A Whiter Shade of Pale

When you read about certain fortunate mortals who are perpetually winning big-ticket contests, you will almost always feel a sense of disbelief swarming your head. Maybe it's especially heart-felt for me, as I have hardly ever won anything. I guess (bad) luck has something to do with it. AND i never bothered to put in enough effort to make my entry count. So PLEASE let me win something, so that I have faith in LUCK again. Maybe someone like me winning should prove (to my skeptical mom & I) that not all contests/competitions are merely publicity scams!

So voila, i present to you - WEGO! http://www.wego.com/contests/inspiration2009/index.html For all Europe-philes who can't wait to go back to our dearly missed friends. :)

And if i win, i'll have to take rah rah with me. We know why. Do you?

I'm actually getting some sense of purpose through the project work which we have been slogging for, this entire weekend. My social life must be have hit a new low for me to feel that way! What to do if your favourite people are either absent/away(overseas), or busy with school/work, or broke without any money. :(

Anyhow, I found new enjoyable friendships with these people whom I've been working with - it's nice to meet new people who share mutual sentiments about the less-than-iridescent future. It appears that a lot of us have become so disillusioned with the accounting profession that nobody actually wants to do it whole-heartedly. Everyone is just doing to plunge headfirst into the industry with a resigned attitude. Knowing that actually provides some sense of comfort knowing that you're not the only one who's struggling to come to terms with what you think is best for you and what everyone else is dancing to the tune to. The unknowns of uncharted territory frightens us yet we doubt the meaning of what we're supposedly meant to do.

There's nothing wrong with accounting, I just find it extremely soul-less. Getting anything balanced-out on financial statements doesn't give me any sense of achievement, I'm merely extremely relieved as it implies that you will probably need to do less work if the debit credit balance balances. Every time our singlish-spewing-Prof says that we need to know all this, this & that accounting theories because we will be the future accountants sitting on the standard-setting board, I'd feel mildly sorry for him as I know that I definitely won't, like many of my school mates.

Dearest J

Given the ever-reliable timely Royal Mail strike, I guess my mail won't ever reach its destination. So here's the long story cut short.

Tomorrow will mean it has been a year and the irony is that we had only spent about 6 months in total on the same continent and probably only half of that in the same country. It's been one hell of a ride. As much as I hate the long stretches of time apart, the lonely times when I feel insecure & unloved, the frustrating periods when I'm overwhelmed by self-pity- I cherish; adore; hold dear and miss the blissful moments we've spent together.

So here's thank you for the good times & I'm looking forward to more. :)

Love,
wan
x

I got an enthusiastic "GUAPA!" greeting on MSN from Tania last night & it made me so happy. Within a split-second, I was transported back into my dingy room in Hazelfarm back in Guildford and Tania was probably going to tell me of some fun-filled plans to hang out afterwards. Unfortunately, reality bites and obviously I could only wish for that to happen. But it does feel like i'm missing exchange alot now, as it was exactly one year ago that I was trying to settle in UniS. It might be brought on by all the talk about their impending exchange programmes by other schoolmates and some friends who are heading back soon to start uni this fall semester.

I wished i was back there, living on my own, only answerable to myself. My worries consisted of planning my travels, catching the connecting trains and flights on time and making sure that I still had enough money to last the rest of the year. I guess it was one of the many ways to escape reality - leaving the stressful and monotonous rat race in Singapore to wilfully devote time & resources to fulfilling all your whims & fancies in an exotic environment. Yet on the other hand, it might seem overwhelmingly glamourous with the jet-setting around via ryanair, the journey's often peppered with travel fatigue, unmet overhyped-expectations and a sorry budget-mindful penny-counting existence.

Hmm... in contrast, now i'm merely uni-fatigued, have zero expectations about my school term, and still carefully penny counting. Havn't my situation been improved by leap & bounds? Haha. At times like this i do think that I'm such a spiteful and greedy child. I ought to be given a newspaper column to write about my daily complaints - I will be rich - as a professional complaint generator. Have I mentioned how annoying the neighbouring construction site has been???!!! They have been drilling or piling 87236734908341 tonnes of stuff into the the ground and my house feels like being on the epicentre of a non-stop-4days-long earthquake. ^%$#%%&*^@#$%^&*!!!

Feel free to try out this awesome complaint generator!

Plans for a whirlwind trip for Istanbul has been properly dashed due to limited resources and grand travel plans for next year. Oh well! At least, I'm really looking forward to graduation - at least that's when my long-suffering academic responsibilities will end for now and I'll be able to dedicate 3 months to travelling around the region. It's a real pity that there is absolutely nothing to look forward to at the end of the year. The Christmas holidays are almost meaningless to me, I do think that it's extremely over-rated in terms of its related excessives and I'm really sick and tired of December human & traffic chaos. Besides, Santa didn't reply my letter when i sent him a letter when I was ten. I was quite sure that I was a really good girl then - so WHY DIDN'T HE REPLY???!!! I wasn't asking for a truckload of expensive presents, I'm sure. So yes... I don't like Christmas. It makes me feel lonely despite being surrounded and suffocated by more than 4 million occupants on this tropical island.

Moving on... School is alright - in fact, it's probably the most enjoyable, no i take that back - the most tolerable term. Maybe because intensive accounting calculations are not emphasized this term, and theory-based accounting modules bear some kind of semblance to my beloved humanities subjects (if you use a generous scale for comparison). The highlight of the term has to be Intelligent Organisations - being in a class with all my favourite people in school, plus an eccentric prof who talks more about his life journey than anything else. He reminds me of the granddad I've never had. haha.

Anyway, it's September already, and I've begun missing the pleasant Autumn season in Europe. I remember being awfully cold in Guildford when I first arrived, specifically those desolate waits for the bloody bus at one of the uni campus' bus stops. I'd shiver everytime the wind lashed across my face and mercilessly gushed into every unoccupied volume in between my layers of clothing too. My nose would start running & I'll curse & swear about my lousy predicament inwardly. On top of that, it was wet all the time and I got miserable simply from looking out the window every morning. Whereas autumn in Munich was exceptionally lovely - it was blooming orange, red and gold everywhere. The colours were so striking, especially so after I got used to seeing the greenest green I have ever seen in my life, in contrast to marble grey skies in England. I've grown to appreciate the English fall eventually, you'd do better with a good pair of wellies, if not - enjoy it when it's sunny. Haha.

I know, I know. Everyone loves summer, but autumn has its own unique charms too.

I read his email gazillion times but instead of improved comprehension, i just feel overwhelmed and confused. If you have a dictionary of emotive words, then my mind is now a giant mixing bowl filled with all of those words.

Please just hold me & tell me that everything is going to be alright.