unquestionable love

I have been out of it since we got home! I still have almost 100 blogs to catch up on, but that's much better than the 496 that I started with! I sucked at ICLW. Seriously...sucked. But I'm going to be better in Feb.

So, lots of random updates:

• I got back to work on Tuesday, had a full-day retreat on Wednesday, followed by an acu appointment, a hair appointment and finished the night having a looong conversation with my sister till 11:30, then on Thursday the in-laws came over for dinner and tonight I'm going to see Rev.olutionary Road with my sis (so excited!). Tomorrow I am either going sledding and making snow cream with my nephews OOOORRRR I am driving to Indy to catch the Superamazing deals at my dearest AT Loft. (Seriously, folks. They're having 50% off of the already reduced clrx prices and if the already marked prices are anywhere near what I got while on vacation, then I'm stoked.) Plus, I am hoping to stop by the Trader Joe.s while I'm down there. Sooo, get the shopping "high" or get the spending-time-with-the-nephews "high," it's a choice that must be made.
• Tomorrow night, I'm excited for a girl's night, especially because it is with some newish friends and there will also be lots of people that I haven't met before. I always like to meet some new people!
• I started a new book last night. It's this book: I plan on passing it along to someone who is interested via the blogosphere. After all, no one in my real life is infertile. So if it is good (which, I made it through 2 short chapters before passing out last night, so I'm still not sure), I will let you all know and I'll send it to someone who's interested. The back cover reads:

  Emma has it all mapped out: Go off the pill in December, have sex,
  get pregnant by January, have the baby in September. And with the help of a
  personal trainer, Emma figures she'll be back in shape by Christmas. Happy New
  Year!
  But when three months of candle-scented sex fails to produce the
  desired result, Emma's life becomes a rollercoaster of post-coital handstands,
  hormone inducing (a.k.a. sanity reducing) drugs, and a veritable army of
  fertility specialists. Emma and James try everything, from ovulation kits to
  in-vitro, but all their carefully laid plans seem to go south -- in direct
  proportion to Emma's plummeting self-esteem. And just when Emma feels she's
  alienated everyone in her life -- her twice-pregnant confidante, her singleton
  friend, even her own husband -- eventstake a ninety-degree turn that will have
  unforeseen consequences for everyone.
  With The Baby Trail Sinead Moriarty
  brings a wicked sense of humor to a subject of fevered concern for women today.
  Sizzlingly funny yet deeply moving, this novel is sure to ring true for women
  who can hear the tick-tock of their own biological clocks.

• I just finished a great book. Seriously, amazing. And J finished the "sequel" to it a few days ago and said it was just as good as Pillars. I can't explain it, but this book got inside my head. Everything I did while reading it, I pictured doing it in the setting of the book. Every time I saw something, it reminded me of something in the book. I love it when a book does that!! I still think about what the characters might be doing at this exact time even though the book takes place in the 1700s! So, I suggest it to all. 100%.
• Acupuncture hurt the other night. For the first time EVER. I think it might have been due to not having gone for almost 2 weeks. But certain points really pinched. But it was weird. When she put it in the top of my foot, it pinched on the opposite side on my big toe. When she put it in the top/front of my calf, it hurt down near my ankles. Kind of interesting. And for the first time, she did some points to focus on the IF. I don't have high hopes but I will definitely be glad if I get another 30-day cycle.
• Ummmm. What else? Oooh, I got all of my jewelry in! I took pics and am going to post them. I loved every single piece. Usually when I order several pieces, there are 1 or 2 that I am disappointed in...or maybe they just fit differently than I think they will. Not this time! Of the 24 new pieces, I absolutely love every single one of them! Some will go with more than others, but I am so happy that I made good choices!
• I have gained like 5 pounds. Yuck. I guess that frozen custard that I had for lunch isn't helping much.
• Ummm...oh, yeah. I bought some OPKs. Took one last night, but it was a negatron babylon. I think that *.if.*.if.*.if.* I did O this month, I probably took the OPK too late. I am hoping that I O'd on like CD 14, which was actually yesterday, so I feel like the OPK would have had to have been taken before yesterday. There was a dark line, but it wasn't darker than the control line.
• Finally, Happy Anniversary to me!! I started blogging 1 year ago on Jan. 7th. (IF blogging, that is. I've had my IRL blog for 3 years, also in January.)
  
