Right, so more hopes have been dashed. It's the latest rage these days, especially for me. Disappointment & unrealised expectations is the theme for Fall/Winter 2010. I have hoped so much to spend beautiful august in england, but his parents didn't like the idea of me leeching off them for a month. J got rather mad at their decision, but I guess I've already expected this outcome from the start. I don't know, it might be just me being overly sensitive as they were such sweethearts to me last summer, but if i put myself in their shoes - J's parents probably want to see him date a typical wholesome white english girl who lives just down the road. I only qualify for 2 bits - wholesome (generally) & i'm a girl. Well... Still, it doesn't make my heartache any less severe.
I was looking forward to gazillion things back in the UK. I might as well start my list since I probably wont be fulfilling anything on it in the next 2+ years. :( I am very very very gutted. Not only I wont be seeing J, I feel guilty for asking J in the first place. :( :( :( I hate being sad. Alright, back to the list.
People
1) See J
2) See my flatmates & anyone else around
Weather/outdoors
3) English summer (which can be very nice!)
4) Countryside walks
5) Trekking/Hiking (which are enjoyable in cooler weather)
6) English beaches (but will probably avoid surfing in the freezing Atlantic ocean for now)
7) Camping
Places
8) London
9) Oxford (missed it the last 2 times!)
10) Norwich (home of Alan Partridge - my favourite fictitious middle-aged man)
11) Wales
Food
12) Pub & local ales
13) Cornish pasties (steak & ale please)
14) Sunday roast (J's mom's one is beautiful)
15) English fry-ups & other brunch goodies by J the master chef
16) Devonshire cream tea
17) Fish & Chips by the beach
18) Trying J's favourite Curryhouse
19) J's experimental cooking
Activities/events
20) "Ghost Stories"
21) Nottinghill Carnival
22) Brighton Pride Carnival
23) Great British Beer Festival (Earl's Court)
24) Themeparks
25) Music festivals (if they're not all sold out, that is...)
26) SHOPPING (Primark, Asos - come to mama!)
27) Proper night out in Central London
28) Proper pub golf
28 Farewells. Can my heart take any more?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Life is better together with you. I wasn’t expecting this to be so hard. I thought 2 months of travelling together would probably be more than enough & that I might be wanting to tear his head off more so than cuddling him tenderly. So I guess I’m wrong, perhaps going through ups & downs together intensifies your feelings of closeness. Anyhow since he left, I’ve been feeling blue, unsociable and unbelievably lonely. I did try to get on with life, but the ghost of him is haunting every corner of my house. I can’t do anything without being reminded of how I preferred it so much more when he was here. I go to bed alone, wishing he was next to me, holding me to sleep. I fall asleep fitfully when all I feel is the coldness of the evening air. I wake expecting to see him & hear a throaty good morning, but it’s only me, my heartaches and the endless torment of memories.
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