The Sorenson Scoop: 2013

Thursday, June 13, 2013

I would love them too much...

Fourteen months and two foster placements later, we have pretty much heard every kind, thoughtful, awkward, and offensive comment you could imagine in our foster care adventure. Although pure motives are typically driving these inquiries, it has caused me to think a bit more before I speak. From someone who does not typically shy away from an awkward situation (a strength in foster care) I often enjoy these uncomfortable situations, since it is typically not at my expense.

The most common comment I have received about foster care is the following:

"I would love the child too much to give them back."

At surface level this is a fair and benign thought, but in reflection, what is the true meaning or inspiration? Are they saying that they would love the child more than I? Are they saying it would be easier to say goodbye if I cared for the child less? Are they saying that I have superhero emotional strength or a numb heart? Or are they just saying that if they did foster care, which they probably won't (which is fine by the way), they would only do it if they could keep the child? Notwithstanding, I believe people who make statement about "loving the child too much" are often naive to the real purpose of foster care. It isn't so that a void is filled in our hearts or homes. Foster care exists to provide a safe, secure, loving, and many times temporary placement for children who were not living in an appropriate home or shelter before.

These potential underlying messages might be stemmed from my own insecurities, but they have really made me think about my motivations behind foster care, which in turn has made it slightly easier to say goodbye. Children in the system need security, felt safety, and our unconditional love more than anything. To refrain from providing any of these things might be easier to do, but would be a disservice to them. I primarily got on board with foster care from a logistical standpoint because I learned about a problem in our community that we could help remedy. Sure we wanted to become parents and have children to call "ours" but most of all, we wanted to be able to care for children that needed a home, and to meet the child's aforementioned needs as best as we could, without expecting anything in return.

Although saying goodbye was not an original concern I had when preparing for foster care, as most of my concerns were logistical, it was one of the hardest things I had to do with our first foster child. Not only was she our first child ever (which brought its own challenges), she was the first person to call me "daddy." We are not superheroes, super Christians, or anything else out of the ordinary. We are just doing our best to be faithful to what God has called us to do, and to attempt modeling the unconditional and sacrificial love that our heavenly Father has given to us. Unfortunately, we often fail at those things, but recognizing this is the first step in moving in the right direction.

For more about our motivations behind foster care, see my wife's earlier post here.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

#BachelorRecap. #FinalATFR

--> #Nationwideviewingparty, #bigsurprisecoming, #cantwait. Or can I? I’ve decided I’m going to hashtag this recap for summary purposes.

We leave the studio audience that’s been practicing their cheering/facials and are transported to Thailand. Doves are fluttering, love is in the air. Sean’s hoping his family can help him make his decision. I’m sure his family is excited they get a trip to Thailand out of it.

I’m jealous of Kenzie and Smith at this moment. #They’refiveandbeenmoreplacesthanIhave.

Catherine is described as weird and funny to his parents. Could you not have thought of a better adjective?? Mom says he should already know who it’s going to be if there’s a proposal coming. Sean says, you would think that, but no. #Mamabearworries.

Catherine arrives and is a ball of nerves. She wants to make a good first impression. Don’t worry. Sean already told them you’re weird. Papa bear asks if she ever played sports, and she says she played football in 6^th grade on an all boys team until she broke a bone. Papa bear just can’t believe it, it’s all so amazing.

Sissy Shay asks what she was expecting coming on the show. She talks about knowing this would be a ‘trip’ but wasn’t expecting these feelings. #Bachelorphenomenon.

Mama Bear and Catherine have some one on one time to discuss Catherine’s development of feelings. I think Mama Bear is assured she’s in l.o.v.e. with her boy. She gives her seal of approval in 10 minutes and says she can see her in their family.

Papa Bear asks Cath if she believes in the Bachelor Franchise. Loaded question. She says she believes in a big, great love. Let’s hope it’s not the kind of big love like the tv show. Papa Bear wants to test to see if she’s in love and what she thinks she and Sean have is forever. Papa Bear says, if Sean chooses you, you’ll never have a bigger fan than me. I’ll support you no matter what. #Muffin.

I’d say this was meeting the family success.

Lindsay’s turn. I must say, looks-wise, she fits in much better with this cookie cutter American family. It would be cool to see Sean spice it up with some color though J

I feel like the family is wearing the exact same outfits as yesterday, just in brighter colors…#PackinglightinThailand. The Lowe’s are curious about the limousine/wedding dress business. Lindsay can tell she just walked in to Pleasantville and hopes they like her and that she fits in.

Papa Bear starts in about love, but wants to know how she differentiates between love and real, lasting love. Lindsay says ‘you just know’. Then Papa Bear takes on the role of pre-marital counselor and asks what you do when a married couple doesn’t agree on something. She says marriage is compromise coupled with prayer and communication. #PapaBear’swonover. Papa Bear tells her that he and his wife have prayed for Sean’s wife since the day he was born and if it’s her they will be so happy. #Muffin.

Lindsay gets crazy and asks Papa Bear if she can have Sean’s hand in marriage. #Itprobablysoundedfunnierinyourhead.

Lindsay talks about how the stars have aligned and everything has matched up with Sean to Mama Bear. She wants to know if Sean has opened up to her and if they can talk about different subjects. #Weirdphrasingofquestions. #Lindsay’ssheddinglotsoftears…

Sean is torn emotionally. Lindsay is the missing puzzle piece, but Catherine is the world to him. #Youcan’tmarryboth. Papa Bear and Mama Bear say you can’t make a wrong choice. Mama Bear says don’t feel pressured for a proposal though. #Momworries.

Mama Bear wants to know where his head’s at and what’s going in to the decision-making. Sean says thanks, but no thanks to her wise advice and just says, I need your support. You’ve had 20 minutes with them. #Burn. #MamaBeartears. They take a walk, #Passionpit.

Holy tank top. Gorillas in tank tops are not attractive. Lindsay’s got the shorty pink cut offs and tied gray tank. #Bravewearinggraywhenitshotoutside. They’re going river-rafting on the Mekong. Sean plays tour guide. He probably has no idea what he’s talking about but she doesn’t know the difference. Sean tells her that his family loves her. Sean is so awkward and just stares a lot. #Makesmeuncomfortable. Giggles. Maybe it’s the champagne?? These poor boat paddlers.

