A few of you probably know by now that Marc and I are no longer active in the LDS church.  Over about two years our research and change in perspectives gradually took us to the point where we no longer agreed with the teachings of the church, the presentation of church history, and the administrative choices.  Although I’m willing to speak privately to anyone who wants more details, I will not go into the depths of my faith crisis in this letter.  I have only one thing to talk about today.  This week’s Supreme Court decision and the fact that today is our 14th wedding anniversary have brought me to a place where I feel like I finally have collected some coherent thoughts, and I am ready to share.

Two years ago when I was in the beginning phase of questioning my faith I came across an animated map that showed the swelling of the world’s five major religions.  It made me think of all the recorded histories of people in our world and the variety of their religious practices and cultural systems, why would God “put all his eggs in one basket”?

It’s hard to wrap your mind around the ebb and flow of wars, conversions, debates, tolerances, treaties, and conquering that our planet has seen in the name of gods and religions especially considering the amount of recorded history that the majority of us are vaguely familiar with.  If I stay within the past two centuries of American history I can think of three times where people of all creeds and cultures came together to re-write the moral conduct of our nation: the abolition of slavery, the civil rights movement, and now marriage equality.  All three have one thing in common- basic human rights.

When the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was written in 1948 it established the following:  “men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family.  In 1984(Roberts vs U.S. Jaycees) the Supreme Court ruled that the Bill of Rights clause “freedom of association” protects our freedom of intimate association and sees intimate human relationships as a personal liberty. For decades persons who were homosexually oriented have been excluded from this basic human right.  This last decade, probably more, has been a debate to have the parameters of marriage reconsidered so that these rights can be enjoyed by all.

Many argue that the parameters of marriage are not open to interpretation by man, but are ordained of God.  The funny thing about God is that his will and personality are of great variety.  Some people’s God believes that wine is so sacred that it has its own special blessing while another persons God believes that wine is not to be consumed at all.  Some people’s God believes that children are baptised at birth, while another God says age 8.  And some people believe in multiple gods each with their own personality.  So which god gets to decide the definition of marriage?

Let me diverge for a minute to tell you about a couple I sat behind at an outdoor theater last summer.  They were two men who were obviously in a romantic relationship.  I watched them happily and peacefully enjoying the concert for quite some time before I noticed a rubber wrist band on one of them printed with the scripture Matthew 19:26, “With God all things are possible”.  I made an assumption that this man believed in a god that would someday make it possible for he and his partner to have the right to marry.

Back to it- since one of the religious freedoms that our Constitution provides is the freedom from religion, (the establishment of an official national religion) our courts and our nation must rely on something other than religion and the word of God(s) to change our laws when we as a people desire change.  I’m speaking of humanism, “an outlook or system of thought attaching prime importance to human rather than divine or supernatural matters. Humanist beliefs stress the potential value and goodness of human beings, emphasize common human needs, and seek solely rational ways of solving human problems”.  Although members of our courts were influenced by a variety of religious and political opinions, they were able to boil the rulings on slavery and civil rights down to an essence of preserving and protecting our humanity.  They did it then, and they just did it again.

One of these days, when I’m not taking 15 credit hours, I would like to read the entire court order of the Obergefell vs. Hodges case, but for now I’ll read the closing paragraph with joy in my heart and faith in the discerning powers of humanity.

“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice,and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.”

It is not my intention to flamebait.  It is also not my intention to jump on a bandwagon shouting “look at how awesome and accepting I am everyone!”.  This is not about me.  This is about how I want everyone who desires it to have the opportunity to experience the joy, hardship, triumph, laughter, passion, companionship, solidarity and belonging that I have experienced in my fourteen years of marriage.  This is about that one thing that we have left when we strip away beliefs, opinions, histories, and pride….our humanity.

Footnotes pending…I can’t figure out how to do it in wordpress 😦

I thought I would get away with being completely lazy this Christmas Break, but then after seeing everyone’s Christmas cards and family portraits, and realizing that today is our one year anniversary in Houston, I changed my mind.

Again, today we have officially been in Houston for a year!  In that year we have moved three times, I’ve completed two semesters at the University of Houston, we’ve bought a house, been to New Orleans, Abilene, and the beach, which was the first time any of our kids have seen the ocean.

Marc works for a company called Edible Software.  They make a software that manages food distribution.  He encouraged his good friend and former co-worker and missionary companion, Brandon Wallace, to come work with him at the company in September and is enjoying the work and company.

Cara skipped Spring semester to get the family situated but started back up again for the summer and fall completing 33 credit hours with almost all A’s.  She also is enjoying Texas and the humidity and critters remind her of her ole’ Kentucky home.

There’s a pun involved here too…do you get it?  Hint:  the shadow is part of the sculpture.

