SWIMMING TODAY
Monday, October 30, 2006
today, i went to swim at tampines safra with kj. nice sun. nice tan. but i am not very satisfied with my tan. i shall continue with the tanning on wednesday. more black, more luck. lol.
this few days, i have been trying to post on my blog. but i kept getting an error message. haiz. lucky, its alright now.
last saturday was our division family day. although, its a waste of time. i enjoyed myself and took alot of photos.
@ 6:08 PM
3RD DAY.. NOT FEELING WELL
Friday, October 27, 2006
i didnt eat dinner today. my stomach isnt feeling very good today. oh well..
finally, weekend is coming. it seems like a short week. working for only for 3 days this week makes the time passes faster. but not to forget that tomorrow is 9 division family day. no matter what, i have to spend my morning at pulau tekong. so i decided to bring my camera there to take some nice photos, and enjoy myself. its also a rare chance to be allowed to take photos in tekong.
this evening, i only realised that i forgot to bring in my pt kit when i am at the bus stop in tampines. oh gosh. luckily, mdm agnes helped me to bring them in after i called. i really really got to thank her. wth.. stupid me.. how can i forget to bring my clothes home. really really THANK YOU... totally dont know what to say to express my gratitude. anyone knows what she like to drink? i cant think of anything. she doesnt drink sweet drink. cant expect me to buy her mineral water. lol. shaun and keith please advise.
my leave on next monday and wednesday are applied and approved. time for me to clear my leave and start to enjoy myself. my plan for the 2 days is to go swimming and get a good dark tan. but what is my main concern is the comd conf. i have already prepared all the necessary stuffs for the meeting. but i am scared that i may miss something out and cause jh to clean my shit. i dont want such things to happen. i really dont want people to suffer because of my negligence. arrr........
@ 8:34 PM
2ND DAY SHOULD BE THE 2ND TOUGHEST
Thursday, October 26, 2006
i ate abit, really abit of "beehoon" for dinner, not very satisfying, but for "safety purposes". cos tomorrow there is a life-run, and i dont want to faint half-way through the run. i am feeling quite hungry now. updating my bloggie and listening to the "band" playing inside my tummy.
today was alright. i felt depressed the moment i saw mwo tang in office today. it became worst when i saw ltc andrew's car at the carpark. but everything was fine. very peaceful indeed.
a few arrows from ltc andrew, and there i went. working straight after lunch till last parade, working concurrently, doing so many things at one time. firstly, preparing the files and contents for the commander conference. secondly, the stuffs for the coming exercise. tons and tons of stuff to do. but with the help of rafik and gang, i managed to finish them all in one afternoon. thanks guys...
i heard that i may be getting my pink ic on the 29 dec 06. which means i can ROD before year 2007. yepee!! the thought of celebrating 2007 as a civilian excites me. i wish the rumours were not true. i do not want to come back to this hell anymore.
sometimes, i just wondered. why? why must some of us suffer, while other people can enjoy themselves? sometimes, seeing people being pushed around makes me quite angry. we helped but are we being appreciated? you need help. we help. we need help. who help? people just take nsots for granted. take us for granted.
i read jh's bloggie. jh is indeed in a difficult situation. i felt that ltc andrew was not wrong in asking him to stay if there is work for him. but i felt that in this situation, cpt pat is in the wrong by asking el to play for the division instead of going for his papers. after all, its only a game. win or lose, no one cares. but how can you ask someone to give up his future just to play a game for the division. does winning or losing really matters? arent these games there for us to enjoy? does we owe the division a living?
the answer is obvious...
@ 8:40 PM
1ST DAY SHOULD BE THE TOUGHEST
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
it feels so good to be working in office without ltc andrew and mwo tang. it feels so relax. and because its a day after a long weekend, i thought that today is monday. lol.
but in fact, its wednesday and weekend is coming. yesh!!
the monsoon rains are coming, so the haze problem should be resolved. no more hazy singapore...
i managed to skip my dinner. the 1st day is usually the toughest. hope i can survive till tomorrow. argh... feeling so hungry and weak.
