The Kaufman Klan

So, I knew there was a reason I hated Damons new job, besides the crappy hours, low pay, and bad days off!! We would have to pay over $400 a month to have health insurance. If I got this job at my work we would be paying $60. So, obviously Damon cannot stay at his crappy job!! Pray for us. I hope this year brings with it new opportunities and some stability. I am so tired of just scrapping by every month, but I am also very grateful that we do scrap by every month. I have been homeless before and it's just as bad as you imagine it would be.

All I want is to get this job I interviewed for last Monday. So much so, that I sent an email to the department director (which is probably a total misuse of my work email, but right now I don't care).

My poor husband is at his crappy job right now and I just wish he was home. If I got this job he could just finish school and then find a good job. So pray for us.

I have been reluctant to write anything new lately. Mostly because I just haven't had anything positive to write, but also because I don't think anyone is reading this anyway.

Damon got a job doing tech support. He goes and takes his drug test today. It has really crappy hours and not great pay, but what can you do. If I get the job I interviewed for yesterday than he doesn't have to take this job. I don't think I interviewed very well, but I guess it could happen.

I am trying to be excited for Christmas since there is only ten days to go, but really I'm just so stressed out that I can't think about anything else. This too shall pass.

I can't believe that there are only 31 days until Christmas. I love Christmas and am sooo excited for it to be here. Even though I have a million things to do before I'll actually be ready, I still can't wait.

I am almost done getting the gifts for my husband and children, but I still need to make some of the gifts I am giving to other family members and friends.

I have only three weeks left of school, but that also means only three weeks to complete my twelve page monster paper, so I am stressed to the max over that. Having three kids is not conducive to effective paper writing. (My boys are fighting in the kitchen as I type!!)

I have also been applying like crazy for full time positions at my work because we have exactly two payments left before Damon is cut off, and he has 17 weeks left of school! The loss of money would be bad enough, but we can't lose the medical benefits because of the medication that Damon takes.

I hate the thought of putting Shiloh in day care, but it might be good for her as she is very opposed to sharing and has trouble getting along with her peers. She is basically an only child when it comes to those issues because her brothers are so much older than her that there is nothing for them to share. Oddly enough, that doesn't keep them from fighting!

This is the time of year when I really think about what I am thankful for.

There is the standard...I'm thankful for a home to live in and food to eat, but I would be a real snot if I weren't thankful for those things; I'd like to dig a little deeper.

I am thankful that of all the people my husband could have chosen, that he loves me. That no matter what kind of rotten mood I get in or how many temper tantrums I have, he's still there. That he loves my children and strives everyday to be a better father. I can't wait to be sealed to him for time and eternity.

I am thankful that I have amazing, resilient children who define me as a person. I am so grateful for my sweet little princess. She is my dragonfly. I never knew how much I needed her until she came to me.

I am thankful that, even though I usually want to just quit, I have the opportunity to be a graduate student.

I am thankful for all that I have learned from everyone I've met.

I am thankful to live in a free country. There is a lot about America that could stand some improvement, but when compared to many other countries, I must admit that I am very blessed to live here.

I am thankful for the plan of salvation and that I will see my grandma again. I am thankful to be alive in these latter days, and for all the blessings that brings.

I am thankful that I can see, hear, taste, smell, and feel this wonderful world we live in. I'm thankful for all the beauty around me and that I'm not too cynical to enjoy it.

Day 1
The flight went fast and Shiloh did great. We picked up our rental and headed for Universal Studios. I was so fun. The Mummy ride was sooo cool. It is an indoor roller coaster, and it goes forward and backwards. Jurassic Park was fun too. The boys thought the drop was way far, but it really wasn't. All in all, great family fun.

We had dinner at Medieval Times which was sooo good. They even had a vegetarian meal that was wonderful. Shiloh got a flower from our knight (the Blue Knight) and we all cheered for him...until he died! It was a perfect end to our first day. Our room was pretty nice and the bed was almost comfortable.

Day 2
Our first day at the Disney parks. We started out at Disney California...sooo fun. I love Tower of Terror, Screamer, and Soarin over California. The have a Bugs Life area where all the rides are for kids. Shiloh loved it and so did the boys. The best part was Shiloh and I went to Ariels Grotto for lunch (way expensive...30 bucks for lunch,,but at least Shiloh was free). We met Ariel when we first got there and then during lunch we met Snow White, Belle, Aurora, and Cinderella. That made it worth the money.

