tall tales of a foreigner.

I'm back to my old self so fcuk all of you. Deep..I don't give a damn. You'll see fcuking changes. I'm tired of being a dog, being a b!tch and all. So here's to the fcuking new me. _|_;

M.I.C.K.E.Y M.O.U.S.E.

We love mickey mouse!! Haha. Boring ku bah Izz. Hi everyone! Stats was fucking easy. Hahaha, nadawa.

damn, eas exam is today. Wish me luck =) and goodluck to all of you who takes English AS exam today.

damn, I lost my post that I typed before this taloooooo~ ngalih ku kan menaip lagi eh hahaha!!

So much problems but all of it has nothing to do with me. *sigh* its hard to see people around you having problems, I don't see anyone solving them but I only see it getting worse. Some things are better left unsaid and some things easier said than done. People just don't understand that life is already hard, why make it even harder with shyt that shouldn't be taken to the head? One advise that I took is learning to let go. "LET GO!!" haha! it sounds easy but coming from experience it's FCUKING HARD hahaha!! but thank god I'm over that problem because of a girl named Walijah Ali. Thanks babe. I love you so much =) The closest of friends become one of the most hated enemies. Another thing is what's up with attacking one person all at once. That's just plain stupid. Yes, stupid. I'll say it again it's just plain stupid. I just don't know what else to say because it's not my problem jua bah. All I can say is "ANTAM TAH KAMU SMUA DISNA AH!!!!"
eNd.

So many haters tryna be ME hahaha!! There's only one IZZ in this world and it ain't big enough for two LOL!!!!

HHAHAHA. Izz is a BIG FAN of Zac Efron. Hello everyone, aku panggil si izz atu si "izzac fron" Hahah.

-IE IE

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!!!!! :D

Happy belated birthday to you, Tomok. hahahah.

Listen to my voice when I’m trying to give you advice,
I know your bleeding inside cause I kept hearing your cries,
While I was leading my schemes, I was blinding your dreams,
My ears were deaf; I just couldn’t hear your screams,
Reminiscing of autumn, resembling myself as the season’s leaves,
I was standing alone, bearing in mind it’s slowly being blown,
I sacrificed it all just eager to receive, thought in belief but was in fact deceived,
Disregarded from everything that has been deprived,
The walls closing in on me, at the end of the hall your face is what I see,
I was lost in the corridor with each door locked, every exit blocked,
Without you by my side I was left to be mocked, just missing the way you talked,
It’s like leaving footsteps on the sands we walked,
Leaving it behind as sweet memories clean and untouched,
Your hand and your love is the last thing that I’d clutched,

I was going insane; tell me what do I need to make it right,
Taking away all your pain during the silence of night, making you my heavenly sight,
I was confused torn in two due to the decisions I had to make when I’m with you,
Making the verdict was a matter of life and death; I don’t know what to do,
Reflections of you keeps popping in my mind, I just want to put my life on the line,
Never wanting to part with you till the end of time,
Always keep you between the lines of my rhyme,
Like breathing I never want to miss a moment of you,
Needing you cause you light up my path where I’m going to,
Lullabies that I rocked to put you to sleep at night when you cried,
I couldn’t function properly when you shed tears, doing nothing when I should’ve tried,
I lost all that I have made through the blood, sweat and tears I shed,
Should’ve been loving you and forgetting about bringing shit to the head,
eNd.

you got me hanging on the line,
your like a topic in my mind, I can't stop it whenever I'm trying to rhyme,
my Cinderella, wish I could have you past midnight,
comfort a fella cause I can never sit tight,
get right, your like a plan that's backfired,
cause you as hard to predict as your entire attire,
make me feel like the only one who listens,
whispering, make me feel like kissing,
every bit of your lips,
your what makes me tipsy,
and you gotta be the one who says you miss me,
that's the way I want it, though it does get risky,
follow your commands cause I'm all for the biscuit,
that's step one now listen to this bit,
everything I say don't come with no reason,
I'm saying I want you for all 4 seasons, cause I believe in,
you and me, now that's believing,

wedding bells? nah, that's in years to come,
right now just relax while we have some fun,
never call you a cunt, maybe roll you a blunt,
just kidding, you know I'm saving this one,
deliver roses just to cheer that face,
cause when it comes to this I cant pretend that I'm ace,
I could pretend that I'm Mase and rap this better,
leave you and come back 5 years later,
we'll fly leers off and I'll be your knight,
but instead of the armor, I'ma come with a mic,
I don't play with that 3rd grade shit,
but I ain't also too keen on that cool j shit,
cause this thing we have,
I ain't got no complaints cause I'm still the one who's making you laugh,
this 16th-line didn't come with strings attached,
cause you know that my heart be where the pen be at,