@ 8:47 PM
RESTLESS
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
haiz...
the long weekend seems long but its soon over. work has to start tomorrow and i think i have lots of stuff to complete. i think i still cannot accept the fact that tomorrow is a working day. this few days, i kept hearing that my friends are going to ORD in a few weeks time. how much i wish i could ORD so early. having to serve 1 yr 10 mths only.
yepee!! my overseas trip to genting has been more or less confirmed. its on the 29 nov. yesh!! i can get to enjoy myself and buy lots and lots and lots of stuffs. switched off my handphone and dont even need to care if there is a war happening. muhahaha...
i have already set a 1 month workplan from tomorrow till a month later. i am going to fast for a month. trying to slim down in the fastest possible way. in this way, i can buy more nice clothing when i get there.
jia you! jia you! jia you!
@ 9:44 PM
"LOW BATT"
i am used to be lazing around during weekends. the hectic schedule i have for the long weekend is really too much for me. going out for a movie on friday night. going out on saturday morning for a game of badminton (11am - 3pm). going for a hair-cut on sunday morning. totally too much for a lazy person like me. monday's sushi was totally a "no" for me. sorry guys. i cant even get out of my bed. too tired. totally "low batt". what is worst is that i am still suffering from the muscle ache due to the saturday game. wth...
thus, i spent my monday watching the vcds my dad rented.
@ 11:12 AM
DEATHNOTE
Saturday, October 21, 2006
watched "deathnote" with kj yesterday at bedok...
did a research on the comic version of "deathnote"...
if you happened to find the "deathnote", what will you do with it?
1. be a good guy, and kill all the criminals?
2. be a bad guy, and do whatever crimes you can, that benefit you?
3. give away the "deathnote" and try to forget about it?
@ 11:40 PM
ONE OF THE LOWEST POINT IN MY LIFE
Monday, October 16, 2006
(edited from ice_cube_meets_water_by_ssilence)
although, ltc andrew spoke to me in private today, it did not change the fact that i hate my job. this upcoming div exercise we are going to have is driving me nuts. doing all kinds of shit everyday. sometimes i just wonder. why? why am i chosen to be his personal assistant? why must i work so hard, while others just are able to sit back and relax? i just dont understand it.
what does he meant by the will to learn? am i not trying hard enough to learn? i am just a clerk not a combatant. how am i able to learn everything about ops? firstly, i am neither a sergeant nor an ops specialist. secondly, i have not been through basic military training. how am i suppose to know about military operations? in fact, i know and have nothing to start with, so how am i suppose to learn all this ops stuffs in just a few months?
i am not jeff. jeff has a brain double the size of mine. i am not a scholar. i am not from hcjc. i am just a normal a-level student. not too stupid and not too smart. just enough to get into university. i am not as hardworking as he is. i dont study ops directives. i dont, in fact, understand them. it is obvious i am more inferior than him.
sometimes, i just feel that my workload is too heavy. i am getting sick and tired of this. sometimes, i just feel that hiding is my only solution. my only solution to solve the problem. i got to thank the army for giving me this kind of life. making me such a loser. i just feel that i am the kind of "let it happen" guy, not the "make it happen" kind of guy. cos i failed too much while trying to make it happen, too much failure makes me a loser. a loser in life.
this is one of the lowest point in my life. i never had this kind of feeling where i need to fake a smile everyday and just pretend that everything will turn out fine. trying to avoid tomorrow. wondering what kind to shit i am going to get tomorrow. where is the real me? where is the old, cheerful, optimistic me? where am i? i thought i am supposed to be the one trying to make people smile. not the one that require others to cheer me up. but i just cant find the strength. the strength to even smile.
i feel that i am like a frog that fell into a deep well. no matter how high i jump or how hard i try. i just cant get out. it is just useless. all it takes is a passerby who is helpful enough to lower the bucket for me to hope on and get out of the well.
i have tried my best. and i am just waiting helplessly. waiting for this kind person to enter my life and save me out of the well.
@ 9:37 PM
HARD TO FIND A PERSON THAT UNDERSTANDS ME
Thursday, October 12, 2006
i hate this feeling. the feeling of being lonely. walking my way of life alone isnt an easy task. no matter at work or at home, no one understands me. at work, i have to work in such a stressful environment. do whatever my superiors tell me to do. receive scoldings from my superiors. see their faces everyday. hide from them every moment. at home, my family members are not understanding. my brother especially isnt very mature and likes to pick fight with me. am i wrong? i just wanna lead a peaceful life. why?
why does it has to turn out this way? why do we need to exchange blows? why didnt you check out the real problem before you act? why?
i cant take this stress anymore. i cant. i am a mere human. is life meant to be like this? why?