I'll not soon forget the look on my daughters face as each princess came to our table and talked with her and took pictures with her. She wore her Cinderella dress and when Cinderella came by she told Shiloh that they could be sisters because they had the same dress and they both had blond hair. It really was the highlight of the trip for me!!

Day 3
Our first day at Disneyland park. We started out in Tomorrow land. We rode almost everything the first day. We never got to ride Dumbo or Peter Pan because the lines were consistently over 30 minutes, but we rode most everything else. Shiloh got to drive the Autopia car and keep asking me "How's my driving mom?"

We watched the fireworks show just before closing and it was very well done.

Day 4
This was our magic morning hour day. We went on the Nemo ride (which took most of our hour) because we didn't make in on the day before. Our tickets were park hoppers so we went back to Disney California for a few hours then back to Disneyland. This was the day we did Pirates and the Haunted Mansion (which they had done like Nightmare before Christmas). There really wasn't a whole lot that Shiloh couldn't do, so it was fun for everyone. I rented a wheelchair this day. I hated every minute of being in that chair, but it really was easier on my knee. I did have some pain pills for when it got really bad (thank you..you know who you are..for that it was a blessing). We actually left and hour before the park closed because we had done everything we wanted to.

Day 5
This was our beach day, but I couldn't get everyone going so we didn't ever get into San Diego until after 3. It was a bit overcast and breezy so I didn't go in the water and Shiloh only went for a few minutes. The boys and Damon went in for as long as they could. The had been craving the beach like addicts so didn't mind that it wasn't a great day for it. Our room in San Diego left a lot to be desired, but at least they had a good continental breakfast.

Day 6
Wild Animal Park! We took the African Safari and got some great pictures of cheetahs, giraffes, rhinos, and the like. We went in with the lorikeets and a few of them landed on us. It was a nice relaxing day at the park. Shiloh started to not feel well near the end of the day, poor thing.

Day 7
Sea World. We started our day by feeding the dolphins. Then we went and saw the Shamu show. We got a bit wet at that one and Shiloh was quite upset with Shamu for several hours after that. We saw the sea lion show and feed the rays. Damon and I rode Journey to Atlantis, which was fun but weird. The shark encounter was pretty good...you walk though an aquarium and the sharks swim all around and over your head. We ended the day with Shamu rocks ( we all stayed dry for this one) and headed back to our room. Shiloh fever spiked to 104 so we took her to the emergency room. After waiting 4 hours, and reducing her fever to 99, we left. We figured we would just take her to her doc when we got home.

Day 8
We went to visit the boys other grandma before heading back to the airport. Shiloh, still not feeling well, slept most of the flight. The next day we found out she had bilateral ear infections. Poor thing must have hated that flight home.

So our vacation was mostly wonderful and I can't wait to do it again. We are shooting for every two years, but I may have to try to do it sooner. I think I'll add an extra day next time so we have more down time, but all in all...I loved it.

I can remember when I was young and the days seemed to drag and I wondered if I would ever grow up. Now that I am grown up and have children of my own the days seem to fly by. AJ will be 16 in January. I don't feel old enough to have a 16 year old!!

I wish I could turn back time and do it all over again. There are many things I would do differently. I would have worried less about the chores and more about play time. I would have thought before I spoke, so he would have never felt criticized by me. I would have waited to go back to school so I didn't miss so much, and they didn't miss me so much. I would go camping more often and work less. I would have lived the simple truth that my children are the only true measure of my sucess.

How precious time is. My only advice to new parents is "enjoy every second...it goes so fast...and you don't want to be sitting there 16 years later wishing you had done something differently"

I am so grateful that I have a chance to do things differently with Shiloh. I am careful to never miss a opportunity to play with her. We sing together and read together and play together every chance I get. I am so sorry that time got away from me with AJ and so grateful that I had Shiloh 13 years after AJ, so that I had the possibility to learn from my mistakes and become a better mother.

