tall tales of a foreigner.: August 2008

Saturday, 30 August 2008

sitting and staring..

I'm thinking about HER right now. I wish somebody could understand what I'm going through. It's hard when you can't move on but it's even harder to see someone you love with other people. Why can't I get over it? All the sacrifices I've made, gone in an instant. I know that life is unfair but does it have to hurt to be unfair? Friends, I can't really go to them because their just plain sick of hearing this =) thanks for listening though, really appreciate it* I'm stuck between being a child and being an adult. Is this what you have to through just to grow up and to realize that every hard-work you put into something can easily vanish? They say "you should pick yourself up when your down" and that "someone is always there each step of the way." What if there is noone? What if this is the part where all you can do is pull-through by yourself. I've "been there, done that" but was there always a so called "someone" that can help you get through in time of a great depression? Love is complicated and the feelings that comes with it are even more complicated. Or maybe it's just me not wanting to let go? Not a day goes by that I don't think about HER. Questions compiled in my head, "Is she thinking about me right now? Does she have the same feelings as I do? What is she doing right now?" All these question and the asnwers to it are fcuking hard to reach. Funny how it seems like I'm in a girl's position, where she chases a guy. Like a cat and mouse game, where the hunted becomes the hunter and the hunter becomes the hunted. Everyone has their own problems and this problem of mine ain't that special. Am I in a desperate situation? The answer: Pretty much. I wish that I could have a moment of happiness that lasts long, with someone special, where one does not leave the other or fcuk up their minds and leaving them. Girls dumping me in relationships are pretty much common in my life. From start to finish, I, being the dump-ee and the girls being the dumper. I'm sick of my life but if I were to resort to being a heart-breaker, in the end when you realize that, THAT person was THE ONE, you know that you've just ruined your DAMN chance. Some call it "FATE", malays call it "JODOH" or whatever its called. It's all the same to me. I guess it was meant to be me and you, and not an US. "~Lucky to have been, where I have been.." (Lucky - Jason Mraz) heh..a song which is stuck in my head at the moment. My hands are trembling at the moment so I guess I'll just end it here.

eNd.23

HER.13 (imysvm='()

fCuk-ing bored..

buduh eh!! bureng ani wahhh!!

another day..

i just WOKE UP!! and i'm still DAMN SLEEPY!!!!! manakan last night i was dota-ing until 4 a.m. in the morning sama avangs memet n avangs ba-yen hahaha!! gila owning, storm spirit ku atu inda membagi chan..BEYOND GODLIKE, somebody kill him. Krg lagi kan main dota di rF sama frens, i hope that i can make it. I just want to get some things off my mind. Now i'm off to somewhere with my family as usual, maybe makan luar.

Thursday, 28 August 2008

just another random thing..d ol'days(from it was all perfect)

thank god i had the chance to hold your hands,

cause if it wasn't for you, nothing in life made sense,

i could've been the one, the perfect guy to love,

i could've been the kind of guy who was sent from up above,

used to be two lovers who were set for forever,

i guess in god's hands we weren't meant to be together,

i made some big mistakes, i always regret it,

i knew it was too late, just as u said it,

i'll never be able to see ur face again,

the way i did when our love was so insane,

wish i could hold your hands, kiss you and hug you,

cause what we had girl, it was more than special,

everything we had, it was more than amazing,

it was my fault for all these problems that ur facing,

remember these words as we go seperate ways,

our love was real n thats all i could say

GOODBYE NABIL MORNI!!

yesterday one of my very bestest friend, NABIL, left for the U.K. goodluck and all the best my friend. Hope everything won't change once you get back. Gona miss my buddy in Eas..lol next is going to be FYAN..my other most bestest friend too!!! everyone's leavinggg!!!!!! fcuk all this, going to miss you both mofos..the closest thing that i have next to a brother....are you guys!!! cried when it was time to go..buduh eh ilang macho but i don't reli care, tears are meant to be cried, not held back. BYE-BYE you bald mofo!!

Monday, 25 August 2008

MATHS EXAM!!

i screwed up maths nuffsed..and to zie, if your reading this, i wana say this to you..YOUR GAY!! hahaha now the whole internet community knows that wakakaka i'm evil kekeke..

