Ruchi Awasthi

4:00 am.

I am sitting sub conscious because I lack sleep and half puzzled because my brain is working only for brief hours. I have lost a key. And finding the key is a paramount task for me because it unlocks my life. What if my life remains locked? Think about it!

Ever witnessed those boxes of treasure wrapped in chains and shackles. Ever witnessed how amazingly they are cased as if holding something so valuable and expensive? Apparently, my life is caged, caged by chains not of iron but by stream of thoughts which doesn’t happen to leave my excessively burdened brain. And I have a bundle of keys with me, which may or may not behold the key I’m looking for. But that doesn’t matter because I will have to check them all. You would’ve checked it, if it were a treasury, so what if it’s my life!

Oxygen clears mind. And so I move my feet towards the door of my house and alas, it’s locked. The unlimited resource, which was one of the keys from the bundle isn’t the key I’m searching because if I step outside I’ll have questions raised as to why am I out so late. Simply because I need fresh air?

Sadly, the reason won’t suffice.

Sadly, I need to give justifications just for wanting some fresh air.

************

Disheartened yet hopeful I move towards the next key for which I need a companion. Just a person who could listen the jingling thoughts in my mind so they escape through my words. And I think of people I can count on.

But how to trust humans!

Scanning through a list of 1k friends on Facebook, 5 hundred followers on Instagram and uncounted people in my contact list, I end up having no one worthy of confiding in. Absolutely none. But what else to expect from humans!

************

Nevertheless, I look forward to the third key. It says to break the chains if it ain’t unlocking. But breaking the chains would mean breaking what the chains hold!

Breaking my life?

End it up with a tag of coward on me forever, because no one will ever listen to the justification of my action once I die. Nobody would even care.

My hope lies crushed and shattered because the keys I showed faith in didn’t help me untangle those chains that have caged me.  And its 4:30am. And I’m still figuring if it’s me or my thoughts that is going wrong. Taking a deep breath of the air around which doesn’t seem to be moving anymore I lie down. Sub conscious and half puzzled. And most importantly, caged. 

Just in case you look up and find a star, know that I am looking at it too. And that is how much close we are. So why not start watching stars in leisure time, at nights?

Why not let them be the bridge over the distance that roads have created between us?

Yes, roads.

Because hearts were inseparable, will always be, isn’t it?

And when you find a star blinking, understand that I am close by, approaching you. So whenever you feel sad, look up for a blinking star.

Look up for me.

And I’ll do the same.

And someday if you don’t find any star, understand that I am sleepy and tired. But don’t get mad at me. I don’t like compromising with my naps, you know, right?

Ha! Let’s devise our own star codes this way.

Let’s overcome the physical distance between us with our emotional connect because the thing that we share in common, today, is this sky, and these stars. 

Ever recalled the last time you smiled stress free?
Something perceived habitual is existing hardly!
Where have these smiles faded, I wonder
Burdened and discontent, how do they pass every winter?
To know the reason is not trivial
It’s crystal but the acceptance is like a live burial
Because the mantra of success is what is fed in our brains since birth
Rank, grades, job, where all am I required to prove my worth?
When did you bunk a class last?
When did you take an off for your heart?
Ever thought about this revolutionised concept of victory?
Where every win leaves you in more misery.
Misery of not being better than her or him
Misery of living with ambition up to the brim
Ambition, they said was good
The good ambition, I always misunderstood
Just like running in a blind race
Where there’s no end you know, no matter whatever is your pace
Where you push yourself to your limits or even more
For what, for once think from your core?
To achieve what you want
Or to achieve what other’s may not
Happy being successfully discontent?
Or discontent being successfully happy!
How many nights are you planning to spend stalking millionaires?
How about staring stars someday?
Its okay to earn a lakh with a free Sunday with mom
Than to earn a lakh and one extra, working Sunday on desk all alone
Its okay to be stagnant and not move at all
Than to wiggle in stress to acquire all
There will always be someone better
But there will always be someone worse
For once let’s pat us for the little that we have done
Because there is more to conquer but never at the cost us being shunned.

 

A little sound from wind chime
Would chill her up to bone,
Was it fear, or just a disturbance in her lone?
And sometimes she would stand up,
And decide to confide.
Get herself in her nutshell again
For whom should she confide?
Love was ambiguity and solitude- life
Afraid of humans, and humans were at every mile.
Her emotions were jewel, protected and locked.
Who would get the key, who would give her life?

 

The black clouds above me
Visible as far as I could see
reminding me that the sky is sad today
I realize, I ain’t mourning alone.
While a drib of water falls on my lashes
and through the cheek
As if acting as a seeable tear behind my pseudo smile
but I want to know why is the sky weeping?
Why is it wearing the dark blanket?
But I find it so unreachable
Restraining itself from humans
Hiding all its grieves within itself
Now, I look down from the fourth floor where I am standing
And I find innumerable scenes
Ecstatic people coming out for the sight of monsoon
Refreshing air and the smell of wet soil soon
A sudden coolness and calmness
With delightful faces and a feeling of wellness
And I realize that life can be so canny
Even shedding our tears can bring joy to many.