Erin with an E

So this week has been fun.

I was sick last week. I had a really bad sore throat and body aches Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I completely lost my voice and it was good and gone until this Tuesday. That's the first time I can remember really losing my voice. It wasn't as cool as I thought it would be.

Because I was sick I didn't feel like I was pushing myself as hard as I could in my workouts. I had a session last Thursday with Matt which I probably should have skipped. We focused mostly on legs. I squatted (?) my heaviest weight to date, 240lbs! BODY WEIGHT! Except I only did it twice and then the third time I couldn't stand back up. I locked the bar and got up. I complained just a bit that it was super heavy. Matt said something about how it looked like I had just given up. He took 50 off and then my competitive side kicked in. I can't give up! I added back 20 and did a full set. Then I added another 10 and did another full set. You just have to give me a minute there bud! And I was sick! Maybe next time it will go better.

I did some great grocery shopping this weekend. I love Winco and their produce and bulk foods. My only problem is not eating everything before it goes bad. I tend to over buy..


Anyway. I came home and packaged my snack bags for the coming week or two. It's turned out really well when I remember to bring things with me. I was pretty proud of myself on Wednesday. We had a pizza party at work. I limited myself to one piece (so good) and brought some veggies to eat along with it. People were asking where we got the veggies. Too bad, I only brought enough for me :) Then I had a birthday party that night. I was still able to have a small piece of cake and ice cream and still stay under my calories for the day. It's all about planning, people! Who knew! Granted, I was about double the fat grams, but everything else was good. I told so many people, already submitted my daily intake and then the cravings came. I just said no and drank water! Thursday I didn't plan as well and had to eat out for breakfast and lunch, but I was still able to stay under my calories. Two days in a row! I think today will be a good day too. I get down on myself on the days when I don't eat well. I have the whole exercise thing down. It's been made clear time and time again that my diet is the thing that standing in my complete and total success. I know every day can't be a perfect day, but the more better days add to better weeks which add to better months and rockstar weigh ins!

One final note for this post...
You know, growing up, when your mom was trying to teach you manners about not drinking out of the carton? Sometimes if you don't listen to her you end up drinking out of the wrong carton. This was not a fun experience. Luckily, I realized it was not orange juice before I swallowed. SO GROSS!!

This week was weigh in. It didn't go as well as I had thought. I walked into the gym not feeling skinny at all. I know. I hate that. Anyways, I was down another 5 pounds for the month of November. I guess that's good with the holidays and slowing down as I get closer to my goal weight. I'm not a fan of making excuses, but you gotta do what makes it easier for you to sleep at night. I'm doing the same work outs as before. It really comes down to my diet, which I'm trying to work on on a regular basis. I have some ideas, now to put those into action.  I did go down in inches throughout and I'm starting to "even out". My left side has always been bigger than my right side (because I'm left handed). I think there's only a 1/2" difference now on most measurements. And really. I can't complain. The fact that I'm still consistantly losing weight and inches is a blessing.

I didn't go to BodyPump on Wednesday because I stayed home sick all day. I was threatened by a few people if I did show up. I laid in bed thinking that my muscles were already in atrophy and I threw a little fit. Sometimes we get a little crazy here. I probably shouldn't have gone yesterday, but... I did. If and when I get the skin removal surgery I may die just a bit when I'm not allowed to do any exercise at all for 2-4 weeks.

One of the newer trainers was asked if he worked with me. He responded with, "Who's Erin". Matt said he just shook his head and thought to himself, "You can't work here and not know who Erin is." That was nice to hear. I'm going to work on updating my training success story for the board. I told them I'm going to wait until I'm at 150# lost (which could be some time in January.. or June depending on how Christmas goes).

Oh and I'm letting go of my past life this weekend. Stay tuned. Now that I've posted it on here, I may actually follow through.

Thank you to everyone for your continued support, love, and encouragement.

