Kaitlyn potty trained on her third birthday.  Far later than I wanted her too, but she didn't start showing signs of being ready until about 2 1/2, and that was about the time I was hospitalized for the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy with Matthew.  Then, the roller coaster of the NICU, and the adjustments of bringing him home, and then his passing all made it too much to throw potty training in as well.  The plus side of waiting so long was that she was trained in about a day.  She had to choose, diapers or a birthday party, since her birthday party included ponies she gave up the diapers.

Samantha is only a few days away from being 14 months old.  But, she tells us when she "poo poos" and asks for a diaper many times when she's wet, and when she's ready to be changed, she'll walk you to her changing table.  Of course, once there the possibility of her running from you and thrashing during a diaper training is pretty high.  But, she obviously does not like the feel of damp cloth against her (score 1 for cloth and 0 for disposable!) and knows that when it's yucky it's time to be clean.

She's fascinated with toilets.  I mean fascinated.  If doors aren't closed and lids aren't put down every single time you're going to find her elbow deep in the "fun" water of the toilet.  She received a gift card for Christmas and one of the things "she" bought with it was a fun baby potty with her own toilet paper holder and all.  But, she has no interest in it.  Well, that's not entirely true.  She takes a lot of interest in me yelling at Kaitlyn to please get off the toilet and reminding her that she is 7!! years old and does not need a baby potty that forces her knees into her chin, but I digress.

Tell me about your potty experiences.  How did you start potty training?  What was the age?  Were you using cloth or disposable before?  If you're a cloth user did you switch to training cloth or just stick to the same diapers you were using?

30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

I've seen this blog posted a few different times over the past week or so, and I do find it to be a really interesting read.  One, that I think will affect many people in many different ways.  I'm going to list them below with part of the description given in italics and my opinions.

