Friday, April 27, 2007 hmm. went to school.. mum went malaysia le. then i have done all the laundry and blah blah blah. sian-ed. miss mum luh! bleahs. ok whatever. hmm. had eng oral today. it was. GREAT! and i feel great talking to chen and bojun. haa. hmm. anyway. not much things to update lah. bleahs. today heavy rain luhh. then that lightning risk alert until 5pm sia. siao de. today after oral i go settle papa's carpark thingy. go wrong place lah. then when i went to the right place, they close le. wth.. grr. then i walked home lor.. sian. then i come home like. so "cold" lah. nobody's at home. used comp awhile. watch tvee, bath then do laundry. see i so guai. hees. lalala. ok lah. i stop here for today.. byee.((: blogged @ 10:01 PM Thursday, April 26, 2007 i tell you ok. I HATE STANDING BROAD JUMP!! and i freaking suck at it... BOO~! bleahs. ok whatever. supposed to retake it but i really can't do it so mr ganesan let me do other day. HAHA. paiseh sia. omg.. wahlao. i feel that my blog nobody read, nobody tag one lor.. i mean like what? two three days one tag? then everytime come my blog soo cold lah. i envy ppl with many tags everyday.((: whatever lah. today i not very tired. but still i'm tired.. bleahs. today after sch go home with jinhui. i mean saw him at bus stop so go home together lor. and of course i was with huiyi. haha. then after that meeting jovy they all at bugis.. she needa buy something but at last she didn't buy ath lahh. haiyurr. ok lah. i'm having english oral tmr.. so sian.. my friday ruined again.. ok lah. stop here for today. byee.((: i never knew i was so selfish.. i was all along so selfish isn't it? i kept whatever it was hurting to me to myself.. and i kept quiet.. you are straight forward.. you didn't know what was going on.. you said to xinhui and jovy that you three buy a shirt together which cost 3 for 28 bucks at bugis street. i was there. what am i treated as? there were 4 of us and what? i wasn't included? nvm. ok. yes. i felt left out. but didn i even say? i didn't.. i tried to be happy infront of you ppl. but, sorry i can't hide my emotions.. why do i have to cry so easily? i hate it.. i thought i have overcome this weakness.. but. i didn't. i haven't.. why can't i just like act a brave front infront of others? why do i always post my unhappiness in my blog? becos i know nobody cares, nobody will read it.. why do ppl wanna read a blog with so many unhappiness? why do ppl wanna read a boring blog with long posts like mine? oh whatever.. blogged @ 9:59 PM Wednesday, April 25, 2007 ok. i deleted those irritating tags from my tagboard le. well, i suspect it's the same person.i mean thetr's no two person but such that there's only one person trying to act as two. and i suspect it's from my class if not from 3E.. becos that person know quite alot of things.. whatever lah. not my problem.. attention seeker lor. anyway. went to school today.. today mr goh leg pain.. ask him go see doctor.. hees. i very good hor. wahlao. today my bag damn heavy lahh. needa bring poa textbook.. sian-ed. then some more my file so heavy can. haiyoh.. ehh today. lesson as per normal. huiyi didn't come today again. guess she's ill. eh what happen today ah? ehh i forgot... sian-ed. today recess alone.. lalala. eh. i msg her after sch to ask her if she's ok lah. then after that we jiu ok le. haha. eh! we got our class photos today le. cool eh. ok now i go scan it.(: formal shot. informal shot no.1 informal shot no.2 eh i needa do my hwk.. byee.((: blogged @ 8:12 PM Tuesday, April 24, 2007 had social studies paper today.. and i think i'm screwed lahh. it's like many ppl didn't manage to write finish their essays lah. and to think i actually anyhow write for my essay and my source based lahh. but i think i am still able to pass lah.. i'm just afraid lahh. i dunno why it just seem like i haven't sat for mid year for like 3 years and now i have to take mid year exams... actually the school should early warly let us have mid year le lo. i mean like everybody in the sch have mid year isn't that better than just upper sec having midyear? gosh. i guesss teachers just love marking more papers lah. haha. cos every week CE tired sia. for the last two years we have been having common tests everyweek luhhs. but our batch is always the first and last one. i mean like first batch no midyear for lower sec, last batch also. cos the sec2s are having some midyear papers this year also. haha. bu then.. i think mid year good lehh. cos like can prepare for final year. and i have no confident to get really good results this mid year.. i mean.. i dunno lahh. eh. i feel like going for run at the reservoir. it's miracle i know.. cos everytime ppl ask me go run i say i hate running and give alot of excuses to myself... but now i got a urge to go for a run lehh. dunno why.. feel like really working out.. hees. i know lah. you ppl ting dao confirm kena shock one lahh. but who cares.. i just feel like it. hees. ok lahh. i'm gonna do my poa practise already.. byee.. hais. she didn't turn up for exam today.. i wonder if she's ok.. i feel like msging her.. but i have no courage to do so.. what's with me lahhhh. what the hell is the problem? i dun like the me now lah. and i think many ppl dun like me NOW. haiyah. whatever lah. Labels: when will things go back to normal?? blogged @ 6:53 PM Monday, April 23, 2007 went to sch.. asked wilson to pass her the electronic dictionary.. i asked wilson what was her reaction or whatever. he told me she gave a funny face.. just what's the prob? i promised to bring it for you.. i want us to patch up like before.. but it seems.. we ain't gonna patch so soon.. anyway... had eng and chi paper1 today.. after eng paper1, had recess. then go back class for chi paper1.. i'm afraid i will flunk my chi paper.. whatever lah. anyway.. i haven't finish my ss essay can. and tmr i'm like having my ss paper lahh. recess was with sop.. i dunno lah. i feel like telling somebody i'm failure.. like singhong