Imperfect Ranunculus
There are many things I love about ranunculus. I have always been drawn to the beauty they bring into a room. They are full of color, and although small they can change the atmosphere of a room. They add the feeling of life and if I may, hope. For me they are feminine and graceful; in all stages. They are the most beautiful green when budding; they are long stemmed for how tiny the bud. They are artful and whimsical with their bloom. They are layers and layers of beauty - the petals are full and drop daintily. See - even beautiful when they wilt and droop. It is in them to be magnificent in their short time. And I enjoy all that they bring. Even their imperfections.
Tonight I went to the Relief Society "birthday party"in our stake. One of the stations in our rotations of quick lessons/discussions was titled "debunking the perfect mother". The whole conversation/lesson was a wonderful reminder. There were many things said that caught my attention, but one in particular.
The meaning of "perfectionism" was talked about. As many of our english words, the word perfectionism was derived from a word, which seems to slip my mind, in the Latin language. But, the meaning of the word is far off from what we think of the word in these days. The word meant "to have fullness, to be whole".
To be honest the meaning caught me off guard. To often we get caught up in being someone we are not. And we fail. Miserably. Or at least I do, daily. I have this picture in my mind of what I want my kids to look back on as their childhood. In truth is hasn't happened. I am thinking the result is because I need to simplify. I try to do too much and I end up "doing" all day long and I forget to play a certain game with Hudson or just sit and watch a cartoon with Reagan. Or anything. I try to be someone that really isn't there, or is there and is crazy. Yes I want to have a clean home, I want to be showered by 7 am - looking glamorous mind you, I want to be the room mom, the soccer mom, the gourmet cook, not be five minuets late everywhere I go, have my dinner on the table by 5pm with a setting to boot and I want to be organized. for example : When I am not organized - the way I want to be - walls start building inside of me and I can not even pick up the tissue on the ground I have walked by 5x that morning; it is just.too.much. Or I get into this funk somedays were I just do not do anything at all, and then the guilt falls in. The guilt of not being present for my children. And it is ugly. I guess what I am failing to say {SEE} is that I am good enough. I need to wake up every morning and think "what do I need to do today to have fullness? To be whole?" In that simple question I have a feeling I will find a great wealth of happiness.
Above anything, the meaning of the word perfectionism is a great reminder, for me, of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Of the sacrifice He has made for each one of us. Of how only through Him can we be made perfect - whole. In all our imperfection we will be whole, and we will have a fullness. A fullness that we can not even comprehend. I am grateful, so grateful for the truth in my life. For the knowledge that I continue to learn, and for the blessing of the Gospel in my life. I take for granted all that I have everyday. And I always will - I do not think, as hard as times may be and as humbled as I will be... because of the awesomeness {that was sarcastic btw} of trials, I will ever understand the blessings in which I have. But I need to remember that all I can do and all I can control is me. And how I allow myself to be "full" that day. Then if I do all I can and reach, I know that through Christ all will be made whole.
In the end all I want is to help create a home that is whole, for my children, and my marriage. A home that is whole and full of love.