just need a look in your face to satisfy my needs,
your like inspiration while I'm making my beats,
keeping the heat, hush I want you top of me,
let me massage you while you massage me,
I need to get on top of your list,
cause I keep craving for the raspberry kiss,
so girl bear wit this, I'm only trying to make it work,
I know I seem like I don't care, but really it hurts
I've been careful ever since god sent ya,
that's why I'm off the messenger,
cause I need a real adventure,
I need a girl like you,
who moves like you do, and I really gotta bend ya,
a ghetto girl, one's that nice too,
a freak too, but also got an I.Q,
maybe a bit rough on the edges but I'm stable enough,
to make u feel something and love u enough,

one beat is all I need,
but this is all I have to give to you,
just remember what I said,
cause when your feeling confused..
just listen to this song..
cause all I said is true
and I can't lie.. I'm really crazy over you.

eNd. 23/6 & 13/10

If nada nama kamu pls mention arh c.box to your right:
-*Wal*- =D
Apip :]
Umi ;)
Waie =s
Kaka Dee =)
Sabs =p

DAMNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

C wal baca blog ku hahahaha HYE WALLLLLLLL!!!! *waves* JANGAN BACA MALU KU ehhhhh!!!!!!!!!

scratch this post..

Let's just say I'm facing the toughest battle in the shytty-shyttiest-shyt-got-shyt?-shyt history of my life. Choices, options and suggetions. SHYTT! I know people will hate me for this but its my fcuking life =D

I think I've just got the surprise of my life today. Funny shyt yawwwwwww..its quite embarassing with all the people looking but what the heck. I've got to sum up my courage hahahaha screw you people but thanks.

All I have to say is that not a second goes by that I'm not thinking about that girl. I still miss her smile and all the little things that she wants me to take notice of. Its hard getting over her but right now I'm trying my best to settle down with what I have. Since she has "the guts to move on and be with someone else after all that we've been through" so will I. I'm still the messed up kid that I use to be but now just a bit more realistic and a bit more mature. All I have to say is when your down and out, you don't have anyone to go to. You know that I'm always going to be there no matter what. I'm not saying that you have to let go of the past, I'm just asking you to keep it as memories because what we had girl, it was more than special.
eNd. 23

Ke serusop tadi getting my hair-cut. Kan ikut mcm style Nakata lol inda menjadi HAHA!!


C jul punya uncle getting his hair done. Bayie atu ruget uncle nya ahaha!!

Went to Muara beach:

Caweee!!

Mcm fag usul ku!!!!!!!!!!! From left to right: Umi, Me(izz), hafizul and c didi aka zudin.

Maths was damn hard!!!!!! I think I'm dead meat..yesterday, i skipped two classes just to revise my maths, stayed back in the afternoon to revise maths and at night went to tuition to revise maths. The whole day was about maths gilerrrr but inda jua mau paloi ehh. Lol manakan last minute so I'll really have to work hard for the next one. At night I got some rest but then couldn't sleep early, I have a sleeping early problem. So went online chatted with my friends. Stayed up until 1+ just chatting. I was damn bored so I practiced on the guitar. Then talked to my friend on the phone, sja buang boring! Had a few laughs, well not really a few more like Loads Of Laughter ahahaha pacah ketawa nganya. Kes boring banar!!!! DESPERATE HAHAHAHAHA!! (to dgn ku becerita atu paham tah tu hahaha!!) paloi eh..it was fun though it had to be cut short. Awwwhhh..buring. I wish I had someone to talk to and have a few laughs like last night. Oh well..you can't have everything in life. Kan tidur tah ku nie lapas ani. I'm off to the Land Of Nod. LOL!! Eas kaliah..use what you learn in class once in a while =)

fCuk exam ku esuk and I'm fcuking not ready. BABI!!! aku ani lagi half DEEEEEEPPP. shyt happens, i just have to work my best and if I got a B, I'm gona stick it to everyone's fcuking face especially YOU!!

