A & B.
A & C.
Why the fuck do you blame B & C and not A when obviously A is the common factor in both the statements above? Fuck the friendship, fuck every single thing that has got to do with you. I cannot be bothered to give in this time round. Get yourself a fuck. A nice one. This time round with a dick. You need it desperately.
My wildest fantasy is to…
MAKE LOVE ON THE PIANO
MAKE LOVE ON THE PIANO
MAKE LOVE ON THE PIANO
MAKE LOVE ON THE PIANO
MAKE LOVE ON THE PIANO
Just kidding. Anyway, this is a great video which showcase a very talented pianist and singer, Alicia Keys. Enjoy!
And you know, they say, pianists have long fingers… I have mine long too. =) Am I a pianist? For you to find out if you have some time to waste.
Oooh my baby, I keep on fallin’…
Since I have nothing to do at this late hour (wide awake right now after falling asleep in front of my com), I shall (although unwillingly) do the “The number of age – unknowns” since I have been tagged by my Chinese Balding Panda.
Here it is…
According to your age, list down the number of things that most people don’t know about you. And then tag 5 people.
1) I need music to put myself to sleep.
2) I am emotionally attached to my red watch. (I can cry if I misplace it or forget to put it on whenever I go out.)
3) I think I was a nerd during my kindergarten and lower primary times. (With the big and round spectacles. I still can remember the brand – ‘Popeye’. Hey, the cartoon Popeye was popular at that time, hence the brand.)
4) I’m afraid of the grass cutter/trimmer when it is in use.
5) I would want to go for a sex change anytime soon.
6) I used to cry and scream when I had to be on the escalator because I was so scared to be on it that someone has to carry me up or down the escalator.
7) I had one of my feets (I can’t remember which feet) accidentally into the back wheel of a bicycle while my dad was cycling it with me sitting behind him. (Yes, the feet followed the movement of the wheel – imagine the pain! And I was only at the age of 7 or 8 or 9.)
8) I am a left hander when it comes to writing but a right hander when it comes to the other things. (Explains why I have poor handwriting because I choose to write using my right hand.)
9) I can’t eat many types of food. (It’s either I’m allergic or I’ll get myself to be a merlion of my own if I consume them.)
10) I used to overdoze myself with sleeping pills every morning back then in secondary school so that I could faint during lesson time and get hospitalised if it gets worst. (But it doesn’t work because I had insomnia at that time, so I was rather immune to the sleeping pills.)
11) I almost got myself convicted into a crime in Secondary 4.
12) I have a ‘Sex Instructor’ badge but I’ve misplaced it. =( [But I’m still a certified one, so any potential candidates can register with me.]
13) My short term memory sometimes makes my life chaotic and meaningless.
14) I used to think that I’m an adopted child from somewhere – Maybe from a couple who had pre-marital sex and threw me away at a rubbish chute because I’m not wanted to be in their life. (I have different traits from my parents, explains why I think this way.)
15) I sometimes do fantasize about the ways or types of environment that I would want to die in.
16) My very first ambition was to be a police officer.
17) I take about an hour or an hour and a half, sometimes even up to 2 hours to bathe.
18) I’ve always wanted to dissect my own brain and see whether there’s any yellow or blue liquid flowing in it.
I’m so effing lazy to tag people, so to those who wanna do it, just do it like Nike ok? And oh, don’t tell me you fall for the fifth one in my list…
It seems like my grandma knows when my school holidays are. Whenever my school holidays are nearing, she will come by and “visit” me and do sleepovers at my house. Not bad huh this grandma of mine? Very knowledgeable about my school holidays. Even my family members do not know of my holidays you know. And you should know why I brought this up – My grandma just came over this morning, and guess what, tomorrow is the start of my 3 weeks holiday. She’s sleeping over – I do not know for how long. Sigh.
I think God is trying to show me something – I should share my joy of being on a holiday with my Grandma. Oh, how great is that?
There was a farewell party for Mr. Ng today in the late afternoon. Mr. Ng has been the one in charge of the Peer Leaders throughout the years and has also been responsible in equipping all the Peer Leaders the necessary skills to lead in major camps, outdoor activities, training the prospective Peer Leaders, cheering on teams during their competitions and so on. Being one of those who have been equipped with those skills during my higher secondary school days, (Peer Leaders in my school are selected during their Secondary 3 years) it was a great moment to go back to my secondary school today and attend the farewell party for Mr. Ng as he is already leaving the school and all of the Peer Leaders.
Peer Leaders from the 2004-2008 batch came by to say their last words to Mr. Ng. It was indeed a time for re-union for my batch (2005) but sadly, only 9 managed to come by and one out of the 9 left pretty early for work.
Here are the pictures:
Mr. Ng with the rose-y cardboard, wife, daughter, and Peer Leaders from 2005 to 2008.
Only 4 from my batch with Mr. Ng…
And yeah… Us, us, us from the 2005 batch! Well, not all are in…
Hopefully, we can gather all the 2005 Peer Leaders for some reunion party some time this year or next. Pending Plan: The weekend after Christmas.
And DQ, go get yourself checked and get well soon. =)
It’s weird.
Since the past 2 days, The Cranberries has been stuck in my mind. Listened to Zombie repeatedly and some of its other well-known songs like Linger, Ode To My Family and Animal Instinct.
As I’m writing this post, the song Linger is playing on Class 95FM. Weird. Well, maybe it’s the The Cranberries week. =)
The magic number for today is a fucking 3. Wondering how a fucking 3 looks like? See image…
Can you see why the 3 is fucking now?
