This is my song

What happen last night was so touching at least to me whom experience it. Last week my beloved wife Snah got a phone call from her cousin that they want us to keep their baby which was just born. I told her that we don’t have enough money and maybe we are still not ready… When we reach home, i was still thinking about it and out of a sudden i changed my mind. Thinking positively that we can do it together and it's a baby boy! I want that baby and i want to let him grow with us. So I immediately talked to my wife but out of disappointment, my wife said no due to we have insufficient income and more to that, she wants a baby girl. Well i can't say more. I told my brother Anddy about it and finally mom. Of course they can only advice me but the last say is still ours.
How good it is to have another life inside your family? Its a blessing from God! So what happend last night was so indescribably. i dreamed that we went to Belaga to visit the cousin and to bring the baby home. We face so many obstacles. When we arrived there, i received a thick letter from the baby's parents. Before i could open the envelope to read it, i was told to answer some questions.
There were so many people, adults, children and so on and i coudn't figure out which one is Joshua Sanub Davidson because there were a lot of babies. I have to face the elders and the villagers whom have many questions to ask due to my race is different. I also attend session in court where i was on a trial. I could not answer most if the questions because i was blur, tired and i couldn't concentrate on that issue. All i want at that time is to put Joshua into my arm and spoil him with toys and foods and lots lots of love! All i want is to bring him back home! i was so helpless in the dream though there were lots of common faces whom tried to help, starting from my parents, my wife who tried to answer questions, Ps Henry whom helps me to answer some biblical questions. Ivy, Doli and Andy also there with their endless moral support.
Too bad the dream ended so quickly. I did not manage to read the thick letter which contain important message from Joshua's father and the saddest thing is i didn't get to bring Joshua home. :`(

I have to write and write well! I told myself over and over again! Life is short. One of the criteria FB once said that a successful person must have a journal. And here’s mine. Yes I am a successful person like Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and etcetera. Where do I start? Hmmmm….
It’s Month of May already and many things happened. One of it is the MH370 tragedy where one of Malaysian’s plane was missing while heading to Beijing China. It was on Saturday morning when I found the news on TV1 while preparing myself to work. I couldn’t believe it happen I called my wife to confirmed, and yes it was a poor Malaysian airline. The 2nd shocked strike me when I found was one of the steward in duty was my relative from my mother side. I immediately called mom that morning, she didn’t really hear what I said because she was having woman’s day out with her friends of course. I don’t know what happened next but I know that she started to pray. Up to now, the airplane was still missing. There were many stories and assumptions heard and I do have one myself. But till then, I just keep it in me to show my respect to the victims.
Dad was admitted again, but this time with different case, it’s the support bone. I pity dad so much. He once fell down on a slippery floor which could be the cause of the cracked bone. It was so painful few weeks ago until he need to be hospitalized for further diagnosis. I think we went through x-day and another test to check the bones condition. Final said, the operation cost RM36k! OMG! The doctor was so mean! How could the just simply charged old men, whom was serving in army fighting communist and I admit it, patrolling away from home for half a year? I still believe in miracle and my God is Jehovah Jireh, he provides, Jehovah Rafa, He who heals! Amen to that!
Oh ya, 2 May was the day when it came to a year I work with Sime Darby. I thank God for such a blessing but of course it still won’t settle my problem, I do still have problems but at least it is subsiding. Just imagine I was without work for 18 months and I’m married with cars and a house. I’ so thankful that my wife really understands my situation and she helped me to carry on!
Of course there were weddings and birthdays during my silence and yes the whole Toda’s family went and gave our full support like usual. Gawai is coming soon and also our 5 the year wedding anniversary. Wow, 5th year already? Times really flies! It was just like yesterday when I say I DO to my dear wife and everything was so beautiful. No children yet doesn’t mean that we don’t want kids, it’s just that we couldn’t afford to have them YET. I believe it is so costly and extra time for them and less time together and this and that…. I believe in God’s timing! At the moment, Dresden, Bruxel and Rambo is our training medium.
So let me end here. I will write again soon, I must!..

Ok, talking about the group Chage and Aska, i didn't know that they were the one whom sang that song only when i was studying in Penang, that was in 1994, late Ps Esther brought us to Sunshine Square, a shopping complex in Penang. I dropped by to a music shop selling cassettes. At that time, there were no CD, VCD or DVD or Blue Ray yet, only a simple cassettes which cost more than RM20 for good quality items. So the shop owner was playing that song. It took my attention and immediately i bought the cassette even though i don't understand what the lyrics were all about since it was all, pure Japanese songs. Each day when i listen to it in my dorm, i realised that some of the songs are beautifully done. Besides Say Yes, there's another one became my favourite. Watch and enjoy the youtube below. It brought so much memory of my Penang life when i was there. In fact it is my favorite until now.
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This is another adidas sport collection. It has a flat surface, light and quite modern. The dark brown glass was so useful to avoid the reflection of the white snow which can affect yor eyes. I wore this when i went to Seoul, South Korea. I was amazed...

Currently i have no sunglass nor rayban, Actually some were stolen, some were misplace, some were broken and some were damaged. Soon if i have money, i would like to get myself a good sunglass which might makes me look awsome once again... Cheers!

