Erin with an E

So I did some math last night (shocker, I know). I have lost 20% of my original body weight. How crazy is that?? 20%?? WOAH!!

I haven't reached my goal weight yet (haha), but there definite changes that I have noticed in this body reformation of the last 5 months. And since I'm right around the corner of hitting another milestone I thought I would share them with you.

Go here for the inspiration to this post.

I love my collarbones and actually being able to feel them.
So they're not quite there, but close!

I love being sore from a good gym workout. Yeah it sucks not being able to lift my arm all the way over my head for a day, but I know that the next day it will be better and I will be stronger for days, months, years to come.

I love being able to do things that I wouldn't have thought possible just 5 months ago i.e. hike with sister, regular push ups (a whole 10!), assisted pull ups and dips, walking into work without getting winded.

I love being able to make better choices in my eating without feeling like I'm missing out.

I love the way my clothes continually hang on me.

I love trying on clothes that I wasn't able to fit in to a month ago and have them actually fit or even loose.

I love the space between my arms and body when I'm standing in front of the mirror.

I love knowing exactly where my hips are. (don't put hips into google image search on your work computer)

I love not losing a finger in my belly button.

I love flexing my muscles and actually seeing the change

I love stepping up to a challenge because if I've done this I can at least try doing that. (Next challenge, TRX training.. I'm laughing just thinking about that)

I LOVE seeing my before picture and knowing without a shadow of doubt that I will never be back there again.

I love all of the support, encouragement, love, and cheerleading from each of you.

I called my mom this morning during one of my breaks from sleeping (I slept for 16 hours, sheesh). I told her I was sick and at home. I told her my symptoms, that they started yesterday and that I had still gone to the gym. She stopped me there questioning me for going to the gym. I told her that I had a training session that I didn't want to miss. She was worried that I would give whatever I have to Matt. Thanks mom, thanks for caring about me being sick and all..

I stayed in bed all day. I feel super lazy, but I feel a lot better than this morning. Is it just me, or when you stay home from work do you feel like you need to stay home at least 2 days so people don't think you're faking? If you're sick then you're sick, right? Oh well. I think I'll be okay to go to work tomorrow, we'll see what the night brings, and that's if I can sleep at all.

Eight more pounds to go and I'll be in the 200'S!!! I can't believe I'm sharing with the world my weight. I also can't remember the last time I was in the 200's (my mom and I are thinking sometime during high school, so.. 12ish years ago). I thought I would be there by now, but I had a bit of a freak out a few weeks ago and went on a major sweets binge. It really made me sick. I don't miss the sweets, in fact I prefer the healthier food. I lost 11 lbs the first 2 weeks I was home from being at my parents. For some reason I freaked out thinking I was losing the weight TOO QUICKLY. Who does that? I should have just gone with the flow. Oh well. I then had a carb overload this Sunday so that didn't help either. One day at a time, but I'm getting impatient. I love the results. Everyone is so supportive. I just need to remind myself that it's all worth it in the end. I have the strength to overcome the temptation, it's just whether or not I'm willing to not indulge. Aww. life!

The trainer manager at the gym stopped me today to tell me they're picking up my success story from kinkos tomorrow. I first wrote the success story in December, when I had lost 50 pounds, now I'm at 70. That's crazy!!!!! I'll be updating it soon. I'm excited to have it up, but it also freaks me out that everyone who stops and reads it will know who I am. I'm also worried that Matt's going to get a lot of people signing up with him (because he's that good) and I'll lose my spot. I think I'm cemented in his schedule though, I better be!

Work is going well. We started our education programs today so I'll be busy the next 3 months. That's a good change to what it has been.

I'm in my skinny clothes. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do the rest of the time. I though about just taking in my pants as they get too big. There's also DI/Savers, or I can perfect my shrinking abilities. Any suggestions? Anyone have 20/22 clothes laying around? Better yet, anyone want to donate to the Erin really shouldn't be running around naked fund?

A little insight.. Matt was going over my food journal. He asked when I ate breakfast. I usually don't until I get to work, usually 9-9:30. He told me that I needed to start eating 30-45 minutes after getting up. This will help start your metabolism going and help burn more calories. It would end up giving me an extra 2 hours of calorie burning. So all you non breakfast eaters out there, eat breakfast! I started doing spinach shakes, protein shakes, and greek yogurt in the morning (not all at once, sheesh). I have more energy for sure and helps with the cravings throughout the day. Basically, I'm sold.

Anyone have any questions? I just feel like I'm rambling sometimes. I would love to know who all is keeping tabs. Leave a comment, say hi, text me. Hello?

Next stop, 299! Stay tuned.