I was rather bored, so I went to read some horoscope shit. I don’t totally believe in horoscopes, but for the fun of it, I do read them. =) And something triggered me while I was reading my own horoscope – which horoscope am I compatible with? (well, till now I still do not know which horoscope I belong to because I’m stuck with Gemini and Cancer, but I guess, I’m more of a Gemini to those who know me really well. It’s alright if you don’t know me, so, follow the crowd and regard me as a Gemini!) So, I checked out my horoscope (Gemini) compatability with someone that I know who is a Sagittarius, and this is what the website says…
“Gemini + Sagittarius
Air + Fire = Hot Air
This combination of planetary energies is intriguing. Sagittarius is the opposite zodiac sign to you, and usually opposites are considered a great match. In your case this is both true and not true, depending on which perspective you take.
Both of you have fluctuation as part of your nature. This means that you can both expect considerable change and variety in your life. You are destined for that. This continual movement is vital to your mental and emotional health.
Gemini, you love the intellectual side of social life. Sagittarius prefers a philosophical and idealistic view of life and the world in general. One thing that you both love, though, is travel.
Travelling together would provide a perfect meeting point for Sagittarius’s cultural and philosophical interests and your love of social interaction — in other situations, these can seem diametrically opposed.
The opposite star sign relates to marriage and romantic commitments. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that when you two cross each other’s paths you both experience a magical interplay of planetary energies.
Yet, because you are both changeable star signs, you may find it hard to make firm decisions about a future together. There could be delays and other unusual obstacles.
This mix of differences and similarities in your personalities means you need to put in some effort if you are to make a relationship work. Mostly, you both need to be free to explore your own life while still being in a relationship. If you do that, you have a good chance.
Sexually there is good energy between you, with the warm Sagittarius stimulating your communicative style. This can be a great combination. There is a lively interplay of verbal, sensual and emotional energy between you. You will excite each other.
There is a fine mix of energies between you and Sagittarians born between 23 November and 1 December. The reason for this is Jupiter’s co-rulership, which influences your marital affairs. These Sagittarians are generous to a fault. At times they are wasteful with their resources, which could bother you.
You won’t get on so well with Sagittarians born between 2 December and 11 December, probably due to the Mars–Aries influence. These are the type you will naturally gravitate to in conversation, only to find that their opinionated stance irritates the socks off you. You will have to take a back seat in conversation with them, and that doesn’t bode well, does it?
Those born between 12 December and 21 December will make good friends: they offer you mental stimulation, support and good times. You’ll enjoy the way they make you feel, and they will feel the same.”
Well, those in italic and bold are things that I’m in love with. =)
You have no idea how, when I see you, I… I, I, I…
And thank you for being really really really sweet. =)
Hi.
I know you know that I know about what you needed me to know but you don’t want me to know about it now but later because you know that I wouldn’t want to talk about it due to the fact that I know for sure that there’s a high chance that you would be an anal about it if I were to…
—–
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” – unknown
And hello to you. I don’t quite understand why why why I’m feeling this way. You are different when they are not around. Maybe like me, you don’t like to be interfered. Maybe you just enjoy some time alone with the person you adore. But I can’t be sure myself. I don’t know. Tell me. Give me hints. Guide me. And tomorrow’s your birthday. I’ve got a present for you but I’m not sure how I should give it to you and I was thinking of writing a note inside it, but… I swear my mind goes blank when I’m about to write something. Maybe you’re too captivating that I’m dumbfounded when it comes to you. I have yet to wrap your present so that it will look presentable because I admit, I do not know how to wrap presents… but for you, I’ll try. =)
—–
And hey Balding Panda, thanks for your ‘Vietnamese Soldier’ post. I’ll write about my Balding Panda soon enough. =) Well, I just hope you’ll get better and be the Balding Panda that I’ve known okay? Don’t frown! Smile! NAEF will be by your side if you need anyone to talk to. LOVE LOVE LOVE. =)
Warmest Regards,
Vietnamese Soldier
What if you adore someone but the problem lies in the distance and not the heart?
“Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instruction.” – Annie Sullivan
4 kids had either one of their hands tied up with straps or strings.
2 of them did not get their freedom to run about (like children always do) because they were tied up to the left and right of a stroller of their younger sibling. And when the stroller was pushed by the father, these 2 poor kids were like twin-human-dogs where people can walk them at the park.
The other 2 got their freedom in running about; 1 was tied to a huge dora-the-explorer’s balloon string and another to a winnie-the-pooh’s. Well, these two kids were definitely ecstatic over their balloons. At least these two weren’t human-dogs, they were really treated the way children should be treated which was with all due respect to their innocence.
Let me just say what I need to say: Kids shouldn’t be the ones blamed for the misbehavior in public for they are known to be innocent and immatured. Parents should be blamed for failing to teach their kids appropriate manners and behavior when at home.
I’m annoyed by how much my smile has been giving unintended meanings or expressions.
I’m also annoyed by how much people have been saying about my smile.
I’m very annoyed by how much my smile has been too expressive on its own without consulting the brain before I smile.
VERY ANNOYED RIGHT NOW. I should stop smiling and start learning to frown. Both online and offline.
I have my moments too:-
1) I have 3 freaking pimples growing on the left side of my forehead and one of them is as big as someone’s mole.
2) I’m feeling rather reluctant to go to school if the pimples are not diminished on the morning of Monday.
3) I’m not in the correct state of mind. C.R.A.Z.Y.
4) I simply do not know where my soul is now.
And I seriously need to jump off from a great height without dying. A bungee jump sounds good. Hmm.
“Unlike some people’s [blog] which have cobwebs by now.” – N.
My blog’s not growing anymore cobwebs now. =) And this post is solely dedicated to my new found friend, N.
Hi. It was pretty random and funny how we actually get to know each other. But it’s alright. Being random is better than being formal.
I like the way how things work in life. Random is all that it takes. Whatever it is, HELLO N!