@ 10:32 PM
RETURN TO WHERE I USED TO BE
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
today, we went to maju camp for a trial mob. the moment i stepped into maju camp. i can see that all the familiar faces are gone. even the old batch of rps have orded. the old memories came to my mind and i am so happy to return to a place so familiar, so relax, somewhere i used to work at, somewhere i used to belong to.
we went to have our breakfast at the mess canteen. the food is so marvelous. the uncle is so friendly. i remembered the days. the days we had our breakfast. the days we ate chicken cutlets, chicken chops, fish and chips, commando chickens and bee hoon. all the canteen breaks we used to have in maju camp.
the empty office i used to work in brought back old memories too. it is a place where i am first posted to and worked in for 1 year or so. from rec to lcp. so many memories that happened in this office. the happy times. the sad times. everything.
i wished the bdes do not need to be centralised in the first place. why? why does this centralisation has to happen? why we have to suffer because of some stupid idea the "higher command" introduced? why?
@ 9:17 PM
BAD DAYS
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
my days in the office are as bad as the air quality. "eating stingray" everyday. i am sick and tired of it. why? why cant i ROD in peace?
@ 11:07 PM
SMOKIN'
Saturday, October 07, 2006
the air quality today was the worst. the pollutant standards index (psi) rose to 146 which was at dangerous level. at the mvs of prc, i couldnt see anything further than about 3 km away. the visibility was horrible. i could also smell the smoke in the air.
the scenery was like in genting. but the difference is that genting has clean and cool air, while we have polluted and warm air. as what kenneth and yc said, it was like in silent hill. lol. the polluted air is making me feel sick. but i wished that the air quality can worsen, so that i can see real thick smoke around. that will be a once in a lifetime scene.
we are practically smoking as we take each breath.
@ 11:57 PM
SATURDAY BURNT
my saturday was burnt, working all day long from morning till night. bad day for me.
at 1000 am in the morning, i received a call from rafik saying that the mob has been activated. followed by mdm agnes, and sms from ops room up to 10 times. it is very disturbing when you are already awared of the mob and they just kept contacting you non-stop. i took my own sweet time and took a cab from my house at 1035 am. i reached prc at about 11am, and thought i am already quite late. but i ended up being one of the earliest in camp. wth. i should have left home later.
took the morning and early afternoon to do the calling for my area. i encountered some unreasonable nsmen but i just ignored them. lunch was horrible. it tasted like shit. i had a few mouthful of it and threw the rest away. we ended up ordering mcdonalds.
spent the afternoon playing abit of psp. then slacked all the way till night. wth. we waited till 1000 pm, then they allowed us to go back.
we worked on a weekend. we worked from morning till night. we are not provided with proper food. and what did we get in return? NOTHING...
@ 11:28 PM
FEELING SICK
Thursday, October 05, 2006
bad day. totally bad day for me. this morning, when i stepped into the office, ltc andrew saw me and gave me tons of shit to do. i was like printing tons of sops, and finished 1 toner and 1 box of a4 papers. just solely for printing the sops. wts. what a waste of papers. he also told me to update them once there is a new version. meaning wasting of paper again.
then i was all occupied with all these shit for the whole morning and even didnt get to have my breakfast. haiz. i hate my stupid job. i dont really feel appreciated in the workplace.
then afternoon was worst with him "arrowing" me to do sr stuffs and all kinds of shit. worst. i am sick now. feeling dizzy and wanting to vomit. wth. i am dying and yet have to do all these work left for me to do. no choice. i am fated to lead a life of hardship.
and sorry lb. i dont know what happened to friendster. your testimonial for me is rejected on it own. bad day.
BAD DAY
@ 7:23 PM
LIBRA
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
i read my horoscope for today from friendster...
Your suspicions were correct -- there have been some things developing without your knowledge. But the good news is that you are about to get invited to join in on the action. Surprise parties, blind dates or other social events are likely candidates, so if you know of people who might be behind such antics, connect with them today and start drilling them for clues. If you get involved in this wholeheartedly (as you should), you will make some important networking inroads.