1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.  I honestly find this to be the most important step.  And the hardest.  For so many, who we spend time with sometimes becomes so much of a habit and routine that becomes hard to break.  We often don't want to separate ourselves from some friendships because of the effect that it can have on social events and outings with those that we feel are the right people to spend time with.  We also enter this train of thought that we don't want anyone to be uncomfortable or to think that everyone can't get along just because you find a situation or relationship to be less than healthy.  When we find the strength to surround ourselves with those that encourage and inspire you to be a better person, I believe the rest comes more naturally.  And I also believe it is totally possible to distance yourself from unhealthy relationships without it being drama.
2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them.  Problems will not disappear unless you take action.  Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done.  It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch.  These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.  Again, having the strength to see not only what the problem is but putting energy towards rectifying it, regardless of how difficult or how uncomfortable it may be will change your life forever.
3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed.  Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become.  Be honest with every aspect of your life, always.  Because you are the one person you can forever count on.  Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are.  Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there.  Again, I totally think that part of being honest with yourself is hard, and it's how we become stuck in unhealthy ruts watching the sands through the hourglass of our lives just slip away.
4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter.  If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself.  Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you.  And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.  Let's be honest, no one is going to care more about your happiness than you are.  Before you can be happy for others and create happiness for other people, you must do what needs to be done to find that happy place in your life.
5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are.  Be yourself.  Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else.  Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms.  Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.  In my mind, this is the same as above.
6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle.  Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future.  Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past.  Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening.  Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.  This is one that I don't necessarily agree with.  For me, I find a lot of happiness and peace reflecting on parts of my past.  I find so much peace at night drifting off to sleep thinking of how it felt when I cradled Matthew in my arms, or how sweet he was when he was taking it all in.  I also find so much happiness in knowing that in the afterlife, our entire family will one day be whole again.  And I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with thinking in that way.  While I think it's incredibly important to live in the now, I also think part of who we are is in the past and the strength to become who we want to be is in the promise of the future.
7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress.  If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning.  Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again.  Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving.  Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures.  One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.  I don't believe in mistakes.  I believe in lessons, I believe in fate and I believe that everything happens to shape our lives and our futures.  We have the choice to learn from them or to ignore them.
8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?  The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  You must love who you are or no one else will.  I'm usually suffering from the opposite here.  I think it reflects back to item #1 and the importance of being careful about who we surround ourselves with.
9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc.  Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind.  You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now.  So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.  This is something I think the many in our country suffers from.  The "more, more and more" syndrome with little appreciation for what you have already.  Once you can find happiness with the things you have and realize how much stuff is just stuff, life becomes so much simpler.
10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out.  Smile because you can.  Choose happiness.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow.  Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it.  If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it.  But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too.  I think this is exactly the same as #4.  Take responsibility for your own happiness and peace.
11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Most of the time you just have to go for it!  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  Win-Win.  Change can be so scary, so overwhelming and seem absolutely impossible.  Finding the strength to push past that fear can make your entire life different.
12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready!  Think about it.  You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward.  So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.  Again, see 11.  
13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be.  Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment.  And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.  To me, this relates all the way back to #1.  Don't invest a deep friendship into someone out of  convenience, in the end it isn't worth the time or the effort.  Think about who your close friends are and why.  For me, it's better to invest more time in those that really matter than to spread yourself super thin just to please too many people.
14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made.  People and priorities change.  As some relationships fade others will grow.  Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.  Trust your judgment.  Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.  Same as above.  It is absolutely acceptable for people and relationships to grow apart.  It isn't an insult at all, and there are different times in life when you need different friendships.
15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time.  You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself.  You are competing to be the best you can be.  Aim to break your own personal records.  Competition for the mere sake of competition drives me absolutely insane.  I think there are few things that are so petty and childish as competing against others at every possible chance.  Enjoy what you have, be happy for others and find peace.
16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them.  Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for those who are making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Be thankful for their blessings, openly.  What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.  Again, surround yourself with people that deserve to be in the front row of your life and you'll enjoy being in the front row of theirs and cheering for them!
17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope.  Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times.  And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right.  Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.  I do not believe all situations have silver linings.  Sorry, I just don't.  BUT, I think that even in the darkest of moments, even in the hardest of times, there is always something to be grateful for.  Sometimes, you have to really search for it and really hold onto it.  This will make all the difference in the world.
18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others.  And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go.  Forgiveness is the remedy.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.  Forgiving does not mean forgetting.  Ever.  It is just simply releasing your heart from the anger (though, not always the intense hurt) and it does not mean that you have to continue a relationship in any shape, form or sort with the offender.  It merely releases yourself of the obligation of feeling anger and wasting that energy.
19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people.  Guide them if you know a better way.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.  Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  And so on and so forth.  Being a good person to others will make you feel better, no matter how bad of a day your having.  A good deed is always good for the heart.
20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition.  Be true to yourself.  Say what you need to say.  Do what you know in your heart is right.  There are some things in life that you cannot explain every possible thought or explanation regarding.  No one, no matter how close, can ever be all the way in your head, on the really important issues, my thoughts are always to get opinions, weigh them, then do what you think is right.
21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks.– Slow down.  Breathe.  Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose.  When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity.  These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.  Rather than taking breaks, I'm a huge (new) fan of planning less.  Make sure that you are living your day to day life in a way that allows you time to smell the roses and appreciate the memories you're making.
22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day.  Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner.  Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.  The most amazing memories and happy moments are the small ones.
23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’  One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are.  Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal.  No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.  I disagree, to an extent.  I think we have so much to learn from something that we do not see as perfect.  We can figure out why it isn't perfect and use it as a learning experience to find out how we can make it seem perfect to us.  Our own personal idea of perfection rarely matches the rest of the world.
24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.  Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen.  Get out there and DO something!  The harder you work the luckier you will become.  While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it.  By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result.   I think this, again, has more to do with the above goals.  It's about battling the fear of change and taking control of your own happiness.
25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it.  Talk to those closest to you.  Tell them the truth about how you feel.  Let them listen.  The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.  Another point I think was more than covered above.  When you are honest with yourself and you take charge of your own happiness, it's rare for you to have the opportunity to hide how you feel.
26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them.  Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will.  And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own.  You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life.  And no, it won’t always be easy.  Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them.  But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles.  Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.  Again, I think this was covered above.  
27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis.  You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people.  Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty.  Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.   See #13.  Stop wasting time on people that are not a positive influence on your life!  Trade them in for true friends!
28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something.  Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation.  Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.  I couldn't agree more.  Life is so precious and not a moment is guaranteed.  Enjoy the moment, take charge and stop wasting energy on things that will not ever be different.
29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it.  The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.  Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward.  No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things.  Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.  Again, I think this is all about the fears of change, trying and making a difference in your own life.
30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.”  Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.  You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.  You didn’t go to sleep outside.  You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning.  You hardly broke a sweat today.  You didn’t spend a minute in fear.  You have access to clean drinking water.  You have access to medical care.  You have access to the Internet.  You can read.  Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.  In my mind, this is exactly the same as showing gratitude for the things that you already have.  