I got up this morning and ran 2 miles. That felt good. Sunday is my day off so I'm always chomping at the bit to get back in the gym and going again. There wasn't any room at the stretching area afterwards so I went into the room with the scale.. and I caved.. I know. I told myself I wasn't going to weigh in until measurements day. Oh well. It was a good number and I was totally pleased with it. Now not to over anaylze it and hold out until the real weigh in day.

This is my plan for this week
Today - AM Run (2 miles)
              PM - Lift (legs)
Tuesday - BootCamp
Wednesday - AM Run (2 miles)
                      PM BodyPump
Thursday - Training session
Friday - AM Run (2 miles)
              PM Full Body Circuit
Saturday - BootCamp

Besides that, I have two goals for this week: Document what I eat 5/7 days and fold and put away my laundry!!

So I've been moping around the last few weeks because I haven't been seeing the results that I'm used to seeing. I can definitely put blame on my eating habits for this, but then again, I don't want to take responsibility. Isn't that always the case? I was thinking about this yesterday. I lost 100 pounds in the first 7 months and probably 35-40 in the next 7 months. I haven't weighed myself in 2 weeks and will not be weighing myself for another 10 days, just for spite.

I am constantly reminded by myself and by others that the closer I get to my goal weight, the harder it will be to lose the weight. I mentally know this, but it hasn't been until the last couple days that this has really come into ACTUAL play. My body composition has also drastically changed the last 14 months. I sometimes think that I could be working out harder, and sometimes I probably could, but to make the most difference in my weight loss journey I definitely still need to gain control over my eating habits. It has been a challenge for me my entire life. And yes, I've been able to get my workouts pretty solid, but that was actually something new that I was adding to my life. I have been eating poorly forever. Granted, my eating now is definitely not what it has been in the past. No whole pizzas and pints of Haagen Daaz on the weekends for me. It's a daily battle though. I keep thinking that one day it's going click, one day I'm going to wake up and be able to say no to the peanut m&m's at work :)

Today I was at church at something really hit me (thus the running home and FINALLY updating my blog). Elder Dieter F Uchtdorf of the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints said in our past general conference, "Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time!"

This is my goal for today. I am not going to get down on myself for not consistently losing 15 pounds every month. I'm not going to think that I haven't progressed as much the last 7 months as I did the first 7 months. This has been a very hard journey for me, but it has also brought me some of the most joy I have felt in my life. I am going to take each day and try my hardest. If I don't do as well, I'm not going to let that deter me from trying hard again the next day, or telling myself that I have to work extra hard for not meeting my goal the previous day. Seriously. It's just going to be one day at a time. One day. And then each of those good days are going to add up to good weeks and good months. This is my goal and my hope. 

I have about 45 more pounds until I get to the weight where a surgeon will consider doing skin removal surgery. It's a major surgery, because I have so much extra skin. My insurance will not touch it. It's about the price of a new car :) We're trying to get my "story" out there in hopes of inspiring others to make health changes, and then maybe get it in a magazine or a show that might help finance the final (and necessary) pieces of my transformation. If you have any pointers or ideas, please let me know. 

I should probably work on getting a new picture up too :)

Final side note - Had brunch with friends up Emigration Canyon at Ruth's Diner on Saturday. It was amazing!! There will be a wait, but it's well worth it.

So I think I'm caught up. I went through the month of September thinking, "I need to blog about this, I need to blog about that". Here I am. I hope I remember everything that I thought about. September was a very hard month for me, weight loss wise. I don't want to make excuses because if I really would have put the required work into my diet then I don't think I would have had the results I did (I gained 2 lbs in September). I had my 1yr Anniversary party, my birthday weekend, KC's birthday, and 3 weeks of program at work. I think I gave up mentally for the month of September. Sometimes when you work on something for so long you need a break. Mine just happened to be a little longer than normal.

My workouts weren't the best they could have been. If I didn't want to do strength training, I would just run. But then running so much flared up my plantar fasciitis, so that was also out of the question. When you love doing something (running) and then an injury prevents you from doing that, it makes working out that much harder. I had to sit out or do regressions during boot camp. Sometimes just walking was painful. But I think it's almost gone. In fact, I just got back from running 3 miles and it didn't bother me one bit.

