Three Crazy Girls (+1)

     So.... It's been over 3 years years since writing anything here. A lot has happened in that time: I got married, my parents got divorced after 39 years of marriage, my eldest daughter completed middle school, my baby brother got married and they had a baby, and my middle brother died.

     Time is a strange thing. It passes so quickly in some cases and during that same time frame, seems to drag on forever. By far the most amazing thing to happen during that time was marrying my best friend. He is completely wonderful and I am so blessed to know him and call him mine.  He loves my girls as his own and I love his girls like mine. I look back at my kids three years ago and they were both in elementary and just starting to blossom into the young women they are now.  I blinked and Liv is starting high school this year and JD is starting 8th grade.  Seems like just a few years ago that I was starting my freshman year, but that was 20 years ago.  CRAZY.

    Three months ago, my brother died. He had an enlarged heart and he was an addict -- each of those being deadly on their own, but together they're a really terrible combination. They ruled it as an accidental overdose because his drug use caused his heart to give out. I can't tell you how much I hate that.  I hate that it happened and I hate that that is what people will remember when they think of him. He was sooooo much more.  He started struggling with addiction staring just after high school/early college years (so for about 15 years).  His wife had the same struggles and together they went through a lot.  He constantly fought to be better and do better, and went through long periods where he was totally sober.  Through all of that, he still did amazing things and he was courageous.

     He had a way of connecting with people. He built these amazing bonds that were unique to each person and he was kind and caring. He was a tremendous musician.  He played music for people and loved to create.  He and my baby brother played in their band together for over 20 years all over the country.  My family started the youth choir at church and he played guitar and later took over as director when I graduated -- for 14 years.  And he played music in mass with me -- for St. John Bosco school, for weddings, funerals, quinceañeras, and birthdays.  He was also brilliant.  He fixed computers, built web sights, loved photography, loved to cook.  When my daughter was born, I knew he was the one to be her godfather.  The problem is, my siblings and I (there are 5 of us) are super close. We like to hang out with eachother. When we each got married, it was like we acquired a new sibling, rather than lost one. So when you do everything together, and one is missing, you feel that loss tremendously.  He was special. I miss him. I really miss him.

     It's going on four months since his death.  In the beginning, it was painful but it didn't seem real. I was worried about my mom and my siblings, and I was worried about my girls.  Part of me still kept thinking that he would call or show up at my house like he had a thousand times before.  My nephew was born two days after his death. It seems so wrong to me that he will never know what a tremendous uncle he would have had.  My girls will have to tell him about the uncle he'll never know.  The more time that goes by, the more I miss him.  This summer we're taking the girls camping.  As I prepare for this trip, I'm excited, but I can't help but think of all the camping trips I went on throughout my life that included my brother. Seems like everything we do is tinted with a bit of sorrow.  The world is moving on, and time is rushing by, and it feels wrong.  It feels off kilter because of piece of me is missing. We have a whole lifetime of experiences that won't be shared with him and that sucks BIG TIME.

It's sprouting!  Jacinta and I planted carrots, squash, cantaloupe, tomatoes, radishes and asparagus a few weeks ago. (Ignore the ugly grass for now)

I LOVE THIS VIDEO!

My trainer is moving on Friday. (I have mentioned this before.)  This morning before work was my final training session with him.  He has become so much more than a trainer for me.  He is a motivator, a life changer and most of all, he and his family have become a part of my family.  I have changed so much since I had my very first session on Sept. 7, 2011.  I am so sad so see him leave, but I am also so happy for him and so grateful to have had the chance to know him.

Motivation photos

It has been a super long time since I have posted!  The holidays came and went and i have to say, I'm pleased that through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Valentines day, I did not gain weight...

Since my last official test with my trainer on Dec. 16th -- I have done 2 six week boot camp classes, and am 2.5 weeks into a 3rd session.  This means I train 2 days a week with my trainer in the morning before work, and then bootcamp another two days a week.  So while I haven't really lost weight, I've gained strength and lost a few inches here and there.  Overall I'm good with the progress because I'm doing so much more than I ever thought I would. :)


Today's Test:
weight: 185 (-1)
1.  1.5 miles: 15.1 minutes (-1.31 minutes off my last time)
2 . 1 minute timed test (sit-ups): 47 (5 fewer)
3.  1 minute timed test (pushups): 46 (14 more) 
4.  max i can leg press once: 320lbs (20 pounds)
5.  Max I can bench press once: 135lbs (same)
6. Chest measurement: 40 (+.75 inches)
7. waist measurement: 38 (same)
8. Hips measurement: 43.5 (-1 inches)
9. Arm measurement: 12.5
10. Thigh measurement: 24

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Things I did as a kid that my kids have no interest in doing:

• Living room pillow fight death matches 
• Forming a club with friends
• Making mud pies and throwing mud balls (they don't really like to get dirty unless we're camping)
• Building elaborate forts in the living room (I think they are worried about getting into trouble or having to clean it up afterwards)
• jumping on the bed -- I never have to tell them "stop jumping on the bed!"
• Going on an adventure story -- my brother used to entertain us for hours!
• Tent camping -- they like camper camping.
• Riding bikes  - they have them but don't like to ride them.  Not sure why.

