Well, we had a pretty fun Christmas except for all the puking. Hopefully we are on the last round of it. The only one in my family that hasn't been sick is Malik. I am still praying for a Christmas miracle that he gets skipped! Poor little Jarek is in my room now. He has thrown up a couple of times pretty bad. He is sleeping now which is good. Risa came over to the house the other night and ended up catching it. I warned her before hand, but she said she would take her chances. Poor Risa. She is home alone so miserable!

I am working through piles of laundry. It will all get clean at some point. I will get the house disinfected at some point. Here are a few pictures.






Enok gets a ball from Santa!















Jarek gets Mario Party for DS.

Here are some cute pictures of Ellery. Thanks for the cute Chinese clothes Tevia! We wore them over to my family's house and they all loved them!

I was watching In the Land of Women tonight and it got me thinking about hugs. I have given and received a lot of hugs in my lifetime. I never thought much about them though. Here are the thoughts I have on them now.

There are many different occasions that warrant hugs and many different ways to express what they mean and how they are given. I have been fortunate to have experienced many different types of hugs and also been able to give many.

I love to hug my children. I love to gather them in my arms and smell their scent. I love when their heads nestle in the crook of my neck and their small arms wrap around me. Usually these hugs are followed by many little kisses either from me on the top of their heads or from them on my cheeks. There is a warmth and a comfort in these hugs and we share a common feeling of love and trust.

Hugs are necessary and powerful when seeing a loved one that has been gone for a time, and returns home once again.

For a young child seeing a parent after a long absence the hug is first given at the knees, and then works its way up to the neck. These hugs are joyful and full of energy and expectation that the return hug is just as wanted and needed as the hug being given. There is no hidden agenda, no secret, no misgivings. These hugs are entirely pure in love and trust.

As we get older and start to love people other than our parents, and the innocence of childhood starts to fade, the hug of a loved one returning home is urgent, clinging and silently says a million words in one long embrace. Passion ignites with only a brush of a finger on the nape of the neck. Soft breath close to the ear tickles and excites. The closeness and rhythmic breathing of chest against chest sets adrenaline soaring and racing. The hug is just the beginning of all the words that want to be said, but get lost in the moment of touch.

Other hugs are also necessary. When someone is lonely a hug can bring much needed comfort. An arm around the shoulders with foreheads touching, connects the lonely with the comforter. No words are necessary. Sometimes words open doors of pain that aren't ready to be confronted. Just having someone share the lonely moment brings peace.

Often, when sadness and disappointment and turbulent circumstances surround people we love, a hug is exactly the only thing that can take away the sharp, stinging edge of pain. Recently I had one of the most amazing things happen. I know this will probably sound strange, or even corny, but this is how I felt. After we went bowling on Friday night, we stopped by the Borrego's house to drop Aubrey and Amanda off. We went in to help try to diffuse the volatile situation that had arisen due to our lack of keeping track of the time. After the initial confrontation both girls were very upset emotionally. All I wanted to do was to hold them, so I put my arms around them and hoped that somehow in that embrace I would be able to take all their pain and sadness and anger and disappointment and grief and hurt away. I wished with all my heart that I could somehow siphon into them stores of comfort, love, understanding, and worth. I wanted them to feel, through my hugs, absolute love and comfort. I wished I could heal their hearts and wipe their tears so they would fall no more. I know that I wasn't able to fix anything for them, but I hope they both know just how much I love them. Just how much I believe and KNOW what amazing girls they are, how strong and steadfast and unmovable in what is good and true they are. I wanted them to know that and feel that love with my hugs.

There are hugs during times of utter sadness and heartbreak. Many events can precipitate these things. Although we may not know by our own experience what the person is going through, a hug can say a lot of things that words never can. That closeness and sharing of burdens can be felt in a hug.

Human touch is healing. A hug can say, "I love you", "I miss you ", "I need you", "I want you", "I hope you feel better", "I am here for you", "Great job, you are amazing", "It's alright, you will do better next time", "I am sorry". Human touch is necessary.

Hugs are good. Hugs are great. Hugs are for everyone. Every person on this earth could benefit tremendously by getting a hug a day.

Testing a picture here...

Well, this week has been fairly long. I know there haven't been any extra days, but I was awake a bunch of extra hours. I am amazed at how little sleep a body can actually function on. Now I know how Jacob Wall must feel on a regular basis since he is up till all hours of the night. I finally got to bed by 12:30 last night and that is really the earliest I have gotten to bed since I have been back from Hong Kong. I still had to fall asleep "watching" The Simpson's.