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
– Anais Nin –
I know I’m living my life and you have been too because we have both crossed the line. We are not wasting our lives drawing lines because life is too precious to be wasted. If there’s one word that I could describe the conversation we had this afternoon, it would be ‘brave’. Brave because crossing the line has its consequences but we held each other’s hands and motivated each other to cross the line and be where we are at now. Well, everything that you needed to know have been told. Like you said, let time decide where this goes because you know I’m one confused soul.
The cycle of HIGHs and LOWs repeats itself even when one hopes for more HIGHs than LOWs. I don’t know till when this will last but you definitely have the answer. I’m pretty sure that I was hypnotized by you.
Sidetrack: Balding head, you better behave yourself the next time we meet. Six disappointments in a span of like 5 hours? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Do it again, and you can predict what I am going to post in my future posts. This is not a threat yes? It’s meant for you to bald even more.
I think I took notice of all the little details from you. And maybe I’ve been over-reacting and thinking too much when figuring out things that you say or do.
Oh, why is it so hard to understand you?
I’ll cry the mediterranean sea when the time comes.
Don’t you know how excited I am to go to school nowadays? I bet you don’t.
But anyway, I’m keeping it real; You’re such a lovely distraction. =)
Oh, why aren’t you saying things that you should?
Are you just pretending to not be aware of what is going on?
You are just one I-have-no-comments type of person. God.
“There’s a stranger in my house. It took a while to figure out.
There’s no way you could be who you say you are.
You gotta be someone else.”
In loving memories of Q. It wouldn’t be the same anymore now. And I am convinced there’s a stranger in my house…
My 100th! =)
It’s not about what you perceive, it’s about the connection.
And I love you.
“Funny how you said people never change; Always be together till the very end
But that was then and this is now
Funny how I have to take you everywhere; Just to believe no matter what I had
But that was then and this is now”
Now it seems pointless because small issues are given too much attention that they become bigger and never gets solved. I will never be bothered. Ever again.
If you have a choice, never ever get involved with humans. They are one complicated beings. But the fact is that we don’t have a choice. Deal with it and move on.
Let me go. You’re suffocating me.
Soon enough, you’ll see me dead.
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Why does monosyllabic have five syllables?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Why do they call it a building? It looks like they’re finished. Why isn’t it a built?
Why is it when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If price and worth mean the same thing, why priceless and worthless are opposites?
Is there another word for synonym?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If what has been predestined for you ain’t what you want, get over it and move on with life. There are always better things to look out for in life and if you don’t like what you see, cover your eyes and judge things that are coming your way by using your brain. God created us with a brain for a reason.
If the circle of friends that you have been hanging out with are not worth your time, abandon them. Accept the fact that they have once touched your life and that you can no longer be friends with them anymore because…(fill in the blank). Memories will stay but presence will never be felt anymore.
School is fantastic with some people in class. ;) But still, I failed to stay till the end of the lesson and left halfway, despite it being the first day of school which started off with my Anthropological Studies module. But oh wells. Can’t really be bothered about the lesson anymore when the temptation to skip lesson is there, what more skipping lesson with the clique of friends. Yes, to those who have never skipped lessons before, do try it once, and I can guarantee you, you’ll LOVE skipping lessons for a lifetime. =)
Counting down to the start of the new semester… 8 hours and 28 minutes left! =)
suicide.silk.umbrella.fan.glasses.wind.colors.tears.keys.heart.chair.pen.time.nose.
frame.jacket.picture.slippers.bicycle.dick.decorations.dolls.bags.newspaper.flowers.
bell.date.gun.messy.pussy.pillows.dreams.mud.random.crazy.scissors.school.dead.
Communicating with another person has never been easy and as complicated as it might sound, you are often misunderstood or misinterpreted through the things that you say, be it through verbal or written form. It gets harder to communicate through text because it seems there’s a lack of “liveliness” (tone of voice, body language and eye contact) in the text which is read by your intended audience, hence the meaning of your text may vary through what your audience perceives the world as and therefore, the understanding of your text by different audience in the intended audience itself is different.
“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” – Richard M. Nixon
Good news, I am in the class that I want with the superb people (Well, that’s what I think when I saw my new classmates’ pictures). Hopefully, the class will stay like how I wanted it to be. No major conflicts, no nothing. Just pure fun and endure lessons which may be dry at one point in time as a class. Yes, I am motivated to start the new semester. =)
Anyway, I went to Singapore Sports School to meet some of my ex-teachers there, actually 2 in particular, Ms Nora and Mrs Teo. Well, Ms Nora was about to leave, so did not exactly get a chance to meet her, but I managed to meet my Chemistry teacher, Mrs Teo. =)) Still as hardworking as ever, this particular teacher of mine had just ended some supplementary lesson with Tao Li, the China-born Singapore swimmer, when my besties and I came to her homeroom. I’m not a big fan of Tao Li, so, did not ask for any autograph from her. I had rather ask my Chemistry teacher’s autograph than Tao Li’s you know.
Well, my besties (whom I have not met for a long time), Mrs Teo and I had a good time catching up with each others’ lives and we reminiscence the good old days. Oh no, I’m going to get all emotional when I think back about my secondary school days, with these teachers and some others who have consistently been motivating their students to do well in their studies. I love those times and I’m missing it now.
After much thought and a small discussion about what we would want to do when we grow up just now with Mrs Teo, I think I am more passionate to be a teacher who teaches Malay now. More passionate than to be a journalist maybe? Well, let’s see what my future holds. =)
If the Yandao’s current class allocation is the confirmed class that I am going to be in, I am more than happy and excited to start the new semester because… *blush blush*
But oh wells, have to wait till tomorrow for the confirmed class allocation, but I am really hoping to get in the current class that Yandao has posted. =)
Food for thought: Is it fair if one has to cover up for another person’s crime and face the punishments without the criminal at all feeling guilty and the whatnots? Should the criminal go to the police some day and surrender himself after realising that what he has done is a serious offence? Or should the criminal stay away from what he has done and act as if he has done nothing wrong and either repent or continue involving himself with crimes until the police arrests him one day and till the day that he is arrested, he continues to ask people to cover up for the crimes that he has committed?
