Looking at that title, I am laughing, because it seems to make no sense. But parse it out and you will find meaning.

Listen up ya’ll, Monday night is movie night with Brokeback Mountain which totally had everybody FREAKING OUT AND SCREAMING when it first came out, and people like Jay Leno used it as a punchline for like 50 thousand days until it became kind of a national joke, and now everybody needs to watch it because what it is is just kind of a really good, tragic, not weird or insane movie about star-crossed lovers. HOT star crossed lovers. Played by Johnny Depp and Christopher Walken. Oh man, that would be an awesome movie.

Tuesday is and Open Mic night! You know what to do, foo!

Wednesday is the return of Queereoke, and attendance will be srictly enforced. You know what is a great Karaoke song? “Never Been To Spain” by Three Dog Night.” I’m gonna do that the next time I do karaoke.

Ok, I’ll be back from CA next week for some NC action witch’all.

THEPHK

Wow, what a great weekend we have planned for YOU, citizens of the world.

Thursday it’s a southern rock fiasco, ranging from the delicately poised to the flailing around, as Calico Haunts returns to the stage. The Haunts are opening up for the Helmian in-the-pocket country rockers and Filthybird friends Semi Formal. The bill is finished up by the molten, lo-fo soul of Supreme Fiction. I have been listening to the hell out of SF for a while now, and they are like a classy, sexier version of John WIlkes Booze. So…awesome.

Friday Ricky and Joe return with  their most provocative party yet: GAYWATCH. Dress for the beach y’all.

Saturday actually makes me really sad that I am out of town right now, because it is an INCREDIBLE lineup of some of the most soul-melting psychedelia NC has to offer. Seriously, do not miss this one. Secret Mountains make music that sounds like they are cresting some flag-festooned ridge in the Himalayas: spooky, triumphant, droney pysch. And No Eyes blend concrete garage jams with the forests of Appalachia. Goddamn, this is a good show. Locals Barron open up at 10.

-THE PHK

That’s where I am. San Francisco. It is freezing cold, which I like.

Ok, what’s happening this week?

Monday movie night is the hilarious But I’m a Cheerleader. Poster!

Seriously, what happened to Natasha Lyonne? Did she explode in a cloud of hipness? Did she die of a heroin overdose at some extremely fashionable LES magazine party? The world will never, ever know.

What we do know, is that she is fucking hilarious in this fucking hilarious movie about “curing gayness.” Also starring Clea Duvall, who I have had a weird crush on for a long time. Ever seen The Faculty? It rules, we’ll show it one of these days.

Tuesday, it’s TRIVIA TIME AGAIN. And since I am out of the town, the excellent Nick Hawthorne Johnson is back on top of shit once again. He will ask the questions, and you will give the answers, and the beer will belong to you.

ALSO – Win 3 free yoga lessons and yoga mat from our excellent friends at Nataraja Healing Arts.

Wednesday, it’s the nipple. The wolf nipple. The Wolf Nipple Foofaraw, to be exact, and you know what that is and you know what to do at it. It’s a weird ass-hootenany, and it’s gonna destroy.

-THEPHK

It seems some of my gentle readers have taken a certain umbrage with the stylistic choices made in the enscripture of this online journal, or as it is known in the common parlance, “blog.”

I feel ever so awful about this, and from this day forth I say, “I will correct my past lolligaggery and flim-flam.”

Anon!

My word, but the musical and entertainment selections for the coming weekend are smashing! Simply smashing, dear fellows and gentle ladies.

On Thursday night we present a special treat, courtesy of our friends at Merge Records. It seems the popular recording artists The Arcade Fire will performing at the Mr. Madison’s World Famous Square Garden on the island of Manhatten! While we regret that we shall not be attending (and our hearts go out to those of you in our fair city who also do not have the opportunity), it seems the fine people of Merge have arranged for the performance to be beamed into a computing device and viewed from a remote location! Magical, the things we can do with these newfangled devices.

The concert begins at 10 pm sharp, so don’t be tardy! For those of you who wish to come early and stay late, segments of the episodic television program Queer as Folk (dealing with the travails of a group of homosexuals in Los Angeles) will be played on the viewscreen before and after. A wonderful Thursday of relaxation!

Come Friday, however, it is time to remove your ermine slippers and don your sturdiest “rock and roll” footwear, as a fine group of lads known as Hammer No More The Fingers mount the stage at The Pinhook for the first time! We are all supporters of this excellent musical band, and the excitement with which we welcome them resonates, literally, within our loins. They are joined by two more groups of troubadors, local favorites Butterflies and the transcendant Super Volcano. ‘Twill be a night to remember!

And then, oh my brethren and sestren, on Saturday we welcome jolly pranksters from the gates of perdition! Durham’s erstwhile “kings of metal” Tooth are no more, but several members of that group have formed a new one, the whimsically named HOG. I believe all-capital-letters stand for seriousness and fortitude. They are joined by MAKE, who seem to dabble in opium use, and Enoch, who prefer “the green fairy” of Absinthe.