  So...I think that might be all of my news. I'm very much looking forward to a little downtime. And my period, funny enough.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

I have 1 more day of vacation. I'm going to spend it visiting with my new niece that is just over a week old. Then I'm going to go buy some OPKs because lord HELP me I think I'm preparing to OVULATE!!! I've got some action going on over on the right side and right now I'm on about CD10, so I'm hoping to see something (ANYthing) on an OPK this week. I've decided to hold off on the baby pills (from THIS post) until next cycle. Hopefully she can try some IF focused acu this week and we'll see how it goes. Then next month, we'll be doing another injectable cycle, so hopefully the pills will add to the possibility of success!

Welcome everyone! Nice to 'meet' you!

Sorry for the lack of postage...I'm on vacation right now and this is the first I have logged onto a computer in over 5 days. (Granted, I have cheated and checked my email on my phone, but I haven't actually opened the computer. So...no posts...and no leaving comments...and no reading blogs.) BUT the good news is that we'll be home on Sunday and I also have Monday off, so I am hoping to get a good portion of reading done on those days.

Speaking of vacation, it's been amazing. We are in a cabin in the mountains with ZERO responsibilities. We brought the dogs, have lounged around, done puzzles, watched movies, read our books, taken naps. It's so wonderful and I feel so refreshed. We still have 2 more days, too! I did get a bit of shopping in and I have to tell you, I hit the jackpot!!! Ann Taylor Loft is my alltime favorite store. We knew that there was an outlet mall, so we did spend a day shopping. But before heading to the outlet mall, we went to eat in a real outdoor mall (aka, not an outlet). I saw a Loft, so I headed in. I had $200 in giftcards to spend, plus about $100 in cash. I didn't want to spend more than my Christmas money so that this could be a guilt-free trip. We all know that at ATL, $100 means like 1 pair of pants and maybe 2 or 3 shirts...if you're lucky. I was just hoping for some MLK holiday deals. Well, I just happened to hit it on the best day ever and I got 4 pair of pants/jeans, 1 skirt, 1 jacket and 5 tops for.....drumroll please!....$113!!! That's 11 pieces for $113.

I could've peed myself. So that left me with some leftover money to spend at the outlet mall, where I found 2 pair of shoes, 2 sweaters and a fleece vest. All of this for under $200. Now the trick will be making room in my closet. I'm sure I'll take a picture of my steals when I get home because I'm *that* excited!

Anyway, that's that for now. I will be home in a few days to post some pictures, read all of your blogs and comment away!!

in short:

• lots of snow (good!)=long drive to work and getting in an hour late (no big deal, but not good!)
• issues at work: lots to do before heading out for vacation, squabbles within the support staff, several meetings...all of this means I got nothing checked off of my list today
• had lunch with an alum. they typically last 1 hour, 1 and a half at MOST. yeah..this one? 3 1/2 hours. this also resulted in not being able to make it back to the office after lunch because...
• I left my coat at my friend's house a few weeks ago. My WINTER coat, which I will need with all this snow and with vacation in the mountians coming up. So I called, she said she would be home, I drove the 30 minutes to her house (on bad county roads, no less) to find that she was NOT there. I wait for 15 minutes. Nothing. I head back to town and she calls. She's at the salon, so I have to turn around, go to another small town nearby and get my coat. (Thankfully I got it, I guess I shouldn't complain.) Which...
• Made me late for acupuncture.
• To top it all off, I got home to an empty house. (boo) j had inventory today and the poor guy has been at work since 4:00 this morning. It's now 7:20pm. I feel so bad for him and there's nothing I can do.
• Once I get in the garage, I head down the snow covered driveway to get the mail...and you could probably guess what's next....feet over head, I fall right on my butt. And there was a car passing which makes things even more embarrassing!

I feel like there is a black cloud over my head today. I just want to curl up with my dogs and my hubby.

I need to end this on a good note, so here are some great things that happened today. Gotta see the silver lining of that black cloud:

• I am officially starting!! Yay for a 30-day cycle!!!!
• The acu was so excited for me. She said we can start focusing on fertility-focused acu, which is what I have been waiting for!!! She also gave me some tiao.jing cu.yun wan, which, after a quick google search, are referred to as motherhood pills or baby pills.
• I *did* get my coat back. I *didn't* have any problems on the bad roads.
• I had a very relaxing acu appointment.
• And now, best of all, J just pulled in the garage.

