So I was reading In Colossians yesterday. I will confess that if I'm not in a book study I tend to be a Proverbs fall back kinda gal, or I'll go to read a book I haven't read in a while, if ever, but then I end up in Chronicles...not exactly what gets me going in the morning...so yesterday I chose Colossians because I will be doing a study in it soon. I got down to the end of chapter 2 (you can check that out if you want to see where my mind might have been at the moment) and my mind began to wander. Many of us do this. One minute I'm thinking that rules don't stop the indulgence of the flesh, then I think about what will stop that indulgence and naturally I think about Heaven and "Jesus, just come already" because then I won't have to worry about things like my weak flesh and how I get led astray so easily and...and...that leak in the bathroom. Oh that leak. I wouldn't have to worry about that stupid leak because I wouldn't have a house full of surprises around every turn. Oh why did we ever pull on another project? I know it was the best -if not only- option for us, but why, God? This is torture for us. I just want someone to rescue us here. Rescue this renovation. Come do it for us so we can be parents and just parents. So we can be husband and wife and not general contractor and laborer. Someone just rescue me. Please!
Then I start breaking into song, as I am known to do too often (and those of you who know this song, DON'T laugh...). Guess what song I sang? Oh, I know a select few of you have it going in your head right now..."Rescue me from the sin I seem to cling to. Rescue me from this fight within my soul. I need You to empower me with more of You so that in the end, with you I will be whole." Now, seeing as the author of this song may be reading this, I apologize if I butchered the lyrics...I was going off memory. But I digress. The point is, I was focusing on my current situation and I wanted (still want so desperately) to be rescued from it. The problem is, I have a far bigger problem in life that needs rescuing, as the song said. I tend to focus on my situation and not my sin. While I'm sure many of us do that, how many of us want to be rescued from sin as desperately as we want to be rescued from our bad situation? I'll be honest. I would give or do just about anything for someone to say "Here's $50,000; $100,000. Dig yourself out of this ditch (it's quickly becoming a deep ditch) and go take care of your family." I got you laughing now, right? It's not happening, is it? The reality is that I've been offered something greater than the means to fix my house...I've been offered the means to fix me. Would I give just about anything for that or am I too fixed on my situation to have time to pursue my Rescuer?
Friday, October 26, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Pollyanna! Pollyanna!
I have a computer again. Tim has had my computer at work with him since he started in early July, so that is my delinquency excuse this time.
We have been in Iowa for a couple months now and we still aren't settled. Not in the sense that I would like. We are knee deep in a school that the kids like, the older boys are in football, we have met tons of new people that we have begun friendships with, we love our church family and can't believe we got so lucky to live so close to Tim's work, but we are by no means settled. We are living in a rental that was an answer to prayer, for sure, but it's still a rental; a temporary home. Our house in Indiana has not sold yet, and it holds half of our belongings including all personalization we own.
Our rental has no pictures on the walls and no decorations either. In the bigger picture of life, that is not really important, I'd agree. However, if I'm to be honest, I will tell you that it's beginning to wear on me; on my emotions. I want to be able to be the best mom and wife that I can be and I find that more often than not, I am discouraged that I know we are going to be packing up and moving...again.
Up until recently, we had no idea where we were going to move. We have been looking at every house that would come on the market in our price range, trying above all things, to get a move-in ready house. We have been living in "projects" (not to be confused with "the projects") for 10 years, technically, and I very much wanted to be done. There have been no houses come up in good proximity to the kids' school, the church and town that wouldn't be a complete project. We don't want a project. Did I say that already?
I was getting discouraged, to say the least, that every house that was in move-in condition, that would fit the 7 of us, was out of our price range. Does anyone have an extra $250,000??? That's how much over budget the house was that I thought was perfect. For once, we could move in, unpack and live. Period. We could absorb the impact of this move without distraction. We could be mom and dad to these kiddos and not jip them of our time and energy because we were fixing a house that was in disrepair. Did I mention I didn't want anything to do with a project? I'm sure you know where I'm headed by now.
