Until The Day Comes

Have not posted in ages! Haha, but well i’m back here because i’m in Taiwan on a lazy friday afternoon resting, waiting to meet my dear 慧芳for dinner, and knowing that in just a week’s plus time, i would be starting work. Sometimes all of these seem a little surreal because being back here seems really normal! It doesn’t feel nostalgic cause it just seems like I was just here just a little while ago. I feel very normal and there isn’t the “ooh i’m overseas” kinda feel. So maybe it’s kinda like i’ve grown to live in this environment too. Nothing too tough or too holiday-ish here.

With the thought of starting work on the 1st of June, I wonder how it would be like. Going back to Singapore, starting work in a really faraway place. Just things that are new ya know. Bear with me for a bit cause it seems like i’m just rambling, but i’ll bring it back in a bit.

This post was sparked off as I watched some videos of friends and SK2 memebers wishing me a happy 23rd birthday, and just so happens that at THAT point of time i was also in Taiwan, 2009. That was the trip that sparked off the idea of me coming to Taiwan for an extended period of time, and well the rest is history. I never planned for all of these, but it did happen, and i thank God for both the wonderful things that happened, the friends i made, getting together with my dear 慧芳, and so on. It opened up my view on worship, grace, love, and just God Himself.

Now that i’m here at where I am, 20th May 2011 Friday 3:55pm, those videos showed me the people i was close with. And it’s interesting to know how people and things move on. Because just barely 2 years ago, I was close to those people, and thank God i still am to some of them! Of course some are circumstantial (like handing over SK2) and stuff, so it’s not good or bad, things do happen and we move on. But i guess a little part of me just hopes to have those friendships, be it a little hi and goodbye, knowing how each other are doing and genuinely caring for one another, i think that would be nice. Not that people aren’t nice and all~ You guys AND girls who read this, or even those that don’t that i consider my friends, you’re all great~ And i don’t mean it just to sound polite. I do mean it. But people just have to move on cause different seasons of lives happen, and we have to flow along God’s river. =)

I used to not be able to move on, because then i would think that i have forgotten the person; or maybe that person or thing is not important to me anymore. And so i found it really tough to let go. But i guess letting go, surrendering to God is the key to moving on. I would beg to differ to say that the issue or thing isn’t important anymore. Instead, I would like to suggest that we are choosing to let God be MORE important. This doesn’t make the issue/person unimportant, it just makes God MORE important, which i feel is so key to move on. Be it in a relationship, a struggle, an issue, a season. Might have been good, we thank God and then move on. Might have been terrible, we grieve and allow time to heal, and move on.

Alright now i just want to say, that for those that have been in my life, thank you. You know who you are, and thank you for influencing my life the way you have. I miss you.
For those that are still actively in my life, thank you for still being in my life! Haha, i know i have not been easy to hang out with at times, if i even hang out. But i would like to continue growing closer my dear friends and family!

So here’s to moving on to a new season! =)

“And they lived happily ever after…”

If you’ve ever read any disney story or fairy tales, i’m pretty sure you’ve come across this phrase that we’re very familiar with. I can imagine that this simple phrase evokes different feelings in different ones of us, especially after living life on planet earth, where things just don’t seem that “happy” after all. Some of us might even think that this is far fetched and too unrealistic given the world that we live in.

Well if it were taken on face value, without looking at the intricacies of things, i think it might just be something found in our imagination, and in heaven. But then again, i’m one who really thinks that Happily Ever Afters do happen. Just that we need to have a proper understanding of how this can happen.

Like many that feel that this is all too fairy tale statement in such a fallen world, yes i agree; if we were to expect that once we find “THE ONE” (which by the way i don’t exactly hold for this view), or like find someone that TRULY understands us (who can also be a good friend), then life suddenly becomes rosy, and everywhere we go flowers follow our trail. The dishes clean by themselves, the floor is clean every morning you wake up, and the hair of our partners always fall in perfect position with a glow of happiness and bliss on their faces.

So what then does Happily Ever After mean for me? I believe that in any relationship, and especially for this context a marriage or a courtship, i believe that Happily Ever After can happen, and is meant to happen because God created us for relationships. =) How then does this even happen? I believe that we first have to bust the myth, that through a relationship, our emptiness is filled, we suddenly become whole, and roses bloom everywhere we go. Well to some extent, yes! But if those are the reasons we go into a relationship, then we’re in for big trouble. Because you know what? Relationships require much effort.

This is also where my definition of Happily Ever After comes in. I believe in this when two individuals get together, their hearts are first towards God, then towards one another. Only then can a relationship truly blossom, and be a blessing to themselves and those around them. Does that mean that there will be no difficulties? Hahaha far from it! It actually means that there will be so much more difficulties! But through this process, you grow to learn more about yourself, your fears, your loves, your insecurities, your hopes etc. Not only that, you take in and embrace your partner’s fears, loves, insecurities, hopes and so on. It’s a growth process, and it requires much effort!