Debbie downer, signing off...

I saw this meme over at Bee in the Bonnet and thought it looked fun, so here goes!

I spotted a smidge this morning. Why, you ask, is this good news? Well, it could be good for one of two reasons:

1. Today is CD27. If I am spotting like I normally spot (which is a day or two before AF arrives), then that means maybe....possibly....there is the slightest chance that the acupuncture is working to normalize my cycles!!!! I have never (as in, I don't think during my entire adult life) had a non-medicated cycle that was within the normal range. I have had 50+ day cycles and the last cycle was down a bit, to 42 days. If I start even in 2 days, that will mean a 29 day cycle. How incredible is that?!?!? Granted, I realize that it doesn't mean that everything is working in the old ute mill, but it is certainly a step in the right direction.
2. Oooorrr...false hope....it could be implantation spotting. RIGHT?!?! It's between 10 & 12 dp"o", which I'm not convinced that I did o, but we'll assume...so it's 10-12dpo which is a fine time for implantation spotting. I had weird twinges and little pains last night.

Other tidbits of information that make me really happy:

• My bbs were sore. SORE!!! Not nearly as sore as when I was on meds, but still sore to the touch. This is good news in cycle-land! In addition to not o'ing on my own, I don't get sore bbs prior to AF when I am not on meds.
• The spotting was different than it usually is. It's typically really dark, sort of dryish, etc. This time, it was more of a glob and it was still darker, but not the old looking blood like before. This could be significant because the acupuncturist has been working on having my body rid itself of the old blood in the past 2 cycles. She said that it isn't shedding all of the old blood which can cause problems for the next cycle. If this is the case, then it would seem that I don't have as much old nasty decrepit blood to get rid of. It is more of CM type of blood. I realize that this means it is likely NOT implantation bleeding, but it still makes me very happy.
• Spotting is gone as of now. If it is AF, then I should expect some more tonight and definitely more tomorrow.
• Also, if it's AF, this means that she will be done at least for most of my vacation. That is good news, as I figured she'd start the first day and end the day we leave the cabin.

All in all, I truly think it's just AF starting. But it gives me definite hope for the next cycle. If my body is responding to the acu without even having any fertility-focused acu done, then hopefully that means it will continue to regulate with some of the f-f acu as well as the meds.

..and I'm all packed for vacation! We leave in 7 days and my suitcase is packed up, even down to the jewelry that I will wear. This is *so* not like me, but I wanted to be sure that I didn't wear any of my pjs or other clothes during the week. Plus, well, I'm just excited to go.

By the way, I'm watching the Golden Globes and can I just say that Laura Linney is stunning?!? She is such an amazing actress, but she looked gorgeous tonight!

So, the countdown begins till vacation. Lots to do this week, but I had a really productive week last week, so I'm feeling pretty good. Hopefully I can get everything done by Wednesday so that I can sail through Thursday and Friday.

At home, this week, I'm working on getting pictures together for January's Project, which happens to be my Work Office. I'm getting some pictures of us, the dog and my nephews together so that I can make things more welcoming and homey. (It only took a year and a half!)

Life is so exciting. Truly.

My hopes have been bombed!! Screw this shit. I just talked to Nurse J to see if I could have a consult with the RE about possibly skipping further IUI cycles and going straight for IVF. She said that was perfectly fine. We set up the appointment. Then I asked what the estimated cost of drugs would be. To which she responded, "Well, the total cost is typically between 10 and 12K."

Ummm. What?!?! What happened to THIS quote? Granted, I knew it was really low, and it didn't include ICSI, but how could the quote have been off by like 4 grand?

So...this will require a long conversation. I'm kind of feeling like we're back to square one. Which would be okay. I guess. After all, it would give me a chance to see how the acupuncture is working. Plus, Nurse J told me that she is going to start stockpiling some Fo.llisti.m to give to me. SO I guess if I could get away with another cycle at under $2,000 or so, I should probably do it.

I still think I need to lose some weight, though. So I feel like I have a good month and a half, if not two, to lose about 20lbs. That would be good. Plus, I will see in about another 2 weeks how my cycle is. Hoping that it goes down from 42 days. If so, I will feel better about things.

Oh, I also found out that the financial lady is now gone from my RE's office. And so is the receptionist. Cleaning house, I tell ya! I liked the billing lady but she was a bit scattered, that's for sure. The receptionist was meh... But Nurse J said that they have a hard time keeping receptionists. She said that it is really tough for them because of the emotional aspects. I can see that...