Whatever it is, a crime is still a crime and the criminal deserves to be punished accordingly.
“Gemini prefers to flit from one thing to another. They can become restless and impatient — even irritable, on occasion. From Gemini’s point of view, if you fail to connect with them intellectually, they will lose interest.”
I don’t believe in horoscopes but I think the above is true whether or not it’s mere coincidence. (Believing is different from something which is deemed as the truth – if you don’t already know) Although I’ve always been confused with whether I’m a Gemini or a Cancerian, in any ways, I think I’m more of a Gemini. This is what happens when you’re born in between a Gemini and a Cancer and that your horoscope sign will change from time to time. Oh wells.
I have created a survey for the project that I am working on now. Help me to do the survey alright? Thank you. Click Here to take survey
I think a lot, but I can’t seem to think on anything specific most of the time. I know I’m thinking because there’ll be some sort of a solution to the things that I’ve been thinking of. It’s always these thoughts – random or not – that have used up most of my brain cells and also, make wrinkles to appear more visible due to the frequent frowns.
I want to have a feel of a blank mind because I envy those people who can stare blankly in the air and daydream because I never had a moment of those. Is this something that I’m losing out? Oh wells.
I want to run, run, run from any thoughts that are coming my way.
Why would someone even want to break a promise? Sigh.
“You promised me the moon and the sun and the birds in the sky,
You promised me a wonderful life, they were only lies.”
And SL is leaving tomorrow. Sigh again. Why, why must people with a good heart leave first? (no pun intended)
To those who thinks that I’m going all emotional (emo), thank you for making the effort to make assumptions which are invalid and making yourselves look like fools.
Aren’t you contented with your life?
I don’t know what to do with my life, but I know my rule is no second chance. I tried to see the good in life, but good things in life are hard to find. How?
My tea’s gone cold and I’m wondering why I got out of bed at all. The morning rain clouds up my window and I can’t see at all and even if I could it’ll all be grey. But your picture on my wall reminds me that it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad… afterall.
PS: We should be together too.
“You said you were happy but baby, I don’t understand. I gave you everything that you’ve asked for and was ready to give you a lot more. I would’ve given you the world right in the palm of your hand if you have stayed.
Was this how you wanted it to be? Everything you had to say, sent the tears right down my face. Now I’m trying to escape the misery…”
It may be over but it won’t stop there, I am here for you if you’d only care. You’ve touched my heart, you’ve touched my soul, you’ve changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew it when my heart was blinded by you.
Just one chance. Just one breath. Just in case there’s just one left…
Can’t let go because it’s too strong. Just like that and you’re gone.
Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.
Don’t let the world break me tonight – I need the strength of you by my side.
Sometimes this life can be so cold – I pray you’ll come and carry me home.
If we love each other, we will find victory…
You said, it wasn’t going to be like it was before. Then it happened again.
I’m a budding journalist. =)) Now I know how it’s like being a journalist – a sports journalist in particular. You just have to play rough and get your way through the crowd, yes, shoving and jostling included. And you have to be rude at times too, especially when the crowd gets in your way. I swear being a sports journalist is not an easy job because you have to sweat it all out to get interviews and photo sessions to be done with the athletes or in the case of last Monday’s match, the footballers. And and and, you just have to be fast in getting the attention of your intended interviewees because if not, the other medias will not give you a chance in interviewing your interviewees. Well, I don’t wish to comment further. It was a good exposure and experience for me to attend the match last Monday as a journalist.
I wouldn’t want you to leave but at the same time I wouldn’t want you to stay.
I wouldn’t want you to think that I hate you but at the same time I wouldn’t want you to think that I love you.
Stop. Reflect. Take action.
***Having a playful nature does not mean that I can be accused of doing things that I am NOT guilty of. What the fuck is wrong with the world today?
Life is crazy because I don’t know what I did to you…
I have learned that beauty has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage to be all that I can
And truly feel your heart will lead you back to me when you’re ready to land
I can’t pretend these tears aren’t overflowing steadily
I can’t prevent this hurt from almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye for you’ll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly
Blame it all on me if you want to because I can’t bear to see you cry all night long.
“You always choose to stay, I should be thankful for everyday. Heaven knows what the future holds, or at least where the story goes. I never believed untill now but I know I’ll see you again, I’m sure. No, it’s not selfish to ask for more – one more night, one more day, one more smile on your face.”
I’m culturally aware AND culturally sensitive. Do I sound confident?
Okay, look, I have a problem. My eye bags are puffier and darker now. I don’t know, I don’t know – it’s not hereditary but I have gotten it since I was in primary school. So, I went to check out what’s the cause of it and tips to reduce the dark circles under my eyes. And no, cucumber and eye creams don’t work for me.
Here’s what I’ve got from Go Ask Alice! Don’t worry, it’s an educational website, so, the credibility of the website shouldn’t be questioned. =)
These dark circles or bags are formed by fat and fluid that settles into the area, and there are a number of reasons they appear, including genetics, aging, fluid retention, and allergies. Moreover, they can appear darker under the eyes because the skin under the eyes is especially thin; this thin skin sits on top of areas that are dark red or purple in color; and the area is more likely to become puffy, casting shadows that make the bags look even more pronounced.
