Erin with an E

So the last couple of weeks have gone pretty well for me gym and dieting-wise. I've had the occaisional meltdown (one cupcake, 2 sugar cookies AND a slice of dark chocolate cake all within 5hours), but for the most part it's been pretty good. As mentioned earlier, when I updated my weight on myfitnesspal.com it took me from 1990 calories to 1570 per day. I actually haven't been able to stay below 1570 since it changed; I'm staying pretty close, but it's more like 1700. The scale is still moving down so I'm okay with that for now. I have a tendancy of NEEDING chocolate around 3pm so that usually doesn't help.

I've actually surprised myself with being able to stay focused and on track at the gym. I finished my personal training sessions a few weeks ago so I have to make up my own workouts. I did a leg workout on Monday and my hamstrings are killing me. It's fun to know that I can kick my own butt. I think I bruised my tailbone going to the spinning class last week. It hurts SO bad! We were doing core work last night in bootcamp and all the pressure just killed. I had to modify it so I wouldn't start crying.

Speaking of modifications.. I think that's my number one challenge right now. I've been going to bootcamp classes on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Sure I can do some of the exercises, but I also need to modify a lot of them. And then I feel like I should be able to do them so I feel bad when I can't. Sometimes when the trainer shows us the next exercise I automatically think "There's no way I can do that" so I just do something else instead. I need to get over that fear. I'm improving on a weekly basis. I need to at least try before giving up on myself. But then I feel badly when I can't complete the exercise, or if it takes me longer than everyone else, I feel like I'm holding them back. I know. That's just how I think/feel. Again, something that I need to work on.

Last night in bootcamp we were running around the room for a warm up. I usually don't have a hard time running and what not, but for some reason, last night was tough. It didn't help that my now lose stomach skin fat was jiggling everywhere. It actually almost hurt. I called my insurance the other day to get the whole skin removal surgery process underway (cause I'm definitely going to need it). They said it's not covered at all. I'll have to fill out an appeals form to get it approved and who knows how that will turn out. It's still going to be a while, but it'd be nice to know how much I'm going to have to fork over. Right now it will be my arms, stomach and inner thighs. The goal is to get to 200 and then have all that removed, which will probably take me to my goal weight (there's a lot of skin) I guess only time will tell.

Thank you all for your compliments, support, love and encouragement. I really, truely appreciate all of it! I'm so thankful that this mind/body change has happened and that I'm able to share this journey with you. I have fears that I'm annoying people with my facebook statuses, blogposts and daily conversation. In all honesty, this is everything that is consuming my life. So I'm sharing it, hoping that whatever took control of my life, might some how help others make the necessary changes in theirs so that they can be happy and healthy and start again to love life. It's still a work in progress, but I'm really liking the results.

I like my high-waisted pencil skirt
More than that, I like that my aunt was kind enough to take it in for me so that I can continue to wear it.
I like moving my car - seat further up, which means I need less room to fit my body behind the steering wheel.
On a similar note, I like sliding my office chair under my desk and being cozy.
I like sitting on my bent right leg in my office chair. If I fit in my chair sitting cross legged I would.
I like the fact that my calves are starting to show
I like my new pointy toe heels. They're baby heels, but the fact that I can walk (strut) in them without dying provides pure bliss.
I like that I'm able to still walk after doing the 5K on Saturday, another 5K on the treadmill Monday, and bootcamp last night. Check back tomorrow after I do the spin class tonight. We might have a different story.
and..
I like you!

Or just eating in general... Tends to be my biggest downfall. I love food. I was raised with food. Everything we did it seemed to be centered on food. We're getting together for (insert event), what should we make?

Food and I have been BFFs for a really long time. Actually, after thinking about that, I don't think we ever were BFFs. I abused our relationship. I wanted to blame it for not treating me the way friends treat each other, but I asked way too much from food. It was there to give me nourishment and strength. I wanted that nourishment, but I also wanted it to love me unconditionally, fill the gaping holes, be my friend when I didn't think I had any, spend time with me when I was alone, and everything else you shouldn't expect from inanimate objects.

Less than a year ago, some of my Friday nights consisted of a frozen pizza and a pint of B&Js. I would consider it a good night if there was a piece or two leftover. Extra ice cream? ha!
quick calculation
1 pint of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream
1400 Calories
96 g fat 52 g saturated
240mg cholesterol
100 g sugar
24 g protein

1 DiGorno Cheese Stuffed Crust Pepperoni Pizza (in case I ate the whole thing)
1900 Calories
80 g fat 40 sat fat
200 mg cholesterol
5200 mg sodium (that's more than double your daily allotment)
200 g carbohydrate
95 g protein

Wow - I am officially sick to my stomach. I am in no way perfect with eating healthy. I make bad choices all the time. I snack here and there. I lose count of how many crackers I've eaten. I don't measure the exact amount of this and that. But every good change that I make brings me that much closer to having more control. Anyway. My point with this is that we need to take control of the relationship that we have with food. We need to use it for what it is intended. I'm making progress, but I still have a long way to go. I can't have treats in the house or else I'll eat them all in one sitting. We have candy jars all over the office and it's hard for me to pass them by every day. If I only make one trip instead of 4 I consider that a good day. Eventually I'm hoping to get to the point where they don't tempt me at all.

