Has it really been 3, almost 4 months since our baby was born?? This has been the quickest (almost) 4 months of my life. I think its because of course time flies and they grow way too fast but also because Chadd leaves in a couple of weeks and we knew that would come way too soon...and it has.

So, catching up with "Baby Bryant" as most of our friends call him:
At about 2 weeks he started what I would definitely consider 'sleeping throught the night'. He stayed up pretty late and would have his last feeding anywhere from 10:30-11:30. Then, he would sleep until 11:00am the next morning usually waking up once, occasionally twice, during that span to nurse and would go right back to sleep. Ohhh but how God has a sense of humor. For the last 3 weeks we are doing well if he sleeps an hour without waking up and crying- until we give up and put him in bed with us, that is. He sleeps like a baby after that. As I'm typing he is sound asleep in our bed. I asked Chadd last night if he wanted to try putting him to bed in his own room. The look he gave me was a clear and pitiful "No". I love him being in our room. Its easy, convenient, and most of all comforting having him there as opposed to all the way across the house. However, he is getting a little big for his cradle and is obviously not sleeping well in it. He has been napping so well in his own bed the last several days so I'm afraid its about time, but I guess Chadd is going to make me do it on my own after he is gone.

Bryant has smiled since day 1 in the hospital. You know, the "I've got gas" smiles. No one believed me when I said he was smiling socially and intentionally at 3 weeks, but he was! He didn't do it all the time but he was definitely smiling at me in reaction to things I was saying. After a few days, Chadd finally saw it and believed me. Since then he has been the smilingest baby I have ever seen in my life, really. My Daddy calls him "Smiley".

He has such a pleasant temperment. I know I'm starting to sound like a delusional, biased Mom but I'm not bragging, I'm thankful. It could be much different, and still might be in the future, but hopefully not. I can only think of twice when he has cried and cried and I absolutely didn't know what to do or what was wrong- both times were nights Chadd had left and was out of town for some kind of training. Maybe I was putting off some kind of vibe and Bryant could tell I was uptight or unhappy? I don't know. I just know that the first time after about 2 hours I just sat and cried with him. Other than those times if he cries, its usually not hard to figure out the reason. Its either eating time or sleepy time. Occasionally a wet diaper seems to bother him, not often though.

I have gotten a weekly email since I found out I was pregnant. They updated me on his growth and development throughout the pregnancy and still do now. The email on his 3 month birthday told me I officially didn't have a newborn anymore, but an infant. That made me very sad. Most changes have made me sad. I think I told people he was 9 weeks for about 3 weeks in a row so I didn't have to move on to the double digit weeks. I'm happy he's healthy and growing and I'm looking forward to other stages in his life, but could we slow it down a little please??? How can he not be a newborn, he was JUST born! It blows my mind. I've had to face it this week though. He rolled over for the first time Sunday afternoon and has been a rolling machine since. He's started using his hands to grab things, slowly. That's actually pretty entertaining to watch. He concentrates sooo hard to get his hand to something and then to open it up to grab it. The first couple of days he would finally grab whatever it was and be happy then start screaming because he didn't know how to let go. Well, so after he rolled over, the same day he grabbed his feet for the first time. He hasn't since, but he looks at them. If all that wasn't enough, he also pulled his knees up under himself! He'll be crawling next week. SLOW.DOWN.
He weighed 11 lb 3 oz at his 2 month check up. I'm anxious to see what he weighs at his 4 month.

As for me, my recovery (physically) from the c-section couldn't have been better. A lot of people have said that they couldn't walk upright for weeks but I was getting around fine within a day or two of being home from the hospital. It wasn't easy to sit up and get out of bed or up and down from the couch, but I was getting around so well I had to be reminded to take it easy because I felt like I could do anything. My tummy is still a little numb on the right side and I still have a few twinges of pain and uncomfortableness and other lingering things, but I think that's to be expected. Mentally and emotionally I've struggled with it. I've been able to talk with friends that have been through the same and its helped. I've been contemplating another, maybe more than one, separate post on just that.
Its a rainly, stay in bed and snuggle with a baby kind of day, but we are going to have Bryant's 3 month pictures done tomorrow so I have several things to get done. I hope everyone has an amazing Wednesday!