I appreciate my friends who tried to help me. Thanks you guys. I'm going through a great depression and I've got nothing..but you guys got my back. To Zai, strong words which brought me to tears, thank you. It gave me a wee bit of confidence back to me, just a little =') Appreciate it loads Zai. It has been a pleasure to have known you. That night when Bil introduced me to you until now you've been a good friend. To my man Phlow a.k.a Aweeee-man (lane's style of talking lol) thanks for having my back dude and you know I got your back too. Btw about the so-called "restart button", I'm really hoping that it one day would exist heh. Funny, I don't really remember how we met but since then we stay tight like a man's anus hahaha! Thanks dude =') Through the suffering that I've been put through, I thought I've lost everything and nothing's ain't worth living anymore but among billions of people, you two brought something that I thought I would never see again..."hope". A word which I've given up a long time ago. Also to Ajimbo, thanks for trying to help even if your contribution ain't much. I know you got your own problems man. All I can say is may your life not suck as much as mine haha! And goodluck with that girl eyy..be strong. I don't know what I'm going to do now though and I'm not sure what else to say. Again thanks. It's been great knowing people like you.
eNd. 23

It took a child's story to make me understand that it takes a lot of courage to make you stand-up when you've lost something or someone important. And that you have to make a choice in life because you can't have everything in this world. One day, I may not be here sitting in this chair typing away on this blog, talking about how my day was. The feeling of losing someone is indescribable, the pain that leaves a mark and the sorrows that comes running down your cheeks. All you wish is for the world to leave you alone and there would be that someone to hold you during that moment. Just to hold you tight in their arms as you feel their heart-beat, slowly pacing right beside your ear. Comfort is what's needed. No matter how much you push them away, you know that in your heart you want them to persist and continue to do everything they can just to make you feel that you are cared for in this world. I wish some people would understand that. When someone says they need you, they mean it. Don't ignore them; don't say that it’s nothing because you don't know when you’re going to see the last of that person's smile and laughter. People are fragile, they break easily. Mending takes time but for me, I just don't have the patience, the patience to stay strong and put a smile on my face just to make others think that you’re alright. I may seem happy at times but it’s only for a short while. A smile that I always put on is just to make people feel comfortable because they say a smile is the best medicine you can find. When that person thinks that you’re just someone who's just there in their lives, it hurts. What hurts even more is when you don’t matter anymore. You feel like saying you’re better off not being there at all then maybe that person will learn how much you mean to them. The thing is that people come and go, that's how it is. I don't want to dwell in the past but I don't want to look forward into the future either. I might be unimportant to many, worthless to some and maybe everything to one. Liked by few, close with several but only truly loved by one. That one person which will have your back whenever, whatever and however. And losing that individual is like to have something built up thinking that it’ll last a lifetime working and sacrificing everything, just to have it turned to dust in an instance. They say “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” and then saying the same things such as “there’s no use crying over spilled milk” and “what is done, is done.”

So many things have been said too much. I want to be myself again. I want all my guilt of my past sins to disappear. Most of all I want my old life back. I miss my best-friends, I miss my old friends from S.A.S and J.I.S, I miss being a kid and making mistakes. I would trade everything I have at this moment just to have that certain someone in my life too but sadly I can't. All I can do is turn back and just take a glance of my past, take it with me, to cherish as memories. I want to go away from here. I don't want to be depressed anymore. I want to be happy. I'm just so tired of being this way. I have lost everything even my faith. I'm wasting my life away. I'm wasting my years as a teen. And I'm wasting my time being here.

"In the middle of the night as I sit at the edge of my window, staring up into the starry night. I saw a plane flew-by, as it passes the moon between the clouds and disappeared. It reminded me of you. Sadness however did not filled me for it is just the feelings of several individual that overwhelmed me but still I felt it run. How I cried my eyes out is for you to ponder in your mind. Should you ask yourself this, is all up to you. Are his tears full of meaning or are they just tears of a lost hope? Reminisce the times of my past. I am now left empty-handed with only the clothes that I wear and nothing more. Once again I have the company of only myself and the haunting of my what seems to be another nightmare from my past. I'm losing my sanity for this dreadful world. I have gone through too much, have I not deserve a rest? Maybe it's time for me to give up what I have and just hang my thoughts away. Dying is not the option but just another inviting path to exit this torture. Forgive me for all the wrong that I've done. Forgive me for all that I've said. Forgive me for all that I lived for."

eNd.

the giant leap for me ends me up in a ditch. DAMN!

One small step for mankind, one giant fcuking leap for me.