Lindsay: What do you think we’ll look like when we’re older?

Sean: I’m going to be friggin’ handsome. #Barf

Lindsay pulls out the red dress for dinner. She gets a ‘you look cute.’ Say beautiful for the love…Lindsay says this is the biggest night of her life. Then they make out and whisper to each other. She confesses she’s nervous and wishes she knew what he’s thinking. Her surprise is paper lanterns up in the sky. The 3 keys to their marriage are love, happiness and family. #Where’stheoneforJesus?

Sean protests too much and says Lindsay is the one. Hope you’re right or you’ll have trouble explaining this…

Live with Chris, I see some former contestants. What up Jackie and Lesley.

Sean is torn up again. He grabs his favorite Barney shirt and aw that’s cute, she’s wearing purple too. Sean is looking for a sign. #PressuretimeCathy

Catherine talks about touching an elephant and how they’re just roaming around. They’re going to ride Asian elephants. #I’mpartialtoAfricanElephants. Riding elephants is pretty boss. #ImissAfrica.

They drink champagne in a tree house that overlooks the green landscape and mountains. Catherine talks about the excitement of after the show, engagement parties. They talk about what it will be like 50 years from now, #RememberthattimeinThailand?

Catherine knows tonight’s a big deal and wants to make sure he knows how she feels about him. #Forever. Sean is trying to make it casual and talking about the awesomeness of the day. Catherine is distracted by her feelings. She’s scared to talk about feelings, but knows there’s a lot on the line. Cathy’s afraid to say ‘I love you’ first because it tends to backfire on her. In the last moments, she says it. Cue dramatic music. She doesn’t feel her love is reciprocated. #Tears. #you’reontheBachelorwherethere’szeroreciprocation.

I feel for your Catherine. For reals. I don’t care what the audience has to say. Glossing over.

We get to see Sean lotion up. I’m sure Neil Lane’s not far off. #FFtodecisiontime. We’ll, pause for the ring he picks…Sean gets the cushion cut. Good choice. Choice of tie? Not so good…

Both girls are looking for their love to be returned. Only one will get that luxury. Was it planned that one would pick silver and one would pick gold?! It has to be a sign! #BachelorOlympics

3 of 4 former contestants think Lindsay. #Letsseewhostepsoutfirst. #seanhastears

#BACHELOROLYMPICS #FORTHEWIN. Silver is still second place. Her voice over is killer. Um, sorry, you’re not getting engaged today. Oopsies.

Sean to Lindsay: I want to give you my heart so bad, but it’s leading me somewhere else. As of yesterday I didn’t know what I was going to do. Prayed for clarity and I think I’ve finally gotten it. I have to say goodbye to you. It’s by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I love you, that’s the hardest part. #DontsayIloveyouwhenyoudumpsomeone. #Cruel.

She tells him to stop. Was it me? So sad. I think she’s in shock. I’m just going to go. This is my nightmare. I didn’t see this coming. I’m happy for you, that you found love. But I can’t see my life without you, so I’m going to have to figure that out. #Shetakeshershoesoffforthelongwalktothecar. I don’t think she cried at all. Kind of surprised by that. Sean did all the crying. #Thisislikereallysad.

Harrison passes off a note from Catherine. Then cut. Thanks ABC for trying to make this more dramatic than necessary. Here comes the gold. Sean: I don’t want to say goodbye anymore. I want to spend the rest of my life telling you I love you and making you feel like the most special and beautiful woman in the world. Catherine, will you marry me? #Engaged. Did she just say I’m so addicted to you? #Uncomfortable. They leave on an elephant. #Awesome. Catherine gets her beefcake.

ATFR. Chris Harrison: The best part of this is I don’t have to see you naked ever again. #Truth.

Sean’s ready to love Catherine and to be with her. Lindsay comes out in an off-white lacy number. He doesn’t have closure for Lindsay. There’s nothing that went wrong, he’s just in love with Cathy.

Lindsay thought they had what they both wanted. What was missing? They both prayed and got vastly different answers. He couldn’t say goodbye to Catherine, but he could to you. #Ouch. Lindsay realllllly wants specifics and Sean sure doesn’t have anything to give.

She tells Chris that her faith got her through the heartbreak. America loves the girl that ditches the heels on her exit.

Sean is super excited to see Catherine. Reunited and it feels so good. She finally gets to wear the ring after months. Sean’s got some lipstick on from transference. They watch their proposal. #Tears. Sean had to remind her to look at the ring. Her beefcake has gone soft. They’re getting married on tv…I’ve lost some respect for them in this moment. #ChrisHarrison’sordained.

Our New Bachelorette? Surprise, surprise. Desiree. She looks like a beautiful disco ball. I hope they find a Tom Cruise look-a-like, bahahaha.

Well, another dramatic season has come to a close. We’ll have to see the bag of crazy ABC packs in for Desiree’s adventure. I think her theme song should be Paula Cole’s “I Don’t Want To Wait.”

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Bachelor: Women Tell All

--> Women Tell All

Chris Harrison and Sean are going to crash viewing parties?! Sean apparently likes being known by teenagers and young girls across America. He’s handing out roses, going to sorority houses—taking his shirt off. I’m really embarrassed for him…

To start off, we take a trip down memory lane to see the full crazy potential of all of the girls. Consider yourself poised and lucky if you didn’t end up on that film roll. It was mostly AshLee and Tierra footage, which was curious because I thought they may try to play AshLee up as the sweetheart of the season.

'Wow' indeed Chris. He asks Dez if this is what she was expecting coming on the show. She says no, I thought we’d all get along and braid each other’s hair…Chris interrupts to say she must not have ever watched this show.

Then we move on to Enemy 1: Tierrable. Selma brings up her inability to say good morning despite their best efforts. AshLee wasn’t expecting her confrontation. Lesley attacks her lack of sparkle. They all chime in on the polar bear plunge and whether it was real or fake. Brooke says this show is about seizing opportunities fake or not, and maybe they were all just jealous that they didn’t get so creative. AND what do you know, she’s here!