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21)


I am a social person.  When I get an idea, I pray about it -- A LOT.  Then, sometimes I talk to people about it.  First I talk to Richard and I get his take on things and maybe some advice.  If it's something the kids should have a say in, I talk to them.  Then I talk to my mom and my sister, my dad, and/or my brothers about it as the idea starts to form into action.  Then, if I can, I sometimes run it by friends.  By the time I'm ready to implement my idea, I'm pretty sure it's safe and the right way.  I feel like I'm a realist.  This is definitely not the same as pessimistic.  I don't go in expecting the worst.  I do however, like to think about the worst thing that could happen, and then try to at least have a plan.  I go in hoping for the best, being positive, and then prepare for the worst "just in case".


This typically means I take a long time to make decisions if time allows for it.  I wish I hadn't taken so long to hire a trainer.  My trainer is moving in a month and I'm having lots of anxiety about it.  I didn't plan for this so I feel a little off.  I thought he'd be there for me to meet my goals.  And while he's not abandoning me -- I still feel like I'm running out of time and it's making me a little crazy.  I started thinking about hiring one in spring of 2011 -- maybe march. Started saving some $ and tried to figure out how to go about it.  If i'd done it then, I'd have spent a year achieving my goals and maybe be done.  But i didn't.  and now he's leaving -- and I've been with him for 6 months.  I'm not sure I can do it without him.  (ok, thats not true -- I know I can.  He's taught me so much, but not sure I have the self discipline to do it.)  I have a month to prepare to do this on my own... wish me luck!

Happy Valentines day!

I'm super excited to start a new year.  The last quarter of 2011 was pretty motivating and inspirational for me (as you all have been reading).  This year will be even better.  I have some serious goals to tackle and I'm super stoked.

Here are a list of Mantras I use to help motivate me to keep going:

• Strive for progress, not perfection. -Unknown
• You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. -Wayne Gretzky
• You live longer once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is wasted. -Ruth E. Renkl
• Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Mahatma Gandhi
• Motivation will almost always beat mere talent. -Norman R. Augustine
• Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
• No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted. -Aesop
• Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going. -Jim Ryan
• The secret of getting ahead is getting started. -Mark Twain
• It's not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. -Anonymous
• It's never too late to become what you might have been. -George Elliot
• Clear your mind of can’t. -Samuel Johnson
•  There are 168 hours in a week. I’m only asking for 7 of them.
•  I’ve never regretted a workout.
•  Every day you decide to workout, you make a decision to benefit your health.
•  You know your limit and this is NOT it.
•  A body at rest wants to stay at rest. A body in motion wants to stay in motion.
•  When your legs are tired, run with your heart.
•  You don’t HAVE to exercise. You GET to exercise
•  You are just one workout away from a good mood.
•  There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
•  This is not the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
•  You can do anything for one minute
• I need to work some things out, leave some things behind, get over some long-held fears. I need to know that I’m strong in some ways that I’ve never really believed.
•  Never let the body tell the mind what to do.
•  Time never stops moving. This challenge will come, and this challenge will go because time never stops moving. This will eventually be over and look at what I will have achieved.
•  The food you eat today is the body you wear tomorrow.
•  You can’t judge a run by the first mile.
•  Run the first mile with your head, run the second mile with your legs, and the last mile with your heart.
•  No treat in this world tastes as good as this peace feels.
•  Jesus loves you. He loves you just how you are. But, He loves you too much to leave you stuck in this. So work on it together. - Lysa Terkeurst
•  I can make the choice to identify my shortcomings and instead of using them against myself, hand them over to Jesus and let Him chisel my rough places. The grace-filled way Jesus chisels is so vastly different than the way I mentally beat myself up. My mental scripts can so often be full of exaggerated lies that defeat. His chiseling is full of truth that sets me free. - Lysa Terkeurst
•  Dear Lord, help me to see how the temporary sting of sacrifice will be worth the peace I will find in You. Please help me to have the courage to say no to things that distract me mentally, spiritually, and physically. I long to be empowered with Your strength and Your peace today. - Lysa Terkeurst
•  Big things are built one brick at a time.  Victories are achieved one choice at a time.  A life well lived is chosen one day at a time - Lysa Terkeurst