"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Psalms 139:12-16
"God has surely listened and has heard my prayer."
Psalm 66:20
"Mommy, now that Emma's a big girl, when is our next baby going to come?" I'll never forget when Isaac asked me this right after Emma began walking. Even as a three year old, he knew that Dave and I were praying about our next child. Isaac also prayed many nights, "And please send another baby to our family!"
For quite awhile, we have considered IVF, but we had several questions that were holding us back from ever being too serious about starting a cycle. Back in the fall of 2011, we read IVF and Christians: Wise Choices and Life-Affirming Options. Through a lot of prayer and discussion together, David and I both had peace that we could wholeheartedly pursue an IVF cycle with specific parameters. In January of 2012, we had an IVF consultation with a fertility doctor in Fort Worth whom we had worked with prior to Isaac’s adoption. The consultation was great—the doctor gave us a high success rate if we were to pursue a cycle, and we also felt comfortable that this doctor would respect our decisions in regard to the ethics of IVF. We left the appointment very excited and hopeful! But, this wasn’t God’s time. After more prayer, God gave us a sense of uneasiness at pursuing a cycle. And, we know that God’s timing is always perfect, because Emma Victoria was in our arms just five weeks later.
Once Emma turned two this past February, we began praying even more expectantly. It's been our hope and prayer that God would give us many more children, but we weren't sure how they would arrive--through adoption, fostering, or pregnancy. At a prayer night at our church in February, one of our staff members and his wife prayed over David and me specifically that I would become pregnant. I'll never forget talking with David late one March night...we both sensed God had given us a new peace to move ahead with an IVF cycle. I soon had an appointment with a new fertility specialist. After discussing my history, he did a sonogram. My right ovary was encapsulated with a 7cm mass of endometriosis. My left ovary looked somewhat better, but even it was more than 50% covered with a similar mass, so I had surgery the following month.
We had to take two months off after my surgery before we could begin an IVF cycle. We spent those two months praying without ceasing that God would direct our every step in IVF. And, I started praying that God would send us a baby through adoption before our IVF cycle began if He wanted us to adopt and not pursue a cycle at this time. In May, we got a call about a birthmother in Missouri who was looking to place her baby. After a few weeks we found out that she decided to place her child with a family from her local church. We continued doing a lot of research, and I had three IVF consultations with different fertility doctors. God made it very clear that Dr. Le at IVF~MD was the perfect match for us, and I began my initial appointments.
On the day that we paid for our IVF cycle, we received another call about a birthmother in Oklahoma who was due in the next two weeks and was looking to place her son for adoption. I about fell over! I called Dave and said, “I hope you’re sitting down, because…” We pursued this possibility as far as we could, but within two days, we found out that this birthmother chose to place her son with a family in Oklahoma.There's no doubt about it--we would have been absolutely thrilled to welcome either of these children into our family and forgo our IVF cycle. But, each time that we found out that the birthmother chose another family, it increased our confidence that we were on the exact path God wanted us at this time.
I started all my fertility shots on July 1, and the doctor retrieved 7 eggs on July 10. On Monday, July 14, Dr. Le transferred two precious embryos into my uterus. Dr. Le told us a story about a lady who only had one embryo survive by transfer day. It was only four cells and was highly unlikely to implant. Dr. Le gave her only a 5% chance that she would become pregnant. Nine months later, she delivered a healthy baby boy. Dr. Le ended his story by saying, “I can do all I can to help you get pregnant, but in the end it’s all up to God.” After the embryos were transferred, Dave prayed over me--and then picked up cream cheese wontons from PeiWei which I ate while waiting to be released. I spent most of the next week taking it very easy, since Isaac and Emma were in Colorado with Papa and Nana.
God gave both Dave and I great faith during this time of waiting, which is a direct result of all the prayer we received. We prayed expectantly that I would become pregnant through this procedure. We received a call the day after our embryos were transferred that our third (and only other) embryo hadn't grown in four days. When I found out that our third embryo had died and we no longer would have an opportunity to use it in the future, I felt that God was asking, "Do you trust Me to do a miracle now?" Our "back-up" plan of doing a frozen embryo cycle was gone--we trusted God completely for a pregnancy from the two embryos already inside me. When we were overwhelmed with IVF statistics or overcome with doubt, we prayed, "Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24).
I'll never forget driving in the car on July 24, just a few hours after my blood draw to see if I was pregnant or not. The nurse called and said, "Congratulations, Bethany! You're pregnant!" I raced to the store and bought a "big sister" shirt for Emma. As soon as David came home from work, we told Isaac that God had answered our prayers--there was a baby growing in Mommy! He danced and jumped around the living room and shouted, "That's fantastic! That's fantastic!"
A few weeks later, I had a sonogram that revealed that there was one healthy baby growing. And, on August 18, Dave and I heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time. What joy!
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hearing Baby Rinn #3's heartbeat together~August 18
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By this time, I was feeling very pregnant. I spent most of my time on the couch from being so nauseous. I remember telling one of my friends, "It's not that I didn't believe you when said you had morning sickness....I just had no idea it could encompass your entire life!" Many times, as Dave brought me crackers or toast early in the morning, he'd say, "Isn't this great?! We're having a baby!" And, for as sick as I felt (and still do), this little life is worth every moment of sickness. We miscarried our first baby very early in pregnancy in 2007, and I have found my sickness to be God's sweet way of reassuring me that this little life is growing and growing.
One evening in the middle of September, I started bleeding very heavily. I talked to the doctor on call, who gave me specific guidelines to follow for the rest of the night. We went to my OB/GYN right away the next morning for a sonogram, which showed that our baby had a beautiful heartbeat! I was put on bedrest right away. I had another episode of bleeding just four days later which landed me in the emergency room in the middle of the night. Again, the ER doctor did a sonogram and found our baby to be moving all around and perfectly healthy! My doctor has identified these bleeds as placental margin bleeds, meaning that the bleeding came from the margin (side) of my placenta. This is either from the placenta growing into my uterine wall and tapping a blood vessel, of it's from the margin of my placenta being compromised. A compromised placenta is very dangerous, and since there's no way to know which caused my bleeding, I remain on bedrest indefinitely. The bleeding has caused a large pocket of blood to form in my uterus. I've already had six sonogram to check this bleed, including one where the sonographer almost slipped our baby's gender! (We are so excited about waiting to find out at delivery!) On Monday, my bleed had reduced in size by 1cm, which means that it is healing.
I definitely didn't envision being on bedrest for any portion of my pregnancy, but God has given our family peace & a lot of exta help as we've adjusted. We know that it's best for both baby and me that I am on bedrest, so there's no doubt that this is where I'm staying. A few days ago as I was laying on the couch and feeling frustrated that there wasn't more I could do to help my family, the Holy Spirit reminded me that I am the only one who can lay and take care of our baby. This verse immediately came to my mind, "The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still." (Exodus 14:14) So, I am being still and believing that God is protecting our baby. We would so love if you would pray with us that our baby would continue to grow perfectly and would not be affected by the pocket of blood. We are also praying that this area of blood will heal. Your prayers are the best gift you could ever give to our family.
All four of our babies—Baby Rinn whom we lost in 2007, Isaac David, Emma Victoria, and now the baby that I carry—are our babies. The baby in my womb is no more “ours” than our precious children that God has entrusted to us through adoption. God is the giver of all good gifts, and we know that each of our children is a miracle.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, Who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
We praise God for this little life and can't wait to share more of journey with you all.
XO, the Rinns
