Free to Fly

I have not updated since right before Christmas - I didn't realize so much time had passed. Once we got passed Christmas and the New Year, it seemed as though we always had something going on. It was like every day of every week someone had some sort of appointment to go to!

First I will start off by introducing my rainbow :)

Kameron Alexander - Born on April 26, 2012 @ 3:32 pm.
6 lbs. 5 oz. 20 in. long.






I was not due until May 24th. But I had a c-section scheduled for May 3rd. Mr. Kameron had plans of his own though.

Starting at 32 weeks I was going to the doctor twice a week for non stress tests. So on the 26th, just one week from my c-section, I went in for my last NST. While in the waiting room I had a few contractions but I really wasn't concerned. The nurse hooked me up for the NST and baby boy was sleeping. They gave me sme juice to wake him up a bit and he started moving around. And then the contractions really started coming. They were every few minutes and they were getting pretty painful.

The nurse came in to check on me and I asked her if the contractions were showing up on the monitor's and she laughed and said, "wow! Yes they are." After that I had an appointment with my doctor. He came in and asked if I was feeling all the contractions and I told him I was. He told me he was sending me to L&D and that once there I would receive some fluids. He said, "If the fluids stop them, great. If not...we will take it from there." So I called my husband and told him what was going on and that he needed to come to L&D. I had my 3 year old with me. My 6 year old was in school.

Just as I was getting my IV in my husband showed up. So we sat there  talking as we waited to see what was going to happen. After 2 bags of fluids, the contractions were not stopping. So we waited for my doctor to come in and tell us what was going to happen.

I was 36 weeks exactly.

The doctor came in and said that he could give me a shot and see if that would stop the contractions but he didn't feel comfortable sending me home because being at the hospital I was in good hands, going into full labor at home (about 20-30 minutes from the hospital) would not be a good thing. (Because I have the abdominal cerclage - It was very important that I did not labor because of my extreme high risk of uterine rupture) So we talked and it was decided that doing the c-section that day was the best thing.

I was excited to finally meet my boy but I was so nervous and anxious and scared as well. As the doctor explained, some 36 weekers come out and do fine but some come out and need help breathing. I just started praying and praying that he came out and was healthy. Shawn asked how long we had until the c-section (because he needed to get our other daughter from school and my mom needed to come to the hospital to watch the girls) when he said, "45 minutes to an hour" we both looked at each other and were like, "Holy crap...this is really happening!"

So he left and I called my mom and told her to hurry. Then I was taken to my room (at that point I was only being monitored in a triage room) and since I had eaten that morning I had to drink this nasty crap to help empty my stomach. Signed all the paperwork and trying to wrap my head around the fact that in just a short time my rainbow would be in my arms.

Shawn returned and right after my mom showed up as well. About 10 minutes after that the took me back to the OR.  I did snap one last belly shot before though!


Once in the OR it was time for my spinal. It ended up taking them almost an hour to get it and two doctor's. It was horrible. I was holding it together pretty well but at one point this sharp pain went through my right leg and then my leg went numb. I started crying then...I just wanted it to be over. (When I had my oldest, it took several tries and three doctor's to get my epidural in.) They told me this time that if I have any more children that I need to tell the anesthesiologist that they need to "go deep". (I have bruises up and down my spine from all the needle pokes)

Then the doctor comes in and we were talking about what kind of c-section would be best to do. I have a lot of scar tissue from my previous c-sections and baby boy was breech so we had to do a classic incision (from my belly button down to my pubic bone - they had to use staples to close it up).

Once they brought Shawn in I lost it. I just started crying. We had waited so long and the moment was finally here. I felt like I was holding my breath, just waiting to hear that fist cry. And when it came, I cried even more. I cried because I was happy, because I was relieved, because I never got to hear Bryston and Colton cry. It was an overwhelming moment.

Once in recovery, all I wanted to know was if my baby was ok. I was overjoyed to hear that he was doing very well for a 36 weeker. They actually did a gestational test on him because they thought it was further along than 36 weeks (which they found out he wasn't) All the nurses just kept saying that he was "mature" for his age. When they brought him in to me, it was an amazing moment. 

Shawn and I had about an hour alone with him before my mom came back with the girls. (They had went by the nursery to see him through the window and then went back to my house to get our bags)

The girls were beyond thrilled and could not wait to hold their brother. It was a moment that made my heart swell.