@ 10:11 PM
WHY
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
"They say true love hides behind every corner ... well, I must be walkin' in circles 'cause I can't seem to find it."
my leave was spent at home. alone. i am feeling low right now. the thought of going to work tomorrow. all the shit work waiting for me to settle. when will this suffering end? when will i be able to wake up every morning with a smile on my face? when will it be?
i wrote a testimonial a few days ago for someone. if i didnt see it, it must be rejected. so sad to know it. i am feeling very terrible. very very terrible right now.
sick and tired to play hide-and-seek everyday. hiding from my superiors. hiding from work. hiding from reality. trying to smile everyday. trying hard to find hope. trying hard to find her. when will this game end? or is there an end to this game?
i watched a "goong" mv and was touched by it. i wondered why isnt life as romantic as it were in the korean dramas? why cant my life be as wonderful as theirs? why cant i find a love as dramatic as it were in the dramas? worst of all, i cant find my love. why?
there are so many whys, but i just cant find my answers.
@ 11:17 PM
HAPPY BDAY DAD
Monday, October 02, 2006
i was hiding for the whole day. hiding away from ltc andrew. but too bad, i was caught by him around 3pm and received 3 punches jokingly from him onto my arm. damn it hurts. but i think its worth it. haha. i am actually giving him the impression that i was not at work yesterday. and thats the way. he has to get use to it already. in no time, i will be leaving the unit for good. muhaha.
i was so fed up when i received instruction from mr y that i have been tasked to do a "special project". that is to standardise the myunit for all the bdes. but i told him that there is no "superadmin" in the office. thus, only the asos have the right to do the amendments themselves. but he refused to listen. wth. is he going to throw me the shit and go india to ride elephants and enjoy himself. there is no way that i am going to do it for the other bdes. the bdes must have the ownership, not me. they have to learn how to do it, not me. if they refuse to learn, then fine, dont do anything. do you think a nsf with a monthly allowance of 420 bucks really cares about all this shit? if they are not going to give me an understudy, then fine for me. i can ord and bring my knowledge with me. i am not going to share. nobody cares. nobody listen when you teach. so why bother?
by the way, all those "lao jiao" clerks in the office dont learn any shit from our upperstudy. when we just entered service, every damn system was new. we have to learn it as we do it. personally, i learnt the ecallup, myunit, aiops and emob myself. in another words, i am learning from scratch. there is no one to teach me. seriously speaking, nsots is already fortunate to have us, the "lao jiao" clerks around. without us, the new clerks have to explore the systems themselves. but they really dont know how to make use of our experience. instead of letting us share our knowledge, they make us to do all the work. wrong move. seriously wrong move.
i will one day live to see the downfall of nsots.
yesterday was my dad's birthday. we had pizzahut and 933 curry bun for dinner. it was simply delicious...
@ 11:45 PM
RUSH HOUR
yesterday, my schedule was very tight.
in the morning, i had to accompany my dad to change the faulty amplifier system. but in the end, we topped up some money to buy a brand new 5.1 home theater system as all the amplipier systems are all sold out. as a result, we have 3 5.1 home theater system at home. a total of 15 speakers or more at home. omg. and i get to install 1 in my room. its so exciting. i have yet to install it and i cant wait to watch a movie with volume full blast and surround sound in my room.
because of this, i was late, letting kj waiting for me at the void deck of my house. "Gomenasai". then we went to compasspoint. we were scouting for a pouch that i wanna buy for my dad's birthday but to no avail. so we went to kovan to meet lb and dm as planned. we had our lunch at the hawker centre around kovan where they sell some mouthwatering western food. then, angela and hy came over to join us at the hawker centre. the initial plan of having lunch together ended up with only kj,dm and me eating. wth.
i managed to get a pouch at kovan heartland mall for my dad. hooray!! 1 thing off my shopping list.
after the lunch, we went for 2 game of bowling, followed by hanging out at paya lebar kovan community club where we had a few drinks and played monopoly. too bad that, angela left early. haiz.
i must also apologise to keith. sorry bud. the ktv session was too last minute. no reaction time for me. haha. maybe next time bah.
@ 10:46 PM
