Wow...yesterday was Ilya's 4 week home anniversary. Time flies! We celebrated by chaperoning Ilya & Caroline's 1st date. He asked her to the zoo & she said yes! Check it out:

Make a Smilebox slideshow

As always, Judy made a ton of really yummy food: 3 trays of Chicken Divan, Calico Beans, Potato Salad, Macaroni Salad, Manicotti, Brownies, Wings, Deviled Eggs, she ordered the "Welcome Home Ilya" cake (picture on previous post) and Meat & Cheese Trays...I'm sure I'm missing something because we had plenty of leftovers! Her friend, Denise, ordered the beautiful edible fruit arrangement I posted in the last blog. Thanks, Denise! It was fabulous!

Judy also had the idea for the blocks with Ilya's name, and the blocks with the ABC on them. She modeled it after the invitation we sent out and I thought it was a great idea. She got the letters from Michael's, had Norm spray paint them and then staple them on to storage cubes. We're going to hang the letters on Ilya's wall and use the cubes for storage.

I also have to thank my seestor and both of her kids. The morning of the party, Rob made the mistake of saying she felt like she needed a job to do. I didn't hesitate to put her & Norm to work planting flowers in the massive pots on our porch. I think I've mentioned that I'm as bad a gardner as I am a chef. Over a year ago we (Norm, Judy & I) bought fake sunflowers to place in the planters & then we all kinda forgot about them. Well, the sunflowers managed to "survive" all winter (they're fake after all! haha) but they were looking pretty hideous in the days leading up to the shower, Norm bought real flowers to replace them, but they sat in the trunk of my car for a few days, then sat on the garage floor for a few days, then the day of the party arrived and the fake, hideous, pathetic sunflowers were still sitting in the garage. The morning of the party it was well past 80 degrees but an already showered team of Robyn & Norm laid the fake flowers to rest and planted the new flowers in all their glory.

They didn't stop there though...they trimmed the hedges leading up to the front door as well. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm sure our guests appreciate not being attacked by the Cousin It plants that lined our sidewalk.

Rob's kids, R&J, helped out tremendously all weekend with Ilya. They were great babysitters for their new little cousin.

Thanks again everyone, especially Judy! Hope you enjoy the slideshow!

Wow...where exactly does time go? This past Saturday marked not only 3 weeks home for Ilya, but also his 15 month birthday! Today marks 4 weeks since Norm carried Ilya out of the Vidnoye Orphanage forever! Again, wow...

In some ways it doesn't seem possible that Ilya's already been in our care for a month, and in others I can't remember our pre-Ilya lives. He has adjusted so well - better than we could have ever imagined or hoped for - and we continue to be amazed by everything he does and what a little trooper he is.

Also, this past Saturday we held a Baby Shower/Meet Ilya party at our house. My sister and her kids flew up from Florida on Friday and we had a wonderful weekend with them. Ilya blessed so many family members and friends with his antics at the party! I think we had about 30 people here. He did not sleep well Friday night and woke the house up at 4am. He refused his morning nap and when guests started arriving at noon, we thought for sure we'd be in for an afternoon of fussy toddler. He surprised all of us by not only being happy, but very charming, funny and of course cute as all get out! He had no interest in an afternoon nap either (no surprise there). So, Little Man went full force all the way from 4am - 7:30pm when he finally crashed. Here are a few photos from the party. There are way more photos than this which I'll share later this week.

He slept straight through Saturday night and was even happy enough to make his first trip to DC on Sunday with mommy, daddy, Auntie Robyn and cousins R & J. I don't think he was all that impressed with DC's monuments but he tolerated walking around for hours very well. On the way home, he utilized our time in the notorious DC traffic very well...he caught up on some much needed Z's!

A little more on his progress since being home.