Sunday, 24 August 2008

the start of the exam week..

damn!!! today's my maths exam and i'm going to screw it up..shyttt. Wish me luck, needing it banyak2..ani tunggu my pren ambil from home den keskulah, betebiat anak sorang atu eh, if ur reading this jgn marah hahahaha!! that's all for now biatchesssss..

(T.T) damn..

I'M MISSING HER SO BADLY..shyt, it suckssssss.... ='( and the SCARS on both my legs....burns SHYAATTT!!! damn, the rugby training but I love it hahaha!!

still bored..

just getting ready to go out to doa selamat. still in my towels lol ;p

sbalah..

I'm next door lol..

Saturday, 23 August 2008

Atu ya boring..

eating lekor (i think..lol) dngr lagu and after this kan ke sebalah arh c didi,revise maths..at the moment chilling while listening to Call it karma by Silverstein..

I'm bored..

I'm suppose to be revising my ass off but I'm here just writting bull-shyt. Trying to revise but my thoughts have other things in mind. Exams tomorrow, wish me luck.

A start..

Can't say much since my mind is filled with every single nonsense you can think of and to add to the misery that I'm going through at the moment, I'm having my exams tomorrow. People say life is unfair, very much true. The girl that I love is no more even worse she's got SOMEONE IN MIND, BOTH my best-friends are going overseas and well me, I'm struggling with school. All of this happening during the time when my exams are coming. I'm a mess right now, with nothing to hang on to, I've lost my hope and faith..The question in my head right now is "Can anyone help me?"..I have no pride, no ego, nothing that can give me something to work with. Last night, I called HER to seek some kind of miracle. Called HER up around 7-ish to tell her that I wanted to talk to her. Went out with my neighbours and friends to see c Hafizul perform at Manggis Mall then went home around 12-ish. Called HER but no answer, don't know what she's doing. I think its the usual..she replied like around 3+ just to dissapoint me saying that her cousin is sleeping over so she can't talk but I continue to PAJAL cause that's what I do best. Eventually we talked, SHE didn't talk much because her cousin is sleeping next to her. Told her to move but she gave another reason saying that HER laptop is not on the other bed. I was like "Can't she even leave that thing just for a moment?" Funny how SHE say things which got me thinking that she might need me. I was DEAD WRONG, who needs a used up f*ck, right? I guess ALL she ever needed was HERSELF and HER FRIENDS. An interesting fact where she mentioned this "Watch movies together, hold hands and just joke around. Things have changed now, been pretty much serious." Say what? hold hands? joke around? pretty much serious? I thought "I" was the one who wanted all of that. When I wanted to hold hands with you, you just push me away saying that we're just friends. Joking around is what I like to do. Serious? I thought WE were (i don't really get what you mean about that). I'm not sure of what she's thinking or even saying. If I were to misunderstand anything you said, DO tell me. She says that I also need to be more mature. What's up with that? I LIKE being childish, it is WHO I AM. I'm trying to be more mature-ish though because....I just don't know why I'm doing this. I guess I'm just hoping that SHE comesback. Everyone says that I've lost it all, just move one, what's the use of staying..stuff that are the opposite of what I'm hoping for. The facts are laid right infront of me but I'm just too blind to see them. I don't know what else to say, I'm always saying the same old things repeatedly. Giving the same old reasons. I need a break from all of this. If I can stop time, I would. Turn it back, I would. Avoid MAJOR mistakes, I would. But in the end, I know I'm just going to end up with new mistakes in my life.

"I still love you Fizah and I'm never going to stop loving you."

"The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting. Could it be that we have been this way before. I know you don't think that I am trying. I know you're wearing thin down to the core. But hold your breathe. Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, Over again. Don't make me change my mind. Or I wont live to see another day I swear it's true. Because a girl like you is impossible to find. You're impossible to find. This is not what I intended. I always swore to you I'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger. I may have failed. But I have loved you from the start. So breathe in so deep. Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep, And hold onto your words, Cause talk is cheap, And remember me tonight when your asleep." - Secondhand Serenade - Fall for You.

"Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry, Call I'm desperate for your voice. Listening to the song we used to sing. In the car, do you remember, Butterfly, Early Summer, It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet, Like when we would meet. Cause I was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine. Stay with me tonight." - Secondhand Serenade - Your Call.

eNd - this is iZz

tall tales of a foreigner.

rest easy.