This Will Be: An Adventure

At the end of the day, simple is what saved me. This is how I kept track of the twins' feedings and medicine dosings for a few weeks. The blue post-its are for J, pink for D, and purple to keep track of what I was pumping.


Funny to think that I'm already feeling a little nostalgic about seeing my kitchen cabinets papered with post-it notes.

Grabbing an update I posted to a chat board I frequent, just to have it here for the record...

Struggles:
The kids spit up so much, I've resorted to dressing them in white onesies during the day since whatever they're in will be doused with puke in an hour or two anyway. I kinda feel bad that they aren't getting to wear "real clothes" on a daily basis (only when we go out, which isn't every day yet). This reflux stuff sucks. The Prevacid doesn't seem to be doing much other than making them sick to their tummies after they take it. I so hate seeing my kids in pain. Seeing their tiny tears flow just breaks my heart.

D (our girl) is on a heart/breathing monitor now, too (J has been on one since the NICU). She frequently chokes and stops breathing when the reflux is bad, and she's had episodes where she turns blue from lack of oxygen, so the pedi decided she should be on a monitor. It is scary and sad to see your little one stop breathing. Especially since there's not much we can do to help. I am slated to go back to work in a month, but I can't imagine leaving them like this, so I might try to finagle an extra couple of weeks off. (We also still have not secured a nanny or daycare spot, and the search has gotten more complex given the twins' issues.)

I'm having a terrible time with my milk supply. As they have started to eat more and more, a smaller and smaller proportion of their daily intake is breastmilk. I try to nurse each baby at least two times a day, and give them two bottles of expressed milk. The rest of their food is the special (read crazy-expensive) formula they are on. Some days, I struggle through and feel okay knowing I am giving them all I can. Other days, I just feel like a failure. Most days, I go to bed frustrated with myself for not finding more time to pump during the day... or eat, or drink, or any of those things I should be doing to up my supply... Annnnnd I just spilled an ounce + of pumped milk leaning over to plug in my computer. Awesome.

Smiles:
The boob boycott is over! When J was in the NICU, they both got used to drinking from bottles (D because she was home with my mom while I was at the hospital, J because he didn't have the energy to nurse [though I tried]). When he got out of the hospital, neither one of them would latch. I was afraid they'd never breastfeed again, but last week all of a sudden they started being willing to nurse. J even started latching without a nipple shield (a requirement for him from day one). They don't really get much when they nurse (I always have to give them a bottle afterwards), but I am really excited that they are giving it a go and we're getting that contact time.

The babies both started making real "talking"/cooing sounds last week! It is so incredibly adorable to hear them make all these new noises. They are becoming so interactive-- it is a joy to watch their development and watch their little personalities emerge.

P.S. I know the struggles part was longer than the smiles part, but all in all there are more smiles than struggles. I am so happy to be a mom to these two little ones!