For every stop light I didn't make
Every chance I did or I didn't take
All the nights I went to far
All the [boys] that broke my heart
All the doors that I had to close
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank God for all I missed
'Cause it led me here to this...







I love this song by Darius Rucker and how true it is. God's plan for us is waaaay better than we could/would do for ourselves.

Updates and a new blog to come soon :)

As we were getting ready to go to their house I told him I wanted to be sure and take the camera so we could take a picture for his birthday. I halfway jokingly said, "Maybe this will be our last pregnancy picture."

Fast forward about 4 hours (12:25am)- we're in bed and I was dreaming something weird, but I can't remember what. Then, my water broke. We were so calm about it (on the outside), it was strange. From straight out of my sleep I said, "My water just broke." and it was like Chadd was wide awake. He just said, "Ok."- Hopped right up, threw me a towel and got dressed. I got up and went to the scale...and I didn't lose one.single.pound. I thought surely I had dropped 10 easy. I took a shower and Chadd started loading the car. Our house was a DISASTER. So much for that nesting myth. It was somewhat clean, but messy. Most people know I can be a little OCD, but I promise- complete disaster. I was walking around trying to clean up, just a little, as in making trails (literally) so my family could get around once they got into town and were staying here. We had boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations everywhere, plus fall ones that we had boxed up. So, after we got things pushed out of the way and everything we thought we needed in the Tahoe, we headed to the hospital.

We were settled into one of the small labor rooms and everything was hooked up by about 1:30 am and we expected to be holding a baby by lunch. Things didn't happen exactly that way. My family arrived from Andalusia about 3 am--his actually beat us to the hospital-- because we were cleaning. We visited with them for a little while then they all went to the waiting room and Chadd and I turned out the lights and tried to sleep (big emphasis on 'tried'). A couple of hours later, they came and moved us to the huge L&D room across the hall. Kriston, Whitney, and Coty all got subs for their classes and were in Mobile by mid morning. It meant a lot that they did all that to come be with us and see Bryant. At some point later in the morning the Dr. decided to start a pitocin drip to hopefully make me dilate faster. Bryant wasn't showing any signs of distress, but because my water had broken they wanted to speed up the labor to prevent infection. So an antibiotic and pitocin was started. The contractions did get a lot stronger and closer. I had LOTS of people in my room and I apologized to the nurse but told her I thought the distractions made it easier for me. She assured me that whatever made it easier was fine. She was super, super sweet. (Side note story:) I asked her what was it like for the baby when your water breaks. Meaning how does their environment change: Does the uterus kind of cave around them? Does the fluid immediately begin replacing itself? etc. She began explaining to me (very sweetly) that we can't be sure, because we don't know what babies are thinking, but that she thought they were ok and were still happy. Haha! She had to think I was a lunatic, but I was so exhausted I didn't even bother to explain to her what I meant. I just left it at that. After just talking to Chadd though, he apparently thought I meant the same thing she did and said he made the hand signal to her that I had been drinking. Oh well, what can you do? Maybe its a crazy question, but it seemed legitimate at the time.