was using my phone to send songs and stuff, i wanted to tell her i feel like i'm a failure.. but i didn't.. whatever lahh. after chinese paper about 1230? cos thought got ss remedial today after sch at 1340 to 1500. so went study area to do my ss essay. yes, me alone. have been doing things alone. whatever lah.. i'm a loner. (: came home after knowing that there's no remedial. saw taufiq at the bus stop so just chatted with him.. he lame lah. he say he can predict future say what next time will have flying car then very light one. so i say he too imaginative le lah. hahaha. joker luh he.. when coming home, jp msg me ask me if i'm home yet. wah he reply damn slow lah. he wanted to borrow some dvd lahh. i reached home around 1335. so sian. look for food to eat. HAHA. ok. i've been rather.. in love with food.. haha. at everything i see which is edible. hahaha. eh. i feel restless lah.. i feel so tired.. i feel like talking to someone.. today i see her like that i very sad lahh. then i feel like it's my fault lah.. i feel like everything's my fault.. i tell shihui i very sad.. then my tears start rolling down.. i'm already to this state that even the thought of it makes me cry lahh.. i mean like. i feel so stress. i feel like i can't do my paper well.. i feel like talking to her.. i feel like apologising again.. but. i have got no courage.. seriously.. i need a shoulder.. really. i feel like i can't carry things well.. i'm afraid.. i really dunno what to do.. anybody can just if i'm ok, and just walk away.. anybody can just say they will be there and stuff. i feel like ppl around me are just trying to say those comforting words to make me happy.. but when i really needed someone.. i'm like.. crying alone in one corner.. hais.. whatever lah. i stop here for today. needa bath and study for ss exam tmr.. bye. blogged @ 6:31 PM Saturday, April 21, 2007 there's no gb today. and i'm so happy. i mean cos i can sleep longer mah. anyway, met xinhui at bedok then go east coast together.. it was very very early luhh. cos meeting church ppl in the afternoon.. but we had to leave by 1515.. so we went early to play on our own first lahh. we reach there around 10 plus. we sat at the breakwater to slack for awhile. after that we went to 7-eleven to get some stuff to drink. no we went macs first. yah. then go 7-eleven. so sian lahh. then we sit down at one of the bench talk lah. then i tell xinhui i want help qu chritain name. haha. then we write out name from A-Z that i can think off luhh. then we cancel cancel left afew, she still duno which one she want. hahaha. haiyoh. anyway. after that we go rent bicycle. we ride all the way to dunno where lah. but near bedok jetty, there's a compeition going on. it's so cool! swimmers swim to a certain area, swim back and run out of some place for a "marathon" i think. it's so cool.. can see handsome guys. HAHAH. oops. ok lah. church ppl came at around 1440. yah lor. i feel so wierd lahh. cos like so long nv go church n very wierd lorr. nvm lah. anyway. we went home at 1515. wahlao. then we missed a bus lah. at last took cab back to bedok. then at inter we go seperate ways le. reach home.. still early. find food eat first luhh. heehee. then go tuition.. today san san they all make me angry.. cos i want do my work seriously then they keep playing around. grrr. then i kept myself quiet the whole lesson. bleahs. after tution same thing pei san and sheauyun go home. we pei sheauyun go take bus to inter. then me and san stay at the bus stop to talk. haha. then after that before we leave hor. we shuo hao san will msg me. ask me want chat anot. then blah blah blah. very sian lahh. ok lah. stop here for today. bye.. blogged @ 9:28 PM Friday, April 20, 2007 cip today was ok.. i love my juniors.. they've been great help. thanks girls.((: anyway. thought the children how to make paper cranes and hearts.. it was tiring teaching them.. but still ok lah. nth much to blog already. bye. blogged @ 8:07 PM i really dunno what's wrong with me these days.. i seemed to be always the one in the wrong.. just what's wrong with me these days??? i can't concentrate well, i can't do things well.. i can't make ppl happy cos i myslef is already unhappy. how do i have the rights to make others happy when i'm not? i really suck in hiding my emotions.. why can't i act brave and strong infront of ppl? the moment i thought about unhappy things, tears start rolling down.. i am really tired.. i gave in. i apologised.. and, she ignored me. yes, i know maybe what i did was wrong.. but, i wasn't even shouting at her lah. or rather i didn't even shout.. i just sounded pissed. it's like, first, she grumbles that why we can't one week go bedok one week go tamp for cip. like that then fair what. then i diam diam. second, she just like sits infront of me and pushed my bag to the back, ok nvm, i tell ppl at the back to move a little. but they didn't. so i just said haiyah they dun want move lah. then i just sat down. THEN. she angry already. ok. it was my tone that sucks. but, i'm really apologetic for that already. even she angry, she dun have to skip cip right. it's like two freaking different thing lah. and she dun have to give that attitude in class lah. pass down paper she just snatch from me. it's like, you happy with your friends, unhappy with me. and what? i go recess all alone, cry cry cry. sophia with suling and zhaodan, wanjing with shihui and shanrong. and i can't find them anywhere. until i saw suling and sophia they all in the canteen already sitting down eating. then i what? just sat there and asked suling to buy for me? i felt bad ok. yes, i cried. i'm a crybaby. how many times did i cry today? do you freaking know that? i'm so tired today ok. my whole body is aching.. and nobody really cared that my whole body was aching.. i wanted to hide that i was crying.. but, one person see, come forward then suddenly so many ppl knew i cried.. i so wanted to talk to you.. when your pen's lost, i feel like just