This Will Be: An Adventure

My apologies, faithful readers, for stepping away from this blog for so long. That last BFN was a doozie, and the sadness conspired with a couple of busy weeks at work to keep me away from here. I'm back now, though... I think... and am looking forward to getting caught up with all the blogs I have neglected to read over the past few weeks.

Perhaps I should say a few words about why that last BFN hit us so hard. After all, it was only our second try and we always knew that with my PCOS it could take a good long while for me to get pregnant. That is, except for this...

My confession is that I always thought I'd get pregnant on the second try. Call it a hunch, I always just had "a feeling" that #2 would be our lucky cycle. Oh, I talked a good game about how I understood it would likely take me a long time to get pregnant, but secretly in the back of my head I always thought "but I know it will be #2." I didn't speak it aloud much; Sylvia was one of 3 people who knew.

She thought it'd be the second try, too. Whether it was faith in my sense of how things would be, or a hunch of her own, I don't know. But we both went into our second cycle with high expectations and even higher hopes.

Unfortunately, as many of us know, the higher you are, the harder you fall.

But we've picked ourselves up off the ground and gotten back up on the horse. IUI #3 is just around the corner, and we're excited to have another chance. Like Sylvia has said, maybe the third time really will be the charm, and she'll have to give up her grudge against the number three permanently. I would love to see that happen!

I got the call from the RE's nurse today at a few minutes after 2:00 pm. The verdict is in: IUI #2 was a bust. The beta was negative. My progesterone was only at 14 (even though I've been on prometrium three times a day for the last 12 days).

Bloodwork
12dpiui beta: BFN
P4: 14

In a feeble attempt to make myself feel better, I went down to the cafeteria and bought myself a cup of coffee. Caffeinated. With tons of sugary creamer.

But I don't want coffee, I want a child.

So... last night my wife and I were sitting watching the game (well, she was watching the game and I was going back and forth between watching the game and paying bills), when she turns to me and says "let's test!" I laughed because I thought she was joking (she's very anti-testing, always wanting to wait for the beta), but then said "are you serious?" When she showed me the mischievous gleam in her eyes, I knew she was going to say yes before the word even got out of her mouth.

After some discussion of the fact that even if I am pregnant, there's only a 35% chance that a 10dpo test would be positive, we pulled out a Dollar Tree test. Drop, drop, drop, drop in the well and timer set for 8 minutes and my wife went back to the game and I went into the kitchen to cut myself an apple.

When the timer went off, Sylvia came and got me and led me by the hand to the bathroom. Just outside the door she stopped and peeked in as if she were sneaking up on the test (though I know her trepidation was genuine, it was still so cute to see). From the doorway she could see the single line, but we still went in and held the test up to the light, turning it back and forth just in case one of us caught a glimmer of a second line. We didn't.

We both had a good little chuckle and declared our mischief "fun."

Thank goodness we only have one more day to wait until our beta!

We are nearing the end of our tww (beta is scheduled for 12dpiui, 6/11) and I am about to lose it! I am so anxious to know how this cycle has gone. I haven't really had any symptoms-- despite being on prometrium, which is famous for causing pregnancy-like symptoms-- but I am trying to not read too much into that.

I want so badly to be pregnant right now. All the patience I started this adventure with has evaporated into thin air, leaving me anxious and (dare I say it?) slightly desperate. Sigh.

Dr. P decided to bring me in for a progesterone check Monday (6/1) to confirm ovulation. Now-- after playing a rousing game of phone tag with Dr. P's office for the past two days-- I finally have the official word.

P4, 2dpIUI: 7.6

Dr. P's nurse confirmed that a progesterone level of 7.6 does indeed indicate ovulation, so a second IUI is not necessary. This is good news, of course, even if it doesn't definitively tell us that our IUI was well-timed.

I waited until after my blood was drawn for the progesterone check to start the prometrium, so my first full day on the oh-so-lovely pills was yesterday. I get to take them three times a day this cycle because my P4 never got above a 12 on two pills daily (last cycle). Today my chart showed a marked temp increase; even though it was med-induced, it was still nice to see...

Given that all of my communication with the nurse has been via voicemail messages, I don't know if I am still supposed to go in for a progesterone check on 6/7, but I'm assuming I might not need to. If I don't go in for that, my next bloodwork will be a beta on 6/11 (the day after my 32nd birthday).

So we are officially, firmly, in the tww.