I had the HARDEST time with our Christmas Cards this year.  I wanted something simple, something classic, something with pictures.  But, I couldn't decide if I wanted color photos or black and white, if I wanted a white background, or black, plain or patterned!  It was just so much.  Then, I debated our holiday newsletter.  I didn't want to do a full page, but I also wanted to include our highlights.  Which meant I decided to fit it into a 5x7, which meant that as I wrote, I ended up in a 10pt font...

But, here it is, our Christmas Card and our Newsletter!




Hello Family and Friends!


Can you believe another year has already passed?  It feels like just yesterday we were 
celebrating the New Year!


We’ve had such an incredible year!  We traveled to Las Vegas twice, during one trip Kaitlyn 
was a beautiful flower girl for the second time.  We also visited beautiful San Antonio, Texas 
and had the luxury of watching a Giant’s game at Chase Field in Phoenix, AZ and 
another in Oakland.  We had lazy days by the pool and lots of cuddling and story sharing!


Our year was filled with a gazillion memories captured in thousands of photographs. We 
shared too many laughs to count and enjoyed the company of good family and friends.


Kaitlyn graduated from the first grade with flying colors!  For 2nd grade we decided to 
transfer her to a school that challenged her more.  It has been challenging, but she loves it.  
She’s at the top of her class and made the Principal’s Honor Roll with her straight As.  She’s 
reading over a 5th grade level and mastering multiplication and division.  She loves Monster 
High and Victorious, riding her bike, playing video games and makes friends faster than 
anyone I’ve ever seen!  She is so excited about being 7 and we cannot believe how fast
 she’s growing up!


This year we celebrated Matthew’s 4th Birthday with our traditional balloon release at the 
cemetery with family and friends.  We are so incredibly grateful and thankful to those that 
continue to keep his memory and spirit alive.  Thank you so much to those that walk with us in 
March for Babies (did you know we’ve been the number 1 family team in both money and 
walkers for a couple years now??) and that join us in releasing balloons for his birthday both 
in presence and in spirit,  Kaitlyn has done a beautiful job of sharing Matthew’s memory with 
Samantha.  We can see so much of him and who he could have been in her.  Four years 
since his passing and we continue to miss him each day.


Samantha is absolutely thriving!  She LOVED her birthday cake and attacked it like she had 
never eaten a day in her life!  She has grown so much this year!  She’s really tall for her age 
and such a talker!  She had her tongue clipped over the summer and just has so much to say!  
She is completely off the bottle and in her own bed, most of the time.  She loves Elmo and
Sesame Street, running from Daddy and bath time.  She hates Kaitlyn going to school and 
just lights up when it’s time to pick her up.  She is such a joy and pleasue and has been the
perfect fit in our family.


We hope this year has brought you times of joy, peace and a lifetime of memories. 
May 2012 bring you wonderful times and nothing but happiness.  Thank you for being a 
part of our lives!

As 2011 come to an end, it's pretty traditional to reflect on the resolutions of the past year and to decide on resolutions for the one beginning.  The old saying, out with the old and in with the new, is pretty commonly heard these days, although I don't find it to be necessarily the best.  I mean, far too often, new is not always better.  New needs to work out the quirks and wrinkles to become the best, and why leave something that is working so well in exchange for something that may not work at all?

