Patti Cakes

 
Last week we have received a letter from immigration stating that they have received our case and it is in process.

We were told by our lawyer that the waiting period is about 90 days. I believe what that means is that we are in "line" and in about 90 days it will be our turn to review our case. However, due to some recent changes in how/where immigration is processes cases, we think that it possibly could be sooner then 90 days.

It is so good to know, and also scary that we are finally, after 22 yrs for me and 15 yrs for Troy, are in the place where final decision is going to be made. 

We, as a family, are at the crossroads of our life!

If the waivers are approved I will be issued a visa and we will be able to come HOME!

If the waivers are not approved then we will have to find another place on this planet Earth, and call it home.

There is a lots of uncertainties with that. And in the past there was a lots of fear with that as well. I say in the past, because, through this experience I feel that I have truly learned to trust my Father in Heaven. I could never before say "Thy will be done!"  My mind would say it, by my heart would fail. I wanted  safety and stability for my family. And I felt that in my situation, if I were to say "Thy will be done" those things would be taking away. Well, I got that wrong! How grateful I am for countless miracles that we got to witness. How grateful I am that in my time of weakness, my Father in Heaven, has showed me His love for me and my family. He has in-steal my trust in Him to the degree where I feel at peace in turning my life to Him. No, my faith is not perfect, not at the list of it. But it is so much better, then it was 2 yrs ago, and for that I am grateful!

I am writing this post with a humble and a bit hesitant heart.

Humble, because you, my dear friends, are an amazing people. I look up to you and often ask "what would so and so do/say in this situation?" Thank you, for being Christ-like examples of faith and good works to me.

And hesitant, because I need to ask you something. I hope it is an appropriate request.

This Sunday, is a Fast Sunday. I know that a lot of our family and friends, who read this, are in UT. With recent fires there, I'm sure there is a lots of people who need prayers and fasting. And yet, I would kindly ask of you, who are able, will you please join me and Troy in a fast this Sunday?

We would kindly ask that in your prayers you would ask the Lord that His will, be done, for our family. And what ever the outcome, that we may know with a surety that He will take care of us, as He always had. That what ever the outcome, we will be blessed with peace, and clarity of the path that we should take.

Thank you, dear friends and family. Your prayers are always felt by us. We are grateful for your faith, and your faithfulness  and your kindness to care for us enough to do this. May you be blessed in the way that you and your family stand in need of at this time in your life.

Hugs and kisses

(if you don't know what Fast Sunday is, please feel free to check this link)

A while back I heard this wonderful talk, on The Tender Mercies of the Lord. I know many of you remember it as well. The other day my family and I had experience in one of those tender mercies. The Lord is truly aware of our trials, our hopes. I would like to share this with you, and sense I believe all those who are reading my blog knows our family situation, you will see just how remarkable this event is.

For the past 2 years here in the UK, we had elders missionaries in our word, which was wonderful! They were grate, dedicated young men and having them over for diner did wonders for our son Drew. He is hopeful that the Lord will call him to serve in....Russia...that's right...he wants to serve in Russia. He said it will be really cool to be able to know the same language that I know.

As you know missionaries don't stay long in one place and our elders got replaced by fantastic sister missionaries! I was so excited to have sisters in our word, to have them over for diner and have my girls being influenced by their spirit that they bring. It didn't take long for the sisters to learn of our "life saga" and as I drove them home one of the sisters told me that she has a story to share with me. It would be another week before our next diner visit, and I was soooo curios, what story she has to tell?

Here, is her story, as best as I can remember. 

Sister Casasola  was born some where in Mexico. At the age of 4, her parents went through a very nasty divorce resulting in having full custody of her by her father. Her grandparents at that time were already leaving in US and seeing the heart ache that their son went through, and a difficulty in being a single dad to a 4 yr old daughter, they have encouraged him to immigrate to America, which he did.

When she was 10 years old they were introduced to the gospel of Jesus Christ and their life has never been the same. Sister Casasola speaks very highly of her father and he seems to be a righteous, loving and hardworking men. She grew up in the home that promoted faith in the Lord and obedience to His teachings.

