Wow...it is so hard to believe that Ilya's been home for 2 months tomorrow. To celebrate, before Ilya went to bed tonight he made the following slideshow of some of his favorite memories since coming home. He asked me to post it for him, which I am happy to do.

Sit back, relax & enjoy! By the time most of you see this, Ilya will be in West Palm Beach meeting his Grandaddy (my dad) for the first time and seeing the house I grew up in! Wish us safe travels and a fun reunion with my family!

Make a Smilebox photobook

In the past few weeks, Ondrea, Heather, Becky, Janine and others have written truthful, heartfelt, HELPFUL posts, and I would like to commend each of these ladies for laying it out there…for keeping it real, as we like to say in the adoptive world.

I admire these ladies because their posts detail not only the wonderful strides their beautiful children have made since coming home, but they also outline some of the struggles that they have faced helping their children adjust to all that comes with moving from institutionalized settings to their forever homes and families. You may also remember that I wrote this post shortly after coming home, but I never really went into much detail about some of the not-so-good days we have had since May 31, 2008.

In some ways I am guilty of avoiding this subject for fear of persecution by those who don’t understand, or don’t wish to take the time and learn a little so they can begin to understand. However, the main reason I haven’t written about this is because we are truly blessed that 95% of Ilya’s time with us has been worry & stress free. His adjustment, attachment and bonding have gone much better than we could have expected or hoped for, but that doesn’t mean it’s been a bed of roses each & every day. For instance….

Ilya’s 2nd week home was by far our most challenging thus far. During that 2nd week, he experienced what we suspect to be night terrors every night, and multiple times each night. By the end of that week we were all exhausted, walking on egg shells and wondering how long the poor boy would have to endure these terrors. As you know, exhaustion leads to frustration which all 3 of us experienced. Since Ilya wasn’t getting enough sleep at night, he was very cranky during the day and the same for us. Not only were we exhausted and frustrated, we were also desperate, confused and bewildered over how to overcome this.

Exhaustion.Frustration.Desperation.Bewilderement.Confusion. Lovely cocktail, huh?

We decided to leave his closet light on to see if that would help him adjust to his surroundings if he woke up in the middle of the night, and it seems to have worked. God Bless Susan for the tips she shared with me via email that week!! Susan, you have no idea how much I appreciate and value your messages, help, support and encouragement! I not only made it through that week thanks to you, but I also kept my sanity! Norm’s mom also bought a crib toy that plays soothing music, and Ilya knows how to push that button to make the music play. For the most part, he has been sleeping through the night ever since that 2nd week, and on the rare occasion that he does wake up and cry, it is far different from the night terrors he had suffered. He typically will cry for less than 1 minute and then he is able to put himself back to sleep. Now he consistently sleeps from 7:30pm-7:30am, and his naps are going well, too.

As far as attachment & bonding, we continue to work on this but again we have been blessed in this area. I will admit, though, that there are days here & there where one of us simply doesn’t exist in Ilya’s world. On these days, if the “non-existent parent” tries to pick Ilya up, feed him, etc., major meltdowns occur and we just have to work through them with compassion and lots (and lots!) of extra patience. Being the “non-existent parent” is very (VERY) painful and discouraging but we have to remind ourselves that Ilya isn’t doing this intentionally. We do our best to redirect Ilya to the “non-existent parent” when he snubs that person and it seems to be working. I’ve also done the trick where I place stickers (or sometimes stickies) on my face for Ilya to take off & place back on again, and he has a blast doing this. For those of you who aren’t familiar with some of the bonding & attachment exercises parents do with their adopted children, this is one of the many tactics we can use to help our kids memorize our faces and make eye contact with us, thus reinforcing the trust that is so necessary in this stage of our journey.

Oh, we have also noticed that lately Ilya is really starting to build up “stranger weariness” which is GREAT!! When he first came home, Ilya would run to nearly anyone and want to be picked up. Lately, he has not only clutched on tighter to us when meeting strangers, he also looks to us for guidance and he observes our reaction to the person. If we tell him it’s okay, you can definitely feel him relax, but he still wants us to be the ones holding him. Eventually he’ll go to the new person but only with a combination of time and reassurance from us. Again, please know that we want Ilya to grow up to be a happy, polite and social child but right now he is still learning who (and what) mommy & daddy are, so we WANT him and NEED him to seek reassurance from us.