Together Marc and Cara have travelled to New Orleans, seen the Houston Symphony play Led Zeppelin music, been sailing on Galveston Bay, and bought a home.

Eva is eating and growing and eating and growing.  She is in the fourth grade and is turning into a beautiful young lady.  She has made many new friends, gotten her ears pierced, and loves to read non-fiction, especially about animals.  She can sit in the front seat now and sometimes chooses to hang out with her parents rather then her siblings.

 The Holly and Clay Painter’s dog…which Eva covets.

Noah has decided that crawfish and sushi are good.  He loves playing video games and telling elaborate stories and tall tales.  He is also growing…hair.  I’ve cut it 6 times in a year.  Is that normal?  He is in the 1st grade.

Charlotte and June are still best described as one entity.  They spent two weeks of early last year naked but eventually potty trained.  They are sweet and chipper and play together all day.  They turned four right before Thanksgiving.  Our friends Holly and Clay Painter live down the street from us and “Aunt Holly” is one of their favorite people.

We enjoyed our trip to Utah for Christmas, which was the first memorable time on a plane for Eva and Noah, and the first time ever for the twins.  It was nice to see our family and also nice to leave only hours before they received 11 inches of snow.  We celebrated the return to our home and anniversary of our re-location by enjoying our hot tub in 75 degree weather.  We love all our friends and family, in various states and countries!  May you all have a wonderful 2015!

We’ve been here officially one month now.  Emotionally it feels more like three.  While we have thoroughly enjoyed the warm days (with an occasional cold day) we miss our family and cousins.  I miss school and having something to do.  Since we are in a rental and trying to save as much money as we can for a while I’m trying not to do any projects around the house.  Not only is kindergarten all day, but Eva and Noah leave the house for the bus at 8:05 and don’t return until 4:15.  Not that I’m complaining, but it leaves me home with June and Charlotte in a house with no projects or schoolwork to keep me busy.  We are making friends, but I have temper myself lest I act obsessive and chase them off!  It’s likely that I won’t get to start school until fall.

Boredom aside, we are making friends, seeing some sights, and making plans for some spring traveling!  On that list is Abilene and New Orleans!

I think we’ll think long and hard before ever doing that again.

We’re getting into the Christmas spirit and counting down the days around here!  Even the quail are getting fatter.

Sometimes even incredibly humble people like me need to brag about how they managed four kids, packed a house, took 13 credit hours, and got all A’s with her husband miles away.  

I don’t know how single moms or army wives do it.  It’s awful, but at least I have an exact end in sight and a LOT of help.  I’ve managed to keep a schedule going for the most part.  I even plan nights out for myself so as not to go crazy.  And I’ve tried to make things like yard chores serve as entertainment at the same time.  I feel like the Lord is buoying me and stretching me further than I thought I could go.  Some other things that have been keeping us going  are: frozen foods, meals at my moms,  a free haircut coupon from Noah’s school, and video chatting with Marc at breakfast on the weekends.

We had decided to be done with the whole cow experience even before we decided to move to Texas.  Though it was a fun adventure it was expensive and a lot of work for just Marc and I.  We weren’t going to sell her until after she calved in the spring but since we are moving in December, and I’m not wanting to take care of a cow alone while Marc is gone, we decided to sell her now.  The breeder we bought her from but her back from us and sent a cattle transporter to pick her up.  We walked her down the driveway, with some effort and bribery, and loaded her into the back of a huge trailer that already had some young steer in it.  There was a lot of mooing in our quiet cul-de-sac.  She had a private pen in the back and I got teary-eyed saying good-bye to her through the bars.  I’m going to miss that cow face staring at me when I look out my bedroom window.

Marc and I have always loved visiting Grandma and Grandpa Means in Phoenix.  Eva’s first trip (that she remembers) was when Noah was a baby.  She’s been asking to go again for a while now.  Since Marc’s job started in October but I have to finish my semester we are going to be spending some time away from each other.  11 weeks to be exact.  Since Marc needed to get his car to Houston we decided to make a trip to Phoenix out of it…but I did require me driving the kids in the van alone, there and back.  It actually went pretty well.  We stayed with our couch surfing friends, the Jacobsens, in Vegas which served as a half-way point.  On the way home I needed to kill some time before arriving at their home so I took the kids to see the Hoover dam.  They were un-impressed.  On the way there I at least had Marc following behind and there every time we stopped, but on the way back it was all me.  It marks the beginning of my life as a “single mom”.

It was really hard saying good-bye to Marc.  Noah and the twins didn’t react much but Eva and I did.  Seeing Eva so said made me even sadder.  Can you spot her sitting on the sidewalk watching Marc drive away?  Darn near broke my heart.

I am LOVING school.  I’m never going back to the real world.