The reason I am so excited to go on vacation is not just that I love Disneyland...it's because I really want to share it with my family. We are going to have a great time and build some wonderful memories that I will cherish always.

I have to admit that autumn is one of my favorite times of the year...tied with spring...(sorry winter and summer).

I love the way the colors change...I love the coolness in the air...and I LOVE Halloween!! This year I am making Shilohs Halloween costume. It's not the first time I've made a costume...I made the boys jedi knights a few year ago...but I still get nervous any time I attempt something creative.

Native Americans believe that anything you create must have one flaw in it so the evil spirits can find their way out...Well I certainly don't have to worry about evil spirits in anything I make.

I seem to be steadily losing one to two ponds a week...this week it has been two! It may not be happening as fast as I would like, but considering all I am doing is taking my Synthroid and eating a little less, I am very happy for it.

My knee seems to be getting better too. I can walk for longer periods as long as I don't walk too fast. So all in all, I am more excited than nervous for my trip. I've decided that I am going to get a child locating device before we leave. I sincerely doubt that Shiloh would were a harness, but I need to be sure that she remains safe. 18 more days!! The only bummer is that I will be in class at the time, so I have to bring my laptop and actually work during my vacation! So not fair!!

I am getting more excited the closer it gets!!

I walked for 25 minutes in the pool last night and, while I am certainly not ready for a marathon, I did manage to go all day without any Motrin! Yay me!

I have to take a moment to thank my husband for all he does. I don't tell him often enough how wonderful he is. He has had to do the lions share of the work around here since my surgery (really since the injury that led to my surgery) and he hasn't complained about it...much:)

He tells me I'm beautiful and I know that he means it. He puts up with my temper and my little (and not so little) quirks.

He is a devoted father, he honors his priesthood, and he supports me in all I do. He really is my biggest fan, and he needs to know that I am his as well. I can't wait to be sealed to him for time and all eternity!!!

Friday is my last day of class (until Oct 5th) and while I still need to finish a 15 page paper, and some other busy work, I am so excited I can't stand it. I don't even care if I get a "B"!!

I got a "B" in the class I took during my surgery so my record is tarnished anyway :)

Plus I found out about some new repayment programs that would allow me to pay off my student loans in as little as ten years. So, as school stuff goes...it's been a great week.

I decided I am going to make Shiloh's Halloween costume. I do know how to sew ( I own a sewing machine and everything ) I just get a little nervous when something has to be just so ( which everything does with me :) I love Halloween. We had so much fun last year with Shiloh. She was able to walk up to the doors herself, but at the first house she was so scared, I couldn't get her to go up..I had to carry her. Then the nice man opened the door and gave her candy....she ran to the next house!!

32 days until Disney!!It's going so fast and so slow all at the same time. I found someone to take us to the airport (thanks Heather), and I have planned everything I can, so now I just need to relax and have fun!! ya right. We are bringing most of our food with us, so I'd like to splurge while we're there and take my family to Medieval Times. For those who haven't been it's a dinner and tournament experience, with great food and a show where they compete and joust and all that. It's really cool and I am excited to share it with my family.

I am still way nervous about the knee situation. I think I'm going to call my doc and get a few pain pills-just in case! I still swell quite a bit and am uncomfortable more often than I would like. It has been three months since my surgery, so I should be feeling better pretty soon. I just hope that 32 days from now I'll be much improved.

7 weeks until we leave for California. I am getting so excited. So far there haven't been any emergencies (knock wood), like getting kicked out of my apartment! So we may actually make it this time. I have our rooms booked, our van reserved, and our itinerary printed and ready to go; now all I need is someone to take us to the airport at 5:30 am. Any takers?

We did kind of a trail run with Shiloh. We took her to Lagoon to see how she would handle an amusement park. She did so great that I can just relax and look forward to our vacation; knowing that she will have as much fun as I will.

I am a little worried that my knee is not going to be great by then. I still swell and get really stiff, but I refuse to ride one of the geriatric go carts, so I will deal with being a bit uncomfortable if I must. It will be worth it. This is the first vacation I've had with my family in so long that I don't even know how long it has been! That is too long!!

More good news...I'm getting a new nephew (or niece, but Damon swears it's a boy) next April.