I joked on a previous entry and asked if there was anything that could upset our son. Talk about pointing out the obvious fact that I’m a rookie parent! Ha! Turns out I chose that title too quickly!! Trust me – Ilya has had his share of temper tantrums, and each day he poses a new challenge, a new test for us. We’re learning how to deal with the temper tantrums and while we still have a lot to learn, we are getting the hang of things. Well, kinda!! LOL! I won’t be surprised at all if Ilya does something tomorrow to prove me completely wrong. Just when you think you’ve got a handle on things, the little ones come up with a whole new scheme just to throw a kink in your plans.

Just like Becky & Heather, and I’m sure countless other new APs (adoptive parents) and perhaps new bio parents, I too have had a few bathroom cry sessions in the nearly 2 months that Ilya has been home. I share this with you NOT so you’ll worry and think I’ve gone into some sort of depressed state. I also certainly don't want anyone thinking that I regret any part at all of having Ilya with us, because that is so, so far from the truth. I am elated, overjoyed and humbled that God has blessed us with this amazing child to love and to raise. No, the reason I share it is so that if another AP is reading this & feeling overwhelmed wondering if what they’re feeling is “normal” or not, they will know there are many of us who have been through, or are going through, many of the same situations they are facing.


Also, I want to admit that I expected waaaaay too much perfection from MYSELF as a new mom. I expected to be able to do everything perfectly, with patience, without mistakes, without skipping a beat, without exhaustion or complaints or discontent... At the beginning I expected to keep up the same pace, the same schedule, the same level of sanity and optimism. When this didn't happen, I felt like an absolute failure....like a terrible wife, mom, pet guardian, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law, employee, volunteer, and yes even a terrible Christian. I put way too much pressure on myself, didn't eat or sleep the way I should, and though I told everyone I was doing fabulous, there were moments when that simply wasn't true. Thankfully that phase didn't last long. I've learned to prioritze and more importantly to so "no" to certain things that I know I won't be able to follow through on.

I could go on & on about keeping it real, but this post is far too lengthy as it is. Perhaps I’ll start a “Keeping it Real” series. After all, our & Ilya’s adjustments will continue for many months to come. The struggles and emotions we’re sure to face in the coming days, weeks and months will not be unique to our small family. It will be a great help to get input from others who have BTDT. Who knows, perhaps Keeping It Real posts will also help others who feel alone in some of their struggles and adjustments. Any interest out in cyberspace on the possibility of a series? If so, leave a comment or email me privately & we’ll go from there.

Oh, and just because this post has been a bit “heavy”, I’ll leave you with a cute photo from this week to lighten the mood some:

My daddy's going diving tomorrow and he let me help him inspect his equipment tonight. It might be a few years till I grow into the hood. What do you think? Looks a little big on me right now, huh?

See ya my peeps!
Guppie (a.k.a. Ilya)

ohmygoodness...I can barely see thru the tears to type & post this.

Emily's photos are absolutely stunning. I won't ruin this post with my typical rambling. (I know, you're all saying THANK YOU!!) LOL!! :-)

Please, just visit the link below and make sure you have your volume turned up! The pictures, the song...our son...God's miracle in our lives - - what a beautiful combination!

http://veralana.blogspot.com/2008/07/celebrating-adoption-slideshow.html

Hope you enjoy!
Kar

Yikes!! Okay, okay blogger land…Sorry to leave everyone hangin’ in regards to Ilya’s dr. appointments!! Seriously though, it’s great that so many people care about our little guy and I thank each & every one of you who left comments, emails or voicemails for our family.

I do have good reason for not updating yet - - honest. It seems I can’t go more than 2 or 3 months on this blog without getting sick myself. And lemme tell ya, it’s getting old already! But I think I said that the last time. I caught a head cold/stomach thing and have felt horrid since about Tuesday night/Wednesday. I think. I’ve lost all track of time now. I haven’t been able to sleep for more than an hour at a time each night without having to make a visit to my porcelain therapist (toilet), which is kinda funny considering I’ve barely eaten since Tuesday/Wednesday so technically there shouldn’t be anything left now to keep throwing up! Oh, was that TMI? (too much info?) Sorry, but that’s my reality this past week. Fun stuff.