I told Matt that I didn't want to do measurements for October. I knew they were going to bad. I knew I hadn't pushed myself as hard as I had in the past and I didn't want the disappointment. If we're going to do measurements then I'm not supposed to warm up beforehand. If you're warmed up, then you've probably already broken a sweat and the blood is flowing into the muscles, making the measurements not as accurate. I knew this. So the first session of October I gladly hopped on the treadmill when I got to the gym. I don't think Matt was too happy. We did a great leg workout (seriously, I was sore for 5 days afterwards). On the Smiths machine, he kept adding 25lb plates after each set. I told him, ever so nicely, that I hated him. He ever so kindly replied with, "Why? Because I push you to your potential?" Which is 110%. I need to be better at pushing myself, adding more weight on my own workouts. It is so great to have someone there who really does push me, gets me out of my comfort zone, and keeps me accountable.

After the workout he made me at least weigh (that's why I know I was up 2 lbs). And this was after the workout, who knows what it would have been if I had weighed before I lost all the water weight. Again, I knew inside everything that I had done the month previously that had caused the weight gain. It was now up to me to realize what I had done and make the necessary changes. I don't every want this to happen again. I may have started to cry a little bit. I felt like a complete loser, like everything that I had worked for had been for naught. But now thinking about that, it has given me the strength and empowerment to push on and to reach my final goals.

I really wish for any of you reading this that are discouraged with your weight loss goals, fitness goals, or any other life changing goals that I could take away the disappointment and hard times. I want you to know that it's worth it. It's worth the hard work, it's worth the bad weigh ins, it's worth skipping out on the bags of Halloween candy (I know, I can't believe I just said that). We can do it. I still have a lot of work to do. I still have my eating to get under control, it's something that I have to work on every day. But I have received so much support and strength from SO MANY PEOPLE that there is no way I can give up. I've come way too far. I went to my doctor the other day. She said my goal weight should be 210, with my height and build. You guys, that's only 40 pounds away. ONLY 40 POUNDS! I just hit 249. I never, in a million years, thought I would be to this weight. The goal is within sight. It's attainable. I just need to get out of my own head and stop being my worst critic. Enough.

And now to finish October strong and proud!

Master bedroom. The bed was a little more firm than I like. I loved the deck outside.

Private Hot Tub! So nice!!! It definitely was only a two person tub.

Lovely living room

Perfect Fall View



KC is my gym bff. We both have trainers so we know the pain and suffering that each are put through on a regular basis. We also go to BodyPump and BootCamp together. It is so great having someone who gets what you're going through and is so supportive. Although we're working towards opposite goals (for the time being) we're able to push each other and offer support when needed. Best Gym Buddy EVER!




It is a horrible picture, but here are the few remaining people from the party. I really had a great time sitting around and talking with everyone, catching up, and feeling so supportive from all the love and encouragement. I couldn't have asked for better friends.

#2 reason why I'm not a professional blogger.. I can not be consistant to save my life. I kept thinking this past month I need to blog about this, or I need to blog about that. I was going to do individual posts about everything, but if you feel up for the challenge I have decided to just do one big, exhaustive post. Are you comfortable? Got your snacks? Maybe you should go ahead and silent your phone. Ready, set...

It all goes back to a little over a month ago.. September 6th to be exact. This was my 1 year celebration at the gym. I had a training session with Matt - and for some strange reason I was super stressed about it. I had heard rumors that he had asked multiple people for ideas on what "we" should do. It just seemed that I was going to be walking into a torture chamber. He told me to stop worrying, that it was going to be one of the easiest workouts ever. Lies I tell you, pure lies.

Anyway, as I was driving to the gym I had a small conversation with... myself..

Self 1: Wouldn't it be cool if they had a sign for you when you got to the gym.
Self 2: That's crazy, they wouldn't have a sign.
Self 1: You're right, but that would be cool.