But i do believe that this is Happily Ever After, not that there’s no effort or difficulties involved. On the contrary as both individuals decide to walk together, they learn to depend on God more and more, and through that draw closer together. Embracing one another for who they are because of the love they have from God. So much effort and grace and the choice to love and forgive is involved.

And for those that are really young, i know that a relationship is something that’s very big for some of you. Maybe because of some emptiness, or the lack of love; which most of the time might not even be your fault. I say this not as someone high and mighty, but as someone who has also been through those times of emptiness and lack of love and support. It felt terrible and i longed for a relationship. But cliche as it might sound, this true belonging can only be found in our Lord Jesus. Yes we can’t see Him with our eyes, but i believe more and more, as you cry out to Him, He hears your prayers and reaches out to you. Save all that you’ve been given to someone that is really worth it because it’ll be all the more sweet =) I truly believe that. Hard as it might be, (and yes it is TERRIBLY HARD), it is possible cause i’ve been through it, and i know if God is faithful in my life, He is in yours too cause He can’t become unfaithful.

Through this post, i also recognize that some of us might already given much of ourselves to that person. Wherever you are, whatever stand you take, keep knowing that Jesus still loves you. Very very dearly for that matter. And He restores us so don’t give up hope, because He is our hope, and can still be that Happily Ever After.

So here’s to a happily ever after! =)

Haha, apparently i have written about trust and humility before over  https://untilthedaycomes.wordpress.com/2008/09/26/trust/ and https://untilthedaycomes.wordpress.com/2010/11/24/but-im-not-used-to-it/. Wao that’s like 2 years ago for the trust post. But now i come with more experiences hoping this would bless you as you read along.

So what has been said in the previous posts, i’ll not deliberate too much on those. But just the past few months, i think God has really been challenging me, breaking me, moulding me, lifting me up and it’s been such a growth process the past 3 months. I believe that this is a season where it might set certain courses and paths i might take later on in life and it’s really been exciting!

But very interestingly, remember i blogged about not being used to things a few posts back? Well i believe God was teaching me about humility in that period of time. Humility to me is recognizing who i am, and who God is in every single situation, be it big ones or small ones. Sometimes i fall into the trap of trusting God for the BIG stuff in my life, but forget that God is still God in the small things, which i need to make Him Lord over!

So what has trust got to do with humility? Well, it has A LOT to do with humility! And i have been learning that, and once again have learnt that just yesterday. When we say we trust someone, what does it mean? From dictionary.com, i got this definition of trust:

to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something.

Well then if we use this definition of trust, which i think most of us can agree with, we put ourselves in a position where the other person is in control and we relinquish ours; regardless of whether it is something we could have controlled or not. Cause if we were to still have control, we don’t have to rely on that someone or something, and thus we don’t exactly need to trust. Trust in any aspect, requires a giving up of control in whichever area we want to trust the person with. So in whatever extent, it makes us “vulnerable” to the person or thing that we trust. Because now the control is in his/her/its hands.

I don’t know about you, but i certainly can only trust someone that is dependable, that i know will not fail me and someone who knows what he/she is doing. Well of course this is the ideal person to trust! But truthfully speaking, only God can truly fill that place. Which is why humility is so important! When i truly know who i am, that i can’t do it on my own, and begin to realize His character, His faithfulness, can i really trust Him. If i were even to be just semi humble, or pseudo humble, i’d still want my way; Because i can’t trust Him even though in my head i know i should.

Then some might think “if only God would show me some miracles, i’d be able to trust Him!”. I used to think like that too, but He’s taught me truly, that it isn’t miracles and wonders that make us believe and trust Him. Cause prior to coming to Taiwan, i asked if God would show me how much He loved me at that point of time when i was really doubting if He loved me; by providing a sum of money for me. And prior to coming, i already got ALMOST the amount and i was already really happy. But just last week, i already got more than the amount i asked for! And i was really amazed at how God actually remembered this promise of His! So my Christmas was a really blessed one.

However, just a week after this miracle (least it was one for me), after hearing some news about my might be future plans, i was actually doubting if God truly was still in control, if He would give me the best, because it was different from what i had in mind. If miracles would really cause us to believe, why did i still have my doubts? I’d like to propose, that ultimately, our faith in Him is not primarily on the miracles (which i do believe to be very important too!), but it doesn’t take precedence over His character and how we perceive Him. The signs and wonders NEED to be based on our knowledge and experience of Him for who He is.