And we have some behind the scenes footage? Weird.

What is she wearing? I think she takes her outfit cues from strippers who shop in the juniors department.

Chris asks if she was expecting this from her time on the Bachelor. She says yes and no. She knows that when she walks in to a room, she lights it up. Here we go again with the sparkle…people judge her and the light that she has? What? She still can’t control her eyebrows. One is significantly higher than the other 99% of the time. She wishes she had thrown the first impression rose since it put a target on her back. She thinks she was targeted because she didn’t want to be friends with them. She doesn’t want to be friends with people she’s competing with. Keep her eye on the prize. I think she confuses being polite, normal and cordial with being BFFs with people.

Chris asks if this is normal for her. Are you always misunderstood? She says no. I seriously question whether she has a single friend out in the world. She doesn’t feel like she needs to apologize for anything.

What’s with all the “raw” footage?

Now the ladies have the floor. Robyn tells her she’s delusional. Tierra has some convenient memory loss. There’s so much arguing about saying ‘good morning’ and not being friendly. This is a waste of time. Why don’t we bring out some actual examples, like when she said she wanted to kill people and that AshLee is a cougar? This is stupid.

St. Croix battle after the commercial break. Can’t wait…AshLee vs. Tierra.

Fortunately AshLee has a perfect memory. Tierra calls her a liar, and the steel trap shuts that down. She says she was bullied, and then everyone points out that she was the one starting the confrontation. Blah, blah, blah, these yahoos need to figure out real life. Lesley says Tierra wasn’t bullied, just thought she made her own cot and she needs to lie in it. Mwahaha.

Chris thinks she can control her eyebrows…Zing. Chris asks abut her sparkle. She talks about being 'Little Miss Nevada' and her dad confirming she in fact has a sparkle. Again, that’s fine to say to a 6 year old, but a grown adult? I dunno. Then we talk about the bling on the left hand. I’m wondering if it’s real or from Stein Mart. I guess she meant it when she said she could go home and get engaged if she wanted to. She doesn’t want to comment on when she got engaged? She’s shady.

Sarah’s on the hot seat next. On a side note, Sean makes a good Zoolander face…

This trip down memory lane is SAD FACE! She says in confidence that she would be the one in the end, and then she gets dumped. :( She expresses how she thought he could have been the one and she’s sick of hearing how great she is, but not good enough.

Dez is next, then Sean. The trip down awkward memory lane. I think your brother, as crazy as he may be, helped you dodge a bullet with this one. She’s looking for a soul mate, like her parents. She says she didn’t expect to fall for Sean…umm isn’t that the entire premise of the show?! #BachelorContestantPetPeeve. What were you expecting? A modeling or movie gig?

Ash is still looking for her Jerry Maguire to complete her…help us! She’s head over ‘hills’ in love with Sean. She is way too over the top and too invested. Wait till you get a ring on your finger before you bare your soul.

Chris: That was a first, you told him, stay here and you walked away.

Ash: I didn’t know what to say.

Chris: Were you mad and angry?

Ash: No, I wasn’t angry. I was just confused

Chris: You definitely looked like you were pissed...ZIng

Ash says she’s not in love with him anymore. With her, he was a Southern gentleman, but with the other girls he acted like a frat boy. Truth.

Cue Sean, lot’s of girly screams. AshLee gets her chance to speak to him. Chris brings her up on stage so it’s not so awkward. Basically, she’s too serious and doesn’t laugh enough. She felt dishonored by him having to go through a rose ceremony when he knew she wasn’t the one. She wants to know why he didn’t come back to check on her to see if she was okay. He says it would have made things worse and brings up his time on the Bach-ette. She calls him out and says well, you’re the man on this round and you could have been a gentleman. She needs to understand men and that when it’s over it’s over. He cut the cord at the rose ceremony, and basically, he knew she was a strong woman and could handle it. Ouch.

Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I think Sean is a chach. Ash says he told her in the intimate time that he doesn’t have feelings for the other two…Sean denies it, and not very well. Who’s the liar in this situation?? The steel trap never forgets!!!

Behind the scenes, they’re still discussing it…seriously awkward. Although she has a couple of screws loose, I’m going to agree with her on this one because I think he’s full of crap. We’ll never know because the cameras weren’t rolling. Maybe this is payback.

Sean says Dez hides things behind her smile. Dez says her brother actually liked Sean. He says he has a funny way of showing it. Truth.

Bloopers. The best is Harrison cursing the lantern. Okay and maybe Sean racking himself over the front of the mountain bike handle bars...Bahaha

Based on the footage, I'm not sure who will be the "lucky" gal. I mean, I hope she has some issues with him taking his shirt off on command every 10 seconds...in a sorority house no less.

Alas, we'll have 3 hours of build up next week. Who do you think will be the next Bachelorette? My bet's on Des. She had a coy look about her when she said she was learning some things for her next relationship. I think she meant plural...just my guess.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Bachelor Recap: And then there were 3

We're in Thailand and Sean has a tough decision ahead.

He ponders life in his baby blue tank top and flip-flops. He's looking fratty today. The only thing(s) missing are some croakies for his sunglasses and maybe a visor. Apparently he's not thinking about who he's giving a rose to, but who he sees a future with. Isn't that one in the same Sean?

Now we get a trip down memory lane with Cath. He can see them getting cozy on the couch after a long day. Sean says he has the strongest relationship with AshLee because she wears her heart on her sleeve. She embodies the American dream. Lindsay is the spark that turned in to the flame. Cheese ball. There's more to her than the crazy drunk girl that showed up in the wedding dress.

Sean needs to take some core exercise tips from Bach Brad. He ponders the meaning of life over the negative edge of the pool.

First Romantic Date? Lindsay. I feel like I've seen her outfit before...did she borrow some of Lesley's clothes before she got booted? Lindsay gets the treat of strolling through a Thai market in 6" wedges and a skirt. Lindsay will try anything but bugs, and Sean wants to test her limits. Lindsay ate a silk worm and tried not to dry heave. Then she just lets herself go and eats a grasshopper, a fried chicken foot. I mean, where do you draw the line?? It has to be somewhere between the pastel baby chicks and fried chicken feet, just sayin'.