If I have a bad day now I take it out on the (insert machine at gym). If I'm still having a bad day, I make an amazing playlist on iTunes. If that doesn't work and I end up slipping, then I slip and I get back up the next day and work that much harder. At least I'm working on that part. I hope that helps. We can do it. We can change our eating habits. Our bodies will love us more. We can find new cravings with healthy foods. We can find new stress relievers. We can have a balanced, good for us, non-abusive relationship with food, the way that it was intended to be.

I've really just been using this blog to track what I'm doing.. for my sake.. purely selfish. So I wanted to get your opinion and maybe some suggestions. Do you want me to just continue what I'm doing, a little update here and there, or would you like me to add things. I was thinking like an exercise tracker or what I'm eating (we can also be friends on myfitnesspal.com) or measurements every now and then. I guess I could also take more pictures... I'm open to suggestions. I would love to do like a Q&A if you guys have any questions on what I'm doing, how I'm doing things, or stuff of that nature. I want to do as much as I can to help others because I know how great I'm feeling right now. I want to share that great feeling! The lines are now open.

Because I'm an expert now, I thought I would pass on some valuable information. Please note that this post will most likely be filled with sarcasm. If you question whether or not it is sarcastic, it probably is. So here we go.

First things first. If you want to run a 5K and not have to plan it out, it might be best to register for one in the area. Chances are you'll have to fork over some money to do so, but you'll get an AWESOME T-Shirt!

It's really nice when you have some comfortable shoes with new inserts that make your feet feel like they're running on air (this is true, I really love my shoes).
After you register, they'll send you a fancy racing bib with a number. You'll think it's really cool that your running number is 2012, especially since the year you're running is 2012. And then it will all make sense when your friend tells you that their number is 2012 as well. Not as cool as you thought it was..
And then if you get separated from the crowd they provide you with a nice map of the run on the back of your racing number. It helps you keep track of where you're at and how much further you have to go.
Then you'll need a nifty armband for your ipod. Because carrying your ipod in your pocket, slid in your bra, or half-way zipped in a mini-pocket really doesn't work while you're running down the street.
And then in that armband is one of your most prized possession for the run. You need to have the proper running mix.
This running mix consisted of the following:
Raise your weapon - deadmau5
Machinehead - Bush
Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Nicks
Call Me - Blondie
Hit me with your best shot - Pat Benatar
Crazy on you - Heart
coffee's for closers - Fall Out Boys
My First Kiss - 3OH!3
What doesn't kill you (stronger) - Kelly Clarkson
Turn me on (feat. Nicki Minaj) - David Guetta

I think that's as far as I got in my playlist. It really kept me going.

You definitely need to have the right attire, especially if everyone is participating. Because it was the Susan G Komen race, everyone was decked out in all shades of pink. We wanted to do TuTus, but it's really hard to find cheap, adult sized Tutus.. So we went with the next best thing. Because really, who doesn't want a tiara.

But the most important thing to have when you run is an awesome group of friends that will support and encourage you throughout the run. And it's even that much better when they're there at the finish line to root and cheer for you. Thanks lovely ladies!
The beginning of the race was a little chaotic. There were so many people to start off and we really didn't hear the "countdown". People just started running so we went with them. About 6 blocks in I needed to take off my jacket. I was good to go after that until we got about 1.5 miles in. I walked a block and then got going again. At the 2 mile mark Niki and I waited a bit for Jean-Ann and Emily. Emily caught up and then passed us. We started running again. I got 4 more blocks in me and then needed to catch my breath. I told myself that I would run the rest of the race without stopping. I could go to the next block and then the next block, I turned the corner and there was the finish line. I made it! I survived! They had cheerleaders lined up cheering us on. It felt so good. We grabbed some water and these amazing oranges and headed home. It was a great way to start the Saturday! I was going to do bootcamp later, but then my sister called and twisted my arm to go to lunch with them instead. I love running. It was a lot easier running outside than inside on the treadmill, but the fact that I can do either still astonishes me. Thanks everyone for your support and love. Who wants to run my next 5K with me?

