My great grand dad's funeral was dramatic, at least to me. Emotions were high and although he was almost like a stranger to me, i was more or less infected by the grieving relatives when his coffin went into furnace to be cremated. In that small "viewing room", we watched the coffin roll in and then retreat into its fiery destination, all while kneeling and muttering/saying/shouting/screaming for him to "return home" - to go to heaven I guess. I hope he rests in peace. I feel extremely guilty on my part though, as i didn't take part in the final rites today due to parental disagreement.
That's the ironic part. I can't believe how ridiculous my parents are. My dad has immense emotional baggage from his difficult adolescence, mainly due to poverty and hardship - due to that, he has become the person he is today: narcissistic, stubborn, narrow-minded, and completely entrenched in his own views. My mother has much less emotional baggage, but i thought she shouldn't have behaved the way she did.
So anyway, the bomb started ticking once we left the house this morning, when my dad asked if we going to send GreatGrandDad (GGD) "up the hill" to the crematorium. From my memory & loosely translated, this is what that followed.
Mom: Yes, of course, definitely!
Dad: What? Why do I need to? Nah... I don't think I will.
Mom: (Agitated) Why? What's wrong with doing that? He's an elder and that's what we ought to do!
Dad: (Disapprovingly) No... let me tell you that you all are Hakka and I'm a Hokkien. We do things differently, so I won't do such a thing. Besides all Hakkas are only good to their own kin or insiders and they treat all outsiders badly. Always!
Mom: What's the matter with you? They are my relatives and they didn't even do business with you, why are you so against the Hakkas? If you hated them so much - why did you even marry me in the first place???!!!
Dad: (Very mad by now) Oh fine, say whatever you want. I wasn't talking about you, but yeah ok whatever... (awkward silence)
My brothers and I were seated at the back, and just had our own private conversation after that. I can't believe that just because my maternal side are Hakkas and my paternal side are Hokkiens, such a disagreement can occur. I think it's entirely due to my dad's isolated perspective. So once we arrived, there was a rush as the rites were just about to begin and I was trying to get sorted out to join in, then my mom just ignored us and told us that we shouldn't join because DAD didn't want us to do it too. So we were left standing around like idiots, looking like the world's most unfilial great grand children on the face of this earth. I was pretty sure our dad didn't object to us wearing the "siao" and taking part in the rites, but my mom just did it my dad's way in order to sustain her anger to spite my dad, by showing displeasure and still be obedient. I would have just done whatever I want, if i was in her shoes.
So - what was meant to be about sending my GGD on his last journey to heaven, became a family dispute about funeral customs & more undercurrent unhappiness. I'm just surprised that although my parents have more than 30 years of marriage in between them, they still are unable to accept their differences. Seems to me that their way of coping, isn't to "work things out", but merely just ignore or tolerate, whichever is more suitable, and then move on after a cooling off period. Moral of the story: Don't marry someone like my dad. He's not a bad man, in fact, he treats us really well, but he just doesn't get it. It's either his way or the high way. :(
And I still feel bad about the rites bit. I hope GDD will rest in peace now. May He bless his huge surviving clan with peace, harmony, good health and prosperity. Home sweet home- where ever you may be going... Your loved ones will miss you, and you will live forever in our loving memory.