Next, they go sit and ponder their relationship on a humid beach. Sean tells her she's his BFF and they have so much fun together and that totally translates in to real life marriage material. Then they feed some grapes to rabid monkeys and make out on the beach as the sun sets.

Lindsay leaves nothing to the imagination in her dress that looks like its made for a doll. Entirely too short and tight. They have dinner at the equivalent of a Thai carnival. Sean seriously needs to find some SPF stat. Sean does a feeler to see if she'd be willing to move to the big D. He talks about buying houses, it was a bit too much at this stage of their relationship...Lindsay says she gets tongue-tied around him, she must mean that literally because all these two do is make out. Lindsay amps herself up to drop the L-bomb, and then some dancers emerge wearing some legit Thai costumes. They kind of resembled human origami with some nail streamers.

Fantasy suite card time. She doesn't hesitate to accept, she practically dressed in her nightie and probably has a toothbrush stashed somewhere. If Sean says he wants a best friend one more time I'm going to choke. That's what Facebook is for. They go check out the room and then the forced one-sided I love you happens...Sean's "inspired"

AshLee's date. Can she surrender control and let Sean lead? Hopefully sans blindfold this time.

What is she wearing? Mesh t-shirt and white shorts? Yikes. They set sail for the high seas and practice their best titanic poses. How many necklaces does she have on? Sean takes AshLee to a cave because he likes to see women with abandonment issues hyperventilate. That poor snakeskin triangle top is doing its best to keep the buzzies covered, but I think she might have bought this in the junior's department.

She knows she needs to trust in a relationship, but can she do it?? She's not comforted that Sean has no idea where he's going inside the cave. You're not exactly inspiring trust here Sean. He could try to be the slightest bit comforting. She gets freaked out because its "pitch dark and you can't see anything." She self talks her way through it in true therapy fashion and they "find the light at the end of the tunnel." He's now AshLee's protector. Vomit

Sean: "I've never seen anything like this in my life."
Me: "You must not have watched Ashley Hebert's season of the Bachelorette." Pretty sure this was taken out of the Bachelor date manual.

AshLee: "I don't feel like there are 2 human beings that belong together more than him and I"
Me: Bold.Statement.

Every part of AshLee's being wants to be engaged to Sean, not just her ring finger. Her hearts not in to putting out in the fantasy suite and she hopes he feels the same. She talks about making poor marriage decisions and she's glad she waited for the right guy...did we just gloss over her marriage at 17??

Fantasy suite card. What will she choose?? Question marks added for dramatic effect. Sean sets her at ease with his expectations, and she says she okay with the alone time. Sean says he's falling in love. AshLee lays out her exact specifications for an engagement ring, again BOLD! I'm nervous for her if this goes south...
Cath does a running sprint for her man on the beach. She has some catching up to do being the last date. They take a pirate boat out to sea to explore, and again with the titanic poses...her bikini is not going well with the off-the-shoulder dress.

Sean is looking to catch up and Cath explains that she's been silly, but she hopes he sees her serious side. Sean thinks Cath is the perfect mold for his BFF but he needs to know if their lives can match up for the long haul. Cath says she's "expired" her time in Seattle. What does that mean? Do you need to put more change in the life meter? Cath explains that she was pissed about the sister interrogation because she felt there was some sabotage going on over jealousy. Cath says she was in a serious relationship that didn't work out and now she knows what it takes to make it.

It boggles her mind that she found the perfect man who is attracted to her. The do flips off the back of the boat as she holds her nose, haha. Then they make out for the next 5 minutes...in the rain. Is the thunderstorm foreshadowing??

Cath is rocking the beach hair at dinner. Sean feels like she really 'gets' him and he really 'gets' her. She brings up the one-sided nature of expressing feelings on the show, and Sean gives her the consolation prize saying he could see himself marrying her. Then she goes in to this big spiel about the moral dilemma of the fantasy suite. Who knew we'd have so many prudes this season? Has ABC found its conscience?

So basically they're all just going to shack, Baylor style. For those of you who need some explanation on what this means: stay up all night talking and making out then putting on your Sunday best to pretend like you went to church as you go gorge at Ninfa's.

In true nerd fashion she geeks out about her hunky, beefy boyfriend. She talks about being bullied and he tells her she's 'smoking hot'. It finally dons on Cathy that like, they're in a relationship. She falls in love.

Then, we're pulled from Thailand back to the Bach mansion where ABC fills air time with a promo for Oz the Great and Powerful. Really? I can YouTube this stuff on my own time.

Sean intimates that he's made his decision and regretfully he has stronger feelings for 2 out of 3 women. Who better than to decompress with than Chris Harrison. He's having déjà vu from his departure with Emily. He never imagined sending this girl home..I'm thinking that eliminates Lindsay since she almost went home night 1. Cathy was kind of in the same boat. Then he brings up sweetness and love and we all know who it is...

Sean's pretty confident that he will get down on one knee. He gets his head in the clouds, and then Harrison brings him back to reality with not letting him look ahead to next week without dealing with today.

Home boy sure does love him some purple. And I don't know what color those pants are, but I'm not digging the combo. Harrison leaves him to ponder photographs and the video messages.

Lindsay mentions that they met in a wedding gown and she hopes she can wear another one again for him soon.

Cath says she knew he was a good guy coming on the show, a mega hunk and when they kiss she gets the wiggles.

Ash says all of her walls are coming down because of Sean and who he is. I'm thinking she needs to meet Jesus. He's pretty great too. He will complete you, not Sean. She can't get a grip on camera and says she's no longer broken? I'm thinking its sinking in right now that he's not designed to fill this role for her. Too much pressure...

Not digging Cath's dress. Holy boobs AshLee.

Sean, I too am worried for AshLee's emotional state once you let her go...

Did Lindsay just say the "F" word? Get a grip girl. She gets the first rose.