finding it for you.. all these you didn't know, becos in your heart, i'm already a rotten egg. i had left a bad impression.. i tried to make it up.. but, have you given me the chance to? so many ppl came forward to me, asking me what happened. and i just simply shake my head.. i'm really tired.. and even if we have sort of quarrelled, i still wished you would go for cip.. i hoped that even if you didn't go with us, you will ber there. i thought there was a glim of hope.. but, you didn't turn up.. i was really disappointed.. how many ppl really know that i'm crying? even cheston saw me crying. just what's the fucking problem with me? why do i seemed to be the sinner all the time? when i said the wrong thing, ppl got angry with me.. when ppl said the wrong thing, i kept quiet and what? kept it to myself? you know what? i'm freaking tired of everything.. i wished everything will end.. pls tell me i'm wrong.. and i know i am.. even if i'm not, sorry. i know. i have said too many sorries.. i've made too many empty promises.. i'm sorry. i really didn't mean to break your promises.. i will fulfil them when i have the ability to do that.. i promise.. now, i dun have the ability to fulfil what i have promised.. but i'm sure one day i will be able to do that.. just, give me a break. thanks to people who had came forward to console me.. thanks lots. blogged @ 7:35 PM Thursday, April 19, 2007 actually i forgot what happen yesterday.. oh yes, i think is got back maths results then very upset.. was it yesterday? or was it the day before? haiyur anything lah. anyway. today went to school as per normal. this morning weather not good so went to class for morning assembly. after annoucements we, taf members went to the hall for a briefing about this year's events.. hohoho. there's kanroo jumping anf kickboxing for grp 3 & 4!! we dun have to have morning runs. lalala. anyway. ran 2.4 today. it was tiring but i managed to finish running.. *APPLAUSE* *APPLAUSE* hahah. and one thing that made me kinda disappointed luhh.. i failed by only 9 secs can. then at last mr ganesan let me pass.. i was touched by the ppl around me luh. cos, they cheered me on and encouraged me to continue running. i ran pass upper sec block. then, got someone throw paper out of the window then hit me. i think that one jinhui purposely one. was it him? hah. i dunno lah. but i didn't stop i just continued running. first two rounds i run non stop, last two rounds i slowed down.. i was really really tired. but somehow,. i just told myself that i MUST finish the race.. though i failed by 9 secs, i was still glad that i finished my race.(: i was tired though. but then, nvm lah. hmm. today. also nth much luhh. just that during recess i scolded some ppl who cut queue. i hated it when ppl cut queue. but haiyah. most my friends do that. bleahs. hmm. went for poa remedial today.. then after that i went home with sophia. i was kinda shocked to hear that her bro got expelled from his sch yesterday. quite sad luh. cos he's actually quite a smart guy, sec2 nia get expelled. haiyoh. now must see which sch want accept him le. wahlao. today i got headache after 2.4 .. until like just now then ok de. lalala. ok lah. end here for today.. byee.((: THANKS TO PEOPLE TO CHEERED AND ENCOURAGED ME TO FINISH THE RUN!! you people rocks!((: blogged @ 8:45 PM Tuesday, April 17, 2007 wah today damn malu luhh. nvm anyway. went to school as usual. today i like sia. omg i got my ying yong wen haven't finish. nvm anyway.. had assembly and all that today. mrs tay was talking to us before assembly.. about our class.. hmm. after sch, i went home to get changed and stuff. i chiong after the bus can. grr. anyway. i went ntuc to get some stuff for my mum. then after i buy right, i need the toilet like urgently, so i quickly went to the polyclinic's toilet. then i was carry like a very big bag. then ppl was like looking at me lah. they must be thinking, "wah that girl why so kanchiong" and stuff lah. after that i went home and bath. cos meeting huiyi at 1530 mah. she won a pair of movie tickets. so ha i'm so honoured to pei her go watch. hees. went PS first before heading to marina.. i dunno if i ate something wrong luhh. but nvm. anyway. it was NIGHTMARE DETECTIVE that we watched. it's a nice show. really. no joke. it's really worth watching. i mean like how often do you get to watch this kinda movies? go watch lah. lalala. ok lah. needa stop here already. haven't completed my hwk.. bleahs. ok lah. byee.((: blogged @ 10:50 PM Monday, April 16, 2007 hmm. bg concert band had their syf central judging today in the morning? they got a BRONZE. eh not bad le lah. heard that this year's standard very high. ehh. i forget msg eric today. i promised to "all the best for syf" him de. but i forgot.. hees. anyway. went to sch.. class today was. not very good.. even mr jhee say our class today siao one. like dunno leh. today give alot of problems.. haiyur i dun care luhh. tmr my sch chinese dance syf central judging.. all the best man! haha. hmm. today huiyi didn't come to sch.. cos she's very sick. haiyoh. must take good care mah. if not later i sad ah. haha. bleahs. eh actually nth much today.. i sometimes hate my class for being so copycats.. i mean like some things are meant to be done yourslf.. but they, just copied the model answers and make it THEIR works. it's like. haiyah. i really dunno how to help the class lah. dylan ask me why i so hao xin like. even not my duty also i pick up litter and clean the class and stuff. but then.. i dun think even got ppl appreciate lor.. but nvm.. whether they appreciate it or not, i guess, i just wanna help.. i just wanna be a helping hand to everyone.. well.. i'm not trying to say i'm helpful though. haiyah nvm. anyway. i'm typing a chinese msg on my phone.. and it's for somebody.. nvm. i dunno if i'll even send it.. lalala. ok lah. stop here for today.. byee.