He has totally figured out our dogs, which is pretty funny to watch. Bandit is the big guy (133 lbs) but he is truly a gentle giant and is absolutely wonderful with Ilya. He's so large that Ilya can walk under Bandit's stomach and neither would be the wiser. Anyway, since he is so gentle and tolerant, Ilya has realized he can just push Bandit's tushie out of the way when it gets in the way, and then go on about his busy toddler exploring.

Bailey, on the other hand, takes a bit more negotiating to get around. As is true for most Labs, Bay just wants to lick Ilya incessantly. Sometimes he can tolerate it and others not so much. During the "not so much" times, Ilya goes waaaaaaaaaaaay out of his way to walk around her. The funny thing is that he gets upset when the dogs don't hang out at his high chair when he eats. He likes to reach out & pet them both and if they're not around, his little head whips from side to side searching for them.

We have a pretty large stuffed tiger and use it to teach Ilya how to pet nicely, how to avoid poking eyes and pulling ears & tails. I think this has really helped because he pets both dogs very nicely now and only occasionally do we have to tell him to go easy. Bay & Bandit thanked us for our efforts! :-)

When we first arrived home, Ilya would only walk holding on to our fingers. Now he's all over the place on his own. He can climb stairs (supervised of course) and has learned the layout of our house. He knows where daddy's office is, where our bedroom is, that he's supposed to avoid the laundry room b/c that's where the cat litter boxes are and I REFUSE to have him rummaging through those!! Blech! He knows that the only time we go upstairs is when it's time for him to go to sleep so he usually doesn't protest bedtime, and he knows where all the treasures in the basement rooms are as well. He knows where his food is kept and knows what cabinet has his bowls in it. If we open the bowl cabinet, he knows it time to eat & starts "ooo-ooing" to us. It's very cute!

He's still teething but thankfully so far it hasn't made him all that grumpy. He blows kisses to us, pats our backs when we hold or carry him, and he also kisses our cheeks and/or mouths. He gives us high 5's, and waves hello & bye. He continues to mimick us and is constantly learning new tricks each day.

This might sound silly, but one of the things I find the most endearing is when he grabs onto my legs or pants to be lifted up. I really, really like this. I think it means so much to me because he made the choice to search me out and be held. He'll come from a totally different room, grab on to my legs/pants, look up with the biggest smile ever and give me his little arms to pick him up. I love this! I mean, he could have gone anywhere he wanted to, and he comes to me. It just makes my heart melt! Do any other parents feel this way or am I just goofy?

Gosh, there's so much more Ilya-isms to share with everyone but I'll hold you in suspense for now. I want to pass along other good news as well.

This blog is meant not to only celebrate the happenings on my & Norm's path to parenthood, but to celebrate with other adoptive families as well. Our agency has a lot of families traveling for various reasons, all of whom have offered us support and encouragement so let's celebrate with them!

Traveling for Court Dates:
Smather's Family (successful court YESTERDAY in Kaluga Region. yay!)
Becky & Keith (court date THIS FRIDAY! Moscow Region)*
Lea & John (court date THIS FRIDAY! Moscow Region)*
The Harrison's (court date June 30 in St. Petersburg)
Carol & Lance (court date of July 11 in St. Petersburg)

*We had the pleasure of spending lots of time with Becky & Keith during our 21 day stay in Moscow. We also were thrilled to have Lea & John join us for dinner one night during our 2nd trip*

Traveling for Trip 1:
The Kellman's (traveling July 5th)
The Settle's (traveling July 5th)

Just Returning from Trip 1 & waiting for Court Date:
The Robson's

Hopefully I haven't left anyone off this list. If I did, I am so very sorry! I invite anyone reading this to lift these families up in prayer for safe travels, successful court dates, wonderful experiences meeting their children for the first time, and speedy issuance of court dates. Our agency's families have become family members to us, and we are so blessed to be able to celebrate these momentous occasions with each of them. Good luck everyone! Can't wait to stalk your blogs for details! Feel free to stalk mine to read about more Ilya's life at home.

Paka!