My resolutions last year were:  Live for today, concentrating on the positive people in our lives and get healthier.  Overall, I think I've done pretty good.  We make the most of every day and enjoy the busy days as much as the lazy ones.  We've spent more time and energy on those that are positive aspects in our lives and sometimes I am healthier ;).

I think my New Year's resolution this year is similar to those last year and an underwritten tone I had in 2011, striving for simplicity.  I think so far I've done a pretty good job of it.  My goal has been to make life simpler.  To me, that means a life without constant drama, a life with good friends and family, events that are more intimate to make things more personal and to concentrate on those things that really matter.

I've started the sometimes uncomfortable battle of weeding out the negative in our lives, saying good-bye to relationships that have been outgrown or are the result of feeling an obligation rather than a bond.  I've done what I can to end the issues of drama and being the doormat that is passive aggressive when something is bothering me rather than just out and out saying what exactly is bothering me to whoever it is.  We have one life, we have one chance and no one knows how long that life will last, so why waste time or energy on things that are not adding something positive to your life?  

I think I reached a point where I felt less lonely in a room of dozens of people than in a room with just a few.  It provided more of a distraction when that was all I felt I needed.  Does that make it right or healthy?  Absolutely not.  This year, I've wanted to expand and deepen the relationships that were really important to me.  Which meant I had to admit that I'm not a superhero with unlimited hours and energy.  I had to make a decision, is it more important to have superficial relationships with many or deep relationships with much fewer?  To me, having deep relationships just meant more.  I wanted to focus on those that had been such a source of support, those I trusted, those who I enjoyed spending time with, who I respected and who I thought were not only good for me to be around, but good for my kids too.

I want 2012 to continue the simplicity.  I want to focus on what matters, I want to spend less time in the car jumping from event to event and I want to spend even more quality time with our girls.  The weekends have become so valuable to me.  With Kaitlyn in school until 3:30 every, single day, and us getting home just a short time before it gets dark only to start homework, dinner and bedtime routines, I want to really enjoy the weekend with her.

I wish the same for everyone I've ever known, anyone that reads this and anyone who knows any of those people.  My wish for you this year is for a year of peace, of happiness and of joyful beginnings.

I think Christmas is one of those magical times of year when everything just seems to come together.  For so many, the magic of Christmas is a lot of work, a lot of planning and a lot of strategy.  But, it's nearly always worth it.

This year, our Christmas started on Thursday the 22nd.  We hosted a small Winter Wonderland party for the kids of our closest friends and family.  We kept the invitation list incredibly short (it's the first time ever we've had anything and kept the invitations fewer than double digits!  And it was hard!) to keep things more intimate and kept the playroom lit only by the glow of Christmas lights.  The kids got to decorate Santa hats with glitter glue and cookies with frosting.  They got to run around on a sugar rush from hot coco and a variety of cookies before Santa made his surprise visit.  The look on some of their faces was priceless.  One ran from the room as quickly as she could, but quickly warmed up.  It felt like Christmas surrounded by some of our favorite people and delicious treats.

Friday we took care of last minute things.  Such as goodies for the stockings.  Kaitlyn and Samantha went to play with their cousin at Nana's house while I went to overly packed stores to finish up my shopping.  We went home to meet Daddy who was home at noon and spent the day relaxing, decorating gingerbread houses, watching Christmas movies and gearing up for the festivities of the weekend!

Christmas, and all holidays really, are typically jam packed with family fun.  We are incredibly blessed to be a short car drive from both sets of family.  We're even more blessed that we maintain such a close relationship with both and our kids are so excited to go to both.  There is something so heart warming to see the seamless merging of two sets of families and their extensions.  One of my favorite parts of the holidays is spending time with family.  I think it's so important for our kids to have a strong bond with their extended family that I couldn't ever imagine living anywhere else.  It's funny, but even when Dusty and I see other places that would be gorgeous to live in, or where the cost of living is lower or the laws are less ridiculous, unless both complete sets of family are relocating with us, I couldn't do it.  It also gives me such a deep depth of gratitude and respect for our military families.