Oh what a fine weekend it shall be! The sun will shine, and the birds will sing, and we should all raise our voices in a jubilant “FUCK YEAH!”, or some other appropriate exclamation of contentment.

Ever Your Servant,

The Pinhook, esq.

Last month was pretty fucking rad, though. July ended with The Mountain Goats taking the stage and blowing the minds of 250 people. Damn that was awesome. Thanks so much to John, Heather, Kym, Catherine, Jenks, et al. for an incredible night.

OK, on to august. We start a month of Classic Gay Cinema with the brilliant biopic Milk, about Harvey Milk. Not the metal band from Athens. The prominent gay rights activist and california politician who is kind of a martyr. It’s a great movie, so check it out.

Tuesday is open mic, you know what to do.

Wednesday is the return of the famous DJ Dudefemme and her menagerie of amazing country music. Live DJ’s, and line dancing lessons on the hour, helped out by the equally rad DJ Hillbilly Chateau.

Happy August Y’all!

-PHK

THURSDAY! – The Beach Tour – Three of Brooklyn’s best anti-folk/blues bands are hitting the stage, spinning their favorite summer records between sets. Its gonna be a night of excellent warm weather vibes, within the safety of the airconditioned PHK. Headliners Naked Hearts weave deceptively complex melodies and clever lyrics over a background of jangly folk, while She Keeps Bees opts for a darker, bluesier sound. This Frontier Needs Heroes combines lush instrumentation steeped in classic country heartbreak and redemption.

FRIDAY! – It’s Karaoke time! We do fun Karaoke here, and we have like ten billion songs now. I will host. Will you get to see me attempt Long Cool Woman? Maybe, if we have it. Radar Love is also one that I can do kind of well.

SATURDAY! – The good news? The Mountain Goats are playing! With Mt. Moriah and Midtown Dickens. The bad news? This event is COMPLETELY SOLD OUT. There are NO passes lying around anywhere, and there is NO way to get in the bar without a ticket. We apologize for the sellout, but we’re gonna be 100% packed to the rafters just with the people who bought tickets. Still, it’s gonna be fun.

Word,

PHK

Aw you go girl. Just dance all over the goddamned place. Dance the hell out of it, because this is life, and you can do whatever the fuck you want in life.

That’s what’s happening on Monday movie night. Come check it out. Also check this out:

At 6.30, the American film premier of Ol Woman Naoia – 3 blong 100 plis a theatre play created by women living in Port Vila, Vanuatu in the South Pacific. Directed by Cristina Bejan. Film by Don Crossan. In English (principally), Bislama and French. Should be interesting.

Tuesday is some more awesome trivia. Last one was great. This one has a main prize of a free massage session at Nataraja Healing Arts on 9th Street.

Wednesday, the XDU crew is back with stacks and stacks of awesome vinyl for your listening pleasure. Hear me? It’s for you pleasure. Sexual pleasure.

Mmmmmmm.

-The Sexiest Bar in Durham

Booyah! The Wigg Report is headlining Thursday! Fucking shout that shit from the damn rooftops everybody!

I will commandeer a horse and ride through the streets all Paul Revere, ringing a bell and shouting that The Wigg Report is playing on Thursday! With the sweet hootenany of Joy in Red in the middle, and the stage-shakin raditude of Jason Kutchma on first. (J you killed in RC last Saturday).

Friday it is this thing:

These Carpe Noctem parties have been off the chain, with fucking lights and lasers and smoke machines and explosions and shit. It gets sweaty and sexy and fun as hell in here when these people roll through.

Saturday, we will soberly be closed for a Private Party from 10 pm to 2 pm.

But SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! Doors open at 5 pm for an awesome early lineup. Tradition, Dirty Fist, and Damsels are awesome, but the main thing to see is Just Friends. Crazy bass-heavy garage punk from right here in Durham. Weeeeeee!

-The Pinhook

Real quick summary of Monday and Tuesday (by the way, thanks for an awesome weekend).

Dance movies continue with a showing of Baz Luhrman’s classic Strictly Ballroom. This is what happens when a total loose cannon badass just makes everybody feel uncomfortable with his unconventional style. It’s the story of my life, basically. Except with more dancing and less screwing around.

POSTER.

Tuesday is an open mic for the ages, again, as JT rules the roost.

The main event of the week, however, is what is happening on Wednesday. Deleted Scenes, one the DC’s best bands, returns to The Hook for a triumphant slice of amazingness. Dischord Records’ Medications opens up the show, and in the middle is the extravagantly amazing I Was Totally Destroying It, one of the brightest damn stars around.

Listen, do not miss it. Papa gonna be pissed if’n y’do.

-The Hook