In all honesty, I never thought in a million years that a 22/24 would be "big" on me. If you would have asked me this time last year, I would have told you I would always be the size I was, if not bigger. I think I had lost hope on losing weight. I had tried so many times and had failed that many times as well. I don't know what made the difference this time, but I truly believe that this will be sticking. It is a lifestyle change. I need to just stay on this bandwagon and keep on going. Plus, I've proven to myself that I can do this, that I can succeed, that I am WORTH IT! (you can too) I have a crazy dilemma. None of my clothes fit me. I wore a skirt yesterday, that if you had yanked on it at all it would have slid right off. My tops are extremely lose. All my clothes are ill-fitting and I feel frumpy. I don't have the sewing skills needed to alter them and I don't have the money to have someone else alter them, or even better, buy new clothes. If I do buy new clothes, it's exercise clothes. suggestions? Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin'

So Saturday was my last regular personal training session.. until I can figure out how to do more. I'm not too worried about it, at least for now. I think I know what I'm doing. It will be interesting to come up with new exercises and find ways to challenge myself. For our last work out we did max lifting on a couple machines. I can't do a straight pull up quite yet, but I'm about halfway there. I chest pressed 165. We did the leg press on one machine, but the seating was weird so I was *only* able to do 405lbs. Matt wanted to do another leg press so he gave me the option of doing the squat machine (which I think I will always despise) and this one. I chose this one..
That is 680 lbs.. it's a little crazy. We started with 90 lbs, I would do 3 reps, he'd add another 90, do 3 reps, add another 90.. repeat. So I'm guessing that if I hadn't done all the reps prior I probably could have gone higher. I'm okay with the 680 though :)

We finished up the workout doing boxing!!! I've always wanted to box. Seriously. Not competitively, but still. Growing up with I was an angst-filled teenager I thought about punching the wall, but wouldn't let myself because I was afraid to hurt my hand. See. I do have some self preservation. So I put on the pink boxing gloves, Matt showed me what I was going to do, he put on the pads and I definitely got in my workout.

I did jabs (getting punched with my right fist is like getting slapped with a wet noodle, no joke), cross punch, hooks, and uppercuts. Then a bunch of different combinations. I would get focused on the punching and forget about my posture/balance. Matt would pretend to take a swing and I would lose balance. Once I got that figured out things went really well. I think I did pretty good for my first attempt at boxing.

I've also taken up bootcamp. It's 45-60 minutes of high intensity aerobic exercise, with all sorts of different exercises. And they do completely different things each time. Last Tuesday was bunch of jumping, lunges, squats, then abs and a few other things. Last night we did push ups, hammer curls/shoulder presses, squats, more shoulder work, pylometric jumping, and more squats/lunges.. to name a few. I was talking to one of the trainers before class about the Saturday class. It seems like it's a more advanced class to me, just that more trainers are there, the people look to be more active/fit/etc. He said I wouldn't have a problem. There are things that will always be hard, but then there are others that I can do just fine. I need to work on this self confidence thing. I can't do it this Saturday, but I think I'll try it out next weekend. Anyone want to attempt it with me? It's even outside!

So the plan for now is cardio MWF, bootcamp Tuesday, my own special workout plan Thursday, and a repeat of bootcamp on Saturday. I've been doing yoga stretch Sunday mornings and I really like it. I think this is an okay plan:) An update on the calories.. myfitnesspal says 1570 calories, apexfitness and another calorie counter place says 2150. That's a big differece. I think I'm going to stay around the 1700 calorie range for now and see how I do. And I'm seriously running out of clothes. If you're interested in starting at 24hour fitness or trying it out, let me know. I can get you a free 7-day pass and if you sign up then I get a training session :) I can also get you a 3 pack training session for $89, usually $129 (again, I get a free session). That's all :)

Honestly, I've stopped and started about eleventy billion (there ya go, Mal) new posts, but then I lose steam or think whatever I have to say will be utterly boring, so I just don't. So I guess I need to repent, ask my readers for forgiveness, and try to come up with something that might be entertaining. I've recently hit a big milestone. I have officially lost 100 lbs. I'll be blogging about that later, but let me tell you, it feels absolutely incredible.

I gave myself about 2 weeks to just relax, not worry about what I ate, and just kind of let all the stress go. I ended up gaining 4 pounds back, but have since lost that and an additional 4. I can't really complain. I keep track of my food on myfitnesspal.com. After you lose about 10 pounds they have you re-evaluate your nutritional goals. I thought they did this automatically so I've been at 1910 calories/day for a while now. Today when I put in my new weight it asked if I wanted to recalculate my goals. I hit yes, and then actually went into the goals and recalculated them. It took me down to 1570! I've been eating almost 400 extra calories a day for who knows how long.. Maybe that's why I haven't been losing as much as I used to (that and I have less to lose). I'm glad that I did that, but now I need to be even more strict and mindful of what I'm actually eating. It'll be good in the long run.

Speaking of running.. I know I've put a lot of my updates on facebook, but I am officially a runner (okay, jogger). I have always wanted to run. Today I ran a full 3.1 miles STRAIGHT on the treadmill. It's very important to find a treadmill that runs smoothly so you don't fall flat on your face. And one that is next to the air vent so you can get the necessary ventilation. I'm running my first official 5K on Saturday. It should definitely be interesting. I will post about it. I promise. I have plans.

I've signed up to volunteer for the Spartan Race (spartanrace.com)in June and Tough Mudder (toughmudder.com) in October. I think by October I might even try participating in the Mudder..

Work is going surprisingly well. I have a sister in New York City doing an internship this summer. Another sister is in Germany for study abroad. I'm a little jealous. Oh and Mal.. here you go.. I have better pictures coming, but this will have to do for now