And the thing about God, is He doesn’t rush us to trust Him. For 2 days i was in a “i really don’t know what to do now Lord, and i don’t want to pray.. i feel angry…” But He didn’t push me, nor did He say “你這不只好歹的小 Sam!”. But He allowed me to struggle and go through my emotions. And at the end of the 2nd day, i actually came back to Him because i know that He truly is in control, just that i needed to go through my emotions, and He gives us time for that. Through this, you actually see that God also in some ways, trusts us to come back to Him. Is He in control of our wills? Well He could if He wanted to by sheer power, but He doesn’t and gives us free will, so it was still my choice in wanting to come back or not, rendering God to be “not in control” for what i will choose. So even in this He first demonstrates to us that He is humble enough, and willing to trust us even though He is the ALMIGHTY, ALL POWERFUL God. Wao, what a revelation!

I think this nicely reflects how we should trust one another too. Does it mean we trust EVERYONE wholeheartedly? No i do not think so. There are safe and unsafe people in the world; due to their past experiences and influences of course. But in people whom are trustworthy, i believe the same principle applies. Where sometimes it really might seem scary to put our heart out in the open, or to rely on that person, both of these actions being a part of trust. Of course it might mean that sometimes we still get hurt in the process because humans are not perfect like God. But we still learn to trust because this is truly the way to living a fulfilling life =)

So i hope that as we journey on this road learning who we are, and who God is, that’d we’d be able to love and trust Him, and also to love and trust people. =)

I just watched a video on some little funny skit-dialogue of two Americans (i think) speaking Singlish. Haha i must say it was pretty good! Here’s the video if you guys wanna have a good laugh =)

Anyway, after coming to Taiwan, my main conversational language has switched from English to Chinese, or for that matter, Singlish to more or less, Chinese. Though it was quite tough at first, now it has become more innate and natural for me after these 2 months of practise. =) But i’ve re-discovered something as i listen to proper chinese, something that is more or less unadulterated and pure. It’s very attractive, and there’s just something very beautiful about it. Well i’m not talking about perfect speech patterns and grammer; i’m talking about the use of one single language that makes it pure in my own definition for the purpose of this post.

So anyway what has Americans speaking singlish gotta do with purity? Haha, well i’m gonna use the clip to talk about my view on purity. Well for all Singaporeans, i’m pretty sure we’re not foreign to what Singlish is. But for the readers from other countries, here’s a broad definition of what Singlish is. Singlish is a colloquial language spoken by the citizens of Singapore that includes english, chinese, malay, hokkien and any other language that fits. I think Singlish is a very comfortable language because it allows us to express in a way that is close to the heart, and fellow Singaporeans can identify with it. I think it’s nice to be able to use it in Singapore and be understood.

Well then let’s look at the youtube clip. The Sergeant speaking in Singlish is obviously not Singaporean (based on looks at least), but i must say he did quite a good job impersonating a Singaporean. But if you’re from Singapore, you’ll probably have noticed that he leaked out some of his original way of speaking cause some words and sentences didn’t sound THAT Singlish. Hahaha. From this i realized that who we are will always show. God made us to be of a certain way, all of us uniquely different from one another. And i would also think in each of our uniqueness, we are wholly His, pure and unadulterated. And this is shown through how the Sergeant wasn’t able to control all of his accent, simply because he wasn’t made to be like that. But the thing about life, is that as we grow older, we are placed into a world filled with many many influences. It can be good, it can be neutral, it can be bad. And the thing about this is that it fills our minds and hearts with so many things, that it becomes clouded. Just like how the Sergeant is able to learn Singlish, is Singlish bad? Of course not! But it just isn’t how he was brought up, and is different from his native language. So what is pure? Checking from some online webpage, It signifies that which is clean, or free from contaminating substance (cf. Danker et al., Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament, 489) So when our hearts are clouded, it becomes impure because now it is not in a state of just being “ONE” thing, being contaminated by other things.

Well then i looked at how purity looks like, and i got reminded of pure chinese language, or pure english language, or pure whatever language. Haha, free from any “contaminating language”. It really is something that is very attractive because when i hear people converse in “pure” language, there’s just an “i wanna be like that” or “wao it’s really beautiful” feeling that wells up in me. And i think there’s a reason for it. God is a pure and Holy God. And if we are made in His image, i believe the attributes of purity is something that is also built into us, and we long for it. Take for example gold. How do we measure the carats of the gold? Isn’t it by how pure the gold is? The more pure the gold is, the more valuable it is. There’s something innate in us that makes us want to be pure too.