The way the genetics play out, some people are born into families where the skin color under the eyes is likely to be darker or bags are more likely to appear earlier in life. As people grow older, their skin tends to get thinner and lose some elasticity, making their bags look bigger and darker. The fun doesn’t stop there: fluid retention from lack of sleep, monthly hormonal changes, or eating too much salt can make matters worse.
Another possible contributing factor is that when you’re tired, your face muscles are tired, too, making the skin around your eyes less toned and droopier.
If hearing this is making you lose even more sleep, the good news is that there are ways to help reduce the swelling and get rid of your excess baggage:
1) Reduce the amount of salt you consume.
2) Apply cool compresses to your eyes for a few minutes while sitting upright.
3) Sleep with your head elevated.
4) Cut back on or eliminate dehydrating drinks from your diet, including tea, coffee, and alcohol.
5) Drink lots of water.
For the most part, puffiness under the eyes probably isn’t anything to worry about. If your droopy under-eyes are accompanied by itchiness, redness, and teary eyes, you might want to get checked out for allergies. In some cases, swelling in general may be a symptom of a more serious problem. If you notice fluid retention in other parts of your body, or if it becomes severe or persistent, see a health care provider as soon as possible.
We are different. We are different. We are different.
We are different from what the majority is doing.
And I love you for this. Much appreciated. *hugs* =)
“You are my baby love. Baby love~”
———-
Well, I took the day off from G’s lesson today despite missing her. I absent myself from her lesson in an attempt to distant myself from her and take my mind off her for a moment. I’m still the G-lover although there are many G-haters out there. =)
I notice something about my Centre. In it’s attempt to be the outstanding one amongst the other Schools and Centres due to the small cohort of students that it has, it has somehow confused the things that it has stressed on its students. Oh wells. *flicks hair*
I can see you dying. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want be the reason why everytime I walk out of the door, I see you die a little more inside. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I don’t want to take away your life.
I don’t want to be… A murderer.
Baby, why cannot?
Baby, why cannot?
Baby, why cannot?
You know perfectly what’s in my heart. So why cannot?
You make people take their best orgasm and times it by 13. Melissa Theuriau, you are my love. =)
Seems like everybody’s breaking up; throwing their love away.
Incompatible, it don’t matter though
Cos someone’s bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You’re not easy to find
Because I know I NEED a daily dosage of my Soya Bean. (pun intended) =))
Let’s get the fire burning
If you stay
Just a little bit of love
Is worth a moment of your time
Go figure!
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
Look, no love from (insert my name here) = falling sick. What’s that supposed to mean? Oh wells. *flicks hair* SL, feel better soon okay? Many many love from me. *hugs* =))
Hey, life is crooked because it is never straight. =)
Never never never have I woke up this early on a weekend. Achievement eh? Ok, whatever.
Anyways, I’m having a terrible bad bad bad back pain. Any of you have any recommendations on where to go for a back massage? I need one real badly. =(
How adorable. Someone’s using Beautiful Girls by Alvin & The Chipmunks as a ringtone. Hee hee. Guess who? G! To what extent can her cuteness be? Well, it’s for you to decide. She’s still some Mother Goddess! For now, enjoy the song… Irritating though.
The hatred, tangible.
The love, unreal.
The hatred love, tangibly unreal.
I am just so tired.
Tired of all the human relationships and interactions that I am having now.
Just so tired.
I am just so freaking pissed.
Pissed with all the human relationships and interactions that I am having now.
Just so freaking pissed.
I am just so sick.
Sick of all the human relationships and interactions that I am having now.
Just so sick.
I can feel that I am out of breath after walking short distances. Probably because of all the human relationships and interactions that contributes to my breathlessness and you probably know what is the other cause right? And shit, I am having a cramp on my left thigh.
I just wanna sleep. Sleep forever. (No pun intended)
Call me a sadist, but I think my Grandma’s going to die soon.
People keep talking. They can say what they like. But all I know everything’s going to be alright.
Are you that perfect to talk about people behind their back? Not only talk but also discriminate. Wow, brilliant. I didn’t know that there are the perfect humans living on this Earth. I am pretty sure that you wouldn’t want me to stalk you and tell others the unseen you.
So, stop talking about my M. I know you miss her during her absence, that’s why you can’t stop talking bad about her during her absence, but what makes me wonder even more now is that why do you still have to talk about my M now when she is already out of that place and is trying to change to be a better person? Why don’t you try to change yourself to be a better person like what M is trying to do now instead of talking about people, especially my M to your so-called friends?
One last question for you, what wrong has my M done to you that you hate her so much?
You suck, do you know that?
Phew. I wrote this on the whiteboard and have forgotten to erase it till at the end of the lesson whereby G went to the whiteboard and was about to take the whiteboard duster to erase everything that was on the whiteboard when I realize that the thing I wrote was still there. Here’s what I’ve written:
“G’s MINE! – (insert my name here)”
I quickly shoved G and told her that I would help her to erase the whiteboard. And then G asked, what’s G. Of course, some cheeky people went to say that it’s G herself, and some saved me by saying that it’s (g), my classmate. Thank God. G said, I was very cheeky. And she said this, “The first time I saw (insert my name here), I thought she’s a good girl…” See, I have a problem: I HAVE AN INNOCENT FACE. Really. I swear. (Imagine the number of people that my face has deceived.) Some people are just shocked with the things that I do and some do not even believe me. Oh wells, I know, I’ll stay innocent forever. Hee hee. :P
I wrote (the thing on the whiteboard) partly because my NEW rival in class, K, has been trying to flirt with MY G throughout G’s lesson today and we were like arguing over MSN on who G is giving more attention to throughout lesson time today. Out of frustration and irritation, I wrote that on the whiteboard. K, I’m warning you, you better stop whatever that you’re doing. Seriously, why the fuck do you want to give your attention to G when last time, you have been talking good about (a) and condemning G? And then now, you’re like so over G and are unhappy about (a)? I’m warning you, you better stop flirting with my G and go on with whatever relationship that you used to have with (a).