AshLee has a pretty good stone face going. Cath looks like she might pass out. Cath gets the rose and all of the air leaves the room...

Her love and sweetness has turned bitter REAL quick. She doesn't even want to hear his explanation. He says he wants to give her closure and its just salt in the wound. I have never seen a bitchier stare in my entire life...lock your doors ladies and gentleman she has that crazy look in her eye.

She talks about how this was serious to her not a joyride filled with fun and laughter...clearly a dig at the other two college-aged girls left standing. I was really expecting her to fall a part, but those walls went right back up in to place. Poor thing. Lose that necklace while you're at it.

Can't wait for the Women Tell All, or as I like to call it, The Women Tell Us Everything We Already Knew.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Bachelor Recap: Home Towns

--> Now we’re at the hometown dates. Can someone please explain why there are 2 nights of the Bachelor AGAIN?! Also, why is poor Sean being portrayed like the 40-year-old virgin on the cover of US Weekly and explaining how his fiancé is ‘dealing with it.’ This is just sad.

First Home Town Date: Houston, TX-AshLee

Her outfit kind of looks like Sandy’s from Grease. She explains how she never knew what true love was until meeting Sean. Did they coordinate the plaid shirt/dark jeans combo?? How cute. Sean feels the pressure since AshLee has professed her love. It adds a layer of “intensity” to meeting the ‘rents. To cool the nerves, they drink white wine out of these giant wine goblets. AshLee wants to marry someone like her dad, and Sean fits the bill. The similarities are uncanny, and of course Sean can’t resist adding how great his dad is in to the mix. I’m sure he’s full on sweating right now. She’s amazed, I’m bored. This could only be better if they were sitting in a field of bluebonnets. Money shot.

Sean shows up with a bouquet of flowers. They eat outside on the lawn. Totally normal? Dad wants to know where they’ve been, who she’s met, what they’ve seen. I’m already exhausted by the hammering of questions and they just sat down. AshLee brings up the Lake Louise story and her baptismal experience. Then she tells her parents about the romance in St. Croix and there’s some throat-clearing and eyebrow-raising from these conservative folks. Sean’s face can’t get any redder, but I think he blushed.

Deborah can tell she’s over the moon for Sean. She’s a mama bear and wants to protect her daughter’s fragile heart. There’s a theme of abandonment in her life (5 foster homes in a year), and now she’s abandoned herself to Sean…I’m nervous. Bruce wants to know if he loves his daughter and he says he’s crazy about her and love is on the horizon. What? Worst.wording.ever. He brings up the big, terrible, awful in AshLee’s past and his take on the sitch. Dad says he took the path of least resistance and let her make her own choices.

Then Dad recalls the first day he met AshLee. And I die. The sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. As a fellow foster parent, I get it. Her dad says, ‘the first moment I saw her, I fell in love with her. Some man is going to have to love her like that.’ Precious.

Second Home Town Date: Seattle, WA-Catherine

Of course they go to tourist central. Pike Place Market. They straddle a pig and make wishes. Sean’s found the fun with Catherine and now that the romance is there, it’s all set. Sean steps behind the counter to try and catch some flying fish. He wants to know if it’s like catching a football. What a doof. Then it’s Catherine’s turn and after dropping a couple, she gets it figured out. Catherine likes his smell (?), big beefy arms, and his acceptance of her. I hope this isn’t the order of priority.

Side note, are Sean’s pants purple?

Sean learns some Filipino traditions to impress Grandma Lola, or graham-cracker as the fam likes to call her. Now they’re ready, but Catherine’s worried someone might try to mess it up for her. Sean remembered the hand to the forehead, so maybe things are getting off to a good start. He’s rolling loompia(?) with mom, getting hit on by grandma…what could go wrong? Sister sabotage.

They ask if she would say yes to an engagement and Catherine gives a weird backwards answer. The sisters feel like they’re being forced to like him. They think she has her head in the clouds.

Sean gets the sisters aside and so far I’ve only heard the older one speak. The other is the trusty sidekick. He asks if they think she’s ready for marriage and they basically tell him sure, as long as you don’t want kids right away, you keep it fun, and support all of her dreams. Otherwise she’s going to peace out. Real encouraging. The sisters are not doing her any favors: messy (but not gross), moody…

He’s hoping to get a better sense from mom. Mom wants her to be happy, but she’s not totally sure if they’ll work out. She doesn’t want anyone to be led on. Sean asks for her blessing, and mama says we’ll see. Burn. Filipinos-1, Sean-0

Third Home Town Date: Ft. Leonard Wood, MO-Lindsay

Sean is nervous to meet the 2-star general. Yikes. Sean’s purple sweater would be more tolerable if it wasn’t fitted at the waist. The go to the 3 stores that exist in the town and go to some antique shops. Then they have some brews and have some back and forth over whether to call him the General? Mark? They finally decide on Mr. Yenter. Lindsay doesn’t know how intense the grilling will be.

And then…she brings out some fatigues and makes him change and harasses him in front of the American flag on the base. Cheeeeeesy, but kinda funny. Then he has to work out in his Keds. I bet he wishes he packed manlier shoes.

They get to the house in the base and there are quite a few flags out front. Sean says something about Lindsay’s dad “making men” and he hopes he sees him as a man that can protect his daughter. I’m thinking you already have 2 strikes showing up in purple and those shoes...Sean makes her tell the fam about her showing up in a wedding dress. The general didn’t seem to find it too funny.

He gets grilled by mom and deflects the love question with an “I’m not at liberty to say”; um these are her parents you might want to find a more affectionate way of putting it. He says that when he says I love you it would be to the final girl standing. Her mom respects that answer. She says Lindsay’s ready for marriage, children, etc. Sean sees the potential with the mother-in-law as well. He asks mom for tips on how to warm over the general. She says just be yourself.

The general doesn’t want to see his baby girl get hurt. He’s a softie when it comes to her. Sean asks dad for his blessing. He says it’s tough, he’s never been asked a tougher question in his life. He goes in to his army background and being a parachuter and it’s all about assessing risk and being decisive and being dropped in to enemy territory and authority to make decisions, blah blah blah this is all starting to go over my head, but at some point there’s a glass clink and a cheers and I think we got a blessing. Sean says the general’s not intimidating, but a very nice guy. A man can be nice and still intimidating…He leaves with a memento of the experience, some ID tags with army values. Lindsay says “I love you” and that she’s found her husband.