What's the title of that song???? ♫♪"Oops, we did it again?"♫♫ Yeah. We did. We went and signed on to buy (renting it until our house sells) another fixer-upper. Dear Lord, You know my heart...and my level of sanity here...what gives? Do we never get to be the people who pay someone to do this stuff? Is this really the only way to get a house to fit us...in our budget? Inhale through the nose. Exhale out the mouth. Ok. We have to do it again, and here it is:
Things to be thankful for (and there are many): The exterior is done. There is a large, pretty lot. There are original 1940's hardwood floors throughout the original house. There has been an addition put on of a huge family room and an office. There are enough rooms for the boys to each have their own, something we feel we need to try for a bit. It is 4 minutes from church. It is over 10 minutes closer to town. There are no gravel roads. There is an awesome campfire area already put together in the back yard.
I feel a bit like Pollyanna playing the glad game. I guess I am. For the sake of this blog entry and those reading it, I will refrain from the list of complaints and woe-is-me-isms that I have and focus on being Pollyanna. God is still good when I have to live with sub-flooring instead of carpet. He's still good when we see water dripping from behind the siding near the backdoor and He's still good when standard toilets won't fit in the space they're supposed to go in.
Were those backdoor complaints? Maybe. I just choose to see them as truths and glimpses of a bigger picture. A picture where no matter what, we are going to be living in the place that God provided for us and it's a house that He wanted us to get and I have to believe that the steps it took to get me to be content with taking on another dad-gum project were steps used to bring my focus off myself and perhaps even off what I don't have rather than what I do. In the meantime, I will try not to care that the bathtub and surround need to have a lot of thought put in to them to figure out how to conceal the flanges left behind without looking hillbilly...somehow...and instead, I will be thankful for finally finding the house that will allow us to get settled into our new life here in Iowa.
We have been in Iowa for a couple months now and we still aren't settled. Not in the sense that I would like. We are knee deep in a school that the kids like, the older boys are in football, we have met tons of new people that we have begun friendships with, we love our church family and can't believe we got so lucky to live so close to Tim's work, but we are by no means settled. We are living in a rental that was an answer to prayer, for sure, but it's still a rental; a temporary home. Our house in Indiana has not sold yet, and it holds half of our belongings including all personalization we own.
Our rental has no pictures on the walls and no decorations either. In the bigger picture of life, that is not really important, I'd agree. However, if I'm to be honest, I will tell you that it's beginning to wear on me; on my emotions. I want to be able to be the best mom and wife that I can be and I find that more often than not, I am discouraged that I know we are going to be packing up and moving...again.
Up until recently, we had no idea where we were going to move. We have been looking at every house that would come on the market in our price range, trying above all things, to get a move-in ready house. We have been living in "projects" (not to be confused with "the projects") for 10 years, technically, and I very much wanted to be done. There have been no houses come up in good proximity to the kids' school, the church and town that wouldn't be a complete project. We don't want a project. Did I say that already?
I was getting discouraged, to say the least, that every house that was in move-in condition, that would fit the 7 of us, was out of our price range. Does anyone have an extra $250,000??? That's how much over budget the house was that I thought was perfect. For once, we could move in, unpack and live. Period. We could absorb the impact of this move without distraction. We could be mom and dad to these kiddos and not jip them of our time and energy because we were fixing a house that was in disrepair. Did I mention I didn't want anything to do with a project? I'm sure you know where I'm headed by now.
What's the title of that song???? ♫♪"Oops, we did it again?"♫♫ Yeah. We did. We went and signed on to buy (renting it until our house sells) another fixer-upper. Dear Lord, You know my heart...and my level of sanity here...what gives? Do we never get to be the people who pay someone to do this stuff? Is this really the only way to get a house to fit us...in our budget? Inhale through the nose. Exhale out the mouth. Ok. We have to do it again, and here it is:
I feel a bit like Pollyanna playing the glad game. I guess I am. For the sake of this blog entry and those reading it, I will refrain from the list of complaints and woe-is-me-isms that I have and focus on being Pollyanna. God is still good when I have to live with sub-flooring instead of carpet. He's still good when we see water dripping from behind the siding near the backdoor and He's still good when standard toilets won't fit in the space they're supposed to go in.
Were those backdoor complaints? Maybe. I just choose to see them as truths and glimpses of a bigger picture. A picture where no matter what, we are going to be living in the place that God provided for us and it's a house that He wanted us to get and I have to believe that the steps it took to get me to be content with taking on another dad-gum project were steps used to bring my focus off myself and perhaps even off what I don't have rather than what I do. In the meantime, I will try not to care that the bathtub and surround need to have a lot of thought put in to them to figure out how to conceal the flanges left behind without looking hillbilly...somehow...and instead, I will be thankful for finally finding the house that will allow us to get settled into our new life here in Iowa.
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