She spoke of her dreams and aspirations for her life, as a young women. She wanted to go to BUY. As she was gathering all the documents to attend college, she needed her Social Security card. It was at that moment that her whole world as she knew it collapsed. SHE WAS ILLEGAL! Her father has become US citizen long ago, but for some reason he has never filled papers for her, assuming that because she was little she would automatically become US citizen as he became one.

She said that it was a time for her to find exactly what it ment to be "honest with your fellow men". She said she was taught to leave worthy of the Temple recommend and she felt that at 18 she is an adult and is accountable for her own actions in such regards. She decided that in order to be worthy of the Temple blessings she will leave America. She said she doesn't know where she found the strength to do that. To go to a country that she hasn't been in sence 4. She just knew it was an honest thing to do.

When she applied for her visa to come back to the US, it was denied. She was completely devastated. Missing her family and wondering what's next (remember, she is only 18, just graduated from high school, no family or friends and she barely knew Spanish). While in Mexico, she had to take Spanish class to learn to speak and more importantly to read and to write. She moved there when it was hard to find jobs for any locals and yet, she was blessed with one in just 2 weeks being there. She was able to visit her mom and heal that relationship.

She got excepted into University and began to build her NEW dreams. She has found that she always wanted to study abroad, but it is so unlikely. One of the professor at University there has recommended her to the University in Sweden and she got excepted. While in Sweden she had a dream, where she was eating lunch with her dad. She woke up upset wondering when and if it will ever happen. She called her dad, crying and missing her family. Her dad asked her if she believes in miracles? She said she did. He advised her to file for visa AGAIN. She knew her odds, and that she doesn't have job and a student now and besides US did denied it. He again asked her if she believed in miracles and told her to file for visa.

She got a job earned her visa fees (which are very high) and filed it again. She was asked to come in for an interview where she was questioned thoroughly. She remembers being so scared that while waiting for her turn she had to go to the bathroom and put her hands under hot water, they were ice cold. She promised herself that she will be completely honest and let the Lord work His miracle. And He did! Her visa was approved and more then that it is 10 yrs long (which is very rare).She was able to come home and see her family and now serving mission for our Lord, here, in England.

I wish all of you who read this would of felt what I felt when she spoke. When she testified of the power that the Lord has. That if it is His will, nothing will stop Him from performing a miracles.

I felt that our evening with this lovely beacon of light, for that is what I feel when I am around her, was a tender mercies of the Lord. How wonderful that our Father in Heaven knows our worries and sends his angels to comfort us.

"But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender ^cmercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of ^ddeliverance." 1Nephi: 1:20


                    Sister Casasola  and sister Cubova

P.S. Sister Cubova is from Czech Republic, next time we will have to ask her how she joined the church ;)

I woke up this morning with a nice surprise...flowers and soft toy with a card of words of love from my sweet husband.

The part that I love the most is the heart shape stickers that I have been finding all over the house....random places....but places where I felt Troy thought, my eyes would most likely look at. Like tooth brush cupboard, mirror, door nobs in different places, pictures , lotion that I use...I have to say that my favorite so far is trim on my tea cup ;) and surprise inside TP ;) It made me smile.

Thank you honey...I love you very much!

Kids got up to the balloons, cards, a little trinkets and of course chocolate ;)

Drew said, that it feels like Christmas ;) I was happy!

Made some yummy breakfast for me

and mine
kids have been making me cards, for the past hour...I am a lucky girl!!

Happy Valentine to all,

P.S. This is a fantastic talk....worth every minute of listening

You can take dessert out of a girl, but you can't take a girl out of a dessert ;)
Today is my day #6 of 100 day challenge of no sugar, flour, soda or processed foods. The first 3 days were hard....but this little number has helped me through, so I thought I would share, it's only fare, right?
You would need:
Milled Flaxseed, Agave Syrup, Blue Berries, Greek fat free yogurt

Now, the picture doesn't do justice to how delicious this really is.
IT DOES taste just like cheesecake.
Here is a little info if you are interested on how good flax seeds are for you. I add it to pancakes, salads, protein shakes and use it as a base for yummy healthy desserts. ;) It tasteless, but benefits are awesome!