So, there was my family-Mom, Dad, Jessica, Jamie, & Kriston; Chadd's parents; Coty, Whitney, Scarlett, & Sophie all rotating in and out of the room...all...day...long. Along with others that stopped by for a little while. Really, it was a good time. Of course, Chadd never really left my side (and never went to sleep). I know I had no control, but by about 3:00pm I started to feel really bad that I was keeping everyone waiting so long. Eventually, I decided I had had enough pain and asked for the epidural. Having that done was the first time I cried all day (up to that point anyway). I was scared and jumped when Dr. Daniels, the anethesist, pressed something on my back. He got VERY stern and said, "Do NOT jump!" Well, that was all it tookat that point to send me over the edge; tears started streaming down my face. All went well though and the epidural was AWESOME. I was so relaxed after it. Everyone stayed out of the room and we had some quiet time although I still don't think we went to sleep. I couldn't feel the contractions anymore but I knew when I was having one because I got nauseous every time. It was the strangest thing. It got to be later and later and Kriston and Whitney were going to have to leave to get back home so their babies could go to bed. Dr. McGrath came back around 6pm and examined me. I was STILL at 4cm. As soon as she looked at me, I knew what was coming next. She looked almost like she was going to cry too as she told me that I had to have a C-section. I was upset (really upset) and I cried, but I couldn't argue. I knew I had to do whatever was best for Bryant and I. I felt like I went into a fog as soon as she said the word. I NEVER really thought I'd have to do it that way, even though I had said I was trying to be prepared for anything. Everyone came back in and saw us before they took me back. Chadd and my Momma put on their gowns, hat, & masks and went to the OR with me. I'm not going to lie- the section was horrible. I have never felt pain like that. The epidural was working, they did the pinch tests and alcohol swab test and I couldn't feel anything. Ohhhh, but did that change as they started working. I'm not really sure what was going on but there was just SO much pain. It radiated from my toes up to my shoulders. I was crying and started throwing up. Alex Bruns, was my CRNA. Chadd grew up with him and his family. He kept asking could he give me some pain medicine but I didn't want him to for fear of not remembering the rest of the night. It got to be too much though and he had to give me some. Annnnd I don't remember much after that, or the next day for that matter. Bless Chadd's heart, I'm still piecing things together so I've asked him a million and a half questions about what happened over the next 24 hours. BUT what I do know and remember is hearing that sweet little baby cry and Chadd bringing him over to my face for me to see and kiss before walking him to the nursery...and that's what matters.

Perfect! All 7lb 3ozs, 21.5" of him

They finished sewing me up and took me back to my L&D room. All I remember from the rest of the night is Coty and Whitney coming to my bedside and me telling them how bad the section hurt. I also remember waking up (many hours later, I think) and hearing Bryant crying, seeing Chadd way down at the other end of the room changing his diaper and feeling like I should get up and help him, but knowing that I couldn't. Oh, and I remember someone telling me that he had lots and lots of hair and that it looked highlighted. That's it-that's all I remember. I don't remember holding him for the first time, which I've had a hard time with. I don't remember nursing him. I don't remember seeing our friends and family come in and hold him, but apparently when asked if I wanted to just have everyone stay out for the night and for us to hold him and get some rest I apparently said, "No, let everyone come back." So they did, all 500 people that were out in the waiting room at that point came into the room and passed him around and saw me looking like death warmed over. I don't remember it though, so its all good.

God has blessed us beyond belief. If there was anything good about the C-section, it was that we got to spend extra days in the hospital- just the 3 of us. Not having to worry about work, the weather outside (which was freezing, I think it snowed most everywhere else in AL), or anything but getting to know and bonding with our new little miracle. Those 4-5 days will always be so special to me. Every time Chadd picks up Bryant he looks at him and starts singing "Hello World", and I don't think he even realizes it. It makes my heart smile every time. I couldn't have done it without Chadd. That's truly when "in sickness and in health" hits home. He had to help me in and out of bed. He did 99% of Bryant's diaper changing. When the nursery nurses were bringing Bryant in every 45 minutes throughout the night to nurse he got up every single time and just sat by my bed. He took care of everything. He has been my rock and I'm so thankful for him.
Today is my 26th birthday. Mom and I took Bryant for a weight check this morning and he's back up to 7.2lb! That's only 1oz shy of his birth weight and it means he's gained 7 oz since leaving the hospital 2 days ago. We might have a little porker before too long. The 3 of us met Chadd for lunch after and came back home. We don't have any other plans for the night, but that's ok- Happy Birthday to me!! :)