This is going to basically be a journal post because I feel like I need to organize the seven million thoughts running through my mind!

I needed acupuncture SO badly tonight! Things are just hectic! There's no other way to put it. With having just this week and next before leaving for vacation, I feel like I should be working 6am-8pm every night. But...I am not. It'll all get done and I tend to do much better under pressure, so by this time next week, I'll be tying up all sorts of loose ends and finishing everything on my Outlook task list. At least that's the hope.

Speaking of acupuncture, it was kind of weird tonight. I was in a different room. Not my normal warm and cozy room. I didn't think I'd fall asleep. Sure enough, I did, and for a long time, but it was a weird sleep. First of all, my intuition point (between my eyes on my forehead) kind of hurt. I don't know, it was weird. It is always a strange sensation, like if I open my eyes, I can't focus and there is a lot of sort of swirling pressure there. Maybe I'm THAT full of intuition! But it's also my favorite point because I can focus in on it and when I'm drifting off, I have very vivid and enlightening thoughts. Today, however, I kept getting flashes of animals. I remember tigers and turtles mostly, but they were flashes and the animals were sort of pictured on these big green leaves. Weird. I don't know that it means anything but it was still odd. After a long sleep, I woke rested and ready to get out of there. Only she didn't come to remove the needles for probably another 10 minutes, so I just had to lay there. I didn't like that.

Then I came home, had some dinner, did a load of laundry, emptied the dishwasher, had a healthy snack and tried out the new Jillia.n Michael.s game for Wii fit. (Yeah...not so impressed. Maybe it was just me but I didn't like it one bit. I'll give it another go, but I'm not the biggest fan thus far!) But I'm happy that I actually made some sort of attempt to get back on the saddle with working out. I couldn't believe it, but the WF told me it'd been 177 days since my last login. WOW!! I didn't realize it had been that long! Granted, I wasn't using it much during most of the early fall when we were running, but still! I was relieved to see that I had actually dropped about a pound since the last weigh in. (And I set a new goal of 10 lbs. in 1 month. Totally doable if I keep things like today!)

I'm working on my first project from my 12 Projects in 12 Months list. I decided to focus on my office at work. One, because it's bare and empty and oh-so sad. Two, because we'll be at the outlet malls during vacation and I'm hoping to find something great for the walls.

And now, you can disregard. I'm just going to log my food intake so that I can try to hold myself accountable. Not sure it'll happen every day, but it's still on my mind right now.

• 2 cups of coffee (with cream and sugar...bad!)
• 90-cal b-fast bar
• 100-cal can of roasted italian veggie soup (omg, it's C.ampbells and YUM!)
• handful of scoo.ps chips...probably 20
• small serving of leftover spaghetti
• piece of garlic bread
• 15 triscuit bites
• 3 slices/chunks of white sharp cheddar cheese
• apple
• LOTS of water
• Rough estimate: about 1800 calories for the day, 40 minutes of exercise and probably burned about 300 calories, bringing me to around 1500 cals.

...just documenting this for myself. I've decided that I am going to try to tackle one project each month. I read it somewhere but have no idea where at this point, but I thought it was a good idea and it'll give me something other than IF to focus on each month. So here it is, in no particular order.

12 Projects in 12 Months:

1. Operation: Office-Move the office into the loft
2. Operation: Guest Bedroom-where the office used to be
3. Project: Redesign (downstairs bath)-Painting (at the least), adding new decorations, hopefully installing a new pedestal sink, mirror and light fixture
4. Project: Redesign (master bath)-Painting, new light fixture, new shower curtain & accessories
5. Mission: Organization (filing cabinet)-Reorganizing all of my files, shredding and using my new label maker to make new files
6. Operation: Work Office-Pictures, a piece of art or two, a vase or other decorative piece...--JANUARY
7. Project: Pictures-Updating pictures (we have none of Lukey boy up), adding pictures to the staircase, printing out some of my favorites from 2008
8. Operation: Garage-buying a small shed, tidying a bit
9. Mission: Kitchen Cabinet Clean-up-cleaning out items that we don't use, wiping out cabinets and drawers
10. Operation: Recipes-Updating our recipe binder (where we keep recipes from magazines and websites)
11. tbd...
12. tbd...