But you’re not here to read about my failure to keep down anything I eat. So let’s get on to the good news!

Ilya’s appointment on Friday went very well. It was a combo follow-up / 15 month well baby exam. Thankfully Norm was able to go to this appointment with us because Ilya ended up getting 4 shots, poor baby, but at least he’s all set now until he’s 3 or 4. I forget which but regardless it’ll be awhile before I – errr, Ilya - has to go through that agony again. He is 30” tall, so he’s grown about 2.5” since coming home. On Friday, he weighed in at just over 19 lbs. Yeah, that’s lower than his first dr. appointment but given the past week I guess it’s to be expected that he’d lose some weight.

SIDE NOTE FOR ADOPTIVE FAMILIES - check the shot records you receive from the orphanage. We didn't realize Ilya never received the pneumococcal immunization in Russia, which may or may not have contributed to his recent illness. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics & the CDC, this vaccine is recommended for kids 23 months old and younger. Of course, always check with your Pediatrician.

As far as his pneumonia, his lungs/chest are still gunky but much better than they were. His cough is still lingering around and they told us to expect it to be there for about another 3-4 weeks. He hasn’t had a fever for quite awhile now, which is great! He stopped the steroids a few days ago, and today is the last day for his antibiotics. The suggested we continue the nebulizer treatments for at least another week. His WBC was still a little low but they’re not that concerned about it. So, things are definitely improving! His appetite is about 97% normal, he’s active again, happy and very funny. Unless he relapses, we won’t need to make any visits to the dr. this week. Good job, Ilya!

Obviously I would have rescheduled yesterday’s photo shoot if Ilya needed me to, but he was fine. I, on the other hand, should’ve stayed in bed! Ah well, such is life!

This morning we had the pleasure of working with Emily, owner of Vera*Lana Photography, to capture these (and many more!) beautiful photos of Ilya. Emily is a member of Celebrating Adoption, which is a national group of photographers who donate their time to helping adoptive families journal special moments with their new children, such as the ones above. These photos are just a sneak peek into Ilya's new glamour portfolio. Emily will have 20-30 4x6 proofs (free & ours to keep) ready for us in a few days, which I cannot wait to see!

The packages offered vary by photographer, and you can find your local Celebrating Adoption photographer by clicking here or following the links on the main website. For my fellow Northern Virginia families, I have to say what an absolute joy it was to spend the morning with Emily. If you're considering a session as well, please add Emily to your list of photographers to speak to. More of Emily's photos can be found on her blog. She donated her time to do this photo shoot and I am immensely grateful to her!

We opted to meet Emily in beautiful Old Town Alexandria, and I'm so happy we picked that area. Emily was able to find some really beautiful spots for the shoot, which made the morning even more fun. What I liked most about this as opposed to having photos done in a W*l-M*rt or Se*rs studio is that it really allowed Ilya to be himself and show more of his personality. Plus, we are nature lovers and outdoor people and I would much rather have Ilya in these real elements than a fabricated screen of some sort.

Anyway, I hope you like the sneek peak photos and that you'll consider setting up a shoot of your own through Celebrating Adoptions! I'll let you know how the rest of the pictures come out, but I don't doubt that they'll be anything short of excellent!

Night all -
Kar

Well, actually the answer is YES! But thankfully that list is quite short, which makes mommy & daddy VERY happy! Especially considering everything Ilya has been through since last Wednesday.