Is purity then what we do, or maybe does what we have done make us impure? Well i think purity stems from our heart, not from our actions. Of course through our actions we can see if our hearts are pure. But i would like to focus more on the conditions of our hearts, because we cannot erase what we have done. If purity was just about what we did/did not do, then we would be condemned forever. But i thank God that He is a God that looks at our hearts. When we have our hearts wholly devoted to Him once again, we are pure and made righteous because of our faith in Jesus who died on the cross for our redemption.

Jesus said, Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. So there really is something about purity that attracts us, because then we can see God! Woo hoooo! Cause even if our actions seem good, and our hearts are impure, than what good is it?

I was then reading through Romans again and Paul was talking about righteousness. I think sometimes we might mix up purity and righteousness. To me purity comes from our desire to have that one person in our lives which is Jesus. Righteousness however, is something that is accorded to us. Meaning by right, we can’t “do” anything no matter how hard we try if God doesn’t want to give it to us. If righteousness was about what we did, then we’d really be in trouble! Because then it would mean that if i were to fall for even one time, i’m unrighteous and byebye to being with Jesus. But in Romans 3:21-26 to summarize it, talks that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (which is why we can’t do any good works to be made righteous), and that it is only because of His blood poured out for us that covered over the sins of the past and of present time, through faith and in His grace that we are made righteous.

Of course that’s not to say we can “will” ourselves to be pure and because we have superpowered wills. But i mean purity comes from us initiating it, asking God to help us to seek His kingdom and His righteousness. While righteousness can’t be attained by our means, we get it when God accords it to us through our faith in Jesus Christ! So in this, we can only get it by focussing not on righteousness, but in our faith in Jesus Christ.

So after talking so much, i guess i just want to say that purity comes from our hearts and will flow into our actions. What we have done is past, what we will do we don’t know. But what i do know is that His blood has covered all of these as He puts on us His white robe of righteousness, that through this too, when we find ourselves not condemened, we’re able to live with such a pure heart before Him, loving Him more and more each day with this revelation within our hearts. Peace be with you. =)

For the adventurous, this might be less often seen sentence in your life. But for many many people, “I’m not used to it!” is quite an oft used statement when something unfamiliar happens, or when we are supposed to move into the unknown for whatever reason.

In this day and age, many of us would like to have a stable income, stable family, stable grades (good grades =P ), and for Abby, a real stable filled with horses! (hehe abby that was for you. =) )  I’m not saying we don’t like to have adventures and all, hahah of course we do. But such stability brings us a sense of safety duncha think? Well at least for me it does! And this might be part of the reason why so many people work SO HARD to get good grades, good jobs; so they don’t have to worry about the future.

If you’ve done the personality test MBTI before, the last alphabet J or P which stands for Judging or Perceiving respectively kinda shows how much a person likes/dislikes change in general.

“Do you prefer a more structured and decided lifestyle (Judging) or a more flexible and adaptable lifestyle (Perceiving)?”

For me, i like a more structured and decided lifestyle. So everytime i have to move into certain changes or unknowns, it creates a disturbance inside me. Thinking through, not ALL changes creates this discomfort. I have realized, the things that i’m very used to or i’m very good at, there will be more discomfort, disturbance and maybe certain “unwillingness” to change. Probably because it has already been such a part of me, to change might mean a lot of effort, or just that “things will be different”.

For the most part, i thought i’ve already been quite good at adapting to changes and being okay with them. Until only recently when my notion of intimacy with God, and “style” of worship was greatly challenged (in a good way). Not that whatever i have thought of was wrong, but this time it seemed like God wanted me to have a breakthrough in my life in the area of worship and intimacy with Him. Well then, that meant CHANGE.

Ever read the book in the bible called Song of Solomon? Well most would have read it before i would suppose, and I have too. But to have really READ it, well that i have not. Why, you might ask. Haha, for me, i found it REALLY hard to relate to the book! I mean I did realize that it might be kinda like an allegory of sorts of Jesus the bridegroom and the Church the bride of Christ. Those are all fine and good! But if i were to be called a lily, or a rose; Hmmmm, I used to find it really hard to be called that. Haha, i’d ask myself “Huh, why am i a rose? I’m a warrior! Chiong ah!” kinda thing. And i even find myself to be quite intimate with God already, but a rose?! Hahaha. It felt very foreign to me to be this intimate with God.

So then recently a team from my church (Dayspring church) went to Hong Kong to a ministry called the incubator. So anyway, their call is very closely tied to scriptures in the Song of Solomon, very much like the International House of Prayer (IHOP) pastored by Mike Bickel (if i’m not wrong). And much of their songs and focus come from the Song of Solomon. So when they came back bringing this with them. I felt REALLY WEIRD. Like i think it has been such a long long time since i felt so weird during worship. I just couldn’t connect with God, with the songs, and it was plain weird through the whole time of worship during a prayer meeting. At that point of time i felt very out of place and questions filled my mind: “Am i supposed to be here? If i feel so weird, does it mean i don’t belong here?” “What am i supposed to do? I really am not used to this!”