The actual weight number differs between the gym scale and my home scale, but you can still see the difference
I wanted to get my body fat % too, but Matt reminded me that what we're doing probably isn't the most accurate. We only do a 4 point read. There is the option of doing a 7 or 9 point, but I think I'm content for right now with the 4. He said if I want the best accuracy I could do the bod pod up at the U. I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon.
It was weird and borderline frustrating when my inches went up the 2nd weigh-in, but it was because we were building the muscle mass. Now with the muscle base it makes it easier to burn off the extra fat. Yay for muscles.

I've realized this week that I really need to make a mroe conscious effort into eating the way I should. I've noticed an increase in "exceptions", ie, Oh sure, you can have that candy bar, you'll still lose weight. Ice cream is a great treat, you deserve it, look at all the weight you're losing. Cookies?! Why not!! Sadly, this is all in one day. I'm still losing the weight, but it won't be for long if I continue this path. This is exactly what I did after I had lost the 50ish pounds with the Lap Band, and that didn't end they way we wanted it to.
I'm also getting more paranoid with injuries. Actually, I don't know if it's paranoia setting in, or the adversary trying to get me to stop. I rolled my ankle while I was home for Christmas and my first thoughts were that I wouldn't be able to exercise and I would gain all of my weight back. I have this weird shock feeling in my wrist when I do certain weights. I'm freaking out that I'm going to pop a tendon and that will be that. I'm convinced I have a stress fracture in my foot. Tuesday I pulled my groin doing squats and lunges. We had to stop doing them because it was too uncomfortable. It's better now, but still a bit tender.
I'm done with excuses. I'm just going to start again and do what I can. Everyone has been so supportive!
We were talking at work yesterday about the biggest loser. I didn't watch the last episode, but apparently they did a weigh in and one of the ladies broke down because she had never remembered herself being that weight. I'm 15 lbs away from 299. I don't think I've been that weight since high school. We're going to throw a little party at work. You're invited. My grandma also said she's going to throw me a party when I lose 100lbs (35 more lbs). You're invited to that one as well. Heaven knows what's going to happen when I reach my goal weight.

As this number was looming this week, I had a lot of thoughts going on in my head. I have sat down a few times to type them up for my dear readers, just to be distracted by other things. Now that I have hit 60 I don't really have the words to describe my feelings.

Most of you know that I had Lap-Band Surgery a few years ago (6 years ago, I think, I really can't remember). Anyway, things were going great. I had a difficult time with it, and actually I still do. I was able to lose just under 50lbs, and then I found a way to cheat the system. I loved food. I loved to eat. It was my comfort and my joy. The band was there to stop me from eating the amounts of food that I loved. I soon found that ice cream went down, smooth as silk. Also, if I ate a lot, but wanted more, I just needed to drink a glass or two of water and then I could start eating all over again. I wasn't committed, besides a piece of tubing wrapped around my stomach.

That being said, was there any surprise that I gained all of the weight back, and then some? Yeah, didn't think so. So what's different this time? It was 100% my decision. I made the initial decision to make a change and I followed through on it. I'm committed in every aspect. I keep reminding myself that this isn't a diet; it's a lifestyle change!

I've been feeling like my body is ready to 'take it up another notch'. Thursday's workout consisted mostly of lunges and squats on the machine from hell. My feet are spaced weirdly so it makes things difficult. It's a lot harder for me to start, because I'm not confident that my legs are going to make it through the workout. Once I get started I'm able to do them, it's just that initial uncertainty of failure that gets me every time. I'm glad I didn't do my warm up on the stair master because we did a few intervals on that to end the night. Matt likes to tease me with how much I LOVE the exercises that in all reality I despise. Oh well.

I was also concerned that I wasn't working hard enough (I know, crazy). He assured me that I was definitely working hard, harder than most gym goers. And the fact that I'm exceeding my weekly/monthly weight loss goals also shows that I'm working hard. He said he wouldn't worry unless I stop meeting those goals. He keeps reminding me that when I get closer to my goal weight it's going to be harder to lose the weight. I think he's preparing me so I don't freak out, which is really smart. Oh I also asked if I could use his name on my blog, maybe a little too late, but he said yes and to give him the address so he can check it out.. which means.. I may be doing some editing to a few posts ;)

Thursday night I was leaving the gym and a guy pulled up to me in the parking lot. I was freaked out a little. He leaned over through the window and told me that he had noticed me in the gym, working my butt off, and he could really see the difference and for me to keep up the work. I was on cloud nine after that. I had had a great work out, got some more motivation to keep on going and then a complete stranger telling me that I was doing an awesome job. I also met both cardio goal and circuit goal for Friday and Saturday. I'm not feeling exceptionally well, so I hope resting today will help for the upcoming week.

Anyway, here you go. Not the best picture, but I really don't care! I'm now to the point where I've lost more weight than ever before. My next goal is 299 (17 pounds to go!!!!)