School reopens soon so I guess I'll be back to my daily routine but this time I'll be having loads of spare time. Raya has been a mess but I'm dealing with it. Heh..my older cousins are like "mana tia girlfren mu?" and I replied "nada lagi..". They were like "Aii..napa tia?" and I answered "Urmm..masalah." Skali durang balas "Inda apa tu, ada lagi banyak bini2 lain." Dalam hati "Banyak atu memang banyak, sikit kali bini2 ani. (kes mental lah sdh tu hahaha)" I didn't want to say anything actually but its a fact that she left me already so for once go ahead and say it. Cousins ku yg lain lagi not making it any better. It's like almost all them are asking about my ex. For god's sake, I'm SINGLE!! One of my cousin yg kerja di rba atu lagi making it worse for me. She was like saying "Padantah inda jumpa kau jln sama ia lagi. Ia kluar sama steward ah. Hensem lagi tu. Inda sakit hati mu?" Dalam hati lagi, "Kan matie banar nie. Sakit ati jua eh laupun main2." Oh well, that's how life goes. Now my ex ani is playing with a friend of mine. Heh..like its not obvious. I wana say who cares but I just don't know why it wouldn't come out of my mouth, I guess I still do have feelings for her. Still..sakit jua hati, like kwn2 ku nganya diantam nya. The ones that I'm close with. I'm very close to tears but I won't let them fall and show that I am weak. I showed you once how great I can be but you choose to let it go. Quoting from what she said, "You can't force someone into a relationship." I was stupid and immature back then but now I've grown to be a proper man. This is what I want to say to you. Yes, you Norafizah. "I'm not going to say shyt about you behind your back or anything. Never did, never will. It just shows to you and the whole world that I'm not the little boy who can spin the ball with his finger, anymore. I am not the little charming boy that you once fell in love with. So I walked into your life a boy but I came out a man. I will be successful, I will be great and I will be remembered in your heart that I WAS THE ONE WHO TRULY LOVED YOU."
eNd.

The first day of Raya = shaitt!! Raya never sucked as bad. Woke up in the morning for the "Special Raya Prayers" at the mosque. Took pictures at home with the family. After that, we went straight to my granz. The family didn't seem like a family that morning, it wasn't the same as the years before. Usually besalam, minta maaf and all but not this year. The gathering at my granz felt like no special occasion at all. Uncles, aunties and cousins came and go just like that. Surprising thing that one of my uncles wasn't there. I'm not sure what happened or where he went (actually I do, I don't want to mention it because there are "people" who read my blog without me realizing it). I'm just not sure if it's just something temporary or permanent, I just knew yesterday. My aunty sat right next to me while eating that morning, she was like saying "Inda brapa nyaman makanan raya tahun ani..lain rasanya". I think I knew why she said that. The whole day only went to 4 houses, all close relatives. One of my uncles my mom's side of the family, my tua, just got out of the hospital, baru baik but not totally. Went there to raya and found out that he can't move much. Fcuk! Sedih wah org meliat. That was the last house we went to. The whole damn day, I was so depressed. I couldn't imagine it to be as bad as this. I think we arrived home around 7 or 8p.m. I was sleepy because the night before liat bula, went straight to bed without showering. At 11+p.m., woke up then baca yasin and tahlil for the ones I loved that passed away trus til 12a.m. I couldn't sleep the whole night so I texted an old friend for a while then watched tv. Slept at 3 or 4a.m., I think..I don't remember.

Today, woke up at 10+. Showered, bebaju and all, ate den when it was time for the friday prayers got ready, done. Now, blogging..waiting for something to happen. Overall depressing..depressing..depressing..

Oh yeah and I got a song that I'm stuck with. This dude is an amazing singer, at first when I heard his song, I thought his voice sounds like Ne-yo, Usher, okay..okay like a black dude. I'm not being racists and all just saying it out straight. But I was dead wrong. His name is Stevie Hoang and from his accent I learnt that he's from down-under. It reminds of my past, brought tears to my eyes. "Babe, these are the things that I wana say to you but just can't help myself to say it." Okay here it is, Addicted by Stevie Hoang.



Here he is performing live.

The day where the great festivities has come, where all your family members meet, sit down and eat. Hari Raya, joy runs everywhere except for me. This year won't be the same. I hate being like this way at a time where everyone has their spirits lift up high. I'm suppose to be smiling but I only can fake them. Buduh depression ani eh, thanks a lot. Give me a break please. Why the fcuk am I giving myself a hard time? I could easily find another girl at the snap of my fingers. There are so many fishes in the sea as they would say it but I'm stuck with one that I accidentally caught and lost. Why should I cry over spilled milk? I deserve better, don't I? Why can't I get over YOU?! I've lost my faith in everything and everything is in ruin. God please give me a some hope of continuing my life the way it is before. Please give me something to work with here.