So I parked and walked and what would you know, they had a sign for me :) Cassidy and Stacey personalized a congratulations sign. I may have teared up. I was running late so I hurried in and changed.

A sign, flowers, and a card. They love me

We actually had to do measurements that day. Matt had challenged me the month before to guess what my weight would be at this measurement. He said that if I was within a pound I would get a free session. My final guess was 252. If my memory is correct, I believe when I weighed I was 253.3, so SO close. My measurements were all sorts of off, but I wasn't really concerned. Then the workout began. It was actually pretty neat. Matt kept my first workout and we did those weights. It was so weird/cool to see the progress I've made. I don't have the actual weights, but doing leg extensions and leg curls I started at a 2 and now, for the most part, I'm at an 8. On the leg press I started out at a 4, and now I can actually do the whole stack (I think it maxes out at 330lbs). We went on and did chest press, shoulder press, triceps, biceps and lats, all ridiculously light. I'm a machine. Hahahaha. Then we got to the serious business. I actually have blocked out what we did, I'm pretty sure it was arms, but I remember being sore for the next few days. Matt wanted me to weigh again and I was down to 251.8. I made the weight goal (with some extra water loss)!

I truly believe in fate, in the stars alligning, in that perfect timing. When I decided to get my weight under control a year ago, I didn't shop around when it came to what gym I was going to join. I got online, looked up 24 Hour Fitness, got a free trial, called to make an appointment for that night, came in, met with Kate, who then set me up Matt and we starting training that night. It's the best decision I have ever ever made. I've been a member of many a gyms, but this is the only one that I have felt that I belong. I have made so many friends and absolutley LOVE going. I don't feel out of place. I don't feel awkward using the free weights with all the guys, and I just feel like this was meant to be, as cheesy as that sounds.

So maybe I am going to split these all up.. make sure to check back.

Ala Jimmy Fallon, here are some of my "thank yous" for the day

Thank you grass allergies. I used anti-itch cream on my legs this morning, instead of lotion. two birds, one stone.

Thank you red light on 400 south for keeping me humble. No one should ever make all green lights on the way to work.

Thank you heel for reminding me that I really don't want to be a pirate. Limping sucks.

Thank you random late night snacks. I really enjoyed those crazy dreams last night.

Thank you "hot cups" for not really keeping the hot items hot, but for thoroughly burning my hands.

Thank you office A/C (and home A/C while we're at it) for allowing me the opportunity to pretend I lived in the Arctic.

Thank you BootCamp, BodyPump and my own workout, for letting me live the term "dead arm"

What are you thank yous for the day?

I'm sure I've shared this before, but at this time, it's worth mentioning again
http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/my-weight-loss-journey/

I always had a weight problem. I love using past tense. Granted I have a ways to go, but not nearly as far as this time last year. A year ago today, I was miserable. I was morbidly obese. My body could have given out on me at any moment. I was depressed. I lived my life vicariously through others, because I didn't have the energy or strength to do what they were doing. I lied to myself that it wasn't "that bad".  I got more stretching done just by trying to tie my shoes. I got winded walking up the 15 steps to leave my house each morning. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I ate to celebrate good things. I ate to comfort myself during the bad times. I wasn't feeding myself, I was feeding my emotions. I spent 8 hours sitting at a desk at work and then came home and sat in front of the TV/computer for another 6 hours before I would go to bed.

I didn't have a miserable childhood. I was happy, really. I knew I was different, that I had other challenges than most kids. This was made clear to me when I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting when I was 7. I don't blame my mom. She had 3 other kids at the time. She had tried losing weight herself and helping me and didn't know of any other resources. The problem was that no one else in the family had a weight problem. I vividly remember going to a meeting with my mom and then coming home to the family eating ding dongs and ho hos. They told me I couldn't have any because I was on a diet. They probably have no idea how this effected me. It's defintely something that has stuck with me. I was talking to my mom while I was home this last month. She apologized for not doing more to help me lose weight earlier. I can't blame her for the extra eclair that I snuck, or using all my babysitting money on peanut butter cups and m&ms.