At that point of time, there were only two choices. One, to go forward, the other to retreat and give up. But somehow within my spirit and after talking to my pastor, i knew that what the team brought back should be good. And i should move forward despite of “I’m not used to it!”.

I think one of the reason why God put me through this, was to allow me to be continually dependent upon Him. Everytime we are helpless in a situation, in my case, I could no longer fall back on my “experience” in worship, the only way forward is to be dependent upon Him. Just like how Paul even after praying, God still did not remove the thorn in his flesh to remind himself to be continually dependent on Him.

And thank God that God enabled me to move forward. Even though it might not be a 100% forward, i felt a breakthrough in my spirit. Am i a rose? I still find that hard, but i know i’m beautiful. Am i a bride? Hmm i’m a guy am i not? Well now i know i want to stay pure like how a bride is. God taught me that the way i relate to Him doesn’t have to be exactly the same as another person. But intimate i will still be, so that brought me great comfort too. =)

If things were fine and dandy, our focus will be so easily shifted from God to ourselves or other priorities that take over God’s place in our lives. Does this mean that God is sadistic and wants us to suffer so we can be dependent upon Him? FAR FROM IT! I believe that God is still love, and we need to see this post in the light that God loves us SO MUCH. But this love is not for our comfort. It is for things that will last, our character, our being. Yes i do believe God does allow us to go through changes to rock our boat, so our foundation is further reinforced in Him. Does this mean that we will never have a comfy life then? Hahha, of course not. God delights in us enjoying our lives when it is in Him too =) But this isn’t a post about suffering and all, so i shall not go into that. Just be mindful that if we are close to Him, be ready for changes! Fret not though, because His grace is more than sufficient for us, His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

When i have no more strength, He becomes my strength
When I have nothing else, He becomes my everything

Truth, a word that invokes a kind of feeling of justice, fairness, goodness. It’s inherently a word that has pretty good connotations to it. However, in a world that isn’t just black and white, where so many things are so grey, how does truth stand in such a time as this?

Bringing it down to a less abstract level, our daily lives. Remember the times when we tell our secrets to our best friends, and we would always be sooooo eager to find out the truth about “hey does he really like her?” and all those sort of things? Haha, those were the days when things were less complicated, and more objective to some extent. But i’ve come to a point, where sometimes i wonder, is truth objective or subjective? If it is subjective, is that even truth?

So then of course we have to look at how we define truth, and how we want to look at it. I’d first like to look at truth in an interpersonal relation. Have you ever felt,

A: “HEY I THOUGHT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT?”
B: “Huh, but i never meant it to be like that”

Well i certainly have! Misunderstandings happen so very often in our lives. From small ones to big ones, they come in different situations, with different people, and at different times. So why do misunderstandings happen? I’d like to propose that it’s because of the difference of “truth” that we see that makes such things happen. Before i continue, there is something i learnt in my course of Psychology. It’s called perceptual salience. Haha whoooa, cheem word. Basically what it means is that whatever information is available to us, we tend to think that information is causal of what is happening, when sometimes in actual fact, the information available to us is only a small fraction of what is really happening.

This effect is very important in this post because it affects how we see “truth”. A lot of times we view the world through our own lens, and that’s about it. So if let’s say i live in a place where i only see red apples, i would think: “All apples are red”. But if in another part of the world, a person sees only green apples, he would think: “All apples are green”. Let me ask you then, are all apples only red, only green, or both? Well obviously it’s both for this example! But the “truth” that i saw and the “truth” that the other person saw weren’t false either! It was just that both of us had an inaccurate picture of what the actual truth is.

This is where the problem arises. A lot of times we see that the problem is due to the lack of accurate and complete information that we misunderstand. So then the issue is, how do we get this accurate and complete information? I would say it would be to communicate! But a lot of times we are so fixated with our “truth”, that we don’t want to believe in any other things aside from what we think. Of course as you are reading this, you’ll probably think “nah i’m not like that, i listen to the other person”. If that’s really the case, keep up the good work!! But i think a lot of us, myself at times included, might just “hear” what the person says, and is not really listening. OR, we don’t even want to hear from them at all.