The kids and I have been up here in Lakeside since Wednesday night and the boys have really enjoyed spending time with Donny and Hannah. Yesterday they spent almost the whole day over at the Borrego's. Donny was teaching them how to wrestle. Donny took second this year in a wrestling tournament and so was a great teacher to the boys. He even made Jarek a little booklet with all the rules of wrestling, the positions etc... It was so cute.

The boys got to play in the snow too. Enok didn't much like it and cried most of the time we were outside. I tried making a snowman with the other two, but that didn't work so well with Enok so grumpy. He actually stood in one place for a long time which is quite unusual since he is such a little busy body. Jarek and Malik didn't last that long either as we weren't really well equipped for the cold. I had waited till we got up here to look for boots for them, but couldn't find any so their feet got pretty cold. At least they got to play in it for a little while.

I have had such an enjoyable time getting to know Aubrey and Amanda better too. Quentin, Yesenia, Aubrey, Amanda and I went bowling on Friday night and that was really fun. I like bowling but it has been so long since I have gone that I only barely broke 100 the first round and didn't reach 100 the second round. After that we went to the best hang out in Show Low/Lakeside, Denny's. (haha) It was so nice just talking and getting things off our chest we didn't realize just how late it had gotten. Tammy called Aubrey and we had to get them home since it was way past their curfew. There was a heated "discussion" when we got to their house and a lot of tears. Most of the problem stemmed from bad communication and there are already a lot of volatile feelings swarming around both families so that made it that much more discouraging for both Jim, Tam and the girls. I am so impressed with those girls. They are far more mature for their age than you would expect. They have been through a lot and they still try to do what is right. I love those girls!

Last night all us kids that were up here on the mountain went to La Casita together. There was only ten of us, but it was really fun. I think my kids and Donny and Hannah were glad to be hanging out with us older kids and to be out of the house for a bit. We were back in the back room and that made Enok's noise sound that much louder. He is such a crack up! We really missed all of you that weren't here. Nephi, Jacob and Millie, Risa, Heidi and Ryen and Brandt. You were all in our thoughts though!

Today we went to the Spanish branch and I really enjoyed that. I was able to understand quite a bit of what was said. It was fun to sing the hymns in Spanish and to try and understand all that was being said. The kids even tried to sing the songs in Spanish. It was great! I believe that Quentin and Yesenia enjoy being there too. They both gave prayers in sacrament meeting too. Yesenia did hers in Spanish and Quentin did his in English. :)

Anyhow, tonight is dad's disciplinary court. Mom has had an upset stomach and I am not really sure how dad is feeling. I imagine he is probably nervous and also a bit anxious. Mom is going to go with him even though she is not feeling too well. I am pretty sure her stomach is upset due to nerves. She has been eating better now though. I am sure they will both be glad when this evening is over. I will be entertaining Enok and trying to watch the season finale of Survivor. I KNOW, I am a nerd!!!!

Ellery has been doing this for about the last week or so, and I've been meaning to get it posted to share with everyone... being a daddy and having the lil stink butt has been SO much fun!!!... stressful with no sleep most nights... but FUN!

We wish we could have made the trip down for Christmas so ya'll could see her!

Love you! Merry Christmas!!!

Tonight I got to play volleyball again. I was so excited all day and as the time drew closer, I started getting flutters in my stomach. I was a little nervous that I would suck, but I was also anxious to see all the friends I had made there. I was not disappointed at all. I felt so happy that so many people were glad to see me. I felt happy that I played pretty good. I haven't smiled and laughed so much in quite awhile, in fact, I laughed and smiled so much my cheeks hurt!

It felt so good to be in the company of a bunch of adults, and talk with them and play volleyball together and just enjoy something together. I am so glad that I have this. That I have this time to myself, to remember myself, to be who I am when I am not a wife and a mother. It is a great blessing to be able to reconnect to myself, especially after not having many friends or even much adult conversation for the last three months. And to talk about things that had no bearing whatsoever on my church life or family life was so refreshing, to just be a human, a woman, a fellow sports lover! Ahhhh, I feel joy in my heart even though my body will be sore in the morning.

I love finding myself, returning to that person I know still exists under all the other roles I have. I am a wonderful person and I am happy to find other wonderful people to have fun with!