Enjoy!

"Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still." This quote came from this post I read the other day. It got me thinking of my Kairos time with kids and family. I have those moments, I believe we all do. So I decided to start my own posts of Kairos time, for they are worth recording.


Kairos time:

I was seating at church today with Drew next to me. He is such a sweet, and tender boy. His body was leaning against mine, resting his head on my chest. My arm embracing him over his back. Ryder came by, stared at us for a minute or so and then rested his little body against mine as well. I looked down at two little heads, stroking their hair, feeling so grateful for having those boys in my life.The time stood still.

What a difference an year can make!
It's been 19 months sense we left America....this time last year, I was emotionally and mentally in a really, really bad place. Yes, I was kicked out of the country that I've grown to love and call my home. I was continue to be in a limbo stage (story of my life for the past 20 yrs), but in England. All of our securities, comforts and familiarities were taking away. We were in deed " striped" of everything that connects us to our life back home. I think... no, I know that I have been carrying a lot of gilt about bringing my children and Troy to such a stormy life. The truth of it though, there is nothing I could have done differently. So I know that I should not feel bad for my family. They are an amazing people and I am so blessed to have such an awesome kids and nothing short, but God's Gift to me, of a husband!
So I was walking kids to school today and saw SO MANY leafs on the ground. It was beautiful! I thought:" gush, I don't remember this path to school being so beautiful. I know I walked the same way everyday, and last year this path was....well, I don't remember what it was like."
Then there is trees....England is so green and naturally you would think that fall would be gorgeous here. I didn't see it last fall. I don't remember last fall, except that it rained and it was cold. And it is cold this fall and it indeed raining, a lot. But it is beautiful. The colors on the trees are there. Why didn't I see it?
My house. Well, it is the same as last year. Same miss matched, hand-me-down furniture. There is nothing inside the house that says, please, come in, make yourself comfy. But I no longer feel the need to explain or apologize to people why my house is this way. I am ok with it. Now, If I had a chance to make it in a way that my heart and soul knows how, I would, but I can't and I am so ok with that.
I am also ok with the fact that our fridge and cupboards are full for only one week in a month. Noodles and butter or noodles and garlic salt has become often our every day regular. As a matter of fact it is joke in our house. That's right, we have found humor in it. Finding humor in hardships was novelty to me before. We had plenty of hardships, but no laughter about it. This days, I can often laugh through it all. ( may be I've got mad ;) What even more awesome is Rylee seeing, that happiness has to do very little with comforts or even necessities.
I am ok with shopping at charity shops and I do not feel like I am any lesser of a person, because I or my children are wearing second hand clothing. As a matter of fact I have found " fun" in it. It's amazing what people get rid off.
I also OK that my hair is no longer blond...now, I have tried to go dark many times, and I never liked it. I do now. I am ok with ME.
I'm still very much isolated from everything and everyone, and am alone. But I no longer feel lonely.
I used to have this add relationship with food. Let me explain....oh, boy, here it goes.
I had to have food in my home, always! We spent A LOT on it.
I would spent my last $100 on food instead of paying electric bill. :/
If I bought something just for me or if it is on my plate, NO one , not even my children would dare to eat it. Interesting thing happen 2 years ago. You see, you may know this or you may not, but Russia (where I was born) was not recognizing me as it's citizen and nether did America (where I wanted to be a citizen) I was, what immigration calls ''stateless" I don't think there is anything like it, to experience not belonging to anywhere, and I'm sure it did a number on me, inside my head. But the day I have finally got my Russian passport (though it was a country I didn't want to go to) something subconsciously wonderful happen. I didn't care about other people eating my food! I know this sounds funny and may be not a big deal to some. But to me it was a first sign for healing.
Then being in England and experience luck of food, clothes, toys for kids, etc. I have learned to be ok with " empty" I no longer freak out because I have no clue how I am going to feed my family for the next 10 days with only $8 in my banking account. I don't feel like I am a bad mother because of it. And also, I don't feel, nor did I EVER felt, that Troy is not a good enough provider. I have one amazing man, who loves me and his kids, unconditionally. He gets up every day and despite the feelings of what his " saga" of life is, he goes and slaves dragons for us. I said this before and I will say this again, I truly feel that Troy is God's gift to me. I am for ever grateful that I have him in my life.
Last month I had an appointment with American Embassy, here in London. I was told that my visa to U.S. was dined. We knew it would be, we had to go through this step first to get us to our 2nd step.
And though, it was a negative news, somehow, I came home with a feeling of healing. I am that much closer of getting home.
Now, we have a HUGE mountain in front of us and we don't know what is going to be on the other side. There might be more mountains or there might be a beautiful field named " you can come home now"
but one thing has for sure become reality to me, that is this:
For a very long time now, I have been pondering on life of a few prophets, Job and Paul. For me, this is what I have learned:
1. The test of life is not necessary on what I am learning from it, but can I remain faithful to the Lord during my trials.
2. Though my " saga" is not over I believe ,that up to this day, I have learned, as Paul has said, to be content with empty or full.
Content doesn't mean giving up on better. Content to me means, knowing there is better, but be happy with what you have. I strife for better, I would choose better if I could, but less doesn't define me. Less doesn't in-prison's me, as it used to. It has no power, unless I give. I learn to listen to my inner voice and choose to find happy instead of feeling sorry.
3.I have learn to trust that my Father knows me and answers me through His servants, the prophets.
4. On the silly sight of it all....If the pattern of my freedom from dependence on food continues...then based on it's history maybe, once I get my US Citizenship, Troy will get his skinny wife back. ;) He, he!

