REASON #46 -- BECAUSE WE DO LAZY LINKS TO BUZZFEED ON WEEKENDS RATHER THAN COMPILING COOL STUFF OURSELVES: Forty-five reasons why we can't have nice things.

SO THEY JUMPED UP ON THE TABLE AND SHOUTED "ANARCHY":  Let me get this straight: if you sit down at the outside tables at Copa on South Street, order some food, and then someone in your party crosses the street and brings over a cheesesteak from Ishkabibble's (home of the Gremlin) -- and please take judicial notice of the facts that (a) Copa also offers cheesesteaks and (b) if you don't like Copa's cheesesteaks, Jim's across the street is where you should go -- and Copa then kicks you out for bringing in outside food, it's apparently completely legal to leave without paying for the $27 worth of food you ordered? 

(If you're NFL veteran Raheem Brock, apparently.)

IF IT WERE NOT ASSIZE-TIME, I WOULD NOT TAKE SUCH LANGUAGE FROM YOU ;): Lots of things I regret not finishing in my life, but today that regret is focused on article I didn't finish on the probative value of emoticons. :(

TORAH TZIVA LANU MOSHE:  Pretty damn awesome A-hed in today's WSJ on the fears (and consequences) of dropping a heavy Torah, including a discussion of the (yes, it's real) 40-day rule.

ALOTT5MA FRIDAY GRAMMAR RODEO: The New Yorker's Mary Norris explains their whole thing about the diaeresis:

The fact is that, absent the two dots, most people would not trip over the “coop” in “cooperate” or the “reel” in “reelect” (though they might pronounce the “zoo” in “zoological,” a potential application of the diaeresis that we get no credit for resisting). And yet we use the diaeresis for the same reason that we use the hyphen: to keep the cow out of co-workers. 

Basically, we have three options for these kinds of words: “cooperate,” “co-operate,” and “coöperate.” Back when the magazine was just getting started, someone decided that the first misread and the second was ridiculous, and adopted the diaeresis as the most elegant solution with the broadest application. The diaeresis is the single thing that readers of the letter-writing variety complain about most.

There's a poll on the right-hand side, for old time's sake.

TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT, HAZEL. I DO MY SURPRISE CAMEO, IT GOES VIRAL…I TAKE MEDICINE FOR IT. NEXT STOP HOLLYWOOD…FLORIDA TO GET THE CAR FROM MY MOM, NEXT STOP CALIFORNIA…PIZZA KITCHEN TO TELL MY OLD BOSS NADINE TO SUCK IT. NEXT STOP TINSELTOWN…BECAUSE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS ARE REALLY CHEAP THIS TIME OF YEAR: I don't ask for 30 Rock to contain character development or narrative arcs. I just want it to be funny, I want the gags to work. And last night's live episode worked (EDT/PDT differences here), and since all I want to do is list my favorite gags in lieu of a fuller recap, let's just do that in the comments.  Okay, one: Nazi Doctor Spaceman. ("I know it's live! I want them to know.")

updated: WaPo has EDT v PDT clips.

BIGGEST BLOW TO HAWAIIAN TOURISM SINCE THE BRADY BOYS DISCOVERED A TABOO TIKI DOLL:  Apparently dissatisfied with any of the suggestions to make the exhibition game more competitive, the NFL is on the verge of killing the Pro Bowl.  Good riddance.