((: blogged @ 9:01 PM Sunday, April 15, 2007 ok. i stayed home and rot for the whole day today.. ok lah. not so bad.. did my hwk. but haven't finsh lah. still got one question for ss sbq.. omg. tmr got ss sbq test on chapt2.. sian lah. ehh. anyway, i just came back not long ago like an hr ago from pei-ing carmen to bedok pasar malam. how come i can talk to her like so natural sia.. nvm, she's my gossip partner. HAHA. oops. funny luh just now she call me. then she say dunno to some stuff. then you know what, she starts laughing like mad. -.- like those lunatic " heheheheeee" those crappy laughters. omg. but nvm, she's still my very good friend. haha. ehhh. i haven't finish my hwk.. soon i'll finish it all. wahaha. =x anyway. i'm so tired last night.. dunno why lehh. sian-ed.. nvm. i everyday also tired de.. ok lah i think i end here.. BYEE.((: i'm indecisive.. i can't decide.. i don't know if i should forget you.. everyone said i should.. but i have no courage to do that.. i can;t bear to just give up like that.. "it's not how long i liked you, it's not how long i can wait for you, it's not how long you are making me wait like a fool, it's just the feeling is still there" you know that? i guess you don't.. i have a song for you, "pu tong peng you by tao ze" 陶喆 普通朋友 等待 我随时随地在等待 做你感情上的依赖 我没有任何的疑问 这是爱 我猜 你早就想要说明白 我觉得自己好失败 从天堂掉落到深渊 多无奈 我愿意改变(what can i do?) 重新再来一遍(just give me change) 我无法只是普通朋友 感情已那么深 叫我怎么能收手 但你说 i only want to be your friend 做个朋友 我在 你心中只是just a friend 不是情人 我感激你对我这样的坦白 但我给你的爱暂时收不回来 so i 我不能只是be your friend i just can't be your friend no,no,no, 我不能只是做你的朋友 不能只是做普通朋友 blogged @ 10:03 PM Saturday, April 14, 2007 went gb today.. it was.. omg.. cos like this few days i kept forgetting to do things... i forgot to bring my squadbook, i forgot to prepare songs, i that day forgot to give peiting consent, yesterday i forget go find mr viknesh, and blah blah blah.. i've been really absent minded these days.. omg. i hope i dun forget my next rehearsal.. wahalo. jinghan say she want in ndp sia. sian-ed. oh yes, sop is in ndp tooo!! hahaha. today during gb, i trained them drills becos they taking stage1 retest. cos they didn't do well. or rather they failed it. i wanna teach drills!!((: though i can't really do that, but i still enjioy teaching drills. wahahaha. bleahs. nth much luhh. just that after gb we went bedok. the pasar malam. i didn't want the sec1s to follow cos like if we are caught bringing the sec1s out we will be like in trouble?! but forget it. they still followed anyway. wahlao! i kena cheated! the stupid "cheese" hotdog i bought from a particular stall at the pasar malam, is not even CHEESE hotdog can. and it cost me $2.40. wth. it was just normal chicken hotdog luhh. my sch sell cheaper and ORIGINAL cheese hotdogs lahh. stupid. nvm. i was stupid luhh. went home after that.. then i slept for like 1 hr plus plus. then wake up go tuition again. hmm. that was how it ended.((: blogged @ 9:23 PM hmm. had cip yesterday. lazy to update my blog yesterday luhh. hahaha. hmm. before setting off to tampines to meet ms ho, some stuff cropped up luhh. my squad got 2 person cry luhh. omg.. then meet huiyi we late lah. we mentor students and stuff. do all the wierd wierd stuff. bleahs. the teacher damn lame luhh. nvm haha. after cip i went home. then go meet ber at cityhall. cos she needa get keys from her boss mahh.. then i pei her go lah. hmm. i actually had my dinner in carrefour. i mean i bought my dinner at carrefour. cool huh? haha. slacked at esplanade there for awhile. then around 10 plus we go home lor. she go her home i go my home. HAHA. yah that was how i ended my friday.((: blogged @ 6:32 PM Thursday, April 12, 2007 hmm. had napha 5 items today.. it was.. ok lah.. sit ups >> 30 shuttle run >> 11.4s inclined pull up >> 7 standing broad jump >> 147 sit and reach >> 37 ehh. my standing broad jump and sit & reach damn lousy my inclined pull ups also. BOO!! sian-ed. next week 2.4 confirm fail de sia. i no confident lahh.. just pass also can lah. haha. wah.. omg. huiyi's voice jialat sia. dunno what happen to her voice lahh. now really like no voice le. must take care ahh gal. i sick going ok le..so you sick must quickly hao ok. hees. dun want see you sick.. bleahs. stupid that person still angry with me for my attitude yesterday.. hopefully, everything will be alright soon... it was always my fault.... grr. nvm lah. everything's gonna be ok.. and heyy. i got good news.. MY SCHOOL SYMPHONIC BAND GOT GOLD AGAIN FOR SYF THIS YEAR!! they worked so hard and finally their hardwork is paid off. CONGRATS PEOPLE!! haha. next will be eric's school band le. his sch band is concert band. monday then their turn. all the best!((: now raining cats and dogs. whooo~! ehh. i needa settle my dinner myself.. but then nobody pei me go eat lehh. suan le. later i go downstair buy.. i mean if i hungry luhhh. niot hungry then dun eat lor. save money. haha. sian-ed. now 6.30pm le. got to do my hwk soon. got quite afew to finish.. eng >> essay corrections, compre + summary social studies >> essay maths >> trigonometry from text. and there's eng situational writting test tmr.. omg. sec3.. nvm. soon, it will be mid year soon.. how come the time like rushing to go somewhere ahh.. not tired meh time?? no need rest de lor.. haha. ok. i walked in the rain today after school.. no worries. i dun get sick. i so love walking in the rain.. hahaha. ok lah. i think i go buy dinner first before i go bath.. come back, bath already, eat dinner. after that START DOING MY HWK!!! haha. ok lah. end here for today.. byebye. ((: blogged @ 6:11 PM Wednesday, April 11, 2007 hmm. went to school as usual. was quite pissed in the morning cos some ppl wanted to borrow a pen. and i was like. eh i supplier is it.. everytime also borrow from me... then ppl get angry then give me attitude.. but it was my fault in the first place.. i gave the person attitude mahh. but anyway. had maths test and chinese test today. it's like. maths test screwed lahh. first, mrs foo came in 10 min late for our one period lesson. second, she said the test was 30 