I was never able to get control on my weight and it just got progressively out of control the older I got. More weight meant less activities. More weight meant bigger clothes. Bigger clothes meant shopping in the old ladies section. Old ladies section meant Erin was not looking good. Seriously. I went through some high school pictures this last week. My eyes burned.

I made peace with myself. I made peace that I would never be healthy, never be skinny, and that I just needed to make due with what life had given me. How sad. Being overweight was going to be my challenge. It was what I had to deal with. I would rather be overweight then have x problem or x problem.

Then 2007 rolled around. I was at the highest weight I had every been, 350 lbs. (who can ever say they're happy at 350lbs). My grandma found a doctor who specialized in Bariatric surgery, specifically the Lap-Band. I talked it over with my parents, went in for a consultation, and because I was un-insured i.e. no red tape, the surgery was done 2 weeks later. It was the best/worst 6 months of my life. I lost 50lbs like that. I had more energy. I was losing weight, despite what I ate. I started going to the gym. But I hadn't made any mental/emotional progress. I found out soon enough that Ben & Jerry's goes through that smaller stomach super nice. And if I wanted to eat more, all it took was another glass of water. Soon enough I had gained back the 50 lbs and an additional 25, just for kicks.

Last July we went on a family vacation to Florida. I thought that I looked so good in my new swimsuit. I have photographic proof that that was not the case. I was getting to the moment where I knew I was not going to be able to live in my current physical state.. at least not for long. I wanted to be able to do more, I wanted to actually look good in a swimming suit. I wanted to want to have pictures taken of me. I wanted to be able to do anything without questioning whether or not I was going to make it. I never wanted to have to back out from playing sports, hiking, biking, etc because I simply couldn't. That was me a year ago today. To be continued... tomorrow :)

Last week was probably the toughest week I've had to endure since I started my "I'm going to finally get healthy" journey. Let's discuss:

1. I was still trying to get back into the groove from being on vacation. Who knew that taking 9 days off of my schedule (physical and eating) would be so hard!! Granted, I ran a lot while I was there, but nothing compared to what I do when I'm on my own. Also, I was more relaxed (ok, A LOT more relaxed) on what I ate. But it was good to be home. It was more of an emotional journey than I had expected. A lot of the issues that I have with food circle back to my childhood and just growing up in general. My parents are in a different home, but it felt good to be back with all the sisters and realize that whatever happened in my past is in the past. I have so much to look forward to without all the excess weight tying me down.

Once I got back to the gym, everyone made sure I didn't forget that I had been on vacation. In three separate classes I was reminded that I had been on vacation and I couldn't have expected it to be easy when I got back. Thanks guys.. thanks a lot!! It was definitely good to be back though. I missed my gym family.

2. As soon as I got back from vacation we had our education programs start up at work. That means a lot of long hours and a bunch of strangers asking you questions from A-Z. It also means catered breakfast and lunch with amazing sugar cookies from Blue Lemon. They are of the devil. The first week I think I had 6. It was bad. I was able to hold off and not have any the second week, mostly because everyone horked them down so there weren't any leftovers to tempt me. Actually, with the lunches we got on Monday there were cookies in there too. I had the one that came with mine and then there were 2 leftover on the table. We were cleaning up after program and a lady at work left them. I was set on picking them up on my way out.. for later.. I had just picked them up when my friend poked her head in to see where I was. I felt like I had been caught red handed. She knew I was trying not to eat the cookies. I panicked and tossed them in garbage can. It actually felt good after I got over the disappointment of not having cookies.

3. Everything spiraled out of place Tuesday. I felt like I wasn't progressing, I felt like I was losing all of my strength that I had built up with my regular training. My eating was totally out of whack with program in session. I actually thought about quitting everything, the gym, the better eating, everything. I'm celebrating my one year anniversary next week. I was going to cancel the party. It was bad. Wednesday didn't help. I was trying to get to the gym for a class and one of the lights was out. I finally got there, but realized that my gym bag was on my bedroom floor. I actually went home, changed, and went back to the gym. I was 20 minutes late, but got a decent workout and run in before heading home. I think things turned around after that. A HUGE thank you to Emily for talking me out of everything and seeing me through.

