This Will Be: An Adventure

I had an u/s today at 6w4d. The gestational sac is still irregular, but the edges are more clearly defined. The RE couldn't find a yolk sac or fetal pole, and obviously no heartbeat (which he thought he saw a flicker of at the 6w0d u/s on Monday).

The RE is sending us for a second opinion from a radiology practice next week (7w+). He said because of the irregular shape, it might just be that he can't get the angle right. He also wants them to look transabdominally to see where the pregnancy is (he thinks it is the sac he has seen, and didn't see anything when he looked towards my ovaries and cervix, but he wants to make sure he isn't missing something).

He said he has seen pregnancies like this end up being viable pregnancies, so I am very much trying to hang on to that. That being said, it was obviously not good news today. They drew blood, but I won't get those results until tomorrow.

What a shitty day for it to be my last day of work. I had to come back to work after the ultrasound, and keep having to scramble to hide the fact that I'm crying every time someone comes in to my office to say goodbye to me.

ETA: No ultrasound print-outs today. That's never a good sign.

We're back from our first ultrasound, at 6w0d. I don't really know what to think. There was one gestational sac. The RE didn't identify any other structures (e.g., a yolk sac), but did say he saw "fetal development." The sac is irregularly shaped. He didn't take any measurements (because of the irregular shape?). I asked if the shape was cause for concern, and he said "that's what I'm looking at" but didn't actually answer the question. At one point during the ultrasound Sylvia thought she might have seen a flicker of a heartbeat, and the RE said he thought he saw "something" too, but couldn't find it again.

At the end of the appointment I asked him about the chance of miscarriage given what he's seen today, and he said about 10%. I go back Friday for another ultrasound.

We are praying hard for our little spark!

I have never been the most organized person in the world. Especially in the arena of infertility treatment notes, where I'm typically diving for the phone and grabbing any scrap paper I can find to transcribe the conversation with the RE's office before I forget the details.

Also, I refer back to the early days of this blog over and over again as I seek to measure my progress in our current cycle against the progress in the cycle that yielded the twins. It's great to have it all laid out there, written in near-real-time back then, and not have to search the recesses of my spotty memory.

So, I'm going to start blogging again. Not because I think anyone will ever read it (people don't really even "blog" anymore, do they? it was such a thing way back when, but now has been replaced by facebook and instagram and twitter and a bunch of other technologies I am too much of a late adopter to use). I am just going to use this space as a place to help me keep track. I also hope to come back and backfill the missing time with information about our prior cycles (putting them in the appropriate place, chronologically). Well, at least for the cycles where I can find my post-its and scraps of paper!

So now you've been warned, dear readers of which I think there are zero. Old blog bubbling to life again.

Oh, yes, and P.S. ... We're ttc #3.

Brief notes re: TTC #3, December 2012-May 2015:
IVF consult Dec. 2012 (IVF considered due to only having one vial of twins' donor's sperm left)
More sperm became available in Mar. 2013 (7 vials) and we bought them all; IUI is now a possibility
RE consult June 2014 in preparation for August 2014 start (delayed to end of Sept.); HSG (clear) in Sept. 2014

IUI Cycles (starting in Oct. 2014)
- Cycle 1 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1000 mg): cancelled because I had 2 mature/nearly mature follicles at last check pre-trigger and we're trying to avoid multiples
- Cycle 2 (Clomid 50 mg, Met 1k mg): no response
- Cycle 3 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1k mg): IUI #1 Nov. 22; beta scheduled for Dec. 5
   > C-section Scar Pregnancy (CSP), methotrexate late Dec. to resolve/stop increasing betas; benched until Mar. 2015
- SIS to check uterine damage from CSP, cleared to cycle again late Mar. 2015
- Cycle 4 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1.5k mg): IUI #2 April 13, BFN
- Cycle 5 (Clomid 100 mg, Met 1.5k mg): IUI #3 May 15, BFN