Now we're just waiting for God and the little man to decide when will be a good time for us to meet. I still refuse to use the word "miserable", although I've had my moments. This is all part of it and it won't be much longer so there's no point in being miserable. It could most definitely be worse! It is getting SO hard to move though. I'm not uncomfortable when I try to lie down or sleep, but getting up is a different story! Almost impossible. My lips are huge this morning and have brought a huge face along with it, haha. My swollen legs and feet are here to stay now, too, I guess because it no longer goes away with a night of sleep or a few hours of propping them. I've also had a headache for about 3 days now and the nausea and throwing up refuse to give me a break. I'm ok really though. I'm writing this more to be able to remember how things were for me more so than complain. So, don't feel too sorry for me :).
I have my 39 week appointment this afternoon. I'm always ready to see what she has to say, but somehow God has allowed me to not be anxious or impatient yet. I think its a little denial, too. I don't feel like this is really about to happen. Its still surreal. My family on the other hand is another story, haha. They aren't one bit nervous about this whole labor and delivery thing and are a tad excited for it to just happen already. I've had strict instructions to hold this baby until the weekend though. Apparently, I had all of Thanksgiving break that would've been convenient for a lot of people. Now that everyone has gone back to work, Bryant has to wait until the weekend. I've given him the message and told them I'll keep my legs crossed, as difficult as that is at this point.
Chadd has been WONDERFUL. Yesterday, I had been to the office for a couple of hours to turn in my ciriculums and other teaching stuff. By the time I got home, my feet were huge. He told me to get on the couch and prop my feet. He brought home pizza and brought it to me on the couch. He was home long enough to take care of me, stuff down some pizza, and get ready for his softball games and head back out. He was gone until after 10 and had to be back up at 4:45 for work this morning. He also washed the dishes in the sink before going to work yesterday. He's vaccumed (mulitple times), shampooed the carpet and furniture, cleaned one of the bathrooms, cleaned up otherwise around the house and has been ok with my lack of cooking lately. I think I'll keep him.
We had a great Thanksgiving! I was really, really sad about not being able to travel and go to Andalusia, so some of them came to us! We had Thanksgiving lunch on Thursday with some of Chadd's family that are here in this area and Saturday some of his family and some of mine were able to come from Andalusia to our house for lunch. I still missed getting to have lunch at MawMaw & Grandaddy's with Kriston and Kayla, but it was a really good day. I hope everyone was able to spend some time with family and friends remembered to count their many blessings!

That's what I feel a lot of these days. Well, I don't exactly know what parts I'm feeling, but I do know that our little boy is a busy body and is running out of room in which to be busy. As of tomorrow we will officially be full term! We are just waiting now. Everyone talks about being miserable at this stage, but I'm not. I'm thankful. Sure there's terrible, nasty heartburn; feet in my ribs (right now as I type that actually); sore joints; swelling; LOTS of weight to carry around; hot flashes; sleepless nights; itchy, numb, tight, achy tummy; and lots of jabs that send shocking pain down my legs; not to mention that I can't breathe or move around very much. All that sounds miserable, but I'm not...really. Strangely, I'm thankful for all of it. Its like I need to be reminded that he's still there and I'm still pregnant and everything is still well...and nothing says you're still pregnant like that burning in your esophagus. Don't let me kid you, I'm VERY ready to be "me" again. Not all of those things are at their worst at the same time though, so its all manageable. I think I've gotten bored with all this and I'm just ready for him to be here. There are things that I'll miss about being pregnant, but definitely other things that I'm ready to have back.

Our Saturday has consisted of a lot of this...

We've had quite the week here at the Tillman house. This past weekend was filled with ups and downs. My Mom, Dad, and Jamie came down for a visit. We (ok, they) finished painting the nursery. We decided to change the walls from blue to green so instead of mom painting just the one design on one wall, they got to paint all 4 walls, again. We LOVE the way it turned out and are really glad we decided to change it now.