Anyway, I’m okay with (a) now, at least for the previous lesson last Monday. And she gave me a smiley face in her comment. Okay, not a big deal, but nonetheless… it’s still a smiley face. Yeah! =) See, K, I don’t flirt with your (a), so don’t you dare flirt with my G. Sorry, I don’t need any swoppings to be done with you when it comes to G. You take your (a) and stay true to her okay. (a) needs you and G doesn’t want or need you in any way, I swear. Go go, go back to your (a). Don’t interfere with my relationship with G.
The previous post was a random post by K by the way during the Library Survival Guide session that we all had to attend just a few hours ago. (Notice the difference in the style of writing?) I have no idea what excites him to G’s class tomorrow, but for obvious reasons, K, you better not steal my G from me. You watch out if that happens. GRRR. You just stay true to your (a) and let it be that way till eternity.
Okay, moving on, I have the slightest idea on what to do now. You know the kind of you-know-what that you have when there are just too many things for you to handle to the extent that you do not know what exactly you have in mind because everything’s mixed up? Everything seems too complex to be handled with care. Sigh. And no, your presence doesn’t help at all.
And all that matters is having the most gullible and adorable friend who is concern about my well-being or rather OUR well-being. Say hello to my beloved starfish… =)
“I may have to make you gurgle soap next time.”
I didn’t know that you would be affected, really. If I knew, I wouldn’t have said that F word to you directly in your face that time, ya know.
And why are you being random with me nowadays? Too-personal-a-comment, twice. What’s next?
Today’s superb and awesome and fabulous and good. =))))
Double happiness. G & SL are the reasons why I’m smiling to myself throughout the day, even up till now. =) Hehe.
G treated me nicely today (she has always been this way except for the lesson before the 2 weeks holiday) – called out my name a few times today, and volunteered me to read the excerpt from the Problem Statement first thing in the morning – and not to mention, the staring, questioning, and smiling came back to me today. YAAAYYYY!!!!! =)) I bet G missed me over that 2 weeks holiday. And and and G was looking forward to seeing my name signed up for the Singapore Press Holding (SPH) Industry Visit but was rather upset when I did not sign up. Oh wells. See, her actions today are the opposite of what she did 3 weeks ago. What can you say about G then?
Met SL and got a hug from her during 1st breakout. Weee~ =)) Goodness, refreshing yo. Hehe. =) Not forgetting, SL has upgraded me to l**e. Whatever that means okay. Heee heee. =)
Both G and SL are love. Yeah! =))
Don’t want to think about it.
Don’t want to talk about it.
I’m just so sick about it.
Just so confused about it.
Feeling the blues about it.
What seems so strong has been and gone… What do you have to say about it now?
“Because i like you
thats why i tell you the truth
maybe if i see you on thurs
i may upgrade you
to l**e”
Now, all the more reason to come for Thursday’s lesson. Look at what I got there. Yay! =))))
I was there. Looked at everything and I don’t feel good about it. Now, a tinge of regret is in me. The sudden break down worries everyone up till now. I understand now that it wasn’t because of what I saw, but the fear of losing someone that was inside me for a long time that has caused me to blame myself for everything that have happened. I could sense that I would lose him some day, but I didn’t expect it to be just a few moment ago. It’s not easy to cope with life when your loved one who has been your inspiration to continue this journey of life is now gone, forever.
Farewell, Y.
“I plan on being much more than I am
But that’s in due time
Until then I’m guilty
And being human’s my crime”
Like you, there’s a need to make some readjustments to my already hectic life. Party invitations, dinner & sometimes lunch invites, gatherings, school & school work, the multiple appointments, D & M, late-night days and all have to be rescheduled to adequate for all the invitations and so as not to offend any party. It’s hard to say no to anyone but if I have to say no to you, you know what’s the rationale behind it right? Too many things going on – if you haven’t already catch it.
Sometimes, there’s too little time for myself. Even getting 2 hours per day for myself would be good enough. But… that’s not always the case. I’m worn out – again and again – over time. How now? I think I’ll die one day due to lack of sleep…
Dear A,
Thanks for that little note. It’s my honour and pleasure to be with you in times of joy and sorrow. You know, it takes time for one to heal from all the hurt that one’s going through. I hope you’re doing better now and may you get a peace of mind in the upcoming days. I’m still here, if you need a friend to talk to at anytime and anywhere. =) Smile, because you know you deserve to and move on with life because the past will lead you to nowhere. Enjoy this special day of yours okay? Till then. =)
Love =),
F. Scarlet
Perhaps there’s more to just you.
Perhaps it’s the chemistry.
And perhaps it’s just us.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. =)
And yes school starts tomorrow and what a week to start with (a)’s lesson. Gggrrrrrrrrrrrr! The temptation to skip (a)’s lesson tomorrow is definitely great. Sigh.
Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.
I hate the times when my Grandma’s here at my house. I hate it. I hate it. There’s no one time when we are on good terms. She’s always looking for trouble with me. I don’t know about your Grandma, but my Grandma LOVES to quarrel with people, yes, like really quarrel and throws tantrum. I AM SO TIRED OF MY GRANDMA!
TIRED OF QUARRELLING WITH HER.
TIRED OF ENTERTAINING HER.
TIRED OF HAVING TO “REPORT” TO HER OF MY ACTIONS, LIKE WHEN I WANT TO EAT, BATHE, ETC.
TIRED OF ANSWERING THE SAME OLD EXACT QUESTIONS THAT SHE ASKS AGAIN AND AGAIN, OVER TIME.