4. Thursday I got dressed up for work and everything changed. I felt like a million bucks. And everyone was so kind to me with their comments (because when you look this good you have to share it on Facebook)

This week is going to be a great week! I had Boot Camp Saturday, today and tomorrow, BodyPump on Wednesday, training session on Thursday and PARTY TIME on Friday!!!! Now if we can just get through all the work too :)

Plans to get rid of my scale have been in the works for a few months now, but everything seemed to fall through. I was going to take it on a hike and drop it off an edge, smash it with a sledgehammer, drop it in the dumpster at the gym, chuck it off the Brooklyn Bridge, etc. The final plan was to lay my scale to rest while I was home, but I ran out of time to dig a hole (and I ended up not wanting to actually dig said hole). So I dumped it. In my parents trash can. It didn't come back to Utah with me. I think dumping it at my parents' will be good for me emotionally because my weight issues are 99% tied to my childhood and life growing up (not necessarily with my family, but just growing up in general).

I currently have 4 fully stuffed garbage bags and a nicely sized pile of clothes (as pictured below) of clothes that no longer fit me. It is a shame to see these good clothes go, but I'm excited to "restock". Shopping with my sisters is even more fun, if you can imagine that!



My closet was definitely depleted once I went through and cleared everything out that no longer fit me. Granted I did have some clothes in a basket that needed put away as well, but what a sad sight!


My amazing sister had a friend who moved out of country. She was getting rid of some clothes and my sister snatched them up for me! I didn't have any idea how much she actually had, but we can safely say I will be sufficiently clothed for the next while. My sister brought 2 huge FAO Schwartz bags to my parents' house. Think of the Ikea bags, but I would say they're even a little bigger than that. I had my own mini fashion show with all of my sisters! The clothes ranged from 14-18 so I definitely have some room to shrink ;). It's nice to have options again.

Plus the dresser is pretty full as well.. and I still have a bag that my sister took with her because it wouldn't fit in my luggage! Now, what to do with the clothes that don't fit? They're mostly in really good shape, good quality, etc. I was thinking about selling them on KSL.com.. $50 per garbage bag.. my mom said to try consignment instead, maybe I would get more money. I can also donate them, but I kind of need the funds as well. Any suggestions?

And to add to my nerdiness.. I'm super stoked to finally make it to the Farmer's market tomorrow for even more fresh produce. My goal in life is to be able to go to the market in the morning and make fresh meals at night. That just sounds divine to me!

I have actually had quite a few people ask about my diet. I thought that maybe I should share it here too. Please know that I am not perfect at this AT ALL. But it should give you some idea of what I'm doing and how I find my greatest success.

One of the best tools that I have found for my diet is www.myfitnesspal.com. It helps you keep track of what you are eating and has an amazing database where you can search for food. If you have a smart phone it has an app where you can scan in the bar code of the food and it will automatically add it to your diary. It lets you set up a profile on how much weight you want to lose per week, what your activity level is and the percentage of macronutrients you want in your diet. When I first started tracking what I ate, I was set at 60% carbohydrates, 25% protein, and 15% fat (it lets you customize these to your liking). Now that I have more control on my eating (at least we think so) I changed it to 50% carbs, 35% protein, and 15% GOOD fat. My weight loss goal is 2 lbs a week and I have my activity level set at sedentary, just so it gives me the lower calories. I'm currently at 252 and I have a daily goal of 1460 calories. It's been hard to stay under this, but when I do I see the most results. It also gives you the option to track your exercise, but then it adds the calories burned back into your daily allotment. I don't eat the calories that I burned (I feel like that's contradicting the work I just put in). Also, if you know people on the program you can be friends and view each others diaries.. if you want..