**I started writing this on Tuesday, and I'm too lazy to change the tense.
Today was the dreaded day. Who wants to do a weigh in and measurements two days after they get back from vacation. Not me! I really wanted to put it off, but then I put on my big girl panties and decided I would deal with the outcomes no matter what they were. And you know what, I was just a bit crazy.
So I know you're just waiting with baited breath to know how well I did. Well.. I lost 13 pounds. That's right! THIRTEEN pounds! And that's going two weeks without a trainer, going to the gym 6 times while I was home, and giving in to some of my food weaknesses.
Matt asked how I felt I did while I was at home. I mentioned the going to gym and working out with my family. I told him that I got down on myself for not having better control on what I was eating. I'll give you an example. In our family room we had a dish of Hershey Kisses, a dish of mints, M&Ms, Pistachios and TWO canisters of popcorn. How crazy is that??? I had my share of each of those dishes :)
And then there was our Christmas feast and New Year's spread with all the special cookies, candies and what have yous thrown in through out my stay.

Matt reminded me (as he has multiple times in the past) that I can't get disappointment in a day's lack of control. Everyone has bad days, even bad weeks. It's whether or not you recognize that and what you do about it. He wants me to start journaling along with keeping track of what I eat so that we can see how I'm feeling when I have the bad days, so in the future I will have the foreknowledge to make better choices. He also reminded me that if I have a bad day it's not going to undo everything that I have worked for. I can calculate what extra calories I took in and then schedule extra time at the gym to burn those additional calories. He told me to give myself a week to fit in the extra gym time. That's totally doable.

While I was home my dad mentioned that he almost got me a speed boxing bag (I used to want a punching bag while I was growing up, that was all I asked for). I told Matt this and he was all for it. He said we could start doing kickboxing in our sessions. I think that would be a lot of fun. He told me that if there's anything I want to do to let him know and he'll make it happen. If I want to do our own spinning session we can use the entire spin room. If I wanted to take up kayaking he could research different exercises that would be beneficial. If I wanted to do pool workouts we could do entire sessions in the pool. I told him I am not planning on taking up kayaking anytime soon so he's safe with that one. In the back of my mind I also added, "and there's no way in hell I'm getting in a swimsuit and working out with you, no way buddy".
I signed up for some more sessions, so you have another 4 months of this wonderful bantering to look forward too.

So there you have it

There's a little hike close by my parents house that I've never done. My sisters keep talking about it, Katelyn had her senior pictures there, and I've seen other pictures of their walks. I felt a bit left out. SO, we rectified that while I was home. Katelyn was generous enough to be my tour guide.

The trail is mostly dirt and it had rained/snowed early that day, so it was a little muddy. I'm thankful that Katelyn had me change out of my brand new shoes into something a little more reasonable.

We started heading down the trail. I was a bit worried because with it being muddy and, in my mind, really steep. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make the hike back up without some serious efforts. We passed a guy who was heading out and he was super out of breath. He looked fit and if he was out of breath, I was going to die! This was not a good start.
We took our time heading into the waterfall (oh yes, there's a waterfall at the end of the trail). It was so gorgeous with the sun setting. We only passed two other couples the whole time we were out. There were plenty of photo ops (these aren't even half of them!)





To get to the waterfall you have to cross the stream (RIVER depending on who you ask). I have this fear of crossing bodies of water, to include falling in them, being swept away, drowning etc. This wasn't too bad. There were rocks to cross on and Katelyn was so sweet and patient with me, guiding me, telling me which rocks were wobbly, and then helping me climb the banks at the end. After crossing back I had to take a "yeah, I just owned you, stream/river" pic.

Katelyn was a little more adventurous in climbing the rock out by the waterfall. I didn't want to slip, fall, die, so I stayed on the more solid ground.




Katelyn mentioned that there was an extension of the trail that went above the waterfall. So we went back, crossed the river again, and went a little further. The trail above the waterfall scared me once we got there. For it me looked pretty steep (again), I didn't want to fall down, and then there was the whole thing about getting back up. You can't really tell in the picture, but I was greatly concerned. I told Katelyn to go ahead without me, I would just stay there and wait for her. She made it down and then the thought popped in my head not to give up now. I had made it this far, I hadn't fallen, I hadn't died, and I didn't want to regret missing this opportunity. So I ventured on in, and I survived to tell about it.


We slowly made our way back to the car. It was so nice to be out in nature. I actually got better cell service out there than I did at my parents house, go figure. We had fun taking more pictures and just enjoying being outside. I had one more obstacle to pass, the muddy incline to the car. I knew it was coming up. I got to a muddy portion that I didn't realize was the actual end. I just put my head down, focused on my steps, and wouldn't you know it, there was the car. No panting, no dying, pure success! I realized that had I of gone on this hike any other time in my life, I don't think I would have made it as easily. I had so much fun with Katelyn and it was so great spending this time with her. She was so patient with me. Next time I promise not to hold her back! I felt so good afterwards for overcoming fears, doubts and obstacles. It's such an amazing feeling. We got to enjoy a beautiful sunset on our way home!