min but she came in late, all of us didn't finish our graph or even haven't started. then she dun let us continue tmr. and she claims that we don't know how to do. it's like how can. she didn't even give us the chance to try then she insist to collect all the papers and insisted that we can't continue the test tmr... and she says that tmr there will be another set. and eveybody was pissed. everybody's maths paper are screwed can. totally screwed luhh.. fucked up.. after maths was chinese. and i think i screwed my chinese test also... sian-ed.. i no confident lahhhh. i no confident in everything i do now.. i'm totally screwed. pray that i don't go berserk... pray that i don't do foolish stuff. oh whatever. i don't do foolish things. HAHA. oh. so not funny.. ok lah.. and i think, haiyur. i'm just screwed up in EVERYTHING lah.. in love, in studies, in leadership, in gb, in tidalwave, in results. omg.. HELP ME! grr. i very stress sia. tmr got napha 5 items.. hopefully i will do well even if i dun do well in 2.4 at least i still got other stuff mahh. sian-ed. ok lah. this few datys i have been running to my parents' room to sleep lah. cos so much more comfortable and cooler.. my room damn hot lah. no air con.. then room duo le one laptop the heat generates in the room.. omg. so hot... anyway. i went for last internal rehearsal today.. i didn't wanna report sick lah. i wanted to carry on.. but becos i kept coughing then m'am ask me fall out and go rest.. so didn't do much marching today. i mean for me luhh. oh yes, i've gotta photocopy some stuff. or rather re-type everything.. sian-ed. ok lah. i stop here for today.. byebye.((: i saw the band members walking in groups.. together. going home.. i had the urge to see him.. i wanted to.. but i didn't eventually. blogged @ 8:40 PM Tuesday, April 10, 2007 hmm. today's international friendship day.. is it? eh i think so lehh. nvm. anyway.. my sch "celebrated" it today. i still remember last two years we get to give one person a small gift. but then this year like dun have.. sian-ed. but anyway. this morning i ran errands again for mr viknesh with dylan. must be done by dunno when luhh. sian-ed. house officials jiu shi like that lah. sian-ed. tmr still must continue to do that one.. hope can finish everything by tmr. cos thursday got pe mah. then abit not convenient. some more this week is 5 items sia. omg. my standing broad jump confirm fail de lahhhhh! my sit and reach, pull up all that not so strong leh. situps still can. shuttle run also can. siao liao. i no confidence in 2.4, standing broad jump, sit and reach and pull up lehh. omg. it's almost everything. bleahs. i kinda quarelled with HER today.. well, i said the wrong thing AGAIN. but, it was my fault lah.. my stupid mouth.. nv think before i talk.. hurr. but now ok le lah.. sian-ed. tmr got rehearsal.. ehh. i kinda scared le lehh.. i feel like giving up but.. i just can't.. i feel like putting a stop in everything.. i' scared of polishing boots, i'm scared of NDP.. i'm scared of the officers.. i'm scared of everything... that i really hope i can put a stop to it... god, pls. tell me what to do.. i'm afraid i can't do well.. i'm afraid i will cork up in the rehearsals and the actual NDP. though NDP is around 4 months away.. it's just so fast.. i'm afraid that i can't do well.. i'm screwed. my mind is screwed.. i'm having my mid years soon.. and i'm stressed.. i'm afraid i can't do well in my mid year.. i'm afraid i will drop.. i'm afraid i can't take it.. i know i shouldn't be like this.. but i just feel very insecure.. i can't stable myself.. i can't make myself not be afraid of everything in my hands now.. i have no confidence in doing them well.. pls. god.. pls.. tell me what to do.. i'm afraid i'll be very tired.. i'm afraid of. those people.. i don't know how to face them.. i don't how to continue it... i don't know if i should persevere.. i'm totally screwed up.. am i unhappy? am i the end? i really have no idea.. i have no courage to continue.. to face the reality.. i hope tmr will be a better day.. i don't understand him!! arew my msges that HARD to reply? or you just don't understand? long msges sent, short replies received.. that's not i want.. i really dun understand people lah. what's the problem with them.. forget it.. maybe it was just sth i've gotta accept... wah. tmr got test.. quite sian. and also got rehearsal.. haven't polished my boots!! i must polish lehh. if not confirm kena one.. bleahs. ok lah.stop here for today.. bye.((: blogged @ 3:04 PM Monday, April 9, 2007 today's monday again. and pls. i'm coughing and sneezing like hell lahh. hopefully by tmr i can be healed lah. wahlao. just now saw kayan's pm, "fucking flu!!" then i go ask him if he's sick also. haha. then i tell him i also sick.. oh yes, then he say what "eric ting and pamela yeo... steady le ah? lol." it's lame right. then i say no lah. rubbish. haha. [if really ah, then i wouldn't be sitting there and waity lo..] today the time very fast sia.. like at first in the morning mr viknesh come find me and ask me go find players for inter house softball. cos really short of players mah. so mr viknesh ask me and dylan go together. so we did lah. he's a great help though. tmr still must continue find members during silent reading.. sian-ed. anyway. so glad many ppl asked me if i'm ok lah. cos they just see me coughing and sneezing.. then they come up to me and ask if i'm alright. lalala. after sch, i went tm with leewee and huiyi.. i went home early at like 1540.. cos really damn tired and i really need a break luhh.. wah.. really lor. fatimah very jialat. cos she sit beside me. i scared i spread the gems to her sia.. tmr still must go school. tmr got test. arghh. haven't studied yet. bleahs. ok lah. i stop here for today.. byee.((: oh yes, tmr is international friendship day... sian-ed. nvm. anyway. byee. tc.