Now for the actual eating.. My eating habits are a lot worse than they could be. I have such a terrible sweet tooth! But when I'm eating what I'm supposed to...

For breakfast I switch between Chobani 0% greek yogurt with 1/2 cup Kashi Go Lean Crunch, OR steel cut oats with almond milk and blueberries, OR an english muffin with 1/2 cup scrambled egg substitute, a wedge of laughing cow light cheese and sprouts.

If' I'm planning for the week I'll make my oats Sunday night and then split them up in containers to take to work with me. I like to sleep so I eat my breakfast when I get to work.
I have a banana ready for a snack somewhere. If I have the steel cut oats for breakfast then I'll bring along a yogurt for an afternoon snack as well

Lunch is usually some form of vegetables and chicken, tuna, or salmon, if I'm really good, otherwise I'm at the mercy of the food court downstairs. I try to aim for a salad, some kind of protein, with fat free or light dressing in that case.

I usually have a protein drink on my way to the gym.

My "popular" dinners are turkey burgers (4oz ground turkey, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1/4 cup bread crumbs), makes 2 patties, served on a bed of spinach, OR protein pancakes, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1/2 cup quick oats, 1/2 cup egg substitute served with fresh fruit and sugar free syrup. Those are my go to meals for sure.

I don't really have a schedule as to what I eat for each meal. I just try to make sure I have some form of protein in each meal, with my vegetables and fruit. The ultimate goal is to find what works for you, gets the nutrients that you need, and that tastes good. I like experimenting with ingredients to see if I can make things more palatable.

If I had to put a schedule together it would probably look something like this:

Breakfast 9am Yogurt/Granola or Steel Cut Oats/milk/berries
Snack 11am Fruit (Banana/apple)
Lunch 1pm Protein/veggies
Snack 3pm Vegetable (grape tomatoes/cottage cheese)
Protein Drink 5pm
Dinner 8pm Something I can find! (Turkey Burger or Protein Pancakes or whatever else I feel like cooking :)

Also, I can't emphasize enough the importance of staying hydrating. I notice that when I'm hydrated I crave sugar less and have more energy. I usually get AT LEAST 96 fl oz / day.

Let me know if that helps or if you have any other questions! I really love helping wherever I can!

..

I was looking through my profile pictures.. it's amazing what a year can do..

Tonight I was running at the gym (yay for running!). After I was done, the lady next to me tapped me on my shoulder and thanked me. She had never ran before on the treadmill and was really scared to try. She said she just followed my example, pace, and posture and was able to run for a full 6 minutes!! I'm so proud of her! I'm glad she watched me now that I've been able to correct my running to prevent further injury.

I love working out at my gym. It really is a second home, actually more like a first home because I have more friends there :). I hadn't been in the gym since Thursday because I was out of town Friday and Saturday and my mom has called me to repentance for going on Sundays. So it had been 96 hours since the last time I went. I went in and talked to Cassidy at the front desk for about 10 minutes and then went into the dressing room to change. On the way out I saw Stacey, a personal trainer, working with my friend KC. I stopped and talked to them for a few minutes about working out and tomorrow's boot camp. Then I got on the treadmill next to my friend Niki and we caught up for a few minutes. KC came over after his session and we talked for about 10 minutes. In between machines I caught up with Peter and Adam, both of them asking how was my trip to Moab and welcoming me back. It just feels so good to belong. I've been a member of a lot gyms in my struggles to lose weight and I've never felt like they really cared. This experience is completely different than all the others in the past.

Today was the restart of "Erin's going to healthy and get control over her sugar tooth". It was going perfectly until 12:30pm when we had a last minute ice cream sundae social at work. Yup. Ice cream, hot fudge, FAT FREE caramel sauce and crunched up oreos. Can't do better than that. I went back for 2nds and then at 4:30 after everyone left I got another scoop. I'm so proud of myself :). I can't remember the last time I had ice cream, honestly, so I guess my brain freaked out that I would never have this again and HAD to eat as much as was possible! Tomorrow starts another day, without ice cream, for sure!