I love birthdays. I don't remember the birthdays that i had when i was small but there were few pictures of me behind a large cake with 1 candle in on the middle of the cake. And behind me holding me aroud her arm was my beloved mom, she wore green dress and she had curly hair, she was as beautiful as today :) So i knew it was my 1st birthday and i was so cute... a baby who was so fergile and naive. I think that date must be on the 29th August 1977! Oh, ya, it was held at our home in Lanang Camp, Sibu. Yes, i was the most happy person that house :)
When i was young, we always celebrate birthdays regardless my parents have money or not. I sitll remember during one of my birthday, dad cook full kuali of mi goreng Indomi and that's it. But i was very very happy eventhough it was without candles and cake not knowing that they were saving money for more other important things like tomorrow's meal, school spenditure and bills...
Another birthday i remembered was when i was in my 1st year under graduate in Tronoh. My friend and i ride our motorbike and we park at the Mengelmbu polce station, took a taxt to Excelsior Hotel Ipoh and celebrate our birthday there accompany by the band from Philipines.... hahahah, it was a great moment because we celebrate our own birthday in a solo way.. ya it was lonely but memorable...in my 2nd year i think it was in 1998 where my junior celebrate it with me in the hostel. They had a surprised birthday party and bought me a cake and added to that, we watched vcd(no dvd at that time), Snake together.
I was able to celebate 23rd birthday at home, a month after my graduation. The Lagin's family came to join me because at that time, Ivy was still in Sabah, Late Bro Igat in Kapit, Dolina was with her family while Bro Anddy was still in UPM, so left my parents. But it was fun tho...
When we grow older, birthdays seem to be less and less calebrated. it depends many factors such as time, cash, individu and etc. To me it would be in money. SInce last year my own csh flow wasn't that encouraging. Just enough to support my own family. I promised myself that once i have enough, i will start to celebrate my birthdays like years ago. I will invite friends and i will have good food and drink served. I will not be sad anymore and the tears that is shed will become the tears of joy and laughter. I will celebrate my wife's birthdays, my parents birthdays and surprised them with nice presents. It's just the matter of time Davidson Toda, it may not be now, tomorrow or this year, but once the day come, just be ready!

Happy Birthday dear beloved wife Snah 02022014. May the Lord Bless you abundantly and guide you everywhere you go. I will love you forever.
Happy Birthday mom, 03022014. May God protects you and meet your needs. I will love you mom!

According to Oxford dictionary Angry is : feeling or showing strong annoyance, displeasure, or hostility; full of anger so that was how i feel last week and surprisingly this week. Actually, to be angry is an option which i can choose not to be but sometimes like what people always say, everything has a limit, including how people feels be it happy, sad or angry.
There is a story entitled Anger Management and by reading it's title you know what the story is all about. I think, to critic that movie, it is all about self control and being considerate towards everything and everyone. Avoid the negative thinking and stop being judgemental. Always put yoursel in someone's shoes. If you can mange this, you are fine. 


Feelings could be affected by many reasons. Surroundings, Human, animals, things, memories and etc. All of these could affect your feelings and it is up to you and me to react on it. Some may be cool but some may not. Some put it away but others might handle it dfferently. There is no right and wrongs for being angry as long you won't get your self into trouble!
Some people takes time to recover from angry. As for me, most of my anger last only within 10 seconds while the longest was 1 incident where it took me a year plus to cool down! It happen when a friend (a best friend actually) had a conflict when we were in the junior secondary school. It was a cold war indeed. But after that one long year, i started to think why should i continue with this feeling since we were grown up and getting older? Evantually we made up and on the same day, we went to watch The terminator 2 at the Miramar cineplex. We are still friend until now though we are no longer 'Best Friend'.
To end this post, i rather be happy than sad. If i may get angry, let it be within seconds and if i HAVE to be angry, please leave me alone.... but i'll get back to you when i'm okay.

So i did hope it is not the bladder problem anymore but only God knows. From then, i did skipped some meals and 2 flight to KL in August and November was so miserable! I did not eat in the plane and the stomach pain was so killing me! i din't enjoy the trip at all whichi did regret!
I did see Dr Chong and i couldn't blame him because he is not a specialist. On my first trip to see him, he advise me to see speecialist but i did not instead i asked for some stomach pain medication and again i visited him 3 months later on the same reason. He gave me some antibiotics and some pain killers and also sleeping pils which caused me to sleep like a baby but it did not settled my issue. So on the 3 December 13, 7PM, my bed mate and i went to the govt hospital hoping to get some miracles. Waited for 45 minutes only then my name was called to be checked. First was my blood pressure, body temperature and few questionaire. All are normal. Then they check my heart using cardiogram. The result is slightly normal cuase the reading was quite low but within spec. Maybe to them being obese the reading should be on the high side.
So i was asked to wait outside for the doctor's turn to checked on me. The waiting session was a terrible experience. Form 9.30 PM continue untill 3.00 in the morning and everyone was cold and tired. Bed mate couldn't stand anymore so she spoke with one of the doctor in the room but surprisingly she was chased outside. So we decided to go home because we need to go to work that morning. But i didn't i went to our specialist at KPJ on the next day and they do their routine checked and also xray and found out that my left lung where some of my heart was hidden was dislocate more to the left where as my right lung was in its normal position. So I was asked to see a specialist Dr Ang on the same day and being hospitalised that night.
To cut the story short, i experienced endogram and i lose 15 kg of weight in form of liquid and i have boxes of drugs to consume and the best thing is i have 2 weeks hospitalization leave, continue with another week for Christmas leave.
Now i feel so much better. I can run, sleep, walk and do normal activities without being tired easily. But i'm under water intake restriction. I can only dirnk up to 1.2-1.5 liter of liquid per day. That was tough actually since i love to drink soda! But i managed and since i'm under medication, i know that life is precious and God is in control of my life.