I look at this blog, and realize the evolution it has gone through. It started off as a place to pour out my grief, then a place to catalogue my second FET, then the terrors and wonder of pregnancy with Alice, and finally a place to occasionally update about her life story.

That being said... It may be time to hang up my hat. This is for several reasons.

First, it is not really cathartic about Maddie anymore. I don't have new revelations about her, I have a dull ache that will always be there, that will ebb and flow some, but isn't likely to change. I can only say the same things so many times.

As for Alice... I want her to be able to tell her own story someday. That isn't my place. And I stay so busy with her that I don't have much time for this space, to develop thought fragments in my head.

We are in a holding pattern about our next FET, and it just hurts too much to talk about the unending infertility.

And, to be honest, I really don't have any readers. This isn't to backhandedly beg for comments... That is just what happens when you largely stop posting for a year and a half.

So, I will continue to read others' blogs, commenting occasionally, but it feels like this isn't a place I visit much anymore. I visit Maddie elsewhere. Thank you to anyone who did or still reads.