I took Ilya to his follow up appointment today. We saw a different pediatrician (but same office) & I really like her. He's doing better but is obviously not up to par yet. His barking seal cough has turned into more of a phlegmy cough (I know...blech!) but at least all the gunk seems to be breaking up now. The coughing still sounds pretty scary to me, like he's about to choke on the gunk. He's also had stridors, sometimes his belly sinks in pretty severely when he breaths, and when we lay him on his back to change diapers/clothes the skin around his mouth appears to turn blueish which is pretty scary because that means he's not getting enough oxygen. All of this improves each day, and his fever is finally gone. The WBC taken today was low and the dr. said there's all kinds of rattling in his chest. She also mentioned she would like to take a better listen to his heart once all of this clears up. She said it sounded "funny" and you may remember that his report from MOE said he was born with a hole in his heart which supposedly closed on its own. I'm not going to let this freak me out yet but it is DEFINITELY something we're going to follow up on.
So anyway, the doc told us Ilya will likely have trouble with croup throughout his childhood and she arranged for me to give him his first nebulizer treatment in the office. Since this will likely occur again, and he still needs treatment for his current illness, she advised we purchase a nebulizer for him instead of renting it each time he needs it. As it turns out, after our insurance pays for this equipment, we'll only end up paying somewhere around $10 out of pocket for a $250 machine. Can't complain much about that, although I do wish he didn't need it at all.



He did fantastic with the nebulizer treatment and everyone in the office was extremely impressed. They said that kiddo's his size usually fight like crazy and he just sat there taking it all in, almost mesmerized by the little puffs of mist coming from his mask. He would laugh every time he saw one of the puffs. Very cute!! The treatment lasted about 8 minutes, and by about 7 minutes/56 seconds Ilya finally decided he had had enough. Good job little guy!



So now his treatment consists of a humidifier in his room, Ceflin(or Ceftin, forget which one) twice a day, an oral steroid once per day, and nebulizer treatments every 4-6 hours. When Norm got home today, I let him give Ilya his second nebulizer. As you can see, Ilya's still cute even with a little dragon nebulizer mask on!



She had more comments about Ilya's health but the most important thing is he is getting better. Unfortunately he has lost all the weight he gained since coming home. Our little guy is little enough. He doesn't need to lose any weight at all and needs to gain a ton!

We'll be making at least 2 more trips back to the doctor's office this week: Wednesday for another follow up and Friday for his 15 month physical. He'll also have a ton of bloodwork done this week, and will be getting at least 2 shots. Please pray with us that these are the only appointments we'll need to make for his this week, and that all of his treatments help him to finally start feeling better.

I also wanted to thank everyone who left well wishes on the blog, sent me private emails, or called to make sure we're all doing okay. We sincerely appreciate how much everyone is reaching out to us, and how much you all care for our son. We are truly blessed to have each of you in our lives!

Day 1, Wednesday, July 9, 2008
How pathetic. Poor little hot potato Ilya tried so hard all day long to be happy and he just couldn’t do it as well as he wanted. Happiness is quite a challenge when you’re 15 months old and you wake up at 5:45am running a fever of 101-103 which lasted pretty much all day and into the evening, you can’t swallow well so you have to skip part of breakfast and nearly all of lunch and dinner (and you’re a chow hound to boot!), you sleep most of the morning away, you diapers are extremely messy (and stinky) and need to be changed much more frequently than normal, you’ve thrown up a few times, your breathing sounds raspy and a little labored, you’re whisked off to the doctor when you should have been taking your afternoon nap, only to find out you have an infection and allergic reaction to something and will have a nice amoxicillin/motrin cocktail for the however many days…and yet with all this misery, you look at mommy & daddy smiling at you and you do your very best to laugh and smile back. You try to say “ooh!” “bah!” and all your other baby babble but nothing comes out. You try to give high 5’s, to blow kisses, to throw your little arms up when we say “YAY!!”, try to play “where’s Ilya” and all your other favorite games, and yet you can barely sit up by yourself so you end up toppling over on to mommy or daddy’s lap…or onto one of your furry pals. I guess you’re realizing the benefits of pet therapy!



We suspect Ilya was bitten by something but we’re not sure what. We think a spider and the doctor said perhaps a mosquito. There is a rather large circle under his right arm pit, with the red lines coming from the center of the circle and going up his arm and down his side. The dr. said the bite became infected which is partly the cause of the fever.


What has me concerned, though, is his raspiness and somewhat labored breathing. We asked the dr. about that but I wasn’t totally confident in his reply. So, we have meds for Ilya and we’ll see what tomorrow brings once he has had a few doses. This photo isn't the best, but you can get a general idea of what the bite site looked like when we first noticed it:

Quick note here about the toy chest from our last post. I received a lot of emails asking where we got it. Apparently I registered for it at Target but I don't remember doing so! Oh well, I am truly grateful to Denise (one of Judy's friends) for purchasing this for Ilya. We all LOVE it!

