The Harnation

What all have we been up to in the last several months?  I have hardly updated this blog since my short stint as a temporal resident of the commonwealth of Virginia!

We survived the tornadoes and actually enjoyed "suffering" through a week with no power.  We came out of it alive (and Matt with a shiny new chainsaw, which he convinced me he really needed as his sputtered while helping our friends).

We took the trip that I have been dreaming of since we got married.  We decided to just go ahead, bite the bullet, and go to Spain.  This deserves a whole post of its own, even if it is quite belated.


We celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary.  We have been careful to stay well stocked with hydrocortizone and have thankfully not suffered much itching so far.

We've spent a lot of time with Mr. and Mrs. Pie, plus these two jokers, Staci and David.  They make me laugh and we love them.  It's a good thing, too, since Staci is my officemate and has to put up with me for the majority of her waking hours during the week!


As I mentioned in a previous post, we moved several months ago to a place with a bit more yard.

Matt built me a raised bed as the center of my very first vegetable garden!  I can say that it has been a success as we've been enjoying the fruits of our labor for a few months now.  It has not been a success if you consider the fact that we have lost several squash plants to squash bugs and didn't have ripe tomatoes until about three weeks ago, but the excitement garnered from our very first cucumber and zucchini in May made this endeavor worth any later heartaches.


Along with the success of my vegetable garden, the first major casualty also occurred. We lost the two large trees in our front yard in the tornadoes, and planted three in their places.  The littlest, a white dogwood, croaked after putting up a fair fight through this hot summer.


To help make up for the fact that we moved away from all of the flower beds (and the sweat lost installing them over the years), I planted a bazillion zinnia along my new vegetable patch.

I've really been enjoying these babies.


We still have not even de-winterized the boat.  It has sat alone and forgotten for months now, the complete opposite from last summer.

I'd hate to take that cover off now... I'm sure it needs a good scrub underneath and some mildew remover.  Ughh.


It's hard to want to take the boat out when you have this waiting for you in the back yard.  (I've really been enjoying this view)


My husband earned his competition license and has been competitively (amateurly, not professionally) racing his track car.


He did this recently...


...don't tell him I showed you that.

We've been enjoying (and normally not strangling) this guy.   He's really settled in over the last year.  He's running with Dr.Charles several days a week as Charlie trains for a marathon. 


And last, but not least, I finished up my coursework and am now trying to nail down a thesis topic.  I am excited about scheduling this work on my own terms - but also praying that it will not become too burdensome.

I'm actually really looking forward to digging deep into a problem and (hopefully) coming out on the other end with a somewhat extensive knowledge of that specific area.  

So this blog has become somewhat abandoned.

It has not been forgotten, but it has been abandoned.

There have been several reasons for this.  The two biggest ones are due to the lack of time I've had in the last year and a half since graduate school really ramped up, along with troubles that have worn on my heart over the same period of time.

I don't know how you talk about hard things honestly without saying too much.  I guess I will do my best.

For a while now, I have struggled with dealing with the issues going on with others around me.  Standing helplessly as dreams of growing old with loved ones, their spouses, and future children became unattainable.  Knowing that my definition of family would be forever changed shattered my heart and and pierced my soul. 

It took me to a dark place at times.  

I've never really had any problems with depression or overwhelming sadness before, but I can look back and say that that is no longer true. Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness lead to sadness and a complete loss of joy in the things that I had loved doing before.  My gardening and blogging, which were once beloved hobbies, sparked no interest anymore.  Hurt and sadness turned into anger, and then bitterness, and then back into sadness.  It's a cruel cycle. 


Watching the dissolution of the relationships of some of my most beloved as they crumbled and ultimately severed was more than I was physically and emotionally able to handle.  Trying to love a wonderful husband and protect my own marriage - when I didn't feel like loving anyone - was hard.  Controlling my words, emotions, and outlook was either imperfectly attempted or even abandoned at times.

Having a loving husband who was my steadfast supporter and a gracious heavenly Father helped pull me out.

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
2 O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

...

7 O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption. 

-- Psalm 130

I have thankfully never been under the illusion that I am perfect - spiritually, intellectually, physically, or even in my actions towards others.  But going through this made it all the more clear how completely imperfect I am and just how much I need a loving Savior - and how grateful I am that He provided me with such a supportive and committed husband. 

So in all of that, there is some resolution to my sadness. We are cherishing our marriage and vowing to protect and nurture it.  We are moving forward and looking to find joy wherever it is to be found.

Five steps.

We moved several months ago and now have a deck off of our back door that has five steps to the yard.  Five short steps that we walk up and down every day when we go to the garden, play with the dogs, or walk around the back yard.

Five small steps.

We have a dachshund.  Dachshunds are prone to back problems.  I've known dachshunds with back problems.  They've all been chubby.

Tyson is not chubby.


Despite this, he herniated a disc in his back recently and gave me a quite a scare. 

You see, Tyson is MY dog, my little baby, my snuggle bug and momma's boy.  He knows when I am sad, happy, or tired.  He is my little shadow and always tries to cheer me up.

Matt bought him for me just a few short weeks after we were married when we were still living in Texas and away from all of our family and friends and their pets.  Tyson kept me company at a time when I was a newlywed living apart from the only people I knew and when my brand new husband had a job that required him to travel for three weeks out of the month.

I love this dog so much that when he hurt himself, I wondered if it was sinful to love an animal this much. 

I love this dog.

I had noticed that over the last couple of months, he had been slowing down a bit.  He was becoming especially slow on the days following a good round of ball chasing and was also starting to become hesitant about going up and down the steps of the deck.

You see, Tyson L.O.V.E.S. his ball.  If you have been around this dog, you will know this one thing about him - he will chase that ball until his legs fall off.

Or, until his back seizes up.



Which is what happened one sunny day after I got home from work.  Upon my first throw of the afternoon, Tyson took off full speed for about 6 feet and then stopped.  Hunched over and obviously in pain, he froze.

I took him to the vet first thing the next day.

They told me that he had herniated a disc in his back (probably stage IV disc disease) and that I should take him to a specialist, an orthopedic surgeon about 40 minutes away.  The vet thought that he would hopefully be able to heal on his own without surgery if he was kept on a stringent 6 week crate restriction, but suggested that I get a second opinion because his back legs were partially paralyzed.

I cried.

The orthopedic surgeon (along with one of my girlfriends, who graciously shared her expert (veterinarian) opinion) relieved many of my fears, and was cautiously optimistic that we could avoid surgery and permanent paralysis.  We just have to keep Tyson crated around the clock.  We carry him out to potty, but are allowed to let him sit on the couch with us (if we have his leash on and make sure he doesn't try to jump off). The remainder of the time, he is confined to his crate.

The vet said that even a few steps can be extremely hard for a dachshund.  Our five steps were probably just the right amount of extra stress on his already problem-prone back.


Tyson is getting a little better, but still stumbles with his back legs. 

We're going to be even more diligent about keeping him from jumping up onto things and will also try to slim him down a little more than he already is. He'll be getting glucosamine and fish oil supplements with his meals and we're going to try to monitor his ball chasing time a little more closely.

Matt is also going to build him some ramps so that he can access the back yard without having to climb the steps anymore.  No more steps for this doxie!

Once recovered, he should still be able to do the thing he loves most.  I couldn't stand to not let him chase the ball ever again, but from now on, it will be in a little more moderation.

In the mean time, he has been very sweet about his confinement.  Matt rigged up some caster wheels for his crate so that we can wheel him into whatever room we are in so that he's not left alone in the laundry room all day.

He's been a good sport.

I love that dog.