, I'm scared out of my mind.

I go for another Dr. apt and ultrasound next Thursday with my new Dr. back in Michigan. So until then I'm trying to stay positive, but it is so hard. My boobs are really starting to hurt, and I think I may be in the beginning of morning sickness. Smells are horrible for me and make me dry heave all the time. Nice huh!? So at least that is making me feel a little better.

I also had about 9 viles of blood drawn so maybe I will get some good results out of those. I should get most of the results back before we leave on Tuesday or Wednesday. The Dr. also said my uterus was measuring right on target, so I think that is good as well. I'm just worried because I know the day I ovulated and I'm almost 99.99% sure that is the day I also got pregnant. The Dr. did say something about the possibility of late implantation. But if that was the case would I have gotten a + hpt at 14 dpo?

So until next week, I'm going to try and stay as positive as I can. I can't believe that someone would make me lose my husband and baby within a few weeks of each other, and like I said I know Shawn is going to be helping our baby in any way that he can.

Oh, for any of you that watch or care about college football. Shawn's team is playing Ohio State tomorrow. The game is on at 12:00. The first offensive play is the play that Shawn was working on when he died. His initials "SC" will also be placed on every helmet for YSU. And they are also doing a tribute to him sometime during the game, either before, the middle or after. I will be watching and probably crying.

Ok, I feel like this is a very long post, and it has been a long day with the Dr. apt. and starting to pack up our house. So I think I'm going to go sit in my closet and cry in one of Shawn's shirts for a few minutes. Haven't done that in a few days. Now I feel stressed out and I'm really really starting to miss him. In the 12 years we have been together, we have never been apart for longer than one night.

Please pray that everything is ok for our baby.

I will update again soon.

Thank you for everything, you have ALL been GREAT to me!!!!

I have a few minutes to myself and I just want to say a HUGE thank you to each and every one of you who have posted words of support,prayers, and encouragement to myself, our baby, and both our families. If I could personally thank each and every one of you I would. I would also give you each a huge hug.

I know we all don't "know" each other personally but I really feel like you all have become my friends thru all the blogs and thru the WebMd message boards. All the words have been a great comfort to me over the last few days.

Shawn made fun of me when I first started my blog, saying that we are boring people and nobody would ever read my blog. I also agreed with him. Whenever more than a few people would post to me I would tell him, "hey, I got 5 posts today!" all excited like a little kid. He would just laugh at me and say "silly girl" I'm sure he is getting a kick out of all the posts I've had from each of you caring people over the last several days. Actually he is probably laughing his ass off right now. I can hear him.

Yesterday and today I've been "ok", I haven't really broke down all that much. A few tears this morning from the "Just a Dream" song by Carrie Underwood, really hit home today. But so far that has been it. I even took a shower, got my hair done and took a quick trip to the mall. I only lasted a few hours, but at least I got out of the house.

Tomorrow is the two viewings at the funeral home and Monday is the funeral. So I'm sure those days are going to suck ass big time. But I think I will get thru it with my family, friends, and the coaching staff that are all going to be there. The coaching staff has been an amazing rock for me the last few days.

Shawn LOVED LOVED the University of Michigan football team. So I decided to have him wear his favorite jeans and his U of M football jersey. I also found the exact same jersey in an infant size so that will be placed in there with him, so he has his baby with him always. I also decided that for the funeral on Monday nobody will dress up. Shawn HATED getting dressed up and HATED even more wearing a suit. So we will all be wearing UofM football T-shirts instead. Right when we found out I was pregnant Shawn found a maternity t-shirt that had the block M and said "Future Wolverine" on it, so that is the shirt I will be wearing. I'm obviously not showing, but figured it would be fine. All the flowers for the casket will also be blue and yellow. I really figured the best way to celebrate his life was do celebrate the things he loved, and that's what we are going to do. Shawn also taught me to stand up for myself and that I'm a stronger person than I gave myself credit for. I guess over the next few days, weeks, and months we will see how right he was. I'm really trying hard for him!

Ok, now I'm almost in tears again, so I should probably get going. But I just wanted to say thank you again for all of your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. I've really needed them and they have all helped.

I will update more in a few days.
THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

Jenny

she just emailed me and said that the corenor called her and said that he had a blood clot in is coronary artery, that caused him to have a massive heart attack. they said that there was nothing anyone could have done to save him. They worked on him for over and hour before they stopped.

Hi girls i am writing this for Jenny,she wanted me to let you know that her husband passed away unexpectedly yesterday.:(They are not sure what happened but he collapsed at work and could not get him back.she said that she is going to continue her blog but it will be a little while before she continues.

I made my first OB appointment today. It will be Monday August 25 at 8:00. First appointment of the day, so hopefully I won't have to wait around all day.

I'm excited about going! The nurse told me I will have a blood test, urine test, pap smear, and then an ultrasound. At the time of the appointment I will be 6 weeks and 2 days. She said we will be able to see the heartbeat and hopefully even get to hear it. She said that sometimes it is very faint at 6 weeks. I really hope we do get to hear it though, I can't wait.

Anyways off to bed, I'm really tired and want to watch some of the Olympics in bed. I will update the story of how I told my husband and how we told our parents within the next few days.