Ilya had his first doctor appointment today and he did MUCH better than mommy & daddy. We got a bit, shall we say impatient, durin gour wait. Our appointment was at 3pm but we got there at 2:45 to fill out new patient paperwork. There was only 1 patient waiting in the lobby when we walked in, so foolishly I thought we'd be in & out in no time.

Now that I think about it, I thought the same thing at MOE when we were waiting for Ilya's referral info. That day we were waiting with one other couple as well, and yet our wait was over 3 hrs. Hmmm...there seems to be a pattern here...

Anyway, I digress. After our papers were filled out & turned in 6, yes 6, parents showed up with kiddos and all were taken back before us. We decided to ask what the deal was, and the receptionist told us they were just waiting for a room to open up and we'd be called back. WRONG! A room opened, another mom & her adorable daughter were called back. This was our first time at this office and so far we weren't impressed. At this point we'd had enough so we packed up our stuff to leave, cancel our appointment and ask for both our co-pay and the copy of our adoption decree back. (SIDE NOTE: just curious if anyone other adoptive parents have been asked to bring their adoption decree to their ped office? We thought this was an odd request but complied.)

Just as we were about to confront the receptionist again and request everything I mentioned above, some poor nurse opened the door and called us back. I say "poor nurse" because it was pretty obvious we weren't happy campers at this point.

Anyway, the visit went well for the most part. Ilya had some pretty significant wax build up in both ears but other than that the dr. thought he looked great. The best news is that Little Man has gained 2.5 lbs since we picked up him on May 27! The last time the orphanage weighed him was on May 19 and he was 18 pounds. Today he weighed in at a hefty 20.5 lbs! Yahoo!

Doc also gave us a referral to a physical/occupational therapist and a speech therapist just to get a baseline on Ilya's development so far. He also gave us the papers we need to take to the lab for his bloodwork. I'm slightly annoyed that they couldn't do the bloodwork in the office because that means I have to drag Ilya out again to another scary medical building to have this done. But I'm grateful that the Ped office has enough experience with children adopted internationally to already be familiar with the types of labs we need to do to make sure Ilya's healthy (giardia, etc.). They have an adoptive lab profile sheet which I think is fabulous!

So, that was Ilya's day. He had a blast ripping up the paper on the exam table. Who knew the fun hidden in a roll of paper??!!

Hope you enjoy this little scrapbook! (click the play button below)

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

This Little Cutie is 9 months old (Ilya will be 15 months next Saturday). She is our friend's granddaughter. Kinda funny if you think about where life takes each of us...our friends, K&C, are just a few years older than Norm, and their granddaughter and our son are playing together! How precious are they??!!

They had a super cute moment that should have been captured on a camcorder. Ilya is able to stand & walk on his own, and Little Cutie here is still finding her land legs. At one point, Ilya was standing over her and she tried to stand but tumbled. Like the true gentleman we hope he becomes, Ilya reached his hand out to her to help her stand up. It was a true "AWWW" moment and K & I both had tears in our eyes. So sweet! I don't know if Ilya intended to help her up, but I'd like to think he did!

More pictures to follow tomorrow - I promise!

*Disclaimer – this is a bit lengthy but important. If you don’t have time to read it all now, please make the effort at some point to read it in its entirety. Thanks!!*

I often forget that not everyone reading our blog is familiar with the unique challenges adoptive parents of institutionalized children face. When Norm & I were in the homestudy phase of our adoption journey, we needed to complete Hague Training, which includes specific courses to help prepare adoptive parents as much as possible for these potential trials. The topics we studied included – but certainly were not limited to - medical issues often seen in international adoption, the psychological impact these children face when leaving the only home they may have ever known, and social issues of the country we decided to adopt from (i.e., the prevalence of smoking & drinking during pregnancy in many Eastern European countries), just to name a few.