There is a little removable basket thing inside the toy chest that you can pack with toys & take with you on road trips or whatever. It's great! Here's the link for anyone interested. Hopefully this will work.

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html?asin=B00009RGSX&colid=2XD8JWN21UYJ1&coliid=I5N2MWZDNEMFT&bckreg=baby

I'm actually working on a different post but had to stop & share this because it's way too cute to not pass on!

In Moscow we learned the hard way that Ilya needs some time to let his food digest after he eats. So we put him in his gated community for a little while after each meal hoping he'll have some quiet to let everything settle. It was way too quiet around here this morning after his breakfast. Way too quiet!

I looked in the gated community to see what he was up to, and to my horror he wasn't in there. Yeah, my boy is always on the move, but not so much that he can climb out of the gated community without assistance. Well, after a few scary nano-seconds I found him. I'll let the slideshow tell you where he was!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

...mommy, daddy, a 15 month old boy, grandma, Bailey, Bandit, luggage for everyone, a holiday weekend, and a full size Ford Econoline van?

Make a Smilebox slideshow

We left our house last Wednesday at 3pm to begin our very long 9+hr drive to Fall River, Mass to visit Norm's grandparents and cousins (on his mom's side), and Norm's dad (also named Norm), his dad's wife Jan, his Uncle Chuck & Aunt Sandy, their youngest son Benjamin, and their 2 dogs Jackie & Casey. This was Ilya's first opportunity to meet everyone and he had a blast! Our trip back home began at 7am Sunday morning & didn't get home until after 5pm. Gotta love that holiday traffic!

I admit that I was worried in the days leading up to this trip about how well (or not well!) Ilya would do being strapped into his car seat for so long with Bailey & Bandit in such close proximity. Ilya loves Bay & Bandit but I just didn't know if it would all be too much for him, the dogs, or even us! Our dogs travel very well once they get settled into "their spots" but I didn't know quite how Ilya would handle all of this. I am thrilled to report that it went fabulously! Everybody behaved, had fun, got along and we had no meltdowns. Yay!

I have to say how much I LOVE our van. It is so comfortable to ride in, especially on long trips such as this one, and it allows our dogs to travel with us making it a true family adventure. Our friend, Kim who is Caroline's Grandma (Ilya's 1st girlfriend), cat sitted for us and we are so very grateful. Also, I need to think Norm's grandpa for allowing us to invade his house with our gynormous dogs. I realize that not everyone would welcome dogs the size of ours into their house for 4 days, but he did so and really bonded with our big guy, Bandit. Norm's dad & Jan drove up to Rhode Island from Connecticut to spend some time with us as well. It was great to see so many family members.

Speaking of Bandit...we realized on this trip just how much importance he places on protecting Ilya. Norm met his grandpa's neighbor, Cleedy, in the driveway to introduce him to Ilya. Bandit was watching through the window and was okay with everything because he saw Norm holding Ilya. Something distracted Bandit though, and he looked away right as Norm handed Ilya to Cleedy to hold. When Bandit looked out the window again & saw Ilya in Cleedy's arms he went absolutely nutso! He was NOT happy AT ALL to see Cleety holding "his" baby. It would have been okay had Bandit seen Norm hand Ilya to Cleedy, but he didn't. I really think Bandit would have went through the window to rescue Ilya if we had let him. He was a very, very angry dog! I'm glad to know he would protect Ilya if he ever had to, but obviously I hope neither of them are ever in that position.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the slideshow & that you all had a safe & Happy 4th!

Couple cute photos first! Ilya w/ his two BFF's, Bailey & Bandit!

It's funny the thoughts that run through your mind when you're at, say...a pedicure appointment...and you have no baby, husband, dogs, cats, full time job, part time job, television, charity work, internet, e-mail, vacation planning, blog posting or blog stalking to distract you. Actually, I take part of that back. Ideas for blog posting always lurk in my mind and distract me. It doesn't seem I can ever really escape that!