Christmas Eve, we woke up, had breakfast, got dressed and sorted the presents that were going with us, loaded the car with plenty of diapers and toddler things and headed to Dusty's family's house to spend the day.  The girls played and played with their cousin, we ate some yummy food, talked, laughed and the girls all opened far too many gifts.  This year, Matthew received a beautiful snow globe from his Aunt Christy and Uncle Dennis.  The older girls enjoyed Samantha's toys almost as much as she did and the car was packed for the ride home late that night.  Kaitlyn's favorites of the night were her angry bird jammies and tablet for the wii and toys r us gift card, Samantha's favorites were her texting toy, baby doll and princess ride on.

Christmas morning came early for us.  Samantha was up at 2 AM with a really bad cold.  She tried to lay with me, but just was so miserable she cried and fussed until 6:45.  Then, at 7:15 Kaitlyn came running in desperate to find out what Santa had left her.  We held her off for about 45 minutes, then Samantha was gently woken up to go see what was behind the wrapping paper under the tree.  Kaitlyn was so excited Santa brought her the karaoke machine and Victorious microphone she had been asking for, Samantha was in love with her slide (once she realized what it was and I picked her up).  They ripped into their stockings and the gifts under the tree.  Although they were sorted, Kaitlyn still made a mistake on one of them, opening Samantha's and quizzically looking at the small shirt wondering what she was supposed to do with it before realizing it wasn't for her.

After a quick breakfast and showers, and a short nap for Samantha, we were back in the car.  It was time to go to the cemetery to take Matthew the stocking Santa had filled for him.  Kaitlyn helped lay out all of his gifts and we realized Santa has been bringing him too much every year because there is hardly a space left.  A very crabby Samantha explored the cemetery, looking at the beautiful decorations so many loving families had left out for their little ones.

From there, we headed to my parent's house.  We stopped at Walgreens for some more baby advil and unloaded our goodies to give from the car.  Kaitlyn was so excited to pass out presents for everyone to open and I have to tell you, it took a while.  Some of Kaitlyn's favorites were her Big Time Rush concert Tickets, DS games, jammies and clothes.  Samantha's favorites were her ABC train, adorable clothes galore and her very own twinkle toes!  Unfortunately, Samantha slept through most of the day, she was just so uncomfortable.

We left for home after dark and unloaded the car, then stood and wondered where in the world everything would go.  The girls went to sleep fairly easily and like that, another Christmas had past.

The only things that could have made Christmas any better would be having Matthew with us physically and having Samantha feel better.  We know that he is forever with us, and a part of the festivities in our hearts.

It was truly a beautiful Christmas, even if it feels like 2011 just started.  It's been awesome having Kaitlyn home all last week and I really look forward to having her home this week.  I want to get some pictures taken in one of the matching outfits I got them, we'll see how they are feeling though.  Today, the Christmas decor comes down and deep cleaning begins so we can start the new year with a fresh start.

I sincerely hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas filled with lots of love and laughter.  I hope your heart was filled with peace and you were surrounded by the ones you love.

Well, so much for trying to blog every day.  Obviously since it's been nearly 3 weeks!!!!  I failed.  But, you know what, even so, I can always try to start it again now :)

The Christmas spirit has done an amazing job of evading me.  A lot of this month, I've felt like I've been going through the motions.  I put the Christmas decorations up in hopes that it would get me feeling like Christmas.  It didn't quite work.  I put Cinnamon Apple glade plug ins, again in hopes of catching that spirit.  Dusty put up lights outside, which he was so excited about and did such an amazing job with, and again, it was refusing to come to me.  I had purchased a few gifts for the girls' cousins in August, but that had been all the shopping I had done so far, last Wednesday and Thursday, I did all the rest of the shopping.  I did a lot of wrapping, trying to get it all done before Kaitlyn was on winter break.  Samantha was an amazing trooper with lots of all day shopping.  We watched Elf as a family together (Kaitlyn's first time), we went to holiday parties, did family photos, sent out Christmas cards, we went and saw Santa, we looked at Christmas lights and still, it was just not happening.