Perhaps the most detailed subject we tackled was - and realistically may be for awhile - bonding and attachment. Bonding is best described as trust, and attachment as affection. I will NEVER profess myself to be a bonding/attachment expert but I will say this…I took this part of our Hague Training very seriously. Extremely seriously. And I continue to research the topic for one reason – to try to do right by my son. He deserves no less. Let me explain…

Most infants between 2-6 months old start bonding & attaching with their parents through daily interactions with them. Their parents greet them with smiles, make prolonged eye contact, hold and cuddle them, rock them to sleep, take care of their daily needs, and make happy noises to/with them. Their cries are answered, their bellies are full. They are made to feel safe, loved and valued. The child is able to study and memorize their parents’ facial features, since that is the face they see filled with love each morning they wake up, and each night before they fall asleep. It is the same face that feeds and clothes them, changes their dirty diapers, and bathes them.

Would you like to know how my son spent his first 6 months of life? Lying in a hospital crib alone, continuously being poked, prodded and studied by numerous doctors and nurses trying to find resolution to some potentially significant medical concerns. To them, he was an orphaned patient. Not their child, not a distant relative, not even a friend’s child. I would like to think they took the time to comfort him when he was scared, hungry, cold, or sleepy, though I doubt this was the case. There were other sick children to care for, other patients to tend to, most likely their own family waiting for them at home.

Being in a hospital is far less desirable then being in an orphanage. Ilya was not only waiting for resolution to his medical concerns, he was also waiting for a spot to open in an orphanage in the Moscow region. When that day finally came in September 2007, Ilya was taken from the only environment he had ever known, and thrust into a totally new situation. He now shared a room, clothing, shoes, toys, mealtime, playtime, naps, bedtime, 2 caregivers and 4 tutors with a minimum of 8 other children. His nutrition was barely adequate and while his needs were being met, that too was barely sufficient.

Fast forward another 6 months to March 2008, and now the poor boy has 2 strangers visiting him for a couple hours each day for 4 days, disrupting the schedule he had just settled in to. They’re speaking a language he doesn’t understand, taking him from his friends and caregivers to play with him in a way he had never been played with before. He gets a small taste of what it’s like to receive a parent’s love. He’s rocked to sleep, he gets undivided individual attention, hugs and kisses. He hears “I love you” perhaps for the first time. Then *POOF* just as quickly as these mysterious strangers appear, they’re gone. 4 days of getting to know us, and then he’s suddenly abandoned all over again, just like when he was left at the hospital after he was born.

Fast forward 2 months to May 2008, and these strangers appear out of the blue again. He seems to remember them, and seems happy to see them, but he is a little hesitant. Is that because he was thinking to himself “How long are they going to stick around this time?” Well, the news for Ilya is that we were sticking around Moscow for 3 weeks…BUT we’re also uprooting him once more and taking him from the only true “home” he’s ever had. So, not only do we disappear for awhile, now we’re whisking him away to a life so vastly different than anything he’s ever known. We know it’s in his best interest, that he’ll always be safe and loved, but he doesn’t. Not yet at least.

All he knows is that he’s missing his favorite caregiver Tatiana, he may be missing his friends, he doesn’t understand what we’re saying to him. Just over a week ago, we stuck him in a cylindrical tube that was 35,000+ feet in the air for nearly 11 hours. He’s now sleeping in a new room by himself, eating strange new food, wearing different clothes every day. While this may not seem like much to you, consider that he used to sleep in a room with at least 8 other kids. At the same hour each & every day, he received the same exact meal as he did the day before. There was no variety. He wore the same clothes for a few days at a time. Maybe even longer. He was sponge bathed and had never been immersed in water until we came along. So many changes for such a little boy.

Put yourself in his place. How confused would you be? After only 11 days how easy would it be for you to place trust in, or bond with, these people who so far have a bit of a shady track record in your opinion. They show up, disappear, show up again, and then totally change every aspect of your young life. Yeah, they give you affection, feed you and change your diapers, and you have a lot of fun playing with them but at the end of the day, do you question whether they’ll be there when you wake up the next morning, or are they going to disappear once more? Do you question if you’re going to wake up in the same room tomorrow, or will they cart you off once again to some strange, scary place you’ve never seen and that you’ll have to try once more to adjust to? I have no idea if Ilya has any of these insecurities or not, but even if there is a slight chance he does, we need to address it as soon as possible.