And now it has been almost 3 weeks since Kameron was born. 3 weeks! I want time to slow down!
He has been doing really well. My recovery has been a bit rough but I am finally starting to feel normal again. That first week home was hard...physically and emotionally. I couldn't figure out what my deal was...emotionally that is. I was sad and felt as though I was grieving in a way but could not figure out why I felt that way. Then it hit me. I was missing the boys like crazy and even though I was/am so very happy to have my rainbow...it is still hard not having Bryston and Colton here as well. I wish I had all my babies. And I was also "grieving" the fact that I wasn't pregnant anymore. Is that weird? Of course I was happy to have my baby in my arms but man, I missed that big belly and just being pregnant. I loved being pregnant. I don't know. I talked to Shawn and my doctor and am definitely feeling like my old self again, which is nice.






So for now...our little family is complete :)







(Sorry for any typo's - have not proof read!)

Wow. It's been over 2 months since my last update. Sorry about that!

I am now 18+ weeks pregnant - crazy huh? After the last few ultrasounds we are going by my original DD of May 20th.

My most recent ultrasound was last week and though we are not 100%, it is VERY likely this little bean is a boy :) I go back on the 29th for my actual anatomy scan. My cervix is still holding tight.

Still dealing with morning sickness but I *think* it is starting to ease up a bit. The thing I crave the most right now is Sour Patch Kids. I can not seem to get enough of those things. LOL.

I lost 3 pounds initially but am finally back up to my starting weight. I am sure I will start to pack on the pounds in the coming weeks.

I should have started my progesterone shots 2 weeks ago but we are having issues with the company and my insurance. I am nervous that I haven't started them yet but am hopeful they will be ready by my next appointment.

Dealing with losing my boys was/is rough. And now that I am expecting our rainbow, I am dealing with a whole new set of emotions. I am working through it though. One day at a time.

I guess that is it for now. I must go make dinner! And then I need to catch up on reading all the blogs I follow! Hope you all have an amazing Christmas and a wonderful New Year. God Bless.

We met with the MFM today. They did an ultrasound first and we saw our little bean wiggling all around! A nice strong HB of 178. They adjusted my DD to May 24, 2012.

My cervix and cerclage both looked great. Around 16 weeks I will start weekly progesterone shots, until around 36 weeks. We discussed a few other things but as long as things continue to go well I do not need to go back to the high risk doctor until the beginning of January. 

Dr. Z (high risk OB) will consult with Dr. S (regular OB) about my care and Dr. H (doctor that placed my TAC) has also been in contact with Dr. S. So I feel confident about the care I am and will continue to receive.

Below is a close up of our little rainbow :) 







We had to discuss my pregnancy with the boys and their birth, which was emotional for me. I guess I just find myself struggling with being so very happy about this baby but still so heartbroken that my boys are not here. I know these feeling are very normal but it is still rough. Just taking it all day by day.

Here is our little rainbow :)
Nice strong heartbeat of 138. They adjusted my due date to May 22, 2011 - making me 7 weeks 2 days.




I am still nervous but seeing and hearing that heartbeat absolutely provided me with some relief.

I will stay on the progesterone (oral) for the first three months and he said that around 16 weeks I may be started on the P17 shots. I will be going to see the MFM in a few weeks as well.

I just love seeing those lines!

I go pick up my prescription for Progesterone in the morning. I will take that for 3 months. I go see my doctor on October 5th to discuss the plan for this pregnancy and to see when my first ultrasound will be.

Praying so much this will be a very boring and uneventful pregnancy. And thank you for all the comments on my last posts! It means so much to me to have so many people praying for this little bean.

I conceived around Bryston and Colton's 1 year anniversary. I know my angels are watching over me and their little sibling...I just wish they were here too.

My heart still aches daily for my boys. At the same time...I want to enjoy and embrace everything that comes with this pregnancy. It is such a weird experience...pregnancy after a loss. It comes with a whole new set of emotions.

I was going to wait until tomorrow to test but I just couldn't wait.

The line showed up in less than a minute and it is super dark. 

I am so nervous and excited. I'll be calling my OB first thing Monday. He wants to start me on progesterone this pregnancy. Thanking God for this new little rainbow and praying that He keeps this little bean safe and healthy.

Thank you for all the support and comments, it truly means a lot to me.

For some reason I was thinking my period was due around the 14th of this month. I got online today and checked out my calendar and to my surprise, AF was due on the 11th.

So that makes me about 4 days late as of right now. I feel as though AF is about to arrive at any moment. Crampy...sore boobs, that sort of thing.

If I don't start by this weekend then I will buy a test. I'm not too hopeful, I know my miscarriage could affect my cycles for a few months. We will see I guess!

*13 months in Heaven - I miss you my sweet boys*