On Sunday, we decorated the cemetery.  We took Matthew his tree.  We took him his Santa's, his nativity scene, his Jesus figurines and we made it sparkle just for him.  He is so incredibly missed.

This year would have been his 4th Christmas.  For Kaitlyn's 4th Christmas she was so excited for Christmas.  She told Santa she had to have the Barbie Diamond Castle doll house that made noise and lit up.  Santa, of course, was happy to oblige.  I wonder what he would have asked for?  A car to drive in the backyard?  A big boy bike?  Something to do with Cars or Toys Story?  Tonka Trucks?  Dinosaurs?  Would he be super excited or more laid back about it?  Would he have cried with Santa or ran up excited?  Would it have been harder to take Santa pictures with 3 kids in the picture instead of 2?

Decorating at the cemetery definitely helped.  It helped make our family feel like we were partially complete at Christmas.

Tonight we went to Discovery Kingdom's holiday in the park.  A place of wonder and magic.  A gazillion lights and fake snow hills to slide down.  A place with Santa's workshop where Santa has nothing better to do than spend 20 minutes talking to your kids about their year before handing out some Twix bars.  It was chilly, I could see my breath when I talked.  I had to actually wear a jacket and borrow Dusty's gloves.  It felt like Christmas.

It's Christmas time.  And I'm getting excited.  Tomorrow we are going to host a small, intimate and magical Winter Wonderland party.  The wind is keeping me from having it outside like I had originally planned, but I plan on using way too many twinkle lights anyways as we open our doors to some of our favorite kids and await the special visit from Santa.

I'm excited about giving a very special niece and nephew their presents and watching them open them.  I'm hoping they love them.  I'm excited about the family in Alabama getting their presents and hoping they have a blast playing with their gifts. I'm excited for Christmas Eve and watching our niece open her present and keeping my fingers crossed it's still something she wants!  And I am most excited about putting the littles to bed on Christmas Eve and then staying up with my best friend and partner in everything and playing Mr. and Mrs. Claus while setting up gifts and eating cookies.  I know the are both going to flip out Christmas morning when they see what Santa has left.

I cannot believe this year is already nearly over.  I cannot believe Samantha is already closing in on 14 months and Kaitlyn is more than halfway to teenagerhood.  I cannot begin to believe that Matthew is not going to be here for yet another Christmas.  I swear, the only thing that could possibly make this time of year any better is for him to still be here with us.

With Christmas just a couple days away, I hope that your heart is warm with Christmas Cheer and your life is filled with nothing but peace and joy.

Everywhere I turn.

You know, even though it's only December 1, when I go out and explore the world, I could easily guess it was much further in the month.  Old Navy has already marked down their winter clothes (20 days before Winter even begins and really just weeks after we started getting any cool weather at all!) and have the spring line out and on display.  Seriously people, it's December 1.

I am usually pretty torn on whether or not I like Christmas starting so early.  Normally, I love the holiday season.  It's so warm and comfy.  It's a time of spending together, watching the look of wonder on the littlest of faces, sharing the most amazing birth story imaginable and seeing minds of growing kids spinning with questions how Santa could really do so much.

It's the time of year we not only relax and enjoy our family and friends, but that we also rush as fast as we can do to as much as possible.  We take more pictures in December than I bet we do the rest of the year combined!

Normally, I decorate the day after Thanksgiving and pack it all up the day after Christmas because if I had to look at it for even another moment I would stress out from the clutterness of it all.  This year, I didn't.  I haven't decorated yet.  I'm going to try and put it off as long as I can.  I'm thinking maybe next weekend?  I'm sure that I'll be spending a lot of time keeping Samantha out of the tree, even with the gate around it, and I'm just not looking forward to that aspect.  I also want to enjoy the beauty of the decorations all season without reaching that point where I am beyond ready to put it all away.

And, because I haven't decorated yet, to be honest, it doesn't really feel like Christmas yet.  It's one of those catch 22's I suppose...

How about you, when do you normally start decorating?