All of these reasons, and many more, are why Norm & I are trying to provide Ilya as much consistency in his schedule as possible. Part of that consistency is helping Ilya understand what “parents” are, and helping him learn to trust and love us. We want him to realize that we will meet all of his needs and he no longer has to depend on multiple groups of people to take care of him. Once Ilya learns to trust us (ie, BOND with us) then he’ll start ATTACHING with us, or truly feeling affectionate towards us.

Institutionalized children especially need time to form attachments to their parents in order to maintain the bonds of trust, achieve full intellectual potential, acquire a conscience, develop relationships with others, claim their identity and gain self-esteem, learn how to regulate feelings, begin their language development, and much more.

With that said, we absolutely want Ilya to feel loved by other family members, and to love them in return. This little guy deserves as many people to care about him as are willing/wanting to. We want him to grow into a happy, friendly, social child. At the same time, though, he needs to learn that he should seek us before seeking attention from just any stranger. Sadly not every person in this world will be looking out for his best interest. So, in order for him to learn to look for that reassurance & approval from us, he must first bond and attach to us.

Okay, still with me here? Good. One last point and then I’ll stop holding you hostage. Norm & I love having his mom here with us. She is a tremendous help in so many ways. She is invaluable to me as I learn how to be a mommy. She’s the one who forces me to eat when I forget (she cooks after all!!), and the one I can have an adult conversation with when Ilya takes a nap and Norm is out of the house. I seek advice from her but she is not “pushy” in her opinions on our parenting decisions. She may not agree with everything, but she doesn’t force it either. When we posted that Ilya seemed to prefer her over us, we wrote that hoping that other adoptive parents and people with more experience in the lines of attachment & bonding would give us some pointers as to whether we needed to work on OUR OWN bonding/attachment with Ilya. Which, thankfully, we have received. We were NOT stating that we didn’t want Ilya to attach to her. I know there were some folks out there alarmed, and perhaps offended, by that one sentence and I apologize. I don’t know…maybe some other family members were put on alert and thought that we didn’t want Ilya to show affection towards you. That is not the case either. Please know this!! No one has said this to me directly but I hope, truly hope, that thought never entered your mind. Given everything that Ilya has been through, and will continue to adjust to, Norm & I need to make sure that we are able to instill in Ilya a sense of trust, comfort and love in us.

Ilya’s earlier preference to Grandma may have bee normal toddler behavior, or may have been testing me & Norm to make sure we’d stick around and not pawn him off to someone else. I honestly don’t know which applies, or if they both do. I can tell you this, the struggle he put up in order to be away from us and with Grandma was very alarming…like his life depended on it. He no longer acts this way, and will happily go from us to Grandma and back again, so I’m thinking he was testing us. Even though things are great now doesn’t mean he won’t test us again in the future in this regard. In fact, I expect him to. What I don’t expect is for Ilya to completely bond/attach with us this week or next, or even next month. This takes time to develop and nurture, and while that takes place Norm & I need to be grateful for and promote any instance that Ilya seeks us out over someone else.

I hope this all makes sense! Sorry for the length, but I thought it was important to explain to everyone. Thanks for sticking with this post! Please, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions leave a comment here or shoot me an email. Thanks!

I hope that as Ilya grows up, Norm & I are able to instill in him a desire to help those who are less fortunate.


I am so proud of my niece, Diggy Dawg. She & her friend made a very unselfish decision to cut their hair yesterday and donate it to Locks of Love. If you're not familiar with this charity, they provide wigs/hair pieces to kids who have long term hair loss due to cancer treatments or other medical diagnosis. These wigs really help to boost the confidence of the children who receive them, and it is a wonderful gift to give if you are willing/able to do so.