Hello family!! I am so excited that we are contributing to this! I love that we have another way to keep in touch.
I am sitting in Tevia's living room in Phoenix. I am waiting for the time to pass so I can go and pick her and the boys up from the airport! Hooray!!!!
I have been having about the same week as the rest of the family. Highs and lows according to how one deals with stress and shock and all that. I am coming along well. I have had a lot of support form my friends, even though I haven't actually told anyone the details. I don't see the point right now. They just know we're having a family crisis and they have been kind and understanding.
I too am delighted that the family is pulling together and that we are determined to stay close to each other and to God. I love the gospel and the power and strenght is offers us.
Hooray for us family! Even though the rains decended and the floods came and the winds blew we can stand comforted that our houses are built on the rock. This is a particulary nasty storm, but we are equipped to weather it nonetheless:-)

In other news I am happy to relate that I have offically written a play. It is a short play, maybe 10 minutes long, but I have written it from beginning to end and that is a feat for me. The new FHE co-chair asked me and another theater person in the ward to put together a short play for the tri-war FHE lesson next Monday. We have been trying to come up with something that isn't complicate or cheezy. I was getting worried because we only have one week left. So, I prayed and read the nativity story in Luke and had a great idea. So I started writing and at the end off two hours I had a complete play. It is a story of the Innkeeper that turns Joseph and Mary away in Bethlehem. It's not brilliant but it will do for the purposes at had. I will try to attach it so those of you who want to can read it.

I have to go because I want to leave early to pick Tev's up. It's Friday and traffic is usually absolutely crappy on a Friday.

Well, I love you family. You are the best and I have nothing to complain about when it comes to the love I feel from you all.
Peace and love until we all get together again.
Ta! Risa Dawn.
Well, it doesn't look like I can add an attachment. I can forward a copy of my play to anyone at their request if they so desire:-)

Hello all. Yesenia and I apologize for never contributing to this blog thing. I'm not very computer smart and I haven't had much time to do this anyway. However, since I have been so blessed to have removed my presence from United Freakin Rentals, I have magically aquired more time to do other things. My stress level has decreased substantially and I feel renewed and more full of joy and energy. Working for Wagon Wheel Roll-Offs has been great these last two weeks for many reasons. I think things will work out good these next few stages of our lives. Yesenia continues to work for the Nurses Office and has her ups and downs there. She's a rather swell addition to my life and I'm happy to call her my wife. We are looking forward to some rain and snow here in the next few day and hopefully we'll be lucky enough to enjoy the first "white Christmas" in a long time.
Spirits are surprisingly high considering the current family conditions. We feel like we're all going to get through this fine as long as none of us turn on each other and continue to give the great support to one another we've all be used to giving and recieving. We have a great opportunity to come closer together as a family and end up being closer than we've ever been. We're glad that we were able to be here for support and we have been able to understand better having heard everything from the horses mouth. We're just so greatful to have such love coming from all directions. Even though life is hard, life is good.
Yesenia and I send our love and gratitude to all who help and love us so much. We are looking forward to Christmas and the opportunity it provides us to spend time with family, our most prized treasure. Merry Christmas to all and to all Merry Christmas.

Today I woke up early and prepared to go to the temple. The apartment was quiet as Bret and the kids slept. My heart was heavy and full of sorrow and I just ached to be in a place where the world and it's cares would be left at the door. I was hoping to find answers, hoping to find peace, hoping to find strength and hoping my heart would be able to truly forgive.

It took an hour to get to the temple. Once out of the MTR I had to walk along the streets . Buses passed by, car horns honked, people scurried to and fro going about their daily business. As soon as I walked onto the grounds of the temple, my heart lifted and fluttered. The sounds and rush of the city quieted. It felt like returning home. A safe haven where peace abides.

As I sat in the 8:45 session with a group of people from Singapore, I wanted and waited for some kind of profound thing to happen to me. I listened more intently than I ever have in my life. I prayed and I listened. I thought about the things in my life that I believe, that I know to be true. Mostly I prayed though. As the session ended and we headed to the celestial room I still didn't feel like I got what I came to find. So I stayed. I prayed and I listened. The peace in this room was so palpable. I wanted to take it home with me, to share it. I pondered longer and a small thought came to my mind and then it grew. What I thought I needed, I already had, and Risa already gave me that answer when I talked to her the other day. My reservoir, my lamp was already full. Over days and weeks and months and years I have been putting what I needed into those spiritual reserves. And especially the last two months here in Hong Kong, I have been fed spiritually as I haven't been fed in years and years. These things are what will get me through this rough patch. I know now that I don't need to focus my energy on receiving strength, I need to focus it on giving strength to those who need it.