((: is that the reason why i msged you? is that why i told you that i'm upset? i don't know if i should be jealous or just plain envy of her.. but.. i can't help it.. really. i was in the bus.. i thought of you, and her.. what's the problem?? i hate it. i really do. blogged @ 10:23 PM Sunday, April 8, 2007 ok. my sunday is ruined... and i just spend my sunday home coughing, coughing, coughing... then tmr still must go school.. cannot dun go cos tmr got test.. arghh.. everytime i sick is very serious one. cos i very rare fall sick mahh.. then when i fall sick hor. it just gets serious.. then eric say my sickness very wierd.. haha. bleahs. but really.. i'm quite sick now.. BOO!! =x oh my god. i want a hug. bleahs. ok i was just joking.. i'm waiting for dinner. i know it's early.. but i didn't had my lunch luhh. i only ate bread. bleahs. i quite hungry leh now.. talking to wanjing and feline now.. very long nv got ppl talk to me le. i mean in msn. like those longer chats and stuff. nvm. anyway.. i miss TING. bleahs. eh. no wrong what. i miss my gan laogong got wrong mehh. HAHAHA. ok whatever. i'm talking rubbish. ehh. i think i stop for now.. maybe i'll continue later... hees. byee.((: blogged @ 4:19 PM Saturday, April 7, 2007 hmm. went gb today.. had easter party.. it was.. ok lah. i scolded my girls today. very angry luhh. even zaixuan they all ask me why i so angry. and what's more i'm sick lah. BOO!! =x hurr. hmm. i kinda pissed with my captain luhh. she like scold us infront of outrsiders lahh. it's like how can. then some more when she scold she keep her eyes stuck at me can. like machian i do sth wrong lahh.. grrr. nvm. forget it.. wah. i cannot eat much heaty stuff lor. cos i'm was coughing like hell can.then everyone brought tidbits to the party.. so many left over inside gb room. nvm ah. next time go in if hungry can eat... HAHA. no lah. joking. hmm. today also not a very good day lah. cos like some problems happened with peiting.. in her family.. like her dad keep scolding her and stuff luhh. then she cried lah. cos she dun wanna go home.. but we pei her go home after gb. then we stayed at the stairs there. waited for some news ahh.. but then i think everything ok lwe so we left to meet leemei they all to play basketball. but then of course i nv play luhh,. dun feel like playing.. me and huiying sat at the void deck while the rest play basketball. we sat there and chatted luhh.. chat about him. and stuff. i went home at around 1440. went to rest for awhile. then had to go tuition. after tuition, as usual i pei san and sheauyun go home. and now, i'm home blogging. haha. ok lah. stop here for today.. byee.((: blogged @ 7:20 PM went bugis with jovy, xinhui and huiyi in the morning.. then we took neos. after getting huiyi's shoes, went simei to meet her cell. cos going expo for service together.. i going find eric mahh. lalala. orh then. huiyi very mah fan one. but still ok lah. oh yes, her cell and herself had lunch at long john's but i didn't eat luhh. after that we took 38 to expo. we were at the foyer for a while. then went to queue up.. i sat with huiyi they all. cos i dunno how to find eric mah. i only know he serving ministry at attributes side.. hmm. had drama. it was great. i mean seriously. it was great. hmm. after that pastor kong preached. then we go meet eric outside hall8.. then we went tm. hmm. oh yes, we had dinner first. but i didn't eat luhh. only huiyi and eric eat. i not hungry mahh. so i didn't eat. after that we like walk walk then go cs take neos. HAHA. lalala. so nice. later i try see my scanner working not then i scan.. cos that time not working leh. but afew days back i try again. ehh! can sia. haha. anyway. after we took neos, we went arcade. pls lor. eric like xiao hai zi like that. keep on wanna play arcade. hurr. after that we sat at the fifth storey there de sofa... then we down there slack. i was writting on his notebook luh. kinda vandalising it. haha. we talk and take pictures luhh. later i post the pictures.. anyway. we slacked there until like 10 odd. after that we go take 28. haha. purposely one. dun wanna go home so early mahh. then in the bus, eric was like playing with his PSP luhh. then huiyi listening to her UFM 1003. then i sit down there ask eric talk to me. HAHA. then when reach eric's stop, huiyi dun let him go down. until my stop also dun let us go down. ask us send her back. haha. then send lo. but then we went to the swing there sit sit. orh oh yes, in the bus when huiyi dun him go down the bus right, they started their fight. beat here beat there. dunno lah. like machiam know each other very long le. go down the bus also they keep fighting. hurr. anyway. we went to the swing and slacked. huiyi sit infront of me. then eric was like standing in between us lah. then i ask him sit down. then after very long then he sit down. wah. they really hor. chilidish lah. and they say each other childish. hurr. even take picture also they want pinch each other. stupid right? then i ask them, "eh no you all only know afew days jiu so close le. then later you together how?" then they say,"i then dun want lor...." hurr. anyway. we slacked until 11 odd. then me and eric walked home from huiyi's house there. we were like strolling lah. then we talk about some stuff. but now, me and him quite open le. like. just say whatever lah. then i so like the feeling now. cos it's really. over my expectations. lalala. anyway. we walk until traffic light there. he pei me wait for green man. then he jiu hui jia le. i so enjoy tonight. ok lah. i will post the pictures now. ((: I-LOVE-THEM. GIANT!! KOH-HUI-YI-&-PAMELA-YEO MYUK-ed. ERIC-TING-FU-XIANG-&-PAMELA-YEO. eric childish!! =x eric also got emo de shi hou. hahaha. him and his psp. -.- MY JACKET!! =x nice right. i know got me. and him. HAHAHA. fight no.1 fight no.2 THEY-ARE-LOVE. ok finished. i love huiyi and eric!! lalala.