P.S. I'm sure some therapist would have a hay day with me ;) But no matter, the Lord has His way of sorting things out.

Hugs, and Kisses.

Why do I loose my cool so easily? It's seems to trigger when my house is a mess, and kids need to go to bed or early in the morning, telling them million and one times to brash their teeth or get dress and clock is ticking and they are going to be late for school and my temper gets the best of me.

I'm laying down in bed with Brooklyn, she is sad (she always is when I raise my voice at her)
I am tickling her back and trying to let her know, somehow, that I do love her. For I do!
My mind drifts to the time that is long pass, but scars are still there.

Perhaps it was alcohol talking: "You can either lay down on the bed and get your whips or you can resist and end up with marks were ever the belt's buckle end up hitting you" I remember going to school with bruises and skin all swollen all over my body or sometimes when I did submit to laying down, my bottom were so sore, that I couldn't sit. Those are such an ugly, painful memories. And though, I am grown up adult now, when spoken, I cry.

I could NEVER inflict that kind of pain, that kind of scaring, that kind of abused on my children and yet, I loose my cool. Does the harsh voice leave the scars? Does it alters you as a person and does it breaks them as children, to the degree that they are children no more? Am I scarring just as much as I've been scared, just using different kind of "belt"?

Do I really believe that anger achieves more than love? That Satan's way is more powerful, more practical, more fulfilling in my daily life than Jesus' way? Why else get angry?

I kiss her tender, my heart is heavy and I go to the only source I know can heal...can help me see the way of love is more powerful....how do I get there?