I didn't realize that the minimum ponytail donation length is 10 inches. That's a lot of hair to part with at one time, which makes me that much more impressed with my niece's donation. She & her friend made this decision on their own & they were really into it. There aren't many (almost) 11 year old's that I know of who would consider the well-being of a stranger over their own appearance. Now, that's not to say that her new look is anything but fantastic! She has a natural beauty about her and no matter what her hair length is, she looks wonderful. Here are a few photos from the big day:




Way to go Diggy Dawg! The gift you're providing to someone is amazing. We can't wait to see you in a few weeks!

Love Ya,
Aunt Karyn, Uncle Norm & Ilya

Heehee! I've been dying to post this picture taken in our Moscow apartment. I just think it's hilarious. Ilya is a very wiggly kid when he sleeps and GETTING to sleep is quite a show as well. On this particular day, after squirming around in a million different positions and becoming quite the contortionist at times, this was how he finally fell asleep on Norm's lap! Note, however, that this was NOT the same day he woke up with his stylish hairdo!

Anyway, life with Ilya continues to go well, but honestly I'm swamped with adjusting to everything I need and want to do. It just takes time to come up with and find comfort in a new schedule but regardless of that we're still have a blast with our son. Until I get my new schedule under control, it would be great to have a couple mini-me's around to help out some. Between Ilya, Norm, 4 pets, 2 jobs (telecommuting when I can for both), blog posting, blog stalking, the CSS Yahoo group, serving on the Women's Ministry, and really jonesin' to get back into my volunteer animal rescue stuff, I forget common sense things like eating and sleeping. I do, however, shower! I almost threw "exercising" into that common sense list but who am I kidding? I haven't exercised in, well, years, and I can hear our gym equipment mocking me every time I walk by our work out room.

I'm working on a post to share some of our experiences with Ilya in the week we've had him and I promise to post it soon.

Take care everyone!

1 a: one's place of residence : domicile b: house
2: the social unit formed by a family living together
3 a: a familiar or usual setting : congenial environment; also : the focus of one's domestic attention b: habitat
Courtesy of Merriam-Webster

At approximately 8:00pm on Saturday, May 31, 2008, Ilya began to discover the value of each of these definitions in his own life...ESPECIALLY #2!!

Welcome Home Ilya! Welcome home!

Ilya did great on our 10hr 40min. flight yesterday. He had a few "moments" but you know what? There were times on that flight when Norm & I were close to having "moments" of our own (and not b/c of anything Ilya did, but b/c of a few of our fellow passengers), so we certainly can understand and empathize with our little guy. All in all he did wonderful throughout his entire journey home.

He had a good first full day here and we hope he continues to feel comfy & safe. We're working on making friends with both Bailey & Bandit but at least Ilya didn't try to claw his way to the top of Norm's head when he first met them. There were tears but that's mainly due to our overly friendly Lab, Bailey, who literally shreaks when she meets new people. It's quite painful on the ears sometimes so I can only imagine what was going through Ilya's mind when he heard it the first time. Today, we had Ilya in the dining room and the dogs in the living room, with a gate separating them. Norm & I took turns on both sides of the gate, either holding Ilya or playing with the dogs to show Ilya that they weren't trying to eat us, so they wouldn't try to eat him. This technique seemed to work because Ilya started to relax his grip and make "ooo ooo" sounds through the gate. By the end of the day, Ilya was able to sit on our laps in the same room as the dogs and not be terrified. He'll let the dogs get pretty close but isn't so keen yet on the whole licking thing, especially on his feet. I think with time they'll all be the best of buddies. The dogs already love Ilya (how can you not??) and I think he'll soon be warming up to them as well. Thankfully he has no issues with our cats. The cats on the other hand, well, they're not as thrilled as the dogs with Ilya's arrival.

There's more to share and photos as well, but honestly the combination of jet lag and life with a 14 month old are taking turns tag teaming me. I'm heading off to sleep some of this exhaustion off. I'll post those pictures asap though.