TIRED OF LISTENING TO HER STORIES, ESPECIALLY THE ONES ABOUT PEOPLE WHOM I DO NOT KNOW OF.
TIRED OF MY GRANDMA INVADING MY PRIVACY – HER PRESENCE IN THE HOUSE ALREADY DOES.
TIRED OF HAVING TO INFORM HER WHERE I’M GOING WHENEVER I WANT TO GO OUT.
TIRED OF TELLING HER TO GO TO SLEEP AND DON’T WAIT FOR ME EVERY NIGHT.
TIRED BECAUSE I CAN’T HAVE THE WHOLE HOUSE FOR MYSELF WHEN SHE’S HERE.
TIRED OF EXPLAINING THINGS TO HER.
TIRED OF HAVING TO LIE TO HER TO MAKE THINGS SIMPLE FOR HER TO UNDERSTAND.
TIRED OF HAVING TO SEARCH FOR THINGS THAT SHE HAS MISPLACED EVERY TIME, YES, SHE MISPLACE THINGS LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS.
TIRED OF HAVING TO MAKE SMALL SOUNDS TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHATEVER THAT SHE’S SAYING BECAUSE IF I DON’T, SHE’LL CLAIM THAT I DON’T LIKE HER (which is the truth)
TIRED OF HAVING TO KEEP ON SAYING NO TO HER WHENEVER SHE ASKS ME TO EAT WITH HER, ETC.
VERY TIRED AND EXHAUSTED, INDEED.
My Grandma’s brutal and wild (like I don’t – I got the genes from her. Damn). From her younger days till now. Sigh. Anyone want to adopt my Grandma? I can’t stand her anymore already.
“Never wanna make you cry
Never wanna make those tears come to your eyes”
Put the music loud. So they won’t hear me say.
“It’s the truth! Well, kinda. No, no, don’t get confused. Hey, it’s the truth. Period.”
Scratch scratch, my lips are itchy! The kind of itchiness that you could get after eating something that is allergic to you. Bleah. All thanks to my braces. Today, instead of changing the individual coloured bands of my braces to the individual brackets, the dentist changed it to the “Power Link” coloured band so as to close all the gaps in between teeths. That means each and every bracket is linked by one band, hence, there’s no chance of getting alternate coloured bands for my braces. Tsk tsk.
Scratchy scratch… Sigh.
While I was bathing at around 2 PM just now, the door bell rang…
I went to the door, opened it, and saw my Aunt and Grandma outside, patiently waiting for me to unlock the gate and all.
Aunt: I came to send your Grandma.
Me: Ok.
Aunt: Mum, get inside.
Me: Grandma, come in.
After Aunt left…
Me: Grandma, take a seat first.
Grandma: Ok.
Soon after, I went back to the bathroom to continue bathing. After that, I went straight to switch on my laptop and continue with my work.
At 3 20 PM… Grandma went into her room, and after about 5 minutes, she brought out her bag, her scarf… the things that Aunt brought when she sends my Grandma over earlier on… Then, she went to sit on the sofa and began putting on her scarf and all… Then she went to the door, opened it, but still couldn’t unlock the gate. She asked me to unlock the gate for her…
I ignored because she’s not well and she has doctor’s appoinments on Friday and Monday. (I have to get her to stay okay, not because I want her to, but because I have no choice because she’s not well and I was afraid if anything were to happen to her when she’s out there alone) All of a sudden, with the door still opened, she shouted…
Grandma: Open the gate! Open the gate! I want to go out.
Me: Why can’t you just stay here? You’re already not as strong as last time to go out on your own.
Grandma: I stay here in your house also, I’ve nothing to do.
Me: What do you want to do? No one is asking you to do something, Grandma. In fact, there’s nothing for you to do. Just stay.
Grandma: Open the door, I’m like a statue here. You don’t even want to talk to me.
Me: Grandma, I’m doing my work.
Grandma: If you’re too busy with your work, just let me out. So you won’t have to see my face.
Me: No way, you’re not getting out of the house.
Grandma: From the point I came in, you didn’t even offer anything for me to eat or drink.
**Come on, my Grandma already ate the crackers which was on the table without having me to offer her to eat. As usual, when she comes to my house, she never ask me to serve anything, so today, is no different. Continuing the argument…
Me: I did. I did told you to go to the kitchen and grab anything that is available, but you chose to sit there on the sofa. My fault now?
Grandma: Ya la ya la. You can easily manipulate your words. Giving all the poltical answers. You’re educated. I’m stupid. Say anything that you want.
Me: I didn’t at all say that you’re stupid. No one ever said that. Okaylah Grandma, lazy to entertain you.
Grandma: After all those years that you’ve been taken care of, that’s how you say things to me? Let me out of the house.
** Since when did Grandma even took care of me? Get the facts right, old woman.
After she said that, I could not take it anymore. I called my M to take my Grandma after she finish her work. Now, I’m just waiting for M to come and take my Grandma away… She’s stoning away on the sofa. M, come fast…
“Everything’s fine with me… It’s just a matter of time.”
I’m lost, again. It has been hard, yes, for sure. I’m still trying, but I doubt I could.
I’m losing interest and passion in EVERYTHING that I do. What’s happening now?
If everything is as simple as ABC…
“Life can be cruel in a way that I can’t explain.”
Oh, look who’s talking now. ;)
Hey M, welcome on board. =)
It’s never wrong or too late to turn over a new leaf.
I’ll be here, walking the journey with you. Love.
What we can do now is try – every single day of our lives.
“The moon got lost again last night, but now the sun has finally had its say…
But it hurts when I think and when I let it sink in, it’s all over me.”
What went wrong? Maybe I know, maybe…
Everything just didn’t go as per normal. Awkward silence. No staring. No questioning. Absolutely nothing. And you know what that’s supposed to mean? It’s the end. THE END. The end of whatever that has been happening lately.