With all the fighting and drama that goes along with having two boys together all summer long, I never thought I would miss them when they went back to school; but I do.

I have been working more hours because I'm not only doing my work, but my coworkers as well, so I have been missing Shiloh a lot too.

I applied for a full time position at my work because the benefits are really great, but I'm not sure I want to be away from my kids for so long.

It's kind of funny because when I was a teenager, I didn't even want to be a mom; now it's all I want.

So I went and saw a fitness guy today and he gave me some really good suggestions. He's the guy my friend goes to (and she has lost 30 lbs of fat). So I'm kind of excited to get started and kind of terrified too.

I just don't want to fail. I expect so much from myself in everything I do. I have a really hard time accepting anything but the best from myself and those around me. I really need to let some of that go. I read a quote from Michael J Fox that said " I'm careful not to confuse excellence with perfection..excellence I can strive for..perfection is Gods department"

I need to remember that as I begin this journey. So far all I can think about is what I'll have to give up. I need to focus on what I'll gain-pun intended :)

I've been thinking a lot about parenting lately. I'm trying to decide if I should quit school for a while and just work so I'm not pulled in so many different directions while I'm home. So that got me thinking about parenting in general, and there are a few things I've learned in my almost sixteen years as a mother.

You cannot control you childs behavior; you can only control your reaction to it.
If you have to choose between playing a game with your kids or doing the dishes; the dishes can wait.
Only make promises you can keep.
Every birthday is a celebration.
Apologize to your kids when you've done something wrong.
Whatever they've broken is just a thing...don't break their heart because of it.
Always say I love you when you say goodbye.
Everyday is a gift...treat it as such because you'll never get it back.
Very few things require yelling and even less require spanking.
Love unconditionally...it really is the only way to love.
And finally...when you feel like you have no idea what your doing and you think that your kid will probably need therapy someday...relax!! No one knows what they're doing (and therapy is not so bad :)

I have a confession to make. I thought that simply getting on the medication for my ridiculously inactive thyroid would be enough to return me to my former, thinner self.

I have lost 25 pounds, but that leaves 135 to go, and so far it's not going. I don't really eat that badly, I love my chocolate who doesn't, but I seem to be a little stuck. I can barely walk sometimes, let alone exercise, but I have to do something.

It's not even that I want to be sexy or be able to shop for clothes at regular stores that don't have to word "plus" in their name, it's that I have a daughter. I would hate for her to think that this is normal. I would hate for her to have issues about her body, like I do about mine. I want to be a role model to her, not an embarrassment.

I have a friend who is doing a weight loss program and she's lost 30 pounds so far (and I'm sure a bunch of inches because she looks like she's lost more than 30) and I am so happy for her and so insanely jealous at the same time. Sad huh?

The family is well. Shiloh is working on her colors. She can say her ABCs and count to ten in English and Spanish, so now we need to tackle colors and shapes.

Damon loves school and is tricking out all of the computers in the house. He tries to share it with me but honestly, I just want the stupid thing to work when I turn it on.

AJ is nervous about high school and Ian is just waiting for October when we go to Disneyland.

I'm still having mini nervous breakdowns trying to juggle work, school, and family but we do what we have to :)

I am new to blogging so be patient with me. I decided to do this so family and friends could check out what we're up to and to attempt to get better at journaling ( which I currently do not do at all :)

So, Damon and I are both is school right now. He is studying to become a Network Administrator and I am in a masters program for mental health counseling. The plan is for him to find a great job which will allow me to have my dream job-full time mom!

AJ is starting at Orem High this year and hounding me to teach him how to drive. I don't know if I'm ready fro that yet. Ian will be in sixth grade this year and is struggling with being the middle child. Shiloh is very much a two year old, but she is a joy and a blessing in my life.

We don't get to see Damon's kids right now because Katy has not kept up on her payments with ACAFS. So now we get to go back to court again! If the judge decides to put her back in jail, that will be fine with me. :)

I am still recovering from my knee replacement and working part time for UVU. I realize how much I took for granted. Most people can just stand up an walk, without thinking about how grateful we should be that we can. I understand now how very much I have to be thankful for and how hard it is to be in pain all of the time. I think I needed this experience to understand that it doesn't make me weak to need someone else, it just makes me human.