The last few months Cooper had been a bit of a challenge. It all started about 2 months before the baby was born, about the time I really had to physically slow down a lot. My sweet boy suddenly turned into a walking nightmare: using naughty words and gestures all the time, hitting, throwing things, tantrums, growling and hissing at us when upset, utter defiance, and purposely hurting the baby...you get the point. There were times when he was driving us all truly crazy with his antics. It didn't matter what we did for or with him, how much time we spent with him, or what punishments or incentives we gave him. I tried to be patient, understanding that his world was entirely turned upside down by my pregnancy, c-section recovery, and having a sibling. Things improved slightly two weeks ago when Nate went back to work, and we got back to a normal daily routine. But he was still struggling, as was I. I've noticed, hard to admit, that my lack of patience and the decibal level of my voice both strongly correlate to the amount of sleep I've had the night before. The other day he chose to disobey and continue to play in the baby's car seat. I'd asked him 3 times, with warning of a time out, to stop. He'd been pestering the baby, and in all sorts of mischief before that, so when he buckled himself in and couldn't get out, I let him stew for a few minutes, and can't say the thought of leaving him there for awhile didn't cross my mind.
But, of course, I didn't leave him there for more than a few minutes. Just long enough to make a point of him choosing to disobey, and having a consequence. After a few minutes he was all gigles.
This little episode was the final straw. I don't know why, but I decided right then that something needed to change. I decided to implement an incentive system for him, while giving him a sense of more control, more chances for positive reinforcement, etc.
I saw my friend, Mel, do this with her boys when I visited her back in March, or at least something similar, and then added on to a similar job chart we had when I was little.
I've given Cooper "chores" to do on a daily basis: brush hair and teeth, get dressed, make bed, dirty clothes in hamper, pick up toys, dirty dishes to the sink, and two weekly jobs of helping me vacuum and dust. I made some little cards on the computer with a picture for each job. I made a pouch that goes on the fridge for "To Do" and "$ Earned." For each job he does successfully without too much prodding, he earns a penny a day. I figured this was enough to provide incentive for a kid who doesn't fully understand money yet. In fact, I need to go get some more pennies from the bank, and so tried paying him with a nickel the other night. Not so! He was upset and wanted his FIVE pennies, bot just "one silver."
For family home evening we went over the incentive program. Then we came up with three house rules together, prodding him to come up with rules I think we needed:
1. No dirty or rude words or gestures.
2. No being rough with each other, like hitting, eapecially to Mommy, Hudson or Brody.
3. No disobeying Mommy or Daddy.
If he breaks a house rule, he gets a "strike" (as in a bad mark). Three strikes = loss of one penny.
It's been three days and I can already see a remarkable difference in Cooper's behavior. It makes it so much easier on me too. No more time-outs, or yelling. He clearly values money, and loves to earn and save it. I hope we've found a solution that will work for awhile.
And in case I make Coop sound like a total devil child, he's still as funny and cute as ever. The other day he was questioning something Nate had asked him to do, and Nate said to do it because he and I are the bosses of our family, and what we say goes. To which Coop replied, without missing a beat:
"Well, someday when I'm a big boss like you, I'm gonna drive a big mus truck like you, and then I can drive to different places...like Chick-Fil-A." Gotta love him, challenging moments and all!