Don’t try to fix me. Just don’t. Coz you can’t.
It has never been easy to let go…
Blindly I imagined I could keep you under glass, now I understand to hold you I must open up my hands and watch you rise…
Hey dummy, how dumb can you get when you choose to listen to them based on their assumptions? Oh, I forgot that you are already a dummy. My sarcasm was awesome right yesterday? Heaven knows why I said that to you. They know too. =)
Women in their late 20s and early 30s are giving me a hell of a good time. It’s the aura, baby.
SL, A.U.R.A! ;)
Oh-my! Haven’t I mention that SL rocks my world? I think I did, somewhere, some time ago… but anyway, no harm mentioning it again. SL, you rock!
we definitely rock each other’s world. =) *wandering eyes* someone’s missing me. hee hee.
Anyway, Thursday is coming in like 28 hours and 20 minutes… lesson on Thursday will start in 34 hours and 20 minutes. Yayy! =)
I was very hmmm… excited early in the morning. Of course I do because it’s G’s lesson today.
So, it was 8:22 AM and G still hasn’t come in to class. I told my team mates (maybe it’s loud enough to get the whole class to hear) this:
“If G’s not here today and S comes in to class, I will leave.”
Right after I said that, a familiar figure came in… and guess what, it’s S. The class burst out laughing at that moment partly because of what I have said right before she comes in and some were, of course happy to see S taking over G’s lesson today, but for me, I was pretty upset at the sight of S as I was, as usual, looking forward to see G and only wants G to facilitate my class (being rather possessive here because G belongs to my class)…
Then, S still has the cheek to say, “It’s interesting to see the different reactions.” in that monotonous way. (Because I showed some disapproval towards S taking over G’s lesson) After some time, I asked S why G wasn’t here today and the answer that she gave was very pathetic… “Because I couldn’t make it for tomorrow’s class, so I swopped with G.” I was like, hmmm, okay, whatever with that whatever facial expression on my face. So nonsensical can. Why must it be G’s lesson that all these swoppings happen and why not (a)’s lesson? Freaking annoying okay.
I miss G. =(
In the end, I skipped S’ lesson with 4 of my classmates. But I had a real good time with my classmates playing pool and some heart-to-heart sharing session. It was worth skipping the lesson today actually. Hehe. =)
“I know what you need, I’ve got everything that you need.”
Trying to talk some sense to me? Sorry, I don’t and I can’t understand you. We live in a mutual understanding community you know. If I don’t get you, I seriously don’t and I can’t even be bothered to find out more about the point that you are trying to bring across especially from people like you. Don’t bother to try to understand me because I know you did it not out of your own will, but after you are being forced by him. Go get yourself something better to do than trying to understand me. I can reassure you, you’ll never understand me and I’ll never be bothered to understand you either.
Baby, if you give it to me, I will give it to you – I know what you want… as long as you want.
“Too much time wasted loving you.”
Right, now I get your point – avoidance is your way.
Having fun venging all the shit that you are going through on me? I bet you are. I may seem not to care with all those nonsense that you are giving me through your body language and facial expressions but one thing for sure, I have been the one who’s always giving in to you because I do not want to pick up a fight with you unnecessarily, moreover after what we have been through for the past few months. If there’s anything that I’ve done wrong, tell me, would you? I can’t bear seeing us minding our own businesses anymore.
Remember us at our best and don’t forget about us…
I’m still thinking of the reply that I should give to (a)’s email. You know, she’s disappointed in me. So, what kind of reply should I give to someone who has already been disappointed in me? I have no idea. Really.
This totally sucks. Having to face her later makes things worse – totally suckier. Even suckier if she surface the issues that I have with her. I’m praying hard that the meet up later will only cover the discussion over the assignment and not anything else.
I can escape no more. She’s taking control. FUCK, IT SUCKS!
FUCK. Someone’s disappointed in me. Guess who? (a)
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
I AM SO BLOODY DEAD NOW BECAUSE tomorrow I’m meeting (a) to discuss about the assignment and from what she has said in her email, it seems like, I’m gonna have a one-on-one session with her. (and this is not a good thing okay. SERIOUSLY. If it’s G, I don’t mind, but (a), hmm…) FUCK.
But like I said, I shouldn’t care about what she thinks about me. She’s already a fucker in her own ways. FUCK (a)!
“It’s been quite some time, since 1990”
So effing tired because I have been shifting almost all the furniture in the house since Saturday just to get everything in place because all this while the house has been in a mess. Well, my room is still in a mess though, but heck, who really cares – agree?
Anyway, P came over to help out with the shifting of furniture and all, and we got really random (as usual), and talked about, “If I’m a wine of my age, my price would be…” You know, a wine of my age wouldn’t be that expensive right, so, I told P, “I had rather be preserved and not be sold and be drank even if I’m a million years old.” Do you know why? Of course you don’t. Coz, if I’m a wine, I would be a wine which has a life, feelings, the five senses and lastly intelligence. I wouldn’t want to see myself in the mouth of a person, then to the oesophagus, then to the small intestine or the large intestine (can’t remember which, but I think it’s the former) and lastly to the anus… coming out from the urinary tube and seeing myself being yellow in colour… *gulps*
I think I’m just thinking too much, but what if those are really the reaction or feelings of the things that we consume? I do ask myself how the fish or the chicken that I have eaten felt in my body… are they disgusted? Just imagine that you are or you have actually been consuming food and drinks that have feelings (at the point of consumption and even when they are already inside your body) …
Maybe that way, we could lose weight much easier because we would subconsciously be paranoid with whatever that we are consuming… not because of the nutritional values but because of the feelings of the food and drinks…
life is crooked because it is never straight 