((: i wish that it doesn't happen. i hope they dun get together. i hope i won't be the one blessing them instead. he knows.. everything.. he told me.. everything. he told me why he doesn't wanna get into a relationship.. he thought girls get fickle minded at times. i leaned on his shoulder.. for the first time.. i leaned on his shoulder.. like the first time i held his hand, it was.. unexpected.. i didn't even expect myself leaning on his shoulder. it was.. coincident. hee. =x i wanna love him..((: blogged @ 12:10 AM Thursday, April 5, 2007 hmm. today isn't a very good day luh.. cos... haiyur. dunno if i should post it. nvm. i shall just post it. but, keep your comments to yourself. i know what you ppl wanna say.. what happen all started with history lesson. but, i will start with the beginning of the day ok. went to school in dad's lorry. seems that i have been going to sch in dad's lorry for quite afew days. but anyway. had assembly. it was as boring as before. becos of the principal.. she just have a very long breath luhh. then went back to class. mr jhee briefed us on some friendship day thingy.THEN. i realised, I FORGOT MY PENCIL CASE!!! hurr. nvm. had to live with it. had pe lesson. i was supposed to run 2.4km. but huiyi wanna run so i swop with her lah. then i do recording.. after that was maths. it was ok.. i totally forgot i had to go to the office to get some stuff for my class as i was rushing off yesterday to my rehearsal. afer 2 periods of maths was recess. ate and went back to class. wth. ms tan today never come. then got one mr ng supposed to take over lesson. but he actually saw the wrong schedule luhh. he actually went other class conduct test. -.- then our lesson 2 periods right. one period gone. hurr. anyway. after poa was maths again. still i had to borrow pen from dylan. ahha. mainpoint: it was humanities lesson. lesson as per normal.. but mdm fina finished lesson 10 min before bell ring.. then i helped to cleaned the class lah. then i was sweeping the floor at first. but i saw the computer table behind our class full of litter. i mean like those sweet wrapper and stuff. so i decided to clean it. i decided to take out whatever it was thrown inside. but when i was doing it halfway, ms nurul came in. she was like. "pamela, what are you doing? get back to your seat." then i tell her going finish but she insist i go back to my seat. then munir was like, "can you do it later? now is english. do it later." i was like, "i going finish already. give a little bit more time." then he like wanna fight like that can. give me those filthy attitude. then they only know how to say don't know how to do can. what the hell. i know i'm doing it at the wrong time. but pls, i'm gonna finish and you insisted me on going back to my seat and just becos you wanna sit down. it's not as if i'm blocking your seat or what right. then ms nurul came to the back of the class like wanna stop what's happening. then nadhira helping me sweep cos i very pissed le. then ms nurul kinda scold her lah. then i just ran out of the class to the toilet. and it was the first time i actually ran of the class without the teacher's permission. i just wanna have peace lah. and pls can, my tears. just flowed out of my eyes lah. like running tap like that can. i help the class also must tolerate this kinda nonsense. what's more, amir actually wanted to VIDEO down what had happened ok. i was like, "shut up lah. ppl cry also want video. you think you what. very funny is it. it's not funny ok." huiyi snatched his phone away. and scolded him. say he everytime so nonsense and so irritating which was true. then he nth to say le. then my class was like booing and booing. i feel like giving then one tight slap lah. it was really saddening lah. like you tried your best to help to keep the class together but this is what happen. is it my fault or what? yes, i admit, i'm partly to blame. cos i shouldn't continue cleaning when teacher already come in. but, they[ppl in my class] doesn't respect others lah. it's like. you all only know how to talk talk talk. litter litter litter. anyhow throw things in the class. have you ppl thought about how the cleaners will feel? they are paid to clean the school. not paid to clean your dirty things. ok. finished. blogged @ 8:11 PM woah. ok. i'm posting for yesterday.. went NDP intenal third rehearsal yesterday... it was.. ok lahh. had so many pins on my head luhh. hmm. yesterday damn tired.. come back home.. bathed. used the comp for awhile.. helped mum to do some stuff for dad. omg. we were laughing our heads off when we saw that my dad's bank actually had 2 million bucks.! LOL. it was like. "eh mummy, papa so rich lehh. 2 million bucks in his bank acc. hahaha." bleahs. it was so funny lah. i mean. my dad where got so much money.. anyhow sia. but anyway. i slept at like 10 odd. but at like 2250, my dad woke me up luh! and what? asked me to help him msg to some ppl. dunno what ICs and names and whatever lah. i was like,. ehh i sleeping leeh.. i wanna sleep sia. but still i helped him msg luhh. hmm. that's all for yesterday.((: blogged @ 7:45 PM Tuesday, April 3, 2007 woah. today is a very hot day.. i mean before it starts raining lahh. hurr. nvm. yes! i finished my hw already. nth much to blog about today. hur. my bro super upset luhh. cos like he spent so much time go buy clothes and stuff for his CLT course then now only first day he kena kicked out le. and and and just becos he failed the PFT. how cane sia. my bro that time still look forward to this course luh. then like that he cannot be CLT le. it's like. they nv give my bro a chance lah. now, he have to return ALL his drawed uniform. it's like. WTF. nvm. i just know luh. he's damn sad. cos he looked forward to this then becos of PFT he kena kicked out from CLT... grrr. feel sad for him though. hmm. ok lah. nth much to blog about today. will stop soon. haha... byee. haha. drawn by mr jhee. yesterday.