I have had some really great advice the last few days from people I love and trust. I am so thankful for people in my life who have had the courage to go through trials and still come out loving God, rather than blaming God. For staying valiant and enduring to the end, even when that was the harder path to take. For showing mercy, rather than judging harshly. For letting the Lord mend a heart that seemed would never be healed. For finding all the good instead of focusing on the bad.

Do I still ache in my heart? Yes. But I don't ache for me. I know there is a God in the heavens. I know that he is aware of all I do and all I feel. I know that His way is the only way to have true and abiding happiness in this life. I know without a doubt that the only way to have eternal glory is through His son, Jesus Christ. This is true, this is the most important thing on this earth. We are nothing without his atonement for our sins. I need the atonement, for without it I will be nothing. I will not progress, I will not have peace, I will not have joy. I know this is true. I stand by my words, firm and unshakable. From this truth I will never depart.

In a small corner of my mind as I sat in the temple I prayed for a small show of love and concern for me. I wasn't really expecting an answer to that small plea so quickly, but I received an answer almost immediately. As I was waiting in the women's dressing room, a temple worker came up to me and asked if I had received the peace I had come to find. My eyes welled up with tears and she took me in her arms and hugged me so tightly. She just hugged me and let me cry all over her shoulder. I am so glad she listened to that small prompting. My prayer was answered and my heart had indeed found a measure of peace.

Now my Nightmare before Christmas post seems a little trite, but I stand by it because it made me smile.

I know not many of you read this blog, and that is okay. I understand you are all very busy with your lives. But this is a good way for me to feel like I am keeping in touch with all of you, even if I am really only keeping in touch with myself! hehe

So, a few thoughts in light of the sadness that has come to our family. I know each of us will handle this trial differently. I am not saying that my way of sorting through my emotions is the way for everyone, but it is my way. I like to talk about things rather keep them hidden. I have never been good at hiding my emotions. They are all out there on the surface.

As a woman I have to say that my heart is so broken for you, my mother. My mother whom I have loved and revered and respected and tried to honor throughout my life. My mother whom I have tried to emulate in motherhood, even though at times I would swear I would not be like my mother. My mother who has had one of the hardest trials I can ever imagine possible to have to go through, losing a child, and then to have to go through this too, and to still be able to love and forgive. You are a strong woman. As Risa so eloquently put it, "it is good to know that you truly are made of the tough stuff we always knew you were made of". I wish with all of my heart that I could just take you in my arms and hold you and tell you how much I love you and hurt for you, and cry with you and be your daughter and sister and friend in this time of pain and hardship.

I am so grateful for my siblings. You are all amazing. You are so nice to me, even though I am bossy and nosy and all up in your 'bizness' all the time. I am glad that you guys are strong and forgiving and loving. Something I know we have all worked on, and will continue to work on for years and years. Even though we don't always see eye to eye on all things, I have never, ever doubted our love for each other. We have two of the most dysfunctional families to thank for our determination to not be like them. I know all of our relationships are not perfect by any means, but I hope you all know just how much I love each of you and how grateful I am for Yesenia and Millie too. You are good women that my brothers need so much. You add to our family and I am grateful for you.

I can only imagine how terribly hard it must be as a parent to have to tell your children that you have made a serious mistake. I think it would be much harder as a parent to face your children, than as a child to confess to his/her parent. You have been the person teaching what is right , but in the end choosing the wrong. Fortunately you also taught unconditional love and forgiveness . I have never doubted in my life the love my parents have for me. I am just so sad. I am sad in the deepest part of my heart for the pain and humiliation that will be ahead for you to bear dad. For the relationships that will have to be reformed because trust has been broken. But mostly for breaking the hearts of your tender wife and children. In the gospel of Jesus Christ hearts can be mended. Trust can be restored. Our love for you, my love for you dad will always be there. Unconditionally.

I just needed to get that off my chest. I will send many prayers for all of you. For all of us who are affected by this. My love and prayers go out to the Borrego family. I love you all very much.

Thought you guys would get a kick out of this.