Talk more soon!

After 12 cycles of TTC we finally got our BFP last night at 14 DPO. I'm so EXCITED I can hardly stand myself. Here is how it all went down....

For the last week my husband has been telling me he thought I was pregnant. I told him he had to stop telling me that because I didn't want to get my hopes up. Also 2 great girls on the WebMd 12 month board (shout out to Nicole, and Jayme!!) told me that they thought the same thing. Jayme and Nicole wanted me to test early, my husband wanted me to wait until I had missed AF. I wanted to wait to test until at least 14 DPO, which was yesterday.

Anyways I woke up yesterday morning and was kinda dizzy feeling, but I didn't think much of it. Just thought maybe I was hungry. Well when I was at work I had two different people come up to me and tell me I looked "happy", one even said my face looked tan and happy. I thought they were just being nice, because I really felt "off" Then I was outside playing with the kids and one of them came up behind me, jumped on my back and hit the side of my boob. Hello pain!! So I kind of wondered.

I also had no spotting. Totally not like me, I've spotted every cycle since going off the pill. Well starting on Wed, I did have some light pink on and off, but nothing I would consider to be spotting. That happened once or twice both Thursday and yesterday.

So when I got home last night I sucked it up and took a test. Then I decided I wasn't going to, that I would wait another day. Then I decided to stop being such a freakin chicken and just test. I went into the bathroom looked under the cabinet and tried to decide what test to use. I had 4 from the dollar store and 3 of the Walmart brand. I figured I'd go with the one from the dollar store.

I peed in the cup, dropped the pee into the well at 6:15 pm and waited. It didn't change right away so I figured it was a BFN. I washed my hands and put the cup away, looked again still nothing. At 6:17 I went to change my clothes but before I left the bathroom I looked and thought I saw a line, but also thought my eyes were tricking me. You want it so bad, you think you are seeing things. So I went and changed my clothes, by 6:18 I was back in the bathroom and low and behold there were two pink lines. My face turned bright red, and I couldn't decide if I wanted to puke or cry. Instead I screamed in my bathroom, all alone at my house.

I then had to wait and tell my husband when he got home from work. Story on how I told him to come in the next few posts.

I got up this morning and took 2 more tests, one dollar store, and then the Walmart one. Both were positive in a few seconds!!! So now I have 3 positive pregnancy tests sitting on my bathroom counter.

Holy Cow I can't believe this, I'm finally pregnant!!!!

I will post more soon!

I did a favour for a fellow co-worker a few months ago, and get this...I'm the one getting yelled at and getting kicked in the ass for doing her a favour.

Here is the storey:

At the last childcare center I worked at I was Assistant Director so it was my job to complete observations for employees were were working on their Child Development Associate Degrees. Now keep in mind this person cancelled her appointment with me 2 different times. Anyways I finally ended up observing her in the infant classroom. Keep in mind the ages of the children were 6 weeks to 18 months. I completed her observation in April before I left the center.

Yesterday she called be screaming at me. At first because I didn't answer her call right away.(well excuse me) I was at work with about 14 kids of my own, not exactly the best time to be on the phone. Then I came home and ate dinner and was going to call her back.

Anyways she called me back around 8:00 and demanded that I fix a problem that was supposedly my fault. Apparently the age group for the observation was not filled out. I distinctly remember doing this. She said it was no my fault that she couldn't open her center because I didn't fill the paper out correctly. She then demanded that I call and fix this problem for her. Who the hell am I supposed to call. Keep in mind I have my own job and my own classroom to take care of.

Then this really pissed me off. She had the nerve to tell me that because of her sick son I should just be willing to fix this problem for her and that if I didn't it would be all my fault why her center couldn't open.

Bottom line: I did and completed the form the correct way. She waited to the last minute to turn in all the required paperwork to open her own center and is now pissed at me, because she told me to observe her in the wrong freaking room. Again not my problem. I also told her that if she got me the correct form I would re-fill out what ever needed to be done. But she refused and wanted to me to fix her problem.

The nerve of some people. I did her a favour and now she is blaming me because she didn't' follow the dam directions the right way. I swear people need to start taking responsibility for their own mistakes in life, and then they need to learn from them instead of blaming other people.

Well, here is the finished product of my blog facelift!!

Tell me what you think of it. Do you like it? How about the colors, fonts, and background?

The facelift was actually really easy to do. I went to this one site(the link is now at the top of my blog) found the background that I liked (there were hundreds of them) and then just followed the directions for downloading the background onto my blog. The only thing I would like to add is a personalized signature on the bottom of each post. However, that is seeming to be more difficult than all the little "directions" I've read on how to do that. If anyone has put a signature on your blog, please leave me a comment. Maybe then I will be able to figure it out.

Anyways tell me what you think about my new look. I personally think it looks much better than the cutesy bright pink and teal I had before.

Talk to you soon

OK

Sorry for the crazy colors going on here. I'm trying to give my blog a "facelift". I'm really bad at all this technical/computer stuff. I'm actually quite suprised that I could figer out how to start my own blog in the first place.

Now I'm trying to make it look even better. So please bare with me, until I can get this all figured out.

Thanks