((: today, doing experiment at the lab. seowfong. zilian with my phone. haha. yesterday. bleahsss... =p emo-ed. blogged @ 6:04 PM Monday, April 2, 2007 went to school today. it's like the first day of the week.. it's week3 already!! how come it seemed just yeasterday that march holiday just started. bleahs. this year will be a damn fast year lahh. cos alot of things for me to do and handle. have NDP rehearsals, have mid-years, have party this sat for easter, woah. there's just soo many things. at least that's what i thought. but ok lahh. i'm gonna study doubly hard this year and get top 5%. HAHA. ok. abit too ambitious. but i will do my best. i will chiong all the way. all the way to sec5, after my Os. ahha. okok. abit too far. ok lah. anyway. had to take my POA test today after sch.. i thought it will be easy.. but i just pass nia. btw, i asked ms tan to mark mine on the spot so yah lor. i only got 16/30. huiyi got 19/30.. hais. then i very sad lah. i just can't control my emotions. i just can't control my tears. even if i can, there's definitely someone there to agitate me more. then there goes my tears. oh so crybaby. whatever. everytime i appear weak infront of my sec1s and some teachers.. i wanna appear strong!! really! oh yes. i hate ppl who promised to be there for me, but yet, dun even wanna reply my msges. WTH. forget it. as expected that ppl won't reply me. oh whatever. now ppl is asking me what's the promise. how can YOU be so BLUR??!! whatever lah. ok perhaps it wasn't really a promise. wahlao. like that also ppl dunno. HOW CAN?!! whatever lah. ehh. too many whatevers. bleahs. ok lahs. today, not much really happen. must get on to practise my poa le. BYEE. blogged @ 7:44 PM Sunday, April 1, 2007 aww. i saw edmund chen!! ahaha. okok. will talk about that later.. woke up at 0745 this morning. but went back to sleep and woke up at 0810. and i was going for BC's sunday service with huiyi. and it was quite sian. oops. anyway. after service, we had some discussion and stuff. after that we went for lunch. me, m'am peijun, m'am lisha and huiyi. you know what? today i sua m'ams luhh. cos today april fool's day mah. then i sua them. they really believe sia! hees. so fun.. lalala. took neos again. hees. hmm. after that, me and huiyi continued to walk for ahwile until xinhui called and asked us if we wanna go for bowling today at changi safra. then ok lor. go jiu go. hmm. it quite disppointing luhh.. my score.. omg. nvm. after that, we went arcade which is just beside the alley. we oplayed the "new penny'. spent so much on it luh. hur. quite fun though. after that we went to the beach. and guess what. i saw EDMUND CHEN, his daughter and probably his maid. so cute. they dunnno doing what. cos the water very shallow. so they walked far far. huiyi they all went down to the waters. but i didn't wanna get wet even thought the water was just until my ankle? so i just sat one aide, listened to songs lah. so itchy... i mean like sit down there make me feels so itchy... grr. nvm. anyway. we took some pictures.. i shall post them. hees. kids. haha. nice.((: "hello! i caught some new stuff!"((: EDMUND CHEN, HIS DAUGHTER, and HIS MAID. siblings. blogged @ 9:04 PM whee. ok. for yesterday. went laser quest and bowling yesterday with BB and church youth. went for early lunch at kfc at 1045 with huiyi, huiying they all. HAHA. all from my skuad except huiying. cos it's like, jovy, huiyi, xinhui, leemei, peiting, miaojun all from my skuad then huiying was the only one who joined us in kfc. haha. anyway. we had to reach sch by 1200. and we were slightly late. haha. we had rollcall and stuff. left sch at around 1230? then set off to civil defence country club which is located at bukit batok i think. after that our first station was bowling. it was ok lah. eww. my bowling skills sucks. haha. after that went for laser quest. woah! that was fun. running around in a dark room. shooting opponents, aww. that was like so thrilling. then becos valerie keep shooting me that's why she could get top3. hurr. nvm. it was fun luhh. running around then perspired alot luhh. after laser quest we went for captain's ball. which was most extra. haha. hmm. then after that went back to bowling alley. then, that was where our conflicts started. aww. i'm not gonna blog about it. it was saddening. i was really unable to control my emotions lah. i dun understand why i cannot act brave infront of ppl around me. i just can't luhh. sian-ed. anyway. went back to sch at around 1630. in the bus, i was really upset. then. i didn't talk to veron.. hais. anyway. she's understanding.. so glad that she's in my skuad. oh yes, SOMEBODY said that when i sad i can msg him one lor. then he say he will reply lor. he bluff me lor. msg him also he nv reply. it's like wth.. forget it. anyway. i cried myself to sleep in the bus. then upon reaching sch, karen, dione they all who used to be my yn seniors. and now karen my bn senior, ask me sing with them LIGHT UP AND SHINE. hahah. yah. i kinda missed yn school song. hahah. "we are the young builders of our nation, mar-ching on to a bright future, in yuneng.....love and loyalty to do our best in everything. light up and shine, to all mankind. ease the spirit and mind......" bleahs. anyway.. fall out in sch and stuff had vesper. and yes! ui had a talk with jermaine. i told about her attitude and hope that she will change. she leaves bad impression in us.. i mean some of us. and i hope she will understand why i am telling her all these. anyway. after everything, we, like 7 of us,[m'am hweeleng, me, huiyi, miaojun, huiying, jermaine, peiting] went to have seoul garden. haha. then i made xinhui angry luhh. cos i forgot to call her when we leaving sch. my gosh. but now ok le. we from like 1900 eat until like 8 plus. then we go take neos. next time if i got the many pictures then i upload.. after taking neos, jermaine had to go home. the rest of us, 6 of us[me, huiying, peiting, huiyi, xinhui, jovy], went to have another round of neos. HAHA. ok whatever. went home at around 10 plus. hees. ok. here are some of the photos. see miaojun. =p hohoho. veronica! veronica rocks!((: omg. gb so many ppl le sia. peiting.(: toilet-cam-whoring.((x m'am hweeleng is soo nice.((: blogged @ 8:27 PM