But i guess in any kind of interpersonal relation, is being “RIGHT” the most important thing? Well, in psychology we learn that one of the two important needs a person need is knowing that he/she is right. Quoting a friend of mine, “is it really that important whether i’m right, you’re wrong, when there’s a difference in “truth”? “I think this is where Philippians 2:3 comes in

Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

It’s no longer a matter of who’s right or wrong. But about bringing the misunderstanding to God, and to work together. Even if i am 90% right, and only 10% wrong, i guess this verse means to be humble enough to consider that my fellow brother/sister is 10% correct, and how can we work together to come back into a healthy relationship with one another. Does being humble mean disregarding your side of the story, and just look at the other person? NO! What i mean is to be humble enough to listen and accept the other side of the story! If you disregard your own, it isn’t true love cause i’m sure deep within, some sort of resentment forms. Especially the next time  if something similar happens, you’ll look back and say “see this always happens.. and i always have to be the one giving…” and stuff like that.

So truth is really truth only when it is complete and accurate. And this can only be found consistently through God’s word, He Himself. The Alpha and the Omega. The First and the Last. The author and finisher of our faith. Because He is complete, we are able to know that He is true because He isn’t lacking in anything, perfect in every way. So can we trust what He says? Yup we can. Even when sometimes it might be painful, or it doesn’t make sense at first, trust Him cause He’s the only one who holds the true truth. =)

Have you ever thought of what the point of loving was?Haha, well i certainly have! Isn’t it such a wonderful feeling to be loved? To be able to love someone, or something. It’s not something we can put a word to for what happens when we love someone, or when we receive. I guess the closest would be that it’s such an awwww and heavenly feeling! =)
And i do believe only because God is love, that we can love, and we can feel love from our Heavenly Father, our wonderful counsellor, and our lover. That from Him we inherit this need to both love, and to receive love.

So while all these are good, i think maybe along the way we might have misinterpreted certain things. And even things like “love hurts” start to emerge from society. Even though it really seems that love hurts, especially the aftermath of a misunderstanding, a breakup, a quarrel, a fight, a divorce. What happened to a love that protects, that perserveres, that is patient, that is kind, that does not envy, and the list goes from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7?

Well of course there is the fundamental problem that the world is fallen. And though we might all think “yeah yeah i know the world is fallen, but why….”? We we really need to know that an earthly love is definitely imperfect. If our hope is placed ONLY on earthly things, we will be hurt for sure.

Now comes the important thing, does love really hurt? Nope. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 doesn’t say that love hurts. It says a lot of things otherwise. Well in my opinion though, i think the absence of love hurts, and is painful. All the examples i gave, a misunderstanding, a breakup, a quarrel; Aren’t they all cases where love is made absent for whatever reason? It was the “loss of love” that made things terrible. And guess what? This can only happen in a world that is fallen. So we must not be ignorant to this otherwise overlooked problem of a fallen world.

So then what is the point of loving if we all live in a fallen world and we know there WILL be times where our hearts get hurt due to the removal/absence of love through different situations and different relationships? I think i mentioned quite a bit in the previous post of how if we close our hearts, we will only be existing. And only cause we are made in God’s image as said in His word of Genesis 1:27 “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” And if He is love, of course we would have that part too! To love, and be loved. Just as how He loves, and how He wants us to love Him.

But along the way i think we might have misunderstood certain “mechanics” of loving. We also often quote this verse too, and somehow get frustrated when we love people, yet we don’t receive back what we have given. Any clue what the verse is? Yup! It’s found in Matthew 7:12,

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

Then we go about thinking, or at least i did, “hey i’ve loved them SO MUCH. i mean is it really so bad to want something in return?”  or things like “i mean i keep giving already, do i still need to keep asking? I mean if it were me, i would just give to them without even them asking!” and also “i do to them love, that’s what i would want them do to me, why aren’t they doing the same thing? =( ”

I think i misunderstood the verse, and also had some misconceptions about the point of loving. I feel the verse simply talks about us not being selfish, and to love as though others are like our own, since most of us love ourselves sometimes far more than others even if we don’t admit it.  But it actually doesn’t talk anything about when we do that, that others would do the same for us. OOOOh. hahahha. Now that’s a revelation!Everyone is in their own journey, and we can’t expect them to be at where we are. The bible talks of us to bear one another’s burdens. And this i feel is one of them. We don’t project our own expectations of ourselves on others simply cause they have their own journey too!

Soooo then another reason of why we should love, is just because we want to bless the person! Just that. And not cause we want something in return. We love from a heart that is FULL. Not from a needy heart that “HOPES” for some love in return. And when it isn’t, we get hurt. See the pattern again? When love was absent, in this case not returned, the person was hurt. But that’s not how it should be! Love because our hearts are full from the love of God, and from support from fellow brothers and sisters in Christ that we love.