Oh were do I begin to write what I feel in my heart for this little girl of ours?
When I got pregnant with her, it felt like it was not the best time to have another baby. We had bills that come with being a grown up, but we had no job, no insurance, Troy decided to go back to school, and we were trying to make our ends meat on student loans.
She was to be our baby #3 and needless to say I was a bit mortified. I have only two hands and two laps. I'm sure I was not the only mother in the world who felt that way. ;)
During that time I needed to go and get my Temple recommend renew. Our stake president was truly an inspiring man and being in tune with the spirit he was able to tune in with my anxiety.
My visit with him that night was one of the nights that I treasure in my heart till this day. After visiting with him, my anxiety was replaced by pure joy, excitement and anticipation for this little child to come into our life. She is six today, and so far everything I've learned of that little child on that night in Stake Presidents office, has been realized.
Brooklyn! Oh, how do we love you! Your contagious laughter. Your big smile, and sparkly eyes. Your desire to chose what is right. Your crazy imagination. I can go on on this one. You take life as it comes at you, always finding a way for it to be fun. You are such a joyous little girl. I pray and hope that you forever remain that way.
Brooklyn turning 6 is bitter sweet for me. Of course I want her to grow up, but I have found myself mentally pulling her back to remain in that 5 year old stage.
We are excited to see what this next year will bring. If I would guess, it will be smiles, laughter, kisses, more laughter. Stories about all the boys in her class with sparkly eyes. And more laughter. I told Troy that I feel every family should have a child like Brooklyn, she truly is a sunshine to us. We are never bored in her company. Happy Birthday to the happiest girl I know!


Apparently cake is not that big of a deal over here. I was shocked to find out how many kids didn't want a cake. Strange.
Just look at this ladies!
Jamie showing off his moves. This little boy always looks after Brooklyn at school and lets me know if there is anything that happen that I should know about. He also asks his mom to wait for me after school, to make sure I come and get her. So sweet.
Boys are crazy about football (succor) over here. It's unfortunate that we were unable to put Drew on succor team due to the commitment to the Sunday games.

Rylee and her friend Tia volunteered to do face paintings. I have to say, girls did great job. Kids loved it.
And this is what happens when two toddlers find themselves alone with paint.
Oh, I love it!

I and other Moms sang "Love is Spoken Here" at church today, and our 7 yr old tender hearted son Andrew got a little choked up. With tears in his eyes Troy heard him whisper to his older sister "Does this song ever make you cry?" To which she proudly replied "Uhhh, NO" Then he wiped his eyes and said "ya, me either."

Ever sense we've been forced to leave America, we have been hearing from most people is how "lucky" we are to be in England.
Most people probably don't get why we are "sad", though we have learned to look for happy.
We do feel blessed not lucky, in a way that is different from just "lucky bcs we get to be here" We feel blessed, bcs our family is together at this time, and hopefully forever will be. We feel blessed bcs I can kiss my babies at night and snuggle to my husband. We feel blessed bcs Troy has a job to support us. And we all are healthy and are in a country that is civilized.
All of the above was not a reality to us just a few months ago and thus we are blessed to have it in our life.
I've been having thought for a while now, and feel it is time to post it. The thought is this:

" No matter how good the Paradise is, if forced, it is undesirable"