It usually comes up that the fact is I'm also heavier and have been carrying around a lot of weight for a good portion of my life has caused my body to build up certain strengths so I don't crush myself and that I can actually be mobile. I forgot how the conversation started, but I said something last night that I truly believe. I may say that I hate whatever exercise we're doing (at this time it was the deadlifts), but I know that I'll love it when I'm done. It's great to see your body do things you never thought possible. So to everyone out there, quit doubting yourself. If you want to change, do it! You will find the strength, energy, commitment that you need to if the want and desire (and in my case NEED) is there.

I've been looking through old pictures the last few days. It catches me off guard to see where I was. I'm 6 weeks away from my year mark on this life change. I am blown away from all the words of encouragement that I have received. I'm grateful for the opportunity that is now mine to share with people my experience and to provide the support that I can to those wanting to make changes for themselves. I am in no way perfect with this whole dieting and exercising thing. I probably have more bad days with the eating then I do good days. I still have some mental blocks that I need to work on to get control of my needing to eat everything in sight. I think I have the exercising down :) But the closer I get to my goal weight, the hard it's going to be to be lose that weight. This means working harder and being more diligent with what I'm eating.

I have been having some pain in my hip from running. I was "diagnosed" with gluteus medius tendonitis. So the gluteus medius is part of your butt muscle, that connects onto your hip (thus causing the pain). I've been going to physical therapy every week for the past month. I haven't been running on it for 6 weeks (as all you on facebook can attest to). Today I got the all clear. I still need to take it easy, I have to change how I'm running. Previously I have been taking longer strides and landing on my heels. This causes more of a jarring effect and doesn't help engaging the glutes. So now I have to take shorter strides and land more midfoot. My physical therapist had me practice today on the treadmill. It's awkward at first, but I can definitely tell the difference.

I'm heading home in 5 weeks to spend time with the family. It's so great to not be stressing out about fitting in my seat on the plane. That's me. I'm always worried about what other people think of me. I probably had mini heart attacks every time I got on the plane and just making up what every one was thinking about me. Through this short time I have come to realize how blessed I am to have such great friends and family who have loved me no matter what size I am. Truly, truly blessed.

I feel like I'm no longer trapped in an unhealthy body. I can definitely do more things than I've been able to do in the past. My friend keeps reminding me that I'm an athlete now. I would have never used that word to describe me. I have to get my workouts in. I just feel so much better. It is such a relief to be able to run again. I've been able to make more friends at the gym, so it's really just turned into one big party.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, other people/things can make you want to change (I want to lose weight for my kids, I want to lose weight to fit in that bikini, etc), but I feel that if you're really going to make a life long change you have to do it for yourself. I wanted to change because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had put myself through too much. I remember my dad telling me when I was in High School that he didn't want to bury me before I buried him. I know.. a little harsh, but even that didn't get me to change. I had bariatric surgery because my mom and grandma thought it would be a good idea. I wasn't ready, I thought it would be a quick fix and things would be awesome in 6 months. I found out that ice cream went down awesomely and gained everything back and then some. With the right diet and exercise you get to eat what your body needs and ALL the endorphins on top of that. I love getting stronger and seeing the changes in my body. I have triceps! And they're not under layers of fat! You should see my quads! I can leg press a whole set of weights. I've knocked off 50 pounds on the assisted pull ups machine. Okay.. now I'm bragging. But it feels SO GOOD! okay. that's all. I love you. I love you all!

I finally made it below my calories!!! I track my food on myfitnesspal.com. With my current weight  weight loss goal it has me at 1460 calories a day. I'm also working towards having those calories come from a certain amount of carbs (50%, 183 grams) fat (15% or 24 grams) and protein (35% or 128 grams). This makes it a little harder, but you can go in to myfitnesspal and adjust the goals. They calculate the totals for you. The only thing that I would change about this day is that I didn't start eating until 10:00am (we had a meeting and I was unable to eat before I got to work).