I’ve always been someone that is quite hesitant in asking for love and support. I thought i was shy and i just couldn’t bring myself to do that. But maybe it was just my unwillingness to humble myself to say “Hey, i need you for this period, will you pray and walk with me?”. Don’t get me wrong, we definitely need to go to God first for that love and restoration! Oh how important that is. But God also works through His body for each of us to feel loved too. Just as there is a God shaped vacuum, there is also a human shaped void in us, where God wants people to fill. Which is why we also need people! But people can’t read minds! Yes it definitely is nice for someone to know our needs without us saying. It’s sweet really! But love isn’t about “not saying” we need someone is it, for support and encouragement that is.

More and more i’ve learnt to humble myself, to know that i am not alone in this. Be it to ask for help, to ask for someone to listen to me, or for them to share their lives with me. Whatever it is, yes it was hard, and still is kinda hard at times cause i’m “shy”. But if i truly love someone, and want someone to love me the same, i can’t just sit there and not do anything.

Does it mean that just because i love them, and i ask that they will love me? Not always! Cause in the end that is their choice. Nothing i can do will make them love me if they don’t already do. Even God didn’t force us to love Him when He did His ultimate act of love by sending Jesus Christ to die on the cross for us. He still gave us a choice to love Him back. And it’s only when we make that choice, is it really true love. Same as how our relationships are with people. We can’t make them love us, but we can just SIMPLY love them because our hearts are full with God’s love. If you’re in a state that is really terrible, may i ask that you seek the help of friends and leaders that will help you through then? =)

So i shall end with this, that Love always Hopes, always protects, always trusts, always perserveres, and more and more i know, that love truly never fails; and so God never fails. =)

Love on!

Firstly a shout out to Daniel Tay. Haha i actually did see your message on the previous post before i left. And i wanted to reply it, but i didn’t wanna reply it with just a “Hey im good now, thanks!” kinda thing. And it was super late already so i had to sleep to. So well, this post will be my reply too. And for the rest, it’s a lesson i think i’ve learnt and experienced.

Ya know the past 9 months has been really tough. Haha, i don’t know in how many of my posts this year that i’ve actually mentioned the same thing. Well only because it IS true! It has been oh so crazy. Everytime i think i’m better, the next thing that hits hurts even more, it hits even harder. Until the point where i just didn’t wanna desire for anything anymore. To the point where i seriously contemplated closing off my heart to the world.

So why close my heart? Well, it would at least spare my heart from having to withstand being disappointed again and again, being hurt again and again. Of course that’s not to say i have not done anything wrong, cause it does take both claps to hand most of the time. But by saving it the aches and pains seem very appealing.

Well then what is the other option? Well it would mean to continue opening up my heart. But at that point of time, keeping it open to disappointments, to hurts just seem to painful an option to consider. Really. It was almost unthinkable even though in my head, i know “duh” that is what i have to do. But i just wasn’t ready.

So then here are the two choices. To close off my heart and not be hurt externally and just exist. Or to continue opening my heart with the possibility of it getting hurt, but will then be actually living life. Well i surely wanted to just close off my heart, which would mean to close off God from my life since if my heart is closed off, God couldn’t come in too.
And it was just REALLY TERRIBLE. Hahah, i keep saying that because it really was in the pits for me.

So why was it so hard for me? Cause the most important thing in my life was being taken away. And if you don’t already know, relationships mean a lot to me. It felt as though the thing that i know is the most important thing on earth, which is supposed to be a good thing, is now removed from me. Friendships were “taken away”, i felt terribly disappointed with people, i was angry with God for all these, i felt rejected, am i loved by God, and the list could really go on. I asked “My life was GOOD before i met this and this person. WHY then do you allow me to meet them when you know they would leave in the end, and that would hurt me???”

Well whether it was my fault, the other person’s fault, well that wasn’t the main point. I was very angry with God for just allowing all these to happen. Does it mean i was never in the wrong? Of course not. But it just hurt so bad.
And feeling the lack of initiative from people to help me through the emotions and just walk alongside me hurt me even worse. Then a friend told me the story of Jesus at the garden of Gethsemane. She mentioned that over there, it was a place where olives were crushed for the fragrance to come out. And Jesus was also crushed to a point where He cried out to God “If You are willing, let this cup pass from me. Yet not my will but Yours be done”. Even though Jesus brought the 3 disciples with Him, i believe He felt so alone. And my friend said i probably was also going through a similar experience. Well i knew it in the head, but it was so hard to bring it down to the heart..

As the date of my trip to Taiwan closed in, the emotions were less intense, and i was just really tired from all the internal turmoil and unsettledness. But through an altar call, where i realized, that deep down, really very deep down beyond all the hurts and questions, that i really still loved God.. I really did. And that was the start of my breakthrough as i sobbed at the altar.