Fourth Home Town Date: Los Angeles, CA-Desiree

Sean’s recycling some outfits. Particularly the pink shorts and purple/black softball tee. Not a good combo. They go hiking and she tells him how much she missed him. And they make out. A lot. You really get a good sense of the smog covering the city as the sun sets.

They head to a small house, I think it’s hers. He sees the art on the wall that she did. They make dinner for her parents. I’m wondering if her parents have made it out of the tent city. They probably would have shown every one the ropes on that Carnival Cruise mishap.

Knock at the door. Who could it be? He thinks it could be her brother, but then he professes his love to her. Sean’s about twice his size and the dude is wearing a plaid shirt (tucked in) and khakis…no need to get all macho Sean. It gets really awkward, Sean is clenching/unclenching his fists.

I’m confused by Dez’s shirt. Is backless and swoopy?! And then PSYCH! Dez knows how to play a practical joke. I’m thinking this paid “actor” must have come on the cheap. Dez is impressed by his macho, protective side. Now it’s time to meet the parents. Her brother looks like he’s ready to rough somebody up. Roxanne and Tony seem harmless.

The brother is the wild card. He asks how her relationship compares to the other girls. She thinks hers is the strongest. He says don’t fall for him. He thinks this show is a joke. He’s kinda right, but in a very intense/aggressive way. He pulls Sean aside in the middle of dinner. Dez is worried. Her brother starts in and says he doesn’t think he’s very in to his sister and she’s in to him, and that he doesn’t see a connection between them that would lead to marriage. He calls him a “playboy” and that he thinks he just likes to go around and have fun with each one and lead them all on. I think we have a case of some truth-telling that’s overshadowed by his prison-like appearance, which makes it hard to tell if it’s sincere. Sean says his integrity and character is everything to him and he doesn’t want to be defrauded by Nate…

They go back inside as they try to sweep it under the rug, and then dinner gets really awkward. Tony starts talking about the weather and it all starts to go down hill. Sean leaves early, and then the family turns on each other.

Later, we get a glimpse of the rose ceremony conundrum. The two awkward home town dates (Cath and Dez) are on the chopping block and Dez is going to try for a hail mary…

Cocktail Ceremony

Ah, Chris Harrison comes in for the therapy session. Sean is thrown by Desiree’s home town visit and the incident with her brother. With Catherine, he doesn’t know if their lives align with her independence and career pursuits. What is with Sean’s velour polka-dot looking tie?!?!

Sean expresses his wavering emotions in front of the girls and Dez decides that this would be a good time to pull him aside and apologize and try to smooth things over.

Fantasy Dates Go To: AshLee, Lindsay and….we’re waiting. In a dramatic moment, Sean drops the rose back on the platter and heads back to the framed photos to mull it over. This has got to be torture for the roseless back in the room.

Sean wasn’t expecting the hail mary and now feels bad about sending Dez home. As if you weren’t already going to feel bad? Dez is sent home. Or down the street. Sean is a douche and tells her she has every quality he’s looking for in a wife and thinks he’s going to wake up tomorrow and regret it. Ughhh. Desiree explains what a giant mistake he’s making. He looks like a coward that can’t stand up for his decisions.

I feel a Bachelorette set-up in the makings…

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Bachelor Recap: St. Croix

We're down to 6, Hallelujah! Can't wait to see what Tierrable has in store for us this evening.

St Croix is boss. Officially not boring.

The girls arrive at the Buccaneer hotel and realize they'll have to share rooms/bed. Tierra doesn't want to share a room with girls who like her boyfriend, so she rolls out a cot so she can focus on Sean. I think she's on the losing end of this deal, personally.

Date card time, Tierra is shooting daggers. AshLee gets the date to 'get carried away' and makes some cheesy references about being physically and emotionally carried away...barf.

Tierra calls her a cougar when she walks away, I guess 32 is the new 52?? Apparently you should have a husband, house and 2.5 kids by 32. Does this girl even work?

Sean is wearing this coral button down and black and white prison striped swim trunks. What? He brings up the blindfolding incident again and I'm uncomfortable. She has such a pure heart. If she doesn't get chosen I worry for her.

The girls are having a Tierra bash...and that leads us to AshLee spilling the Tierrable beans on her date with Sean. If you're constantly having to take a drama meter on this 1 girl shouldn't that tell you something?? I think it's weird he asks the other girls for their opinions. You do realize they're all dating you right?

Tierra finally gets a one on one, and she's complaining about what the date is. She doesn't like people, bugs, or her makeup dripping off. She wants to go boating or something.

Dinner time with Ash and Sean. Sean asks about any skeletons in the closet...Ash has some deep dark secret apparently. She got married at 17... Cause she was mad at mom and dad. She feels like she was Debbie downer on the date. He reassures her and then they stand up and yell to no one on their wicker chairs on the beach in the matching purple, Barney-colored shirts. It was lame.

Now on to Tierra the Terrible. The one plus to this date is she loves shopping and actually said he bought her the most incredible things someone could buy on a first date...someone should raise their expectations. Soap and a Rastafarian necklace aren't on my top 2 for first date gifts. Isn't this duty free paradise? Where's the Yurman store??

And now a random mardi gras-ish parade with locals. She's footloose and fancy free and Sean finds himself once again sucked in to her devilish charm. However, he does bring up the recent drama and asks her how that's going. She gets visibly annoyed that Sean's asking her about her relationships with the other girls. Everything she does she says they do to her, I.e. ignoring, isolating. She picks up on the fact that there's a bug in his ear and is determined to squash it. Lookout.

Lesley's name is not on the group date card so she gets the last one on one.