Perhaps that is why God will force no man to Heaven (hymn)
Based on my experience, you won't like it and will almost resent it. (strange, but I believe it's true)
Just as one would plan, save, and dream of coming to England, once arriving there would love every moment of it. So it is with Heaven, one must believe, practice, and endure to inherit The Kingdom of God. Once intering into it, one will feel worthy and happy to be there. For one was faithful and with the grace of God, is able to be in such a place.
Though it is a blessing to us to be in England, we are by no means lucky in any way. We are here NOT at our own free will, and thus it is a daily finding with us to see our life here as being "lucky"
~~~Just thinking

England is an amazing place, but if it was our choice, we would be on the first flight home!
Choice, is something that was taking away from us. But we are learning to choose how we feel about it. One day at the time.

That's right folks, she is in double digits! Rylee has turned 10, which means that more then half of her childhood life is over ;( The time is speadally flying by! This year has been a growing up season for our little girl. She moved across the world, leaving all of her comforts and friends behind. I know, first hand, how hard that is. (I left russia at 18) I have to give this girl hands up, for she has adapted and handled with the changes brilliantly. School was frighting at first, but she made friends and become "popular" girl very fast. ( not that being popular is the key to happiness) They have even voted her to be on school counsel. Which she LOVES being a part of! This girl loves structure, organization, being part of decision making. So, this is so up her alley! England coulture is also very much part of who she is. She is the only one in our household who has perfect table manners (most kids here do. I guess, it's part of being proper) She loves being proper, dress proper, act proper. Honestly, girl should of been born here.
Rylee is a fantastic big sister. From tutoring her little sister with reading and learning words, to entertaining Ryder, and of course dealing with, sometimes, anointing brother (which I don't think is annoying at all. He just wants to play with her and her girlfriends, when they come over) But anyone who had a brother would know how she feels).
We love her so very, very much and are so grateful that she gets to be part of our life. We hope that the upcoming year will bring much joy to her, as we watch her blossom more and more each day! We love you sweetheart! Happy Birthday!

So the other day I was visiting (over the phone) with one of the sisters in our word. Her and her husband are going to the Temple the next day AND they are bringing their small children with them, making it a family outing. They take turns in attending sessions, while other is on the Temple grounds with the children. I have offered her to watch her children, so that she can attend session with her husband. She said, "well, who watches your kids when you go?" Well, back in Ut we either have baby sitter or we go at different time/day. And that's what we do here, go at different time/day. "So, you don't bring children to the Temple at all, when you go?" "No", I said. "Don't you think it would be good for your children to know that Temple is important and they are growing knowing it first hand, by coming to the Temple grounds weekly, as mom and dad attending it?" I was left speechless.
We went on talking more about that and other stuff, and by the end of conversation she excused herself, saying that she's got to go so her and her husband will have time reading scriptures in preparation of the Temple attendance.
I love our word saints in here, they are such an examples to me.

It's been almost a year sense we've been in England. We have never went to see a Doctor here (aside from the hospital trip Troy had to take with kidney stones)
In order to be seen by their Dr. you have to meat certain qualifications, like leaving in the same county as a doctor's office. Working (thou, it's appear to be free health care, you are indeed paying for it with your tax money. If you are making over 35K you are taxed 40%) No, the medicine isn't free here, thou it's appear to be, when you don't pay for it upfront, nor do you get medical bill in the mail.
So we had to been seen for a medical check up to be registered in the system. It's amazing to me how upfront they are with what they think you NEED to do about your health. It wasn't a matter of choice at all.
After getting all my medical done, I was told that:
1. I need to get on contraceptive. You have 4 kids. Make an appointment she said.
2. I need to get on medicine for my veins. She was in absolute shack that I was not prescribed anything for it, considering that I get blood clots. Make an appointment she said.
And 3rd......She said I am FAT ! Yap! Those are the words she used. Sweet! She went on telling me all about it and what I MUST do!
Well, for heaven's sake, may be I want to be fat! (I don't think I am fat, btw. But I know I can loose some weight) I was talking with my neighbor about that, who "needs" to loose 14 lbs and she confirmed with me, that her Doctor is very much after her case for this 14 lbs.
I guess, they figured if they are "paying" for your healthcare, they sure can tell you what to do.

English people are really big on raising money for charities. They get really creative with all kinds of ways. At the stores you will find people selling their art projects. Or if you spent over some amount they will give you token to put in the charity box of your choice. Then there are also people who are just standing with a bucket and asks for cash. On top of that they have gazillion charity shops (second hand stores) Each store displaying for what cause they are raising money, so you can choose where you want to shop. Schools have massive activities all the time. From baking cookies, to making crafts, to Olympics . In the end of each term, kids can wear regular clothing to school, but you have to bring a pound for it. Most of the time it is nice, but at times it can get annoying. (is that bad that I am saying it? ) They even have a holiday called "Red nose day" (check out the link) basically you get to dress up funny (most kids like to wear pjs to school) and then you wear this RED nose. In order to dress up silly you pay pound to school for charity. The theme in the country is "do something funny for money" Some people go crazy in their outfits, you feel like a Halloween party is on the streets.
One thing I learn though, is that when it comes to charities, English people seam to be very generous.