Many things happened after that, nothing dramatic, but all of them contributed to me at where i am now. To be truthful to this post and not digress, i will then talk about what i learnt and what happened in the end. I was reading this book written by Jon Eldridge called Desire (thanks Jialin again!!). And something he said struck a chord in me, because maybe that was really what i was going through It talks about surrender.

Firstly, “God must take away the heaven we create, or it will become hell”, and in this case it was my relationships.Then of course i thought, but there’s nothing wrong with relationships what… Why does it have to be this way? I do commit them to You too don’t I???? But i guess somewhere along the line, relationships became more important in some ways..
So secondly the 1 that really struck me was this “We place on he altar something very dear to us, something innocent, whose only danger is in its goodness, that we might come to love it too much.”

Is there anything wrong with relationships? Nope. But i think i held on too tight to it. Something good was in danger of becoming my hell when i love it too much. At the end before i left for Taiwan however, i slowly was able to believe God’s good intentions toward me, and His love for me. And through that i was slowly able to let go. It took a long time, but yes i slowly did. I believe it’s a lifelong process, having different things to let go. But this was a major step for me. The interesting thing was when i was able to let go, i realized at the last 2 weeks before i left, i had deeper friendships with more people, and the farewell. WAO. That’s how i would describe it. I was sincerely very touched by every single person there, and the gifts and cards and WAO. =)

As I learnt to let go, God was able to give it to me cause now it wasn’t something that i would come to love too much. My encouragement to anyone who might be going through a similar time. Hang in there! If you can’t run ferevently now, just stand firm. If you can’t stand, just sit. If you can’t sit, just lie down. You can contemplate giving up, you can think all you want. Go through your emotions please. Allow people to help you through cause they will be your “lifeline” so to speak. Really. Don’t do this alone. And when you come out from it,

Isaiah 40:31 “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Just this once lemme go through this and i will be back.

Are you satisfied with how church is now?

I believe you as a reader would have a different answer from the other reader that reads this. Because we all have our own experiences of how church has been for us. Before i continue, i still do believe that the Church is the hope of the world. I really believe that from deep within the deepeset recesses of myself. But is that what’s happening now? I think we have A LOT of  room for “improvement”.

Have you ever wondered who are the people that get neglected the most in a church setting? Most of you might think they are the people that are “weird”, or “bottom of the cool-ness” meter. Well i would like to posit that the people that are the most neglected, are just anyone that are NOT at the top of the “foodchain”. The most haps people, the most outgoing people get it good. They have lots of friends and all. In particular, those that are just relatively AVERAGE are most neglected. The people that are really so called THAT “uncool”, or have very little social skills, “religion” asks that we take care of them ya see. So in some sense they are kinda taken care of and they usually crowd together to form their own support groups too.

But the people that are kinda mediocre, they get by, they have pretty decent social skills, but maybe on the shy side. What happens to them? So many a times we miss them out thinking that “they seem fine!” when maybe deep down inside, they’re hurting like mad. When is the last time a cell member doesn’t come for cell, and us as fellow cell members call just to check to see if the person has been alright, or just to tell the person “hey you were missed!”? They blend into the crowd, and within the crowd as no one notices, one by one they fall away when we are busy doing our,  “Hey what’s the next activity!”, “ooh let’s go for this seminar!”. Don’t get me wrong, having activities and going for seminar are good! They help us grow in our knowledge for God and nourishes our mind and soul. But think about it, just think about it, what is church really supposed to be for?

When someone is hurting, what do you do?
“hey are you okay?”
“i’m not doing too well..”
“You wanna share?”
*starts sharing*
“okay, i’ll pray for you man, you can do ALL things through Christ. Hang in there!!”
“thanks…”
Convo ends.

Looks like a good convo? But does our “duty” just end there? A lot of times we think that msn convo saves the world. But you know how well sometimes that just isn’t enough doesn’t it? Just cause i talk for that 1.5 hrs does it mean i’m okay? Does it mean you’re okay? If it’s yes, then it’s all well and good. But a lot of times, that conversation doesn’t even happen. And we just give our usual cliché cause we don’t know what else to say to the person. And the cliché of “Hey hang on to God!” kinda allows us not to feel guilty because we have “done our part”. I think sometimes, we should just talk less and do more. There is a time and place to give our advices. But a lot of times, with reference to my previous post, we just need to let the person feel loved, forgiven, understood, accepted. All these requires a lot of effort for sure, but i think it necessary.

Now while i feel that this is a big problem, i don’t want to overlook some cells that are doing real well. And i think they deserve a pat on the back cause it certainly isn’t easy. So well done to those cells that are very bonded and real and authentic. =)

I just hope and pray one day this changes, starting from my life of course. Will you be that difference at where you are, and let no one fall bewteen the cracks?