Dinner time. The vibe's off. Tierra's not feeling the 'closeness'. He says the drama with the women in the house put them a step behind. She's not going to let the other girls bring her down, so she decides to take it up a notch and says she's falling in love with him. Yuck

Group date. Rise and shine at 4:42 am. Is Lindsay naked? I'm worried. They're watching the sunset on one side of the island and then driving to the other side of the island for sunset. Sean loves road trips, not surprised he takes after dear old dad. For as big of a guy as he is, he should wear manlier tennis shoes. And for as many drinks as they're having at each spot, this could be DUI material.

Des seems to be the date hog and tensions are rising. She's not sharing shotgun and the other girls don't like it. And then Sean has them all pose for a group photo. I hope that's a camera promo cause that was so awkward.

Sean and Lindsay reminisce about the fateful wedding dress night and how far they have come.

Catherine opens up about her daddy issues and why he won't be there if she gets a home town. Im distracted by Sean's gross skinned up knee and dire need of sunscreen. Back to the serious moment, Sean thinks Cath might be a little intimidated by his great relationship with his dad/parents. Not everyone is jealous of your parents Sean, just sayin'.

Ash and Lesley are having a Tierra bash while she's strategically sitting nearby. Ash says she doesn't think Tierra has the guts to confront her, and we see the dent in T's forehead pulsing. It's about to go down. Just night right now...but that pot's about to boil.

Is Des's home town going to be in a tent? I sure hope so. She talks about how important her family is and how she can't wait for him to meet them. Then she gets super emo. There are tears...emotions are running hot. She probably thinks she's got the rose in the bag...

Rose goes to Lindsay. "The crazy girl that showed up in a wedding gown now has a home town rose." Couldn't have said this better myself. Date plan fail, Sean doesn't know where he west is for the sunset. Oh well, he's having such a great time with 3 women competing for his attention.

Lesley date. He wants to get away and talk, none of that fancy stuff. He's not sure if they can get ahead in their relationship because he feels they're behind. Lesley is in love. Uh oh, he looks so bored. She needs to get her roots done. He asks if there's anything he needs to know, and she looks like she's seen a ghost, awkward pauses and then she randomly says lets go pick some fruit?? I think this girl is dating challenged. She won't make eye contact and Sean is getting over the coy act and is ready for her confidence to spill over to their relationship. You're probably so uncomfortable because this is forced...their date seemed oddly short compared to the others

Shay, Sean's sister is there to give some advice. She says the girls need to be tough cookies and they'll get over it if they get sent home. Wow, no mercy. Tierra is the only one he's questioning openly to sis.

Back at the crib, Tierra and AshLee are having it out. T starts it, and says she doesn't hang out with the other girls because she doesn't do high school conversation. She talks about her age like that equals maturity. Ash calls it like she sees it and says she has bad character. Then T says the girls are just jealous because men love her. Yikes. Then she starts throwing ghetto hand signs and says she can be confident and humble at the same time. I think she trying to convince herself more than anyone else. She peaces out, but then can't stand that everyone might be talking about her and she's not there. Confrontation Round 2.

This is getting ridiculous. Now we're in to not being able to control our faces and expressions/eyebrows, parents...this might be my favorite line: "Tierra you have a sparkle, don't let those other girls take your sparkle away." Apparently these are the comforting things parents tell their children out in this world. This.is.so.sad.

Sean wants to go grab Tierra in the middle of tierranado...Sean's trying to get her to go meet his sister and he gets sucked in to the drama. She tries to throw Ash under the bus. Didn't she just say she doesn't need to sabotage others to get the top? He decides to take a breather. Sissy Shay told him to stay away from the girl who can't get along with the other girls. She totally crumbles when he says he wants her to meet his sister, what? That was opportunity for her to get it together...but no.

Sean sees an opportunity and says I'm crazy about you, have been from day one. And since I care so much about you I think it's best if you go home now. Such a backwards way of dumping a girl, but whatever. Buh bye! I guess her fight is gone because she doesn't even fight to stay.

She freaks out and ugly cries in the cab. Wahhhh I can't believe he did this to me...uhh pretty sure you did this to yourself. I can't wait for the women tell all. I hope she still has that special sparkle.

The ladies are all sitting waiting for the cocktail party and wondering what happened to Sparkle. Sean shows up in a classic suit and no pencil tie, thanks to wardrobe tonight for not making him look like a leashed dog.

He explains that he sent Tierra home and that from here on out he has a zero tolerance for drama. Be warned ladies. He also drops the bomb that there's no need for a cocktail party he's made his choice. He walks out and takes all of the air with him.

Lesley thinks this is the kiss of death for AshLee. Ash doesn't think she's drama at all she's just a mama bear based off her upbringing and need to protect him. I think that's a reach given he's dating multiple women at the same time.

Lindsay's sitting pretty with a rose. The remaining 3 go to: Desiree, Catherine, AshLee

Poor Lesley with cartoon puppy eyes. AshLee thinks this seals the marriage vows, easy sister. On the bright side, Lesley could totally go to a Mexican fiesta in that dress. There were no words between him and Lesley. Such an awkward goodbye and could tell there was no love loss there. Catherine has an all out meltdown cause she thought he and Lesley were already monogramming his and her towels since they have so much in common. She has no idea what he wants and is looking for...I guess she thinks she's next out the door? So confused, how is this earth shattering?? I think it's safe to say he's not looking for a woman with a manly voice trying to be one of the guys...

I can't wait for Sean to meet the Sarge, Dez's overly agressive brother, and Cath's crazy sisters...this should be good.

Can I just say that for once I feel like there are 4 solid choices? I mean they all have their bit of crazy, but still. Who's your favorite?

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Bachelor Recap: Canada, Oh Canada

--> Sean says he loves Canada and Lake Louise as we’re treated to the visual feast of what looks like a pond, some broken trees and slate rock…

He has some disappointments from Montana and he doubted if his wife was in the room.

Okay the ladies’ view is much nicer! Gorge. That water does not look like a normal color of water, it’s a serene baby blue.

Chris Harrison shows up in a zipper cardigan with blazer over, interesting combo. He explains there’s a group date and two one on ones with roses up for grabs.

Catherine gets a one on one date: “Let’s find our fairy tale ending.” Catherine is happy to be here and enjoy this space with him. What?

Catherine is left by herself in frigid/blizzard-like conditions, freezing. Finally Sean shows up in a monster truck bus and says they’re going to play in a glacier. Catherine gets a warm body suit to accompany her massive hoop earrings. Perfect for sledding on a glacier. They’re doing somersaults, handstands…it’s snowing so hard that Sean looks like Mr. Freeze. Apparently all this fun is perfect wife material.

They go on a carriage ride to a glass castle, pretty baller honestly. These two kids are giddy with excitement. Chiseling dirty ice in to their cups, clearly romantic. Someone with artistic vision froze roses in to ice.

Group Date: “Let’s bare our souls.” Everyone’s called but Desiree. Daniella is confused and I’m thinking this is a permanent state of mind for her.

Back to Catherine, she’s telling about a dramatic experience at 12. One of her friends died in front of her on a hiking trip. This experience showed her life values: marriage, kids. She wants to be with him because she thinks they could be great. I’m scratching my head, Sean’s heart is melting.

GROUP DATE. The girls look annoyed. AshLee makes the most of it and runs in for the hug. Fortunately there’s no leg straddling as in typical Bachelor fashion.

There are 7 girls and 3 canoes. One girl gets to go with Sean. Lesley calls dibs and there are a lot of death stares shooting in her direction.

Sweet Sarah rises to the challenge even though this will be a difficult date for her. She’s looking lovely in the peachy pink scarf.

Lesley lets Sean do all of the work and just turns around to soak it all in. The other girls are royally pissed now. Selma wishes a giant fish would just come and eat their boat right then…and then she dorky laughs for 3 seconds at her own joke. Bless her.

Sean has got on some pretty tight pants…hey-o. He tells the girls they’re going on a Lake Louise polar bear plunge to join some club. I’m thinking Sean might need some assistance getting out of those pants. Selma has about 0 incentives to go for the plunge, whether or not it’s for a rose. She won’t put her life at risk. I mean, it is like 0 degrees outside apparently. She pulls the Baghdad card again…I mean didn’t you just say you don’t do heat a couple of weeks ago??

AshLee wants to bail too, but she’s feeling pressure. Finally they decide to go and there’s lots of screaming. Daniella says something dumb about being hot and they could be hot and cold together I dunno. They are in the water for .5 seconds and then run out to robes and coffee, I know the Tierra freak out is coming…

I mean I understand the concern for AshLee she has like 0% body fat, but Tierra? Come on. Sean looks like he’s miserable himself so he just lets the professionals handle it. Sadly it takes like 4 people to carry her to the car. She’s shaking uncontrollably, not talking. They ask her what day it is, she doesn’t know. This is crazy…the camera’s in her face and she crumples and says “I missed time with him.” WOW. Academy Award goes to her.

Cut to her in a robe in her room with oxygen, some random lady massaging her feet and her chowing down on a cheeseburger. WHAT?!?! I’m dying laughing. Is this real life?

Tierra decides to not come to dinner, but in true drama fashion, she’s going to crash the party later.

Lesley is ready to let her guard down. Lesley says she loves love and is so happy to be there and feel those feelings. Sean says he appreciates her. What? They makeout.

Sarah lets her guard down too and brings some family photos. It was really sweet. Sean is struck by the reality of the situation and seems to kinda freak out.

Desiree gets her date card: Don’t be afraid…to fall in love. Everyone’s wondering where Sean’s heads at with giving one girl two one on one dates.

Back to drama land. Tierra walks in as every one is talking about her. Lesley says everyone needs to watch out because we’ve got a Tierrarist on our hands. Ahahaha.

Oh, and what’s that? Oh no big deal, just Lindsay and Sean making out by the hot tub…

Later, Sean gives this speech before giving out the rose and Tierra, by the look on her face, is certain she will get it. Denied. The look on her face when he said Lesley’s name was priceless. I can tell she probably wants to implode right now, but she’s holding it together.

Oh no, Sean’s brooding. Is he going to dump someone early?? Oh no, he’s going to send Sarah home because he doesn’t see forever with her. Sad face. Poor thing! This whole I’m not in to you conversation is terrrrrrible. Poor thing, you’ll find the right guy. Just between us, this show is not meant for a nice, shy girl like you. It’s meant for the overly forward, flirtatious and aggressive women in the world that may or may not have serious issues that should not be fixed by a relationship but with therapy.

Moving on, Desiree is going to have to earn her picnic. This is designed to be a confidence builder. I just noticed with camera close-ups that she has a butt chin. That’s unfortunate. They’re going to have to rappel down a sheer 400’ cliff. No big deal. Apparently this also a commitment builder as well? Dez says Sean’s a good cheerleader and he says I cheered in high school. And then there’s that moment, when you don’t know if he’s kidding or serious…They talk, they kiss, they climb trees. Later they have dinner in a tepee. Sean is wearing a gosh awful sweater…like so ugly. I was distracted until she started talking about living in a tent as child, a trailer park…what?? Oh the irony of it all. She gets a rose; he needs to get rid of that sweater.

Cocktail Party.

Selma, to the shame of her family lays one on him. Shouldn’t her massive cleavage be equally shameful?

Lindsay makes a pact not to kiss Sean the whole time they’re talking. Wow, an actual conversation?? P.S. she’s conjuring the wedding dress vibe again with that dress choice. He asks her to tell him something he doesn’t know about her, she responds with: I sleep naked. Classy. Then they make out…I’m grossed out.

AshLee draws a connection to the polar plunge and getting out of her comfort zone. In an effort to surrender her need to control things in life (due to her abandonment issues) she hands Sean a scarf? For him to lead their relationship? I’m so confused. Next thing you know she’s being blindfolded and carried. I can think of other ways to accomplish this purpose…but, we have tears, she’s moving mountains. I guess it worked.

What is Tierra wearing around her neck? Odd combo with the toga-looking dress.

Roses go to: Lindsay, AshLee, TIERRABLE

Daniella and Selma are left to lick their wounds. Chris Harrison is awful monotone tonight.

Pack